very normal cat

no pronouns but they/them is fine

[usernamessuk]

AO3 IS DOWN I REPEAT AO3 IS DOWN

[saintforhire23]

you think waterboy was born on 9/11?

cuz he’s already got a pretty unfortunate superpower so i think it’d be funny yknow

(plus hes 24, so im pretty sure he’d’ve been born in 2001)

[pukicho]

Kids these days are too soft. Back in my day, life was like War. Bloodshed and War. I was so scared. I want my child to experience that too for some reason.

[pukicho]

You're a fucking PUSSY if you think this is bad parenting

[ravioliet]

dude this sucks i'm gonna- [remembers that suicide jokes are bad for my mental health] turn left at the crossroads

[orcboxer]

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

[nonstickwaffleiron]

as an archivist I am begging you

put dates on everything

don’t believe digital stuff is preserved forever - if it’s really important (documents, photos, etc) print it out

name your files accurately I know it sucks but please

don’t destroy the original just bc you scanned it

rubber cement is the devil’s adhesive use photo corners and quit gluing shit

you will NOT remember write it down

if you staple things to the inside of a folder I will find you

your public library probably has equipment to digitize old media for free or can at least get you connected with somewhere that does!

[obfuscus]

If you see more worms than usual on your way to work, start stocking up on fire extinguishers.

Always check your collegues against old photos you have of them - better safe than sorry.

If you physically cannot quit your job, i am sorry (at least you get to kill your boss though).

[truthsandpies]

Zoey was canonically a Sunlight Sisters fan, so I’d imagine getting recruited for Huntr/x was a bit like getting sold to One Direction for her

[thetransgenderagenda]

op I fully agree, by I do want to raise one question. does that make Zoey y/n?

[frozenwolftemplar]

Zoey: Wait. You want me for your KPop Group?!?

Celine: Yes (why is she looking at me like that? should I be worried?)

Zoey: And I'll be living with you and never going home again and basically having this be my life now?!?

Celine: Um, yes? (okay I should defnitely be worried)

Zoey: I'M BEING SOLD TO ONE DIRECTION THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Celine: ....

Celine: (and the Honmoon's sure?)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

let's put Scooby and the gang in a genuine horror movie situation, i wanna see what these freaks are truly capable of

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

"didn't they already do this with—" no. put them in a slasher film. put them in a BLOODBATH. put this van full of weirdoes in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre scenario i have FAITH in them

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

THEY'D DO WELL IN SAW

[batneko]

okay I'm thinking about this

not Saw specifically but a slasher with a legit body count. Summer camp slashers are overplayed but I think it really works because it's the type of thing the Scooby gang WOULD get caught up in.

like some of the counselors didn't show up (got got) so the head counselor calls his younger cousin to see if him and his friends can fill in last minute. They show up and they're a bunch of nerds, one of them even has an anxiety dog, and they don't have a big role at first. It seems like the movie is setting them up as cannon fodder.

and then the deaths start and suddenly the nerds are locked the fuck in. The little one with the glasses actually fixed the phone line and is taking stock of all their supplies in case the vehicles go out. The counselor's cousin who seemed like a himbo has set up a perimeter and made makeshift alarms for all the doors and windows, knows all the entry points. The anxious one and his dog are keeping the mood up with the snacks and activities that were supposed to be for the kids, making sure nobody panics and starts making dumb decisions. Somebody tried to grab the redhead and she flipped him over and had him zip-tied before anybody noticed. Weren't they a D&D group or something? What is happening???

[one-time-i-dreamt]

And why did the value plummet, Marissa? Why did it plummet?

[red-mercer]

Would like to know how exactly she wouldn't fuck up Netflix or Hulu

[sreegs]

Yahoo thought Tumblr would be the next PDF

Yahoo’s grand plan for Tumblr was to turn it into a “next-generation PDF”

They didn't really get it.

[noctumsolis]

What does that even mean? PDF as in Portable Document Format?

[sreegs]

i cannot stress enough that i dont think yahoo even knew what a pdf was

[virdigrishammer]

you left out the best part of that article. the poor yahoo emplyees at those meetings were just as confused as the rest of us.

[glumshoe]

Art forgery is the best crime tbh. It requires absolutely incredible artistic talent, technical skill, and attention to detail to make convincing fakes. Does anyone get hurt from it? No! The only people who suffer for it are the extremely wealthy who want the prestige of having original paintings in their own homes. It’s full of international intrigue and mystery. Perfect.

[glumshoe]

Also… art forgers like van Meegeren sometimes become a kind of folk hero. A swindler, sure, but a gentleman’s swindler.

[cipherface-deactivated20200224]

I liked this guy’s story, Mark Landis, who conned several dozen museums into displaying his forgeries, but when the FBI came after him they couldn’t do anything because he had always given them away as donations. They said if they could have found that he’d ever taken anything in exchange they would have prosecuted him, but all he wanted was get to out of the house and meet people.

[glumshoe]

“The first painting Landis “donated” was a copy of a work by Maynard Dixon, an artist well-known for his paintings of cowboys and Indians. It started as impulse, Landis says, but then “everybody was just so nice and treated me with respect and deference and friendship, things I was very unused to — I mean, actually not used to at all. And I got addicted to it.”” And it looks like all his forgeries are done with cheap materials, like markers and Hobby Lobby frames.

[skweebs]

Ok, but Wolfgang Beltracchi is probably one of the best Fraud Artists in the world.

His career brought him millions upon millions of dollars and lasted almost 40 years. He finally admitted to painting fraudulent art after the white paint he used came under scrutiny. 

“ Bob Simon: What do you think this Max Ernst would be worth? Wolfgang Beltracchi: This one? Simon: Yeah. Beltracchi: $5 million, I think. Simon: $5 million.  And you can do it in three days? Beltracchi: Yeah, oh yes, yes, sure, or quicker” -From a 60 minutes interview with Bob Simon

In The interview with Beltracchi, he said that none of his forgeries are copies, they’re all original works that the famous artists could have painted.

“Beltracchi estimates he has done 25 Max Ernsts. He is not copying an existing work. He’s painting something he thinks Ernst might have done if he’d had the time or felt like it.”  -  The Con Artist: A multi-million dollar art scam

His wife was also in on the scam, she would dress up in old clothing and take pictures holding the paintings with old cameras to fake proof of the paintings’ ages.

At the end of the interview with Wolfgang Beltracchi he was asked if he felt he had done anything wrong, his answer was “ Yeah, I used the wrong kind of paint”

[out-there-on-the-maroon]

Just … the levels of con there, the fake photos and … wow. That’s incredible. 

[therobotmonster]

That’s just rapscallionry.

[digitaldiscipline]

This is what AI wants to take from us.

[lucybellwood]

Let’s add Tom Keating to the mix, yeah?

Keating painted more than 2,000 forgeries by over 100 different artists in his sixty-six years. Many had fraudulently sold at auctions with the total profits estimated at over 10 million dollars. “I flooded the market with the work of Palmer and many others,” the artist said. “Not for gain (I hope I am no materialist) but simply as a protest against the merchants who make capital out of those I am proud to call my brother artists, both living and dead. It seemed disgraceful to me how many of them had died in poverty,” he defended in The Fake’s Progress, his autobiography. “All their lives they had been exploited by unscrupulous dealers and then, as if to dishonor their memory, these same dealers continued to exploit them in death.” […] Keating had a great respect and understanding of all the artists he imitated but was always reckless in his handling of the materials. He often used house paint and poster paint to mix in with his acrylics as a cheaper way to achieve the impasto works. At times he wouldn’t bother preparing his antique canvases he found at the junk shops out of laziness, so that in just a few years the paint would peel right off to reveal what was originally underneath. Keating often planted what he called “time bombs” like this in his paintings. Because of his understanding of the chemicals used in art restoration, Keating would purposely paint with layers of glycerin, which would destroy the painting once it was cleaned by a restorer, proving it was a fake. He often wrote obscenities under his paintings, like “Bollocks!”, in lead white so that it could be seen by the experts who x-rayed the painting to check its authenticity.

- Darby Milbrath, Tom Keating on Painters

[future-crab]

I had a dream that people started using the 🪷 emoji as a reaction and it was universally understood to mean “kill [] and you will be reincarnated as a lotus blossom.” Like someone would talk about going to the White House and people would spam 🪷🪷🪷 in the replies, and everyone just knew without having to be told that that meant “hey you should assassinate the president.”

[skeletal-fish]

listened to mag101, blacked out and wrote this. u can have it ig

PLS no spoilers of any kind in the tags pls pls

[aimseytv]

milf (man i love broccoli)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Rate different bats.

…i will do it for 4 dollars

alright so, bats!

(rated by their efficacy and how satisfying they would be to fend off a home invasion)

wooden bat. solid, heavy duty, could easily be used to rattle the bones of a nighttime intruder. perfectly serviceable weapon, if a bit heavy handed. a bit lacking in pizzazz though. where’s the style? where’s the razzle dazzle? still, i could give a house burglar a concussion with this, and ultimately that is what matters. 6/10

shiny aluminum baseball bat. now we’re talking. does everything the first bat does, but makes a pleasant ringing thud when it finally comes into contact with a home intruder’s skull. that’s what sells it right there. grievous bodily harm, and grievous injury to ego. now with sound effects straight out of a roadrunner cartoon. baby go night night with a riiiiing. i hit you with this, your head starts ringing like a churchbell. 8.5/10

i changed my mind: now we’re talking. has all the bells and whistles of the aforementioned models, with the added advantage that after you kick the sucker’s ass, you get to stand over them and add insult to injury. behold evildoer, you just got your ass handed to you by the cute and unforgiving face of Hello Kitty. 10/10

lacks the razzmatazz of hello kitty, but still a perfectly usable weapon. a true classic. add some stickers & neon duct tape and we’re good to go. just be careful not to stub your toe when cleaning your room. 10/10

yes, that is a katana doubling as a baseball. yes, this is overkill. no, i’m not complaining. truly glorious. you can kick someone’s ass with a bat, and if the sucker still won’t go down? then we move on to ROUND TWO. imagine you take a few swings at an intruder, they’re looking around for a makeshift weapon, a broom handle or something, but then they look back and you’re unsheathing a second, sharper weapon. from within the same weapon. how fucked up would that be???? 11/10 probably not useful for baseball but why would you want to waste a baseball bat doing sports

much thanks to anyone who donated, i’m paying off old utility bills

TUMBLR STOP COMPLAINING, YOU ASKED FOR BATS I GAVE YOU BATS

OK OK SHEESH

BATS!!! Let’s start right off the (heh) bat, with this delightful munchkin of whom I am so personally fond, the Hammerhead Bat!!!

most precious creature in existence, I want to bop its snoot. 100/100

next up: Buettikofer’s Epauletted Fruit Bat! A type of megabat (yes that’s a thing). looks like someone stuck the head of a disgruntled greyhound on top of an itty bitty bat body. 100/100

continuing with the delightful canine theme, may I present: Bulldog Bat (100/100)

and now, the Spotted Bat! because scientists really took a look at this fucker and said “you know what its most distinguishing feature is?”

that’s right, its spots. I can’t bring myself to deduct points from this heavenly creature just because humans dropping the ball on the name. 100/100 you’re doing amazing my darling.

thankfully, biologists did a better job naming the Giant Golden-Crowned Flying Fox

Golden? sorta. Flying fox? oh sure. Giant? YUH-UP. huge fucking unit, I hope you’re having a fantastic day sweetheart, 100/100

on the opposite end of the size spectrum, we have the absolutely sensational Honduran White Bat:

blinding perfection. 100/100 I want to use them as tiny cotton balls

equally near and dear in my affections, may I present: the Hairless Bat

Ma’am that is a naked mole rat with wings. 1000/1000

and finally, a big round of applause for the Wrinkle-Lipped Free-Tailed Bat!!!

those are just BABIES though, here is a Responsible Adult:

1000/1000 all bats are perfection incarnate

Keep reading

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

changing my url…broke the keep reading link? huh. webbed site.

