↳ synopsis: yoongi has a list of reasons to stay alive, and you make up most of it. alternatively, “no reason.” (it’s you.)
↳ pairing: min yoongi x female reader
↳ word count: 1k
↳ genre: fluff
↳ warnings: mentions of suicide
↳ a/n: hi all! long time no see! i’m trying to get back into writing and am going through a bunch of my drafts from yeeaarrss back. most are unfinished, but here’s a rare short fic that is actually completed! based off of no. 71 of the “100 ways to say i love you” list! i have no idea who originally came up with it, so i don’t want to link the wrong post, but if you look it up, you’ll find it! i set this fic the morning after christmas day. perfect to publish now since it’s basically christmas season … i hope you enjoy!
In a black leather pocket notebook, Yoongi has an ever-growing list of reasons why he is still alive. Within its ink-stained pages, numbered (but in no particular order), are things that keep him going, things that remind him of the importance of continuing to exist in this world.
Two weeks into December, you gifted him the notebook as an early Christmas gift, claiming that you had seen it while you were out shopping that day and thought of him. Apparently, it wasn’t grandiose enough to be opened on Christmas day, so you elected to give it prior to the actual holiday. You hadn’t give him anything specific to center the notebook’s contents on, most likely assuming that it would be used to jot down lyrics and musical ideas (like his dozens of other notebooks and journals), but upon unwrapping its tacky Santa Claus wrapping paper and seeing the excited look on your face as you watched his reaction, he knew exactly what to use it for.
Essentially, the notebook consists of things that make him happy. The first twelve items on his list are as follows: Y/N L/N, Mom, Dad, Hyung, Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, Jeon Jungkook, ARMY, music. They are followed by an assortment of different people, places, animals, feelings, and whatever else pops into his mind at random moments. They range from being as broad as “performing” to as specific as “Y/N’s smile when Holly excitedly greets her at the door after work.” Each reason is accompanied with the time and date that he writes it. They are all written in different colored pens because he comes up with them in the spur of the moment and rushes to put pen to paper so that he doesn’t forget, grabbing whatever writing utensil is closest to him when the thought comes to mind.
It is the morning after Christmas, and as he holds a red reindeer pen in his hand, opening his notebook to add another reason why he ought to grow old like everyone else, Yoongi finds that, less than two weeks after starting the list, he somehow already has seventy items on it. It makes him realize that he has a lot more to live for than he thinks. It also makes him realize that, startlingly, the majority of his list consists of you.
13. Listening to Y/N rant about how much of a masterpiece the Lord of the Rings trilogy is
11:02 pm, December 13, 20XX
29. Y/N’s genuine full-body laugh watching the booby trap montage in Home Alone 2, despite having seen the film at least 15 times (with me)
6:36 pm, December 15, 20XX
31. Y/N’s victory dance after winning a card game against me (completely clueless that I threw the entire game)
8:59 pm, December 16, 20XX
48. Watching Y/N and Holly rewatching the Harry Potter movies together with what appears to be the exact same looks of awe on their faces
1:27 pm, December 19, 20XX
57. Y/N’s sleepy smile when she wakes up after staying up late and sleeping in
11:03 am, December 21, 20XX
66. Y/N’s laughter when she runs around outside in the freshly fallen snow as if it’s her first time experiencing it
4:12 pm, December 24, 20XX
70. Spending Christmas morning with Y/N
10:49 am, December 25, 20XX
And that is not even the half of it. There is more about you and your bright smile, you and your mellifluous laughter, you and your endearing antics. In all honesty, you probably make up more than half of Yoongi’s list. All of the things that you say and all of the things that you do give him reasons to fight to stay alive, even on the hard days.
Perhaps, the amazing thing is that he doesn’t fight with such intensity because he knows that you’ll be mournful if he’s gone – he fights because he wants to see you joyful, in all your glory, for as long as he possibly can. He fights because you and your radiant smile are worth more than all of his worldly possessions and all of the wealth he’s accumulated through the years; he fights because he knows that it is such a privilege to love someone like you. 3.7 billion years of life on Earth and he can’t believe that he is somehow fortunate enough to exist at the same time as you.
