* 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ╱ figment @sinjvn - Tumblr Blog

sin heejun wearing alexander mcqueen

10.14.2019

* feat . EMIKO SATO

when they’re close like this, things blend into the background. the voices of their friends floating in from different rooms, the music someone had put on, even the sound of her own breathing fades the way the sound on a television might when somebody grabs the remote. all emi could focus on was the sound of his voice, the way his lips move to form a question that sends her heartbeat racing. when their eyes meet, she’s reminded of something she’d once learned in an astronomy class, one of those bits of information that sits in the back of her brain until something comes along and makes her remember. tonight she is venus at perihelion, and heejun is the sun. and perhaps in a way it’s always been like this with them ––––– two celestial bodies coming as close as they can to each other without touching. it drives her crazy now, the molly coursing through her bloodstream making her feel so damn affectionate, like she could lean forward and kiss him and somehow it would all be alright. she feels euphoric, so opposite to the numbness he’s emitting, and it takes everything in her not to say no, don’t move, i want you here always. emi thinks she must have lost that right, the right to a confession, everything she’d put him through since the moment she’d been sent away to rehab making even thinking about opening her mouth a selfish thing. but it was more than that. she was scared. scared that if she said stay, he’d still go, scared if she said she’d missed him terribly he wouldn’t feel the same. she was scared that maybe all he saw when he looked at her now was that desperate version of her with her knees scraped up sitting on her kitchen floor begging him for drugs. and then she feels his hand slip into hers, his fingers interlocking with her own like it was that simple, like she didn’t feel the way a star might right before it goes supernova. it’s the drugs. it’s the drugs and it’s him, the way it’s always been. “ ––––– we could talk about what ? ” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. she’s tempted then to do something, the urge to pull him into the bathroom or to place her hand over his chest and feel the way his heart thumped underneath tugging at her. instead she doesn’t move, save for her thumb brushing over his own once, her touch feather light. “ i thought you hated me now. ” she can’t mask her emotions the way he had, not in her current state, her intoxication the honest kind. the hurt is everywhere ––––– in those big dark eyes of hers as she looks at him, in the way her shoulders curve, in between every syllable of the words falling from her lips. “ do you ? ” she says, and she can’t help it then as she lifts their joined hands, guiding his towards her cheek.

“ do i hate you? ” his lower lips falls into his mouth and then drops out. his brows draw closer above the crease of his eyes. head shakes, for some reason, his heart also does. it twitches, it tugs. “ i don’t think i can hate you, emi, ” he murmurs, and then louder again, “ i don’t want to hate you. ” tongue running quick across his lips, heejun begins again, “ but you hurt me and maybe that sounds selfish because the drugs came from me, ” he speaks eager to get it all out, as quick as possible to have her hear it, to understand it. “ when you told me you needed me. i didn’t think it was that. i didn’t want our friendship - ” he exhales through his nose, hates what he has to say next, “ to be only about drugs. ” his hand resting against her cheek has stopped the constant trembling that lingered in his body, calms him for a bit. he is speaking up again and it’s almost like he doesn’t know when to stop, the coke making him more talkative, it also doesn’t help that he is constantly on the verge of spilling everything out, “ something happened when you were away. ” he says, half-confessess and his eyes move, shift to the spot where their friends are - clueless to what is happening. “ and it was hard and i wished you were here with me, ” i needed you rests on his tongue, but he swallows quickly staring at the features of emi’s face, darting across her eyes, her nose, her lips - and lingering there. he is so desperate for that bit of comfort, for something to take his mind of that he presses forward. his lips are moving closer, and then his other hand lift and he is holding her against both side of her face and pulls her in for a kiss. it happens so quick. without thought and he moves his lips over her, and they’re soft, so soft. it’s been so long and he doesn’t want to stop kissing her, but it is as if something out of his control pulls him away, eyes parting, eyes capturing hers, and he is starting to realize what he just done, what he just said. he didn’t even wait for her reaction to any of it tugs, his mind a delirious mess. “ i think i should go. ”

#* interactions .#* feat . emi .#this is chaotic

* feat . EMIKO SATO

she’d only wanted to come to the bathroom for the mirror, something it wasn’t uncommon for emi to do when she was really high. how else was she supposed to make sure she she wasn’t actually vibrating, and that it was just the drugs making her think so ? she’s greeted with a closed door, a sigh blowing past pink lips, a piece of dark hair blowing away from her face with the exhale. emi lets her eyes close as she waits, liking the way it was easy to imagine herself as floating outside of her own body when she couldn’t see it. they shoot open, however, when someone crashes into her. “ oh i’m so ––––– ” she begins before she registers who had been in the bathroom, which only happens a few seconds before she registers the baggie of coke he’d dropped after their collision. the rest of her sentence dies at the tip of her tongue, suddenly at a loss for words. she had barely seen heejun since that day in her kitchen, and yet the memory of him grabbing onto her during the corn maze was something she hadn’t been able to forget, even high. it was confusing, as was the way he positions himself to block the bathroom door. “ i am, yeah, ” she answers him, gaze dropping down to his bottom half before she looks back up at him again. “ looks like you are too, ” she murmurs, what he’d just been doing obvious even if he hadn’t dropped the coke. she fidgets on her feet, not really sure how she was supposed to behave around him anymore. once upon a time she could have grabbed him by the hand, pulled him back into the bathroom and asked him to cut her a line. once upon a time she didn’t feel like such a stranger in his presence. and yet as weird as it was now, she’d still missed him, missed standing as close to him as she was now. “ ––––– what if i had to pee ? ” emi suddenly blurts out before she could stop herself. “ i mean, i don’t, but i could. and you’re blocking the entrance, ” she says, stepping even closer, like she was testing whether or not he’d move.

she is on something again and heejun can tell from the way she behaves. and he hates that he recognizes emi better like this then he recognizes her sober. lines have become a blur and he doesn’t know how they were when they first met. was it always like this? was this always the problem? but then his heartbeat still and he can remember the nights in the quiet of her room at 4 a.m and only the two of them, her eyes bright while she talked about all the things she was passionate about. that is the version of her, he wants to remember. to hold. the version of her he will always want to see no matter what happens between them. “ do you want me to move away? ” he asks, remaining still where he is even when she takes a step closer. their eyes meet. his voice is flat. there is nothing in his expression that gives away how he is feeling. he doesn’t know how he is feeling. there is a numbness brought in from the cocaine trying to burry how he felt these past weeks. the hurt. the frustration. the anger. how much he cares. a rollercoaster of emotions and he thinks maybe he should tell her. tell her why he was so worried. tell her what happened when she was away. tell her everything that has been running through his mind and pushing them further apart. “ i could, ” he says and part of him wants to know. needs to know now. does she want him to move on? move on like he did with nolan when she was away? heejun isn’t someone to hold grudges for too long, evident in the way bitterness hadn’t remained on the tip of his tongue when she finally returned back from italy. instead something else took its place and he has to keep reminding himself that she didn’t go to italy to study, but for rehab. she went because of him. it’s late, he is tired even after the lines of coke he had just snorted, and he isn’t thinking when his hand moves, reaches out for her until his fingers slipped between hers and it belongs there, and he doesn’t want to move on. in a whisper, heejun says, “ or we could talk. ”

#* interactions .#* feat . emi .#im soft

closed starter for @emikvs

since they got back from canada, he hasn’t been able to reach his supplier and it feels like he is being punished. in the back of his mind, he knows its because of what is happening back at home. the police are getting closer with their case, but the thought of it makes him nauseous and like he does with everything heejun tries to avoid the truth. bothering roy with desperate texts the past few days goes easily, but he hates the unreliability that comes with it and if his mind remains sober long enough he would realize that this is how his customers feel when they can’t reach him. but avoidance comes easy when he gets his hands on some coke. away from the party, heejun is standing in the bathroom with a light that keeps flickering on & off, and he is close to losing his patience as the crumpled ten dollar bill trembles within his fingers. bending down he inhales what he can, straightens up and knocks his head back. it stings, but it hardly matters, and he wipes off some powder that gathers at the edge of his nose. ready to return to the party, he doesn’t notice the body that is fixed in front of the bathroom door as he bumps into them. an incriminating plop framing what he just did and he quickly snatches the plastic bag from the floor. his gaze tracing up to find emi and this is the last thing he wants. heejun sniffs loudly, wiping at his nose as the drugs disappears in his back pocket. his ears buzzing with the sound of their friends laughing in the background. he doesn’t move away blocks the bathroom door and,runs a hand through his hair, once, twice, just to have something to do with it. “ enjoying the party? ”

#* interactions .#* feat . emi .#its been so long i forgot my tags #now i sleep

park-seonghwa

cutie hongjoong in a beanie

#* visage .#can his hair just be like this

bifl3xible

I could be sad about it, or I could take ten shots and pretend it never happened

#* inspo .

* feat . JOSIE LEE

she’s shameless like this, with so much substance in her system, with so much desperation for anything but reality, in the way she moves, in the way she laughs when he pulls her closer. fact: josie is terrible at dealing with difficult situations ( like getting her best friend & the love of her life kidnapped by a psychopath ). fact: josie is awful at taking responsibility for her actions ( like facing her friends after offering no help in the search for those in need ). fact: josie doesn’t like admitting when she’s done something wrong ( like ignoring her problems & drowning her sorrows in alcohol & colourful pills ). fact: josie is very good at distracting herself & others. she’s made a career out of it, after all. she turns around in heejun’s arms, planting her palms on his chest as she leans close enough to feel his warm breath on her cheek & laughs again. she wants to kiss him, she realises with a small tilt of her head, the buzzing in her fingertips every time she touches his skin might be because of the drugs but she’s too out of it to rationalise it. she leans closer again, lips pressing to the place his jaw meets his neck this time, leaving behind another lipstick mark. she presses her pointing finger into the red tint, smudging it into the shape of a heart before she beams at him. ‘ you know… ’ she starts, voice barely audible over the loud bass of the music. ‘ i never thought i would be into the blond hair on you but here we are…. ’

the sensation of touch bring him closer, his hands finding her waist. he laughs knows that he has lipstick marks all over him and it makes him want to press his lips against hers. “ i never thought we would be here, ” it’s vague, but in the way their bodies are moving, pulling closer his words belong. heejun laughs again and it is hoarse in his throat as his nose brushes against her cheek, and he is closing his eyes. in the absence of sight, and the presence of drugs pulsing in his veins, everything is stronger ; her breath on his lips, the smell of her perfume. then with the catch of the beat his lips meet hers. waits for her lips to respond to his before he presses firmer. the feeling bringing along a rush of pulse in his heartbeat. eventually, heejun pulls away, abandons his hold and shoots a cursory look around them, before reaching for the silver chain hanging around his neck, lifting from beneath his shirt a rosary. a present given to him by cleo, the cross pendant was too conspicuous not to be hiding something. he unscrews the lower section of the cross pendant and in a matter of moments there is white powder on his finger and it is too dark and crowded in the club for anyone notice. purple and black swirls around him as he brings the drug to his own lips first, a quick disappearance in his mouth, rubbing it over his gums and his tongue. before he reaches for his secret stash again, looks down at josie’s mouth and then with a single finger, a mischievous curve on his lips he brings his finger to her lips. waits in anticipation if she will go for it. there is something familiar about this, but it is a familiarity of someone else. a familiarity he shouldn’t fall back on, but still he does. “ give it a try. ”

#* interactions .#* feat . josie .#scandalous

* feat . EMIKO SATO

emi barely registers when he crouches down in front of her. the feeling of his fingers gliding across her skin used to send shivers down her spine but now she can’t even feel it, her body going numb from shock or exhaustion, or maybe a combination of the two. and it’s suffocating, being in her kitchen, being in her apartment surrounded by all of rumi and liam’s things. the glass she’d broken ––––– was it one of theirs ? for the past day it was like she’d been swimming against the current. it had taken everything out of her, not getting high, not numbing her brain with pills and powder until she couldn’t even remember her own name let alone everything happening to her. her body had fought her for it, turned against her like it was trying to self destruct but she’d tried. she’d tried so hard. she didn’t want to feel guilty again like she felt after mina had come home, guilty because she was out there partying and self medicating while her friend was being tortured. emi knew there were better ways to cope. she thought she could do it if it meant finding rumi faster. but now it was as if she’d stopped swimming. her limbs were heavy, weights dragging her towards the bottom of the ocean. she was drowning and she knew it. the room was too small, the air too thin. she was taking in breaths but it was like the oxygen kept slipping away before it got to her lungs. “ it was an accident, ” she whispers, her breathing shaky. and then the tears are falling, one after the other, her vision blurring. emi had always thought rehab would be the lowest point of her life, but in that moment she’d trade everything to go back and relive it, a time when she knew a lot less about pain and loss and hopelessness the way she does now. she can’t do this sober. not anymore, not with both of them gone. she wasn’t strong enough to go through with it, and god she felt so stupid thinking she ever was even for a moment. emi looks at him, his pupils blown, the line he’d no doubt just snorted so strikingly noticeable to her then. she needed that. she really fucking needed that. when she grabs his hands it’s with a force that surprises her, clinging to him then like he was her lifeline. and it was strange, really, because in a sense he was. the drugs he gave her, the ones he though he’d ruined her life with ––––– they’d save her now. “ i need you, ” emi says, her hands traveling to rest against either side of his face. how many times had she’d dreamed about holding him like this ? no, not like this, she thinks. not with her body shivering the way it was, tear stained and bloody. not with a desperation so strong she was scared it’d kill her if he said no. “ please. give me something. ”

it’s so frustrating, so frustrating because heejun feels something whenever those eyes are on him and he wishes he could go back to all those times he could have kissed her. should have kissed her, not left it as something unspoken. but he hates how those eyes are on him now, he hates how something desperate swims in them, tears are falling and he brushes them away, and he hates this, too. and when she tells him she needs him, there is a painful weight to his heart because deep down he already knows that he isn’t going to like the reason that she needs him. she could tell him she needs him to stay with her tonight and he would. he wouldn’t go to the club with josie and vik anymore, instead, it would be just the two of them. but like his heart had already tried to warn him, she needs something else, and he almost wants to laugh. heejun grips at her hands, cups them with his own and he lowers them from his face. frees the space between them, because it is starting to feel claustrophobic. and he doesn’t think he can breathe if he stays any longer. “ i can’t believe this, ” he says, tongue poking into the corner of his lips as he shakes his head for a moment. features screwing with frustration. “ is that why you need me, ” he demands, louder than he means to but he is so frustrated with this, “ drugs? ” he bites the word out like it’s offensive like it isn’t part of his everyday life. searches her eyes. a moment passes, two, three, and his voice loses all hardness as he stares at her, eyes soften before he even realizes he has them narrowed. his phone buzzes, but he doesn’t move, stares at emi. it’s a long moment, but it passes just as quickly, and his lips part, and he hates the words that form because they betray what he really wants. “ if that’s what you want. fine. ” he stands, his eyes feel bitter. his voice feels strained. his words surge out of his throat when his hand reaches in the pocket of his jacket and takes out a plastic bag with three remaining pills of oxy. “ here, ” he says, hand stretching out to give her what she wants. heejun doesn’t think he can look at her any longer and shifts his gaze away to the broken glass shards laying between them. “ but find yourself another dealer. i’m so fucking done. ” his teeth clasp together with the finality of what he says, and he, turns away because he can’t stay here any longer. he has to leave.

#* interactions .#* feat . emi .#im so done with him

closed starter for @nvlan

he needed a clear head, he knew that, but it was hard to ignore the restlessness that he found himself trapped in. the tremors in his hands that he so desperately tries to stop by clenching his phone tightly in his hold. instead of going to the party last night, heejun spend each waking moment - until the sleeping pills kicked in - refreshing news websites from back home. hoping to land on an article that could give him some good news. good news, seemed hardly the case these days. taking the last steps of the emergency exit ( it did not matter how many stairs he had to take, he refused to take the elevator ). withdrawal was starting to kick in and the idea of slipping into a hospital restroom to do a line before he saw his friend was extremely tempting. turning the corner of the hallway that led to liam’s room, he is met with someone he didn’t want to see but should have expected. heejun blinks and he’s looking at him until the moment their eyes lock and he’s looking away. avoiding nolan’s eyes, he lets out a sharp exhale renting the air between them as his hand reaches out to brush against his nose, a habit the other was all too familiar with. “ nolan, ” he says, his own voice wavers when he tries to even it, comes out breathy. then he turns his eyes back to him, exposes the dark circles that are under his eyes and his pupils are almost as large as they are when he is on coke, but the misfocus of them is different. “ how is he? ” he asks and he tries not to sound as tired as he feels from the stress, glances between nolan and the door to liam’s room. “ is he sleeping? ”

#* interactions .#* feat . nolan .

closed starter for @svged

fidgety and restless heejun stood in front of sage’s door. rain drenching him down and a sickness in his stomach, he is running on the last minutes of his cocaine high. his phone keeps buzzing in his pocket, but he doesn’t care, because he knows that whoever is calling him aren’t his parents and at that moment nothing else matters. he only hopes that sage lets him in. despite the recent disagreement that had come between them ( which seemed so pointless now ), heejun needs him. sage had gone through this. he was the only one that could understand. the door opens and before sage has a chance to say anything he spritzes the truth from his lips, “ they are going to arrest my dad. ” the idea is enough to make him sick again, quickly he turns himself around. bracing one hand against the brick wall for support, he thinks he might throw up, but for now, it stays with an awful gagging sounding coming from his throat. sensitive eyes bring the first tears and he shuts them, enveloping himself in pitch blackness. harsh breathing rattling within his chest. “ i don’t know what do, sage, ” he says, voice low, “ i don’t know. ”

#* interactions .#* feat . sage .

