𝔥𝔬𝔱 𝔤𝔦𝔯𝔩 𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔯.

hot girl hot girl hot barbie summer

[70sgifs]

[jvsiie]

sinjvn‌:

                                             it’s a requiring bad habit heejun has, dragging others with him down the rabbit hole of self-destruction. a bad habit that is constantly affecting those around him. tonight, his mind felt scrambled and it makes it hard for him to understand that he left emi alone - what he had done. it all became a blurred haze for him the moment the letters on his phone screen started to dance in his vision. the mistakes he makes keep finding each other one by one like fireflies during hot summer nights. until he finds his head buzzing with tiny endless thoughts that he only knows how to ignore by drowning his veins with poison. if he was sober, which seemed rare these days, he would have painfully been reminded that not only a week ago, it was josie who found him close to overdosing in their living room. but now it seems like a distant memory that doesn’t really matter, because he is too high to feel how much he is hurting. the pills he swallowed combined with the bass vibrating in his bones hypnotising him into a false sense of security and safety he so desperately needs. lifting his shot glass by the tips of his fingers, heejun clicked it with the other before tipping his head back, amber-gold burning down his throat. he is about to signal the bartender for another round only to stop his actions when josie leans closer - her lips pressing on his cheek causing the rosy glow of his cheeks to dimple in response.  “ yeah, yeah, let’s go. ”  allowing himself to be tugged into the crowd of dancing bodies. after days of feeling alone - even in the presence of a crowded room - for one night he almost feels like he isn’t and with josie’s excitement, he tries not to let another party pass him by. taking her hand to spin her around, then bring her close, he allows himself to move to the club’s pulsating beat and for a moment they don’t appear like two friends that are playing a losing game with the dark web, but two people made for fun.

                                      she’s shameless like this,   with so much substance in her system,   with so much desperation for anything but reality,   in the way she moves, in the way she laughs when he pulls her closer.   fact:   josie is terrible at dealing with difficult situations   (   like getting her best friend   &   the love of her life kidnapped by a psychopath   ).   fact:   josie is awful at taking responsibility for her actions   (   like facing her friends after offering no help in the search for those in need   ).   fact:   josie doesn’t like admitting when she’s done something wrong   (   like ignoring her problems   &   drowning her sorrows in alcohol   &   colourful pills   ).   fact:   josie is very good at distracting herself   &   others.   she’s made a career out of it,   after all.   she turns around in heejun’s arms,   planting her palms on his chest as she leans close enough to feel his warm breath on her cheek   &    laughs again.   she wants to kiss him,   she realises with a small tilt of her head,   the buzzing in her fingertips every time she touches his skin might be because of the drugs but she’s too out of it to rationalise it.   she leans closer again,   lips pressing to the place his jaw meets his neck this time,   leaving behind another lipstick mark.   she presses her pointing finger into the red tint,   smudging it into the shape of a heart before she beams at him.   ‘   you know...   ’   she starts,   voice barely audible over the loud bass of the music.   ‘   i never thought i would be into the blond hair on you but here we are....    ’

[jvsiie]

                                     ╰   ♡ .   starter for @licmss​

                       she’s spent the night hunched over the toilet,   trying to rid her system from all the shit she’s been pummelling it full with in the past three days.   surreal,   was her first thought,   turning her phone on   &   getting the text from emi,   after days of refusing to communicate with anyone.   heejun was there of course,   she needed him   &   his stash to keep her blunt enough to avoid any serious thought entering her mind.   besides,   heejun is a good company at times like this,   he never asks question,   never tries to get her to open up or make sure she is okay.   josie likes that about him.   –––   she looks like shit when she gets to the hospital,   worse than she looked in years,   eyes bloodshot,   the dark circles under them making her look sickly   &   weak.   she hopes not to run into any of their friends,   she’s more than sure a few of them would have some not too kind words about her disappearance during the time of crisis.   she can’t blame them,   but she’s never been very good at taking responsibility for her actions anyway.   she visits rumi first,   but she’s asleep   &   josie can just sit by her bed   &   watch.   it’s awful to see her like this but she’s promised herself she wouldn’t cry anymore.   she kisses her forehead before leaving   &   decides to come back later,   maybe when she’s awake.

it’s harder to step through the door of the other room because she knows she will choke up.   she thought about it on the drive to the hospital,   what she would say to him,   how she would apologise,   for not helping the others look for him,   for not coming earlier,   for lying for months,   for being a shitty girlfriend,   for every sorrow she’s ever caused him.   she feels kind of stupid now,   standing in the doorway with her little backpack,   a change of clothes   &   her toothbrush inside because he might not even want her there.   her chest tightens at the thought.   lips curl into a small frown,   gaze greedily inspecting every visible sign of hurt on his body,   her own limbs aching with every scar she finds.   she could cry now,   she wants to tell him so many things but everything she feels grows into a burning ball of guilt in the pit of her stomach,   eating her away from the inside out.   she sits beside his bed,   staring at him without a word,   gnawing at her bottom lip.   ‘   you look like shit.   ’   she says eventually,   reaching out to take his hand in her own,   raising it to her mouth   &    pressing her lips on his knuckles.

[jvsiie]

◜  𝐒𝐌𝐒  :   𝒏𝒐𝒕  𝒋𝒐𝒋𝒐  𝒔𝒊𝒘𝒂  !

MINA: are you sure you're okay

MINA: stay safe

MINA: will you keep me updated ??