Yoongi looks over at the kitchen where you’re preparing breakfast. He’s typically the designated chef in the household, but you insist on cooking around the holidays so that he’s able to get some more rest during his limited free time. He loves you. You wear his white tee shirt that’s oversized on your body, but on top of it, you’re donning a tacky Christmas apron. It is possibly one of the ugliest things he’s even seen in his life. He loves you even more.
He sets his notebook on the coffee table a safe distance away from his mug of hot chocolate and ambles over to where you stand scooping the eggs you made onto two plates. A soft “oh!” leaves your mouth as you feel his strong arms wrap securely around your waist from behind. You set down the spatula you’re holding and place your hands on his arms as he gives you a tender kiss to your temple before resting his chin on your shoulder.
“I love you,” Yoongi says. “You know that?”
“I do,” you reply, “and I love you.”
He hums. The two of you remain in your position, basking in peaceful silence for a few moments, then you ask gently, “What’s this for, Yoongi? Did something happen?”
“No,” he says. “No reason.”
He doesn’t follow it with an explanation and you don’t interrogate further, understanding. If he could manage to properly articulate it, however, he would explain that it’s you. You are the reason.
OHMYGOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU ALL MY LIFEEEEEEEWW 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM GONNA CRY THE REBLOG NOTIF WOKE ME TF UP. I MISSED YOUUUUUU
OHMYGOSH I CANT BELIEVE THAT I WAS ACTUALLY MISSED BY SOMEONE?? i thought my accidental months long hiatus would go completely overlooked. I MISSED YOU TOO ANON AND I MISSED TUMBLR!! life has been so busy lately and i haven’t had a lot of time to enjoy my personal interests but i really hope to get back into the things that i love, including writing!
↳ synopsis: jeon jungkook is winter, but like all seasons, winter eventually comes to an end.
↳ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader
↳ word count: 3k
↳ genre: angst, tiniest hint of fluff if you squint?
↳ warnings: none
↳ a/n: i actually originally wrote this fic way back in june of last year because i suddenly got inspired even though christmas was literally six months away. i planned to post it during the holidays, but i was busy visiting my family, and i am not waiting another year to release this around wintertime! i hope you guys enjoy my first ever tumblr fic, and happy (not really) reading!
Jeon Jungkook is the personification of winter.
He is your favorite Christmas song, distinct and melodious, blasted on repeat as you dance around your apartment in your favorite red and black plaid pajama pants and black oversized tee shirt at ten o’clock on a Saturday morning.
He is the string of rainbow holiday lights adorning each and every one of the houses in your neighborhood, bright and captivating and inconceivably beautiful.
He is your favorite holiday movie, cheesy, flawed, and downright ridiculous at some points, but still managing to make a smile stretch across your face every time you watch it.
He is your favorite pair of thick, woolly socks, having come across them by chance and not particularly caring about them before eventually growing to realize how much you need them, especially during frigid and difficult times.
He is your favorite chipped mug, the one you fill to the brim with hot chocolate to sit with in front of the roaring fireplace as snow gently blankets the ground outside, the mere taste of the beverage warming you inside and giving you ecstasy.
He is the present that you’re most excited to open underneath the Christmas tree, because you can plainly see that it is wrapped delicately and with care. It’s certainly not the largest or the prettiest one, but it’s the most appealing to you.
And when you’re finally able to open that present, what’s inside is even better than its wrapping paper. It’s none other than Jeon Jungkook, and he is all you ever wanted, all you ever needed. He is kind and generous and funny, loyal and trusting and sweet. He is good, and oftentimes it makes you wonder if he is just a dream, if his existence is a mere figment of your imagination.
But those thoughts are always dispelled when you’re in his embrace, his arms warm and strong and steady. He’s your refuge from the horrors of the world, from the stress placed upon your shoulders due to school and work, and from the weight of the future that lies ahead.
When you’re in his embrace, the two of you are the only ones in the galaxy, in the universe. It is the two of you alone, without the presence of lingering worries or intrusive thoughts. You are frozen in time, eyes closed, bodies still, hearts beating in the same musical rhythm.
Unfortunately, as much as you wish you could, it is impossible to stay in Jungkook’s embrace forever, just like how it is impossible for the winter season to last year round. It is just that: a season.
merry christmas eve to those who celebrate! this fic should’ve been posted around this time last year instead of the summer so i’m reblogging it in spirit of the holidays! christmas without bts would just not be christmas at all.
Hi everyone! Here are some of the wonderful works I’ve read for the month! It’s not an extensive one by any means (i’m trying to read more!), but I hope you’ll find stories here that you’d like to read too! Please don’t forget to leave your lovely thoughts for these works and interact with the authors if you have time! My endless thank you’s to all the writers ♡
just a few reminders.
➳ please keep in mind that all opinions here are mine and they are very subjective.
➳ read thoroughly for tags. what i can tolerate reading does not mean you can, too. please be mindful and careful of what you consume.
➳ the absence of read member fics does not mean i don’t like reading them. it only means i only have so much time on my hands and i am not always online.
➳ the fics are not arranged in any particular order
Inkling by @gguksgalaxy s wc~17.7k / tattoo artist!Jungkook
Summary: Jungkook is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlour. In other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. Why? Well…you’re not entirely sure but him ditching right after a very heated make-out session sure isn’t a good sign. His extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on. Right?
The Art of the Rom-Com by @gukyi wc~33k / enemies to lovers, college au
Summary: FILM395, the art of the rom-com, was supposed to be an easy a with one of your favorite professors, but it’s not. it’s actually a sisyphean torture that comes in the form of fellow film student jeon jungkook, who has no problem responding to every one of your discussion posts about the consumerist ideals underlying every romance movie with his own paragraphs on the beauty of love like the hopeless romantic he is. and when the two of you find yourselves partnered up for your final project, which is to create a short film on rom-coms, jungkook decides to take it upon himself to show you what love is really like.
Ghost of Your Touch by @strawbkoo s wc~2.2k / friends to lovers, college au
Summary: Jeongguk’s been ignoring you. It’s been 3 weeks now with no contact, your heart hurts. Out of all people, you would never have thought Jeon Jeongguk would leave you alone after taking your virginity.
Closeted by @whatifyoulivelikethat wc~3k / enemies to lovers
Summary: Jeon Jungkook doesn’t like you and you don’t like him. Your friends and his friends decide enough is enough and they lock you in a closet together to settle your differences. Mhm.
Fool Me Once by @jeonqkooks s wc~3k / angst, FWB
Summary: You never expect anything from Jungkook, but somehow he always manages to let you down.
Hold You Tighter by @arcticguk wc~5.6k / strangers to lovers, college au
Summary: Jeongguk doesn’t want to take Taehyung’s advice, but when he’s falling asleep in class, he thinks he might have to. Although, he was not expecting the pretty girl that woke him up in said class, to be the one that Taehyung calls for help.
Boys Tears by @arcticguk wc~6.8k / fuckboy!Jungkook, frenemies to lovers, college au
Summary: Your school’s resident fuck boy wants to settle down.
Fortuity by @yoontopia wc~7.7k / childlhood friends to lovers, detective au
Summary: When a case forces you to re-visit your hometown, you’re also forced to re-visit your past and one particular Jeon Jungkook, your childhood friend, and the man you’d fallen in love with – while he’d been been engaged to someone else.
Even Winter Ends by @jysmloves wc~3k / angst, breakup au
Summary: Jeon Jungkook is winter, but like all seasons, winter eventually comes to an end.
Just One Kiss by @bangtsblossom s wc~5.5k / established relationship, idol au
Summary: With the dorms empty… there was only one thing you and your boyfriend could think of doing. And that was baking cakes.
you can never go home because you fell asleep for a thousand years and when you woke up and returned there, your society had changed, your house had fallen and all of your friends were dead. you can never go home because you made a choice and were shattered into pieces and your home was destroyed in your wake. you can never go home because someone took you and changed you against your will and although your home is the same, the person who belonged there is dead. you can never go home because you committed a crime and your family expelled you and even as they extend a hand of reconciliation, you will never forgive them. you can never go home because your home was a person and someone murdered her and now you drift and grieve to the point of insanity. you can never go home because you never knew your sister but she gave you every opportunity you have and now she's dead and your parents see nothing but her in your eyes.