◜ 𝐒𝐌𝐒 : 𝒅.𝒂.𝒓.𝒆. !

MINA: hate is a strong word heejun

MINA: please just talk to me , i promise i'm here to listen and not judge

MINA: i think i'll pass

MINA: is he as messy as he seems??

HEEJUN: dislike then?

HEEJUN: its simple really, i decided not to sell to emi anymore bc she went to rehab and in return i got a lot of shit for caring

HEEJUN: he has a habit of leaving his sport bag near the front door

HEEJUN: if its dark and your drunk its not the ideal situation

#* imessages .#* feat . mina .

emikvs‌:

☾ ╱ ᶜˡᵒˢᵉᵈ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗᵉʳ ᶠᵒʳ heejun.

she felt like shit. every time she closed her eyes and felt herself drifting into a much needed nap, emi was hit by another wave of nausea, and every time she threw up it was worse than the time that had become before it. after a certain point she was simply hurling water and stomach acid, her throat on fire because of it. still, she’d gotten some rest. she’d taken a nap wrapped up in three blankets because she’d been shivering only to wake up with all of them on the floor, sweat sticking her hair and pajamas against her skin, her sheets drenched beneath her. so she’d showered. she must have been sitting underneath the water for what felt like hours, watching as her fingertips pruned, hyper aware of the way her hands couldn’t stop shaking. even in her bathroom, the emptiness of her apartment threatened to swallow her whole. she felt the way she had on their trip inside the too big mansion, except it was worse, because she knew these ghosts. they looked an smelled like rumi. liam still hadn’t come home. she wasn’t sure what time it was. if it wasn’t for the fact that heejun was staying with her, emi wasn’t sure she would survive for much longer being where she was. they hadn’t talked much, but he’d held her when she’d come to him last night on the couch, when she’d reached out for him instead of reaching for her pills. she’d flushed them this morning after she’d gotten up, suffering the withdrawal ever since. it hadn’t even been a full day since emi had been sober, but the longer she was, the more it was starting to feel like an eternity. when she gets out of the shower, the first thing she’s aware of is how much her phone was buzzing. notification after notification light up her screen, the pit in her stomach growing. how much she’d grown to detest the sound, as if it was akin to nails on a chalkboard, the type of sound that made the hairs on her arms stand up. she grabs her phone, doesn’t check it as she moves to the kitchen for a glass of water, but the feeling that something was very very wrong is too much to ignore.

glass in hand she opens up her phone to a notification that has her vision blurring. she can barely make out the text before black spots dance in front of her eyes, the way they did before you were about pass out. emi scrambles to grab onto the kitchen counter, slams her phone down before she’s falling to her knees, something sharp crunching beneath them. it’s the sting of glass cutting into her skin that keeps her conscious. she scoots backwards on the floor, surveys the damage before her. with the world unfocused, the shards glimmer like diamonds in the light, the pieces that were stained with red shinning like rubies. for a moment it was beautiful. all she knew was right there in front of her, that broken glass, the tile floor. and then it all starts to click, one thought at a time, one blink at a time. she was bleeding. her phone was buzzing like crazy still. not only had she lost rumi, but now liam was gone too. she thought she might throw up right there, but it was the fire in her veins that really scared her, that constant itch to pump something into her bloodstream when she wasn’t high magnifying until it felt like an ache. it was painful. all of it was so fucking painful she couldn’t think straight. when emi looks up, she sees heejun standing above her, and it’s stupid but the first thing she wants to say is that she’s sorry. she doesn’t know what she’s sorry for but it’s an overwhelming sensation, the feeling that she needs forgiveness, like maybe everything that was happening was happening to her because she was being punished for some unknown sin. she doesn’t move to get up from the floor, curled up with her knees against her chest like someone who’d been hiding. when she speaks it’s barely a whisper, the words strangled as if there were a pair of hands squeezing her throat shut. “ ––––– i don’t think i can do this. ”

