Screaming in Silence

Using this as my online diary. Hoping nobody reads these posts and that everybody reads them.

[justtrynnagetthru-blog]

Friday Nights

Friday nights are so hard. 

[justtrynnagetthru-blog]

February 20th

I hate myself. It’s easy to say, even if I’m not sure if it’s true. I love myself? I hate myself? I don’t know. I hate the things I do. I love to engage in destructive behaviours. When I’m stressed, I love to pick at scabs all over my body, tearing them apart until they start bleeding. I’ll go months without eating junk food and then feel so much hatred for myself that I want to hurt, and I’ll eat pounds of candy and chocolate until I want to puke, and then I’ll make myself eat more. I’ll think about things that hurt me for hours because I get a perverse pleasure out of my own pain.

What’s the difference between being healthy and ill? How can you tell the difference between someone with mental illness and someone who’s just different? Maybe we’re all sick sick sick. Maybe it’s just me.

I hate being around anybody. If I could find a way to spend my life laying around the house watching Netflix, I think I would. Sometime I think I should just run away from everything and start over. I sometimes think I only spend time with people because I’m supposed to. And that I am cursed to hurt everyone I know because I hate people so much.

Will try to do better tomorrow, but today just wanna feel sorry for myself.

Gonna go eat too much chocolate.