This blog is a dump

Trigger warning: Mentions of Self harm, Suicide and Body hatred (Pls unfollow if you’re bothered by these things)

[k-onpaper]

11/16/21

I wish i could take u away from all that bullshit

[k-onpaper]

i wish you’d jump through hoops for me like i do for you :/ .. I don’t love you any less but.. here i am taking the extra step again.

just like with many other people in my life honestly.. :/

(11/7/21)

[k-onpaper]

i have to hold myself down and not lose focus. I have to see you again. i have to. i fucking have to. Gosh i’m so in love with you i can’t fucking function correctly it’s three am and i cant sleep and the only thing o can think of is you and how we held hands and hugged and kissed each other. I’m just— God dammit i miss you so much :,( i need you

[k-onpaper]

what’s wrong with you kharma.. why don’t you die already

10/11/21

[k-onpaper]

i just want the anger sadness and disappointment to stop

10/11/21

[k-onpaper]

i’m such a fuckinf burden to everyone

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

(10/11/21)

[k-onpaper]

what is wrong with me

why cant i just be happy

when will the pain stop

[k-onpaper]

why don’t people care about me like i care about them.. like no matter who it is... why am i always just a pair of ears or like just words that reassure or heal.. what am i doing wrong? Why do i care so much all the time? i wish i fucking didn’t. i hate myself. so fucking much.

i’ve been in this loop for all my life. I want it all to fucking end.

(10/8/21)

[k-onpaper]

i should just kill myself. seriously. all the hard work i put into healing, becoming a better person, school, work, is ALWAYS FUCKING OVERLOOKED. NO MATTER HOW HARD I FUCKING TRY NOTHING I DO WILL MATTER. EVER. WHY CANT I JUST DIE IN MY SLEEP OR SOMETHING. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

[k-onpaper]

why don’t people care about me like i care about them.. like no matter who it is... why am i always just a pair of ears or like just words that reassure or heal.. what am i doing wrong? Why do i care so much all the time? i wish i fucking didn’t. i hate myself. so fucking much.

i’ve been in this loop for all my life. I want it all to fucking end.

(10/8/21)

[k-onpaper]

now to go back to not saying anything about myself unless i’m actually asked. bc lord knows nobody actually cares. that was foolish of me.

(10/8/21)

[k-onpaper]

it was so stupid of me to think i was interesting enough for you even listen to a childhood story.. my mistake. guess i got carried away

(10/8/21)

[k-onpaper]

like do you even care lol. i know you don’t. (10/8/21)

[k-onpaper]

damage control (10/8/21)

[k-onpaper]

yknow being 10 months clean of cutting is looking more and more meaningless every day..

Who gives a fuck besides me anyway. it wouldn’t end the world if i did it again

but it WOULD make the pit in my soul and brain close for a little bit

that should be pretty useful :)

(10/3/21)

[k-onpaper]

tonight we relish in the fact that i want to be anyone but myself 😎 i am absolutely repulsed by everything about me 😎 thank you (9/26/21)

[k-onpaper]

god fucking dammit now i feel bad... :/ dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit

(9/22/21)

[k-onpaper]

well i couldn’t find a blade so i guess weed or soemthing

(9/22/21)