wow that fic hurts so much. the detail before he breaks up with her really cements oc’s emotions. i love seasonal analogies and you i love the way you personified winter as jungkook. i want to be angry with jk but i get that relationships just end sometimes and it’s unfortunate, but at least he did it respectfully and in person. i’m guessing he looks crestfallen at the end bc it’s the final goodbye and not bc he still wants to be with her? do you see them staying as exes or possibly getting back together in the future? poor oc, props to her for staying so composed until he leaves
hi and thank you so much for leaving this ask! i’m so so happy that my writing was able to evoke emotions from you. i would say that jungkook looks crestfallen at the end for both reasons, actually — it’s the final goodbye + there’s a part of him that wants to stay since oc’s the first person he’s ever loved and it’s hard to let go. however, it’s because of that that he hasn’t had enough room to grow, so i think he needs some independence. and as much as i love angst, i love happy endings even more, so i could definitely see them getting back together in the future after some time apart. but there is no set ending! whatever happens (or doesn’t happen) after jungkook leaves oc’s apartment is entirely up to the reader!
Hi. ‘Even winter ends’ was so sweet and beautiful but so painful 😭 I really loved the way you wrote it. The angst was worth everything. I enjoyed the pain so much lol. Thank you
omg i’ve always dreamed of getting one of these and now it’s finally happened!! thank you so much anon!! i was really nervous about posting that one shot but i am so so glad that you enjoyed it. thank you for reading and then taking the time to write out this message too, i appreciate you smsm <33
↳ synopsis: jeon jungkook is winter, but like all seasons, winter eventually comes to an end.
↳ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader
↳ word count: 3k
↳ genre: angst, tiniest hint of fluff if you squint?
↳ warnings: none
↳ a/n: i actually originally wrote this fic way back in june of last year because i suddenly got inspired even though christmas was literally six months away. i planned to post it during the holidays, but i was busy visiting my family, and i am not waiting another year to release this around wintertime! i hope you guys enjoy my first ever tumblr fic, and happy (not really) reading!
Jeon Jungkook is the personification of winter.
He is your favorite Christmas song, distinct and melodious, blasted on repeat as you dance around your apartment in your favorite red and black plaid pajama pants and black oversized tee shirt at ten o’clock on a Saturday morning.
He is the string of rainbow holiday lights adorning each and every one of the houses in your neighborhood, bright and captivating and inconceivably beautiful.
He is your favorite holiday movie, cheesy, flawed, and downright ridiculous at some points, but still managing to make a smile stretch across your face every time you watch it.
He is your favorite pair of thick, woolly socks, having come across them by chance and not particularly caring about them before eventually growing to realize how much you need them, especially during frigid and difficult times.
He is your favorite chipped mug, the one you fill to the brim with hot chocolate to sit with in front of the roaring fireplace as snow gently blankets the ground outside, the mere taste of the beverage warming you inside and giving you ecstasy.
He is the present that you’re most excited to open underneath the Christmas tree, because you can plainly see that it is wrapped delicately and with care. It’s certainly not the largest or the prettiest one, but it’s the most appealing to you.
And when you’re finally able to open that present, what’s inside is even better than its wrapping paper. It’s none other than Jeon Jungkook, and he is all you ever wanted, all you ever needed. He is kind and generous and funny, loyal and trusting and sweet. He is good, and oftentimes it makes you wonder if he is just a dream, if his existence is a mere figment of your imagination.
But those thoughts are always dispelled when you’re in his embrace, his arms warm and strong and steady. He’s your refuge from the horrors of the world, from the stress placed upon your shoulders due to school and work, and from the weight of the future that lies ahead.
When you’re in his embrace, the two of you are the only ones in the galaxy, in the universe. It is the two of you alone, without the presence of lingering worries or intrusive thoughts. You are frozen in time, eyes closed, bodies still, hearts beating in the same musical rhythm.
Unfortunately, as much as you wish you could, it is impossible to stay in Jungkook’s embrace forever, just like how it is impossible for the winter season to last year round. It is just that: a season.
Jeon Jungkook is your favorite Christmas song, now attached with an entire film reel of painful memories, eventually removed from all of your playlists once you discovered that you couldn’t listen to it without crying, despite its joyful tune.
He is the string of rainbow holiday lights adorning each and every one of the houses in your neighborhood, including your own, which you couldn’t have managed to put up in the first place without his assistance.
He is your favorite holiday movie, cheesy, flawed, and downright ridiculous at some points, now permanently stashed away in the very back of your large pile of DVDs, out of sight and out of mind.
