Hetalia Headcanons, here they come!
Hetalia characters at the grocery store:
Germany (Ludwig Beilschmidt)- As portrayed in the original anime and webcomic, Ludwig’s shopping cart is full of wurst and potatoes, but that isn’t all. Ludwig maintains an extremely healthy diet, because if he didn’t, we’d be stuck with some random overweight German sod instead of the hunk we know and love. He gets impatient sometimes when waiting in line for the cashier and because of this, he uses self checkout instead. He’ll finish scanning his items faster than you can say antidisestablishmentarianism.
N.Italy (Feliciano Vargas)- Feliciano loves his pasta. Because of this, he will go ballistic if the grocery store he’s at doesn’t have fresh pasta. This means that the manager is called in and a small crowd of confused and curious shoppers gathers around the aisle to see what mess was made. Did someone get hurt? Was there a theft? No, it’s just a hysterical Feliciano.
Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt)- He’s the kind of guy