Bonus of the hairless bat because I Love Them:

Bonus bonus: Buettikofer’s Epauletted Fruit Bat with its mouth full of fruit. I love you Buettikofer’s Epauletted Fruit Bat

BATS!!!!!

[galindatopland]

no more jokes about taylor swift's lyrics or about gaylor when all that does is distract from the fact that when it is no longer lucrative to present yourself as a liberal "progressive" artist she has quickly moved on to marrying and befriending trump supporters. i do not care if there was anything gay between her and her ex bestie when her new bestie brittany mahomes is being personally thanked by donald trump. i think it's a shame that all discourse i see on this site about her right now is about whether it's ridiculous and stupid to think she's not straight. what we should be talking about is what it means when the biggest international pop star is getting engaged to a trump supporter during a time when we are seeing eugenics white supremacy ads. i don't care to hear about the eras tour unless it's about how dave portnoy (a trump supporter and alleged rapist) got a personal handwritten note from her at the eras tour. it does not matter if you think she's a crap lyricist or the best lyricist of our generation when what matters is what her choice to align herself with maga signifies about the culture

[twinsfawn]

[hymen-restoration-project]

I RESCIND ANY ENDORSEMENT OF THIS BITCH!!!!! FRAG HER!!!

[gdrivesuperdry]

Emo.

They blocked tumblr at my school. Apparently it a “Social Networking” site.. I might drop out of my computer classes now..

[shozawayo]

Imagine the batkids, but they do that thing where the kids start to parent their parents as they get older.

_

Bruce: I'm home...

Dick: And where were you!?

Bruce: I was having dinner with Clark and Diana. They wanted to catch up a bit.

Dick: Do you know how late it is!? It's 11 P.M.!! What if something happened!!

Bruce: I'm an adult... and I'm Batman

Dick: You could've sent a text at least!! *walking away and talking to himself* Stupid Bruce acting all grown and stuff...

Bruce: Okay. I'm... sorry???

_

Jason: Here *handing him a plate of food*

Bruce: What's this?

Jason: Actual food. Seriously, it's like you don't even eat proper meals anymore

Bruce: I'm telling Alfred you said that

Jason: Go ahead and I'll tell him you've been skipping out on his food to eat protein bars from your utility belt.

Bruce: ...... *starts eating*

Jason: Good, you need your nutrients old man

_

Bruce: *About to leave*

Tim: Where are you going?

Bruce: Selina wants to have lunch with me today

Tim: And who else is going to be there?

Bruce: *Confused* No one, just me and her like usual

Tim: I don't think having lunch with a criminal is safe, Bruce

Bruce: We've been on several dates, Tim. You've known her for years, you literally have her number and address

Tim: *Not listening* I should go with you. I am feeling a bit hungry

Bruce: *sighs*

_

Waitress: *Flirting with Bruce* We have a new bottle of wine that we're not supposed to serve yet, but I'll break the rules for you, Mr. Wayne *winks*

Bruce: *Ignores it* I think I'll just have a water and you?

Cass: *Glaring at the waitress* I'll have a water too

Waitress: *Starts sweating* I'll get that for you right away *hurries away*

Bruce: You have to stop scaring everyone who flirts with me, Cass

Cass: Can't. Have to protect you from creeps

_

Duke: Here *hands him sunscreen*

Bruce who is fully covered as Batman: I don't need it

Duke: Last time you helped me with day patrol, half of your face got sunburnt. The sun wasn't even fully out. Put the sunscreen on

Bruce: *takes it*

_

Damian: Father, I need to speak to you

Bruce: About what?

Damian: I went into your office to look for something and realized you have yet to organize all your paperwork. I told you last week you needed to clean your desk

Bruce: What did you need from my office?

Damian: Irrelevant. We're talking about you not me

Bruce: I need to stop having kids

_

Do you guys see my vision here!? You know Bruce appreciates it at the end of the day tho :) Hope you enjoyed 🤍