He is your favorite pair of thick, woolly socks, now two sizes too small and much too itchy and inconvenient to wear, stuffed in the back of your socks drawer and forgotten amongst all of the other pairs.
He is your favorite chipped mug, the one that is no longer chipped but shattered to pieces, no longer in your possession but in a landfill somewhere far away where you’ll never be able to get it back. He is your favorite chipped mug, the one you accidentally dropped onto the floor in shock after hearing the following six words leave his mouth: “I think we should break up.”
He is your favorite shattered mug, the one he immediately rushed to clean up by your feet and make sure that you weren’t harmed, all while you stood there like an imbecile trying to process his words. He is your favorite shattered mug, the one thrown carelessly into the trash can after being with you for two years, impossible to be repaired.
He is the present you are still most excited to open underneath the Christmas tree, because you can obviously tell that it is wrapped delicately and with care. In comparison to the others, it still isn’t the largest or the prettiest, but it remains the most appealing to you.
When you’re finally able to open that present, what’s inside is even better than its wrapping paper, because it’s none other than Jeon Jungkook. He is all you ever wanted, all you ever needed. And you love him. You love him more than he will ever be able to fathom, and that is a fact.
It is also a fact he doesn’t love you back. At least, not anymore.
Jeon Jungkook breaks up with you exactly a week before Christmas. He shoots you a text at ten o’clock on the dot when you are already in the middle of your weekly Saturday dance session, so you don’t see it until a few minutes afterward.
The text message has no underlying tones, just a simple “hey, can i come over?” It isn’t out of the ordinary since the two of you are typically always at each other’s places; Jungkook’s apartment is your second home, just how yours is his. However, it’s been a while since either of you have gone over to each other’s residences, too caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. You swiftly reply with a “you already know the answer” before heading into the kitchen to prepare a mug of hot chocolate for when he arrives, your own mug already in hand.
Three distinct knocking sounds against wood approximately fifteen minutes later prompt you to make your way over to the front door, and without even having to look through the peephole, you already know that it’s Jungkook outside. (He’s the only one who chooses to knock rather than ring the doorbell.) When you open the door, he’s standing before you wearing a plain black short sleeved shirt and grey sweatpants, which his hands are stuffed in the pockets of.
You stand on your tiptoes and press your lips to his cheek like you always do when you see him, greeting him with a “good morning” before leading the way back into the kitchen. Jungkook crosses the threshold of your apartment silently, shutting the door behind him before murmuring a barely audible “good morning” in return and following after you.
Instantly, your gut tells you that something is up with Jungkook. His demeanor is off and his attitude is noticeably much less enthusiastic than the several other times he’d visited your apartment before. However, you try to ignore the nagging feeling, shoving it away to the best of your abilities as you hand Jungkook his hot chocolate, supplied in the mug he always uses when he comes over. You chalk it up to the fact that Jungkook is just not a morning person. He never has been and never will be, and you don’t blame him because you aren’t either. Having Jungkook there with you admittedly makes mornings a lot better, though.
He takes his hot chocolate from you without a word, bringing it up to his lips for a fraction of a second before setting it down on the kitchen island. You aren’t sure who he thinks he’s fooling, because anyone can tell that he didn’t take a sip of the drink.
Rather than push him to speak his mind, you lift your own mug up to your lips, finishing the last of the hot chocolate you’d made for yourself earlier. Jungkook calls your name quietly once you’re done drinking and you turn to look at him, patiently waiting to hear whatever it is that’s been plaguing his thoughts since before he arrived.
“I think we should break up.”
The hand that’s wrapped around your mug involuntarily loosens out of shock and your mug slips from it and falls to the floor, meeting it with a raucous crash that shatters the mug into several small pieces, scattering all around your feet and miraculously none piercing your skin. You don’t comprehend what’s just happened even as Jungkook rushes to the supply closet in the hallway to grab the broom and dustpan and returns to the kitchen in the blink of an eye. He hurriedly sweeps a safe path to you and kneels down, checking to make sure that none of the shards injured you. After a thorough examination, he begins silently sweeping the pieces of the mug around you into a neat pile, and does so without meeting your eyes.