JOSIE: does it matter

[jvsiie]

                                 ╰   ♡ .   starter for @sinjvn

                                         never thought herself particularly self destructive, on the contrary,   josie has always done things for herself.   good things,   useful things,   things that could help her in one way or another.   she didn’t go to med school like her family wanted so she could be more independent,   she started being a call girl to show everyone she was more than just a pretty face,   she studies hard so she would be someone one day.   of course,   she had her foolish moments too,   things she likes to blame on her age or alcohol or someone else,   but it’s never really been like this before.   never has she became so emotionally numb before that she lost her ability to rationalise situations.   never has she decided to threw caution to the wind   &   try to escape something like her life depended on it.   there is a gaping wound in her chest that aches with every breath,   but she is too weak to deal with it in a healthy way.   ––––    an excited little giggle falls past rougish brims when she finally pushes past the crowd,   reaching the taller male again.   she raises the shot glasses higher with a wide grin spread on her face before holding a pair out to him,   clinking them with her own.   oh how grateful she is for him now,   him   &   his terrible habit.   the alcohol burns her throat but it’s pleasant because her senses are already blurred   &   this is what she’s wanted all along.   she doesn’t remember what she’s taken from his collection of colourful pills,   perhaps she didn’t even care to begin with,   but she feels good   &   that’s the only thing filling the void in her.   she leans closer to him,   pressing her lips on his cheek,   red-painted brims leaving a print or his skin   &   she smiles wider.   ‘   keep it on,   it looks good on you.   ’   she muses,   tapping his shoulders before letting her fingers wrap around his wrist.   ‘   i want to dance.   i need to dance.   will you dance with me   ?   ’ 

[jvsiie]

◜  𝐒𝐌𝐒  :   𝒏𝒐𝒕  𝒋𝒐𝒋𝒐  𝒔𝒊𝒘𝒂  !

MINA: i'd say i'm just checking in

MINA: but i know how you're feeling

MINA: come to the hospital

JOSIE: im fine actually

JOSIE: its chill

JOSIE: cant im going out w heejun

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

Never Goin’ Back (2018) Directed by Augustine Frizzell

[gifsnikita]

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: this convo is going nowhere it’s just another fight

LIAM: maybe it’s best we’re not together regardless.

LIAM: and i’m not hiding anything from you.

LIAM: i never have, not from you, not from anyone.

JOSIE: fine

JOSIE: do whatever you want, but please not in front of me

JOSIE: everyone has secrets liam, even you

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: what’s the alternative !

LIAM: what do you want me to do !

LIAM: what is your goal ? what are we gonna do josie ?

LIAM: fuck and act like nothing is going on ?

LIAM: i don’t know where the fuck your head is at but you can’t have me and keep secrets. it’s one or the other.

JOSIE: YOU DONT GET IT

JOSIE: you dont understand how sick this whole thing makes me

JOSIE: thinking about how i fucked this up, how i fucked us up

JOSIE: dont you have things youre so ashamed of you cant share with anyone?

JOSIE: whats the point of telling you if we would be at the same place if you knew

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: yeah

LIAM: you really hurt me u think just i got over it ?

LIAM: bc it was at one point.

LIAM: then again idk how long u were doing shit behind my back for

LIAM: what r we if not that.

LIAM: had. past tense. not have.

LIAM: look i’m not gonna argue with you. as long as there’s no valid outward reason this is where we stand.

JOSIE: i dont know what you want me to say to any of this

JOSIE: you keep saying that but its not what you think

JOSIE: i wouldnt have cheated on you liam, you know how i feel about you

JOSIE: so what now?

JOSIE: we're just gonna ignore each other for the rest of the year and then never talk again?

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: it’s so weird josie

LIAM: like one moment i hate you and the next i miss you it’s too much to deal with

LIAM: it was a HUGE mistake

LIAM: there’s no leaving we’re not together

LIAM: were acquaintances with the same friend group at best right now

LIAM: that doesn’t make me feel better or reassured or fix anything

JOSIE: hate me...

JOSIE: good to know

JOSIE: then why did it feel so right?

JOSIE: acquantainces??? you said youre trying not to be an asshole but its like you want to hurt me with everything you say

JOSIE: we might not be together, but that doesnt erase what we had

JOSIE: how do you still not understand that if i could, i would try fix it

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: well.

LIAM: i didn’t want to end things you know that.

LIAM: but they did.. so if there’s nothing we can do about it then.. this has to stop. the weird thing between us

JOSIE: what? its not weird its not

JOSIE: dont do this

JOSIE: i cant just forget you or what happened a few days ago, this isnt fair

JOSIE: i know it was a mistake, i understand but you cant expect me to be okay if you just leave me again

JOSIE: you wouldnt ask me to explain if you knew what it was about, i know you wouldn't

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: i’ll try. i mean i’ve been trying

LIAM: it’s hard to not lash out.

LIAM: idk

JOSIE: yeah i know

JOSIE: im not mad at you

JOSIE: im mad at the people around you

JOSIE: and the fact that they can have you

[jvsiie]

✉️ don’t answer 🚫 ;

LIAM: hi

LIAM: so

LIAM: sorry for being an asshole

JOSIE: dont be sorry, just stop doing it

JOSIE: ...

JOSIE: me too

[jvsiie]

✉️↠ josie

HEEJUN: hey

HEEJUN: thank you for not telling anyone about the other night

HEEJUN: [ ... ]

HEEJUN: with everything going on i didnt wanna worry abel over something so stupid

HEEJUN: so thanks again

JOSIE: yeah dw about it

JOSIE: yk i'm here for you man

JOSIE: even if we dont talk that much

[jvsiie]

𝐉𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀 : 2 + 3 / ?

𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐬: