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@juyceefrut
Day 1 of this messed up journey
My goodness I'm back.
I'm feeling numb from the first day of diet food and fuck this haha, I will power through this as a reminder that this is the feeling I need to deal with to finally lose some damn weight cause holy shit I gained so much weight talaga.
I'm about to write the most adventurous chapter of my life -- one that involves getting so much into the wonder world of Lindy Hop this 2024. A hobby that I've been waiting to truly pursue for a very long time.
And all I can say that it's changed me for the better (timely to say that with Wicked now showing in cinemas this Dec 2024).
And I'm here to write down my stories until I can figure out where to write it better later on.
Dear Tumblr,
I will write to you soon about this amazing dance journey -- for now I have a long list of shit to do haha
Hello! I'm not feeling so well again and I always retreat to Tumblr when I need a calmer space to write things out.
Posture, weight, energy, stamina!
I need to take care of my health
My thoughts are not okay
Good morning to April 1.
stomach pain haha I just had a coffee though
low to no carb, 1/2 rice for dinner
catch up with work stuff
What do I do to beat depression?
What am I going through now.
What will I do to change that?
I just had this wild idea to maybe do a longterm 1-2 month study for lindy hop in bangkok -- I don't think I can afford it this year, but let's try it in 2025 or before I get married hahahaaa
Dear Joycee, earn that money and moolah!! Let's save 300k and 50k for a bangkok trip!!!
I wanna lose weight so bad I just want to reach 180 lbs na muna so I can move better =((((
Tangina this life hahaha
Hello Tumblr, I'm back.
I still like going back here, and I've probably been here since 2007 maybe. (I have old records of old multiply cross posts here on Tumblr?)
And I like reminding myself of pure "core Joycee", so I still like maintaining activities that remind me of past self and things that I enjoy. Hyper. Silly. Child-like. Curious. Chaotic.
I get anxious because the internet feels more like work than personal -- and I'm still hesitant to reveal my "gulo" self to work acquaintances, so I still find myself going back here or on twitter for self reflection. If you're still here and know me from past lives, I know I'm comfortable sharing my inner world with you.
Dear Self, I am self-diagnosed depressed. I lost my way. I am constantly overwhelmed. I look confident on the outside, but inside I am full of question marks. (wow I want to cry just typing this)
I want to be accountable and I think this time, I just wanna write stuff to get me on the right track.
anyway this is a quick intro for now and I'll make a new post for just... doing a problem dump.
Yesterday was good (despite inner sadness again):
talked about an interesting project at work
got cleared for marathon
good relationship with brother and nice heart to heart
bought mama flowers and i felt na it made her feel better
Gmorning
I woke up feeling hopeless and depressed and regretful and just… like I’ve lost a battle
I dont really know what to do in my life now
But I have to keep going somehow
Let 2023 be known as the year that I had to officially deal with anxiety and depression at its most intense.
And that I'm lucky to have the resources to have been able to deal with it.
prove yourself wrooong!!!!
Reflection on Fr. Mike's Homily from last Aug 6 2023
I still regularly get moments when I have strong calling to stay true with my faith. I think deciding to click on this video was one of those deep moments when, I don't know, every time I just decide to get back to these homilies and Ascension, I just find something that CLICKS.
For context, I've been in a state of identity crisis. Wondering if I'm really good enough. If I'm really worthy to do all of this and if I'm really smart, wise, or confident enough to be entrusted with all this responsibility. Lately, I feel more like I am a disappointment to the business, I'm not really making the most progress -- and lately I just find myself just... getting anxious all the time and have a lot of self-doubt.
This homily just... came at a perfect time.
I love the message that "I am claimed", that I am a daughter of God.
And that... I don't really need to prove myself, I'm just loved.
And I think I'm in such a truly blessed time in my life where like... when I think about it, I am so freakin loved by my family, by my parents, by my partner, and by my friends.
I think I'm so self conscious about so many things, and I forget that-- I am truly more than what I do... I am part of this loving family, this loving faith, and of this loving universe.
Goodness...
Nababad trip talaga ako sa UI ng twitter, I'm back here with my vulnerability!!!!