Throughout all of this, you remain silent, though finally having come to your senses and stepping out of the way as he works to clean up the mess you made.
You can’t help but wonder if perhaps that’s why he’s breaking up with you. Is it because you always make messes that he has to deal with the aftermath of? Are you too high-maintenance for him to handle?
Once he finishes sweeping all of the broken pieces into a pile and then moving them into the dustpan, he opens up the trash can and pours everything in, every last piece of your favorite mug. You can't help but feel a tad bit resentful about the action. Obviously, the mug is shattered beyond repair, but he still chooses to throw it away without hesitation, without a second thought, just like that.
Perhaps that’s why he’s breaking up with you. Not necessarily because of your attachment to inanimate objects, but because of the sentimental value you hold to things, the powerful emotions you feel. Although he feels things just as deeply as you do, Jungkook has always had difficulty expressing his emotions. It was one of the obstacles you had to overcome in the early stages of your relationship, and nowadays, he showers you with love and affection.
At least, he used to. Somewhere along the line, apparently something went wrong.
Jungkook leaves to return the broom and dustpan to their places in the supply closet before entering the kitchen again, eyes on you with the intention of providing an explanation. He yearns to clarify what he means, and you can tell he does. Words tumble out of his mouth at the speed of light, stringing together sentences revolving around the typical “It’s not you, it’s me” blather, which really means “It is you, but I still care for you and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” You can’t help but notice that the pet name “baby” falls from his lips exactly twice, most likely out of habit.
Everything he says goes in one ear and out the other as you selfishly try to memorize the way he says that one word, how melodious it is to your ears and the shape his mouth makes when he does so. Instead of focusing on whatever it is that he’s telling you, you try to memorize those things, and you hope with all of your heart that you’ll be able to recall it for a long time, because you know you’ll never hear him call you that again in this lifetime.
Jungkook seems to have finally ended his nonsensical and unnecessary speech slash apology, but you don’t dare meet his eyes, unsure of how you’d emotionally and verbally react. This will probably be your last time seeing him, won’t it? Do exes typically keep up with each other’s social media? Aren’t they supposed to cut off all contact with each other, never to cross paths again? That seems to be a common occurrence with all of your friends and their past lovers.
“Please say something,” Jungkook begs quietly, the silence from you eating away at him. “At least look at me.”
Your body reacts before your brain can, and you’re doing as he requested, elevating your gaze from the floor in order to meet his eyes. Looking at him, you don’t feel anger. You’re not sure if you can ever feel that emotion toward him. You don’t feel hurt either, you realize surprisingly. You just feel… sentimental, in a way. You trace the shape of his nose with your eyes, follow the line of his jaw, outline the curve of his lips, count the beauty marks on his face. This is the face of the man you’ve grown to love. This is the face of the man who no longer loves you back.
Perhaps another person standing in your shoes would fight for your relationship and dig those broken mug pieces out of the trash can to glue together in a desperate attempt to fix it. But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t see this coming. It’s the reason why you were so afraid of getting attached to Jungkook in the first place. The process of him falling out of love with you was just as effortless and smooth and accidental as the process of him falling in love with you was.
Finally, you open your mouth to speak. “I don’t really know what you want me to say, Jungkook.”
“I don’t want you to say anything specific, I just…” He sighs and his hand stretches out toward you, as if he wants to hold your hand in his and rub his thumb over the back of it soothingly like he’s done so many times before, but he stops himself and shoves his hand back into his pocket. “I just don’t want you to hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” you reply, because it’s true. You could never hate a single bone in his body, could never wish to harm a single hair on his head. You could never, and it all comes down to the fact that you love him. So you decide to tell him that, because you know that you’ll never get the chance to do it again. “I love you too much.”
“I love you too,” he says, but you can tell he only says it out of habit. It is so blatant that the intimate phrase is meaningless to him, and that there are no true feelings behind those words. You can’t help but wonder if it’s been like that throughout the entirety of your relationship, and if you were just too blindsided by your own love to notice.
“Is that, uh, all you came over for?” you ask, unsure if you can handle being in his presence any longer now that the two of you were officially broken up and your now ex-boyfriend is just standing there in your kitchen like it’s nothing.
“Um… yeah,” he says awkwardly. “I didn’t want to do… you know, it, over text or call. I feel like that would’ve been insensitive.”