he is staring at his reflection in the mirror that the lighting showed him, notices the dark rings that start to form under his eyes, can taste the line of coke he had just done in the back of his throat. he is going mad, he doesn’t think he can keep on continuing to sit in silence. rumi is gone. liam is gone. and for the first time in a long while, he wished he could just go back home. he was so close to calling his parents tonight, a desperate need to ask them if he could come home now. but he didn’t. they had their own problems. and he hates it. hates them now more than ever for sending him away. doing what was best for him never tasted so bitter. if only they could see him now : getting high in his missing friend’s bathroom, while the girl he liked was only a couple of meters away. lowering his head to finish the remainder of coke left on the bathroom sink, heejun sniffs loudly once he done. the sound of rushing water from the sink drowning it all out. his gaze returns back watch himself in the mirror as he runs his hands under the icy water and with both hands braced on the edges of the sink, he splashes it across his face, lets droplets of water slip from his skin. he is ready to head out, to turn his feelings into another dull vibration in a crowd of excited cheers and thumping bass, when a loud crash is suddenly heard and it is on instinct that he calls out her name, finds himself in the kitchen. wiping his nose out of habit. dilated pupils move across the broken glass and when he lowers himself before her it’s like he doesn’t care about the possibility of hurting himself with the shards. hands moving to reach out, his fingertips with traces of cocaine lost between, move lightly on her skin, stopping just below the bleeding cuts, “ what happened? ”

#* interactions .#* feat . emi .

* feat . JOSIE LEE

╰ ♡ . starter for @sinjvn

never thought herself particularly self destructive, on the contrary, josie has always done things for herself. good things, useful things, things that could help her in one way or another. she didn’t go to med school like her family wanted so she could be more independent, she started being a call girl to show everyone she was more than just a pretty face, she studies hard so she would be someone one day. of course, she had her foolish moments too, things she likes to blame on her age or alcohol or someone else, but it’s never really been like this before. never has she became so emotionally numb before that she lost her ability to rationalise situations. never has she decided to threw caution to the wind & try to escape something like her life depended on it. there is a gaping wound in her chest that aches with every breath, but she is too weak to deal with it in a healthy way. –––– an excited little giggle falls past rougish brims when she finally pushes past the crowd, reaching the taller male again. she raises the shot glasses higher with a wide grin spread on her face before holding a pair out to him, clinking them with her own. oh how grateful she is for him now, him & his terrible habit. the alcohol burns her throat but it’s pleasant because her senses are already blurred & this is what she’s wanted all along. she doesn’t remember what she’s taken from his collection of colourful pills, perhaps she didn’t even care to begin with, but she feels good & that’s the only thing filling the void in her. she leans closer to him, pressing her lips on his cheek, red-painted brims leaving a print or his skin & she smiles wider. ‘ keep it on, it looks good on you. ’ she muses, tapping his shoulders before letting her fingers wrap around his wrist. ‘ i want to dance. i need to dance. will you dance with me ? ’

it’s a requiring bad habit heejun has, dragging others with him down the rabbit hole of self-destruction. a bad habit that is constantly affecting those around him. tonight, his mind felt scrambled and it makes it hard for him to understand that he left emi alone - what he had done. it all became a blurred haze for him the moment the letters on his phone screen started to dance in his vision. the mistakes he makes keep finding each other one by one like fireflies during hot summer nights. until he finds his head buzzing with tiny endless thoughts that he only knows how to ignore by drowning his veins with poison. if he was sober, which seemed rare these days, he would have painfully been reminded that not only a week ago, it was josie who found him close to overdosing in their living room. but now it seems like a distant memory that doesn’t really matter, because he is too high to feel how much he is hurting. the pills he swallowed combined with the bass vibrating in his bones hypnotising him into a false sense of security and safety he so desperately needs. lifting his shot glass by the tips of his fingers, heejun clicked it with the other before tipping his head back, amber-gold burning down his throat. he is about to signal the bartender for another round only to stop his actions when josie leans closer - her lips pressing on his cheek causing the rosy glow of his cheeks to dimple in response. “ yeah, yeah, let’s go. ” allowing himself to be tugged into the crowd of dancing bodies. after days of feeling alone - even in the presence of a crowded room - for one night he almost feels like he isn’t and with josie’s excitement, he tries not to let another party pass him by. taking her hand to spin her around, then bring her close, he allows himself to move to the club’s pulsating beat and for a moment they don’t appear like two friends that are playing a losing game with the dark web, but two people made for fun.