“Yeah. Thank you for that,” you reply genuinely and he nods. You’re glad he cares enough not to break your heart in one of the aforementioned ways. You don’t know what you would’ve done if he did, but it probably would’ve been something much worse than accidentally dropping your favorite mug.
You keep sending casual glances over in the direction of the front door, hoping for Jungkook to get the hint instead of you having to verbalize your request for him to leave, and thankfully, he does.
“I think I’ll get going now,” he says quietly, and he begins walking over, his hand lightly brushing against yours as he moves past you to get to the exit. You ignore the spark you receive from the split second of physical contact. He stops in front of the door, one hand on the knob, and turns back to where you’re standing.
“Baby,” Jungkook breathes, and suddenly your heart rate is speeding up twice its normal rate. You were wrong earlier. That is the last time you’ll ever hear him call you by that name. “Can I please…”
“Can you please what, Jungkook?” you ask, and you can tell by the way his breath hitches that he, too, is memorizing every last bit of you, from the way you part your hair to the way you say his name.
“Can I please hold you?” he asks, his grip on the doorknob already loosening. “One last time?”
If you thought your heart rate was erratic before, it’s even worse now. You could hardly hear his words over the rapid thumping of your heart against your ribcage. What was he trying to do, playing with your heart by asking to hold you one last time when he was the one who made the decision to give up on you? You don’t know if this is some sick tactic to get you to miss him more when he ultimately leaves, but you do know that you aren’t going to decline his request.
Not for his sake, but for your own. You deserve to be selfish just this once.
You exit the kitchen and run over to Jungkook, throwing your arms around his neck. You take him by surprise and knock him backward a couple of steps, but he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your smaller figure with the same degree of tightness that you’re holding him. He buries his face in your neck and you feel him inhale deeply against your skin, taking in your aroma. It’s taking everything in you not to burst into tears in his embrace, the last one he’d ever grace you with.
“Thank you for being the first person I ever loved,” he says, effectively shattering your heart into pieces, just like your favorite chipped mug.
You shut your eyes tightly and savor the moment. You’re in Jungkook’s warm, strong, and steady embrace, and he is your refuge. You’re in Jungkook’s warm, strong, and steady embrace, and the two of you are the only ones in the galaxy, in the universe. You’re in Jungkook’s warm, strong, and steady embrace, and you are frozen in time, eyes closed, bodies still, but hearts no longer beating in the same musical rhythm as they once did.
You force yourself to pull away first, and the moment is gone all too quickly. Jungkook seems to have difficulty letting go of you, but he still does so, albeit unwillingly. He almost looks like he regrets his decision to end your relationship, like he wants to change his mind about it. You decide not to give him a chance to, though, because what’s done has been done, and if Jungkook no longer wants you in his life, then so be it.
You pull open the door and look back at Jungkook, who, despite his tall stature, seems so small standing there beside you. His hands are back in the confines of his pockets and as he stares at you, he’s biting down on his bottom lip so hard you worry it might bleed.
You open your mouth to bid him farewell and the typical “I love you” crawls up your throat out of habit, but you prevent those words from slipping out of your mouth.
Instead you opt for, “I guess this is where we go our separate ways.”
“I guess it is.”
You muster a small, tight-lipped smile, not wanting your last moments together to resemble anything of the negative sort. “Goodbye, Jungkook,” you say, and you almost add, “I’ll miss you,” to the end but decide against it.
Jungkook seems crestfallen, though you don’t know why. He takes a look around your apartment, one last good look, before turning back to you, managing a small, tight-lipped smile of his own. “Goodbye, Y/N.”
And just like that, he leaves. You silently shut the door behind him and make your way back into the kitchen and over to the sink, pouring out his full mug of hot chocolate that’s now gone to waste. You walk into the living room afterwards, collapsing onto the couch, and stare into space for several moments. Then you begin to cry.
Jeon Jungkook is the personification of winter.
But like all seasons, winter eventually comes to an end.
I just want to experience the affectionate tension of always being called by my surname by that one person until the moment one of our lives is in danger and they tenderly call me by my first name
enemies to lovers be like honey (derogatory) to honey (affectionate) and friends to lovers be like i love you (platonic) to i love you (romantic) and i am a complete sucker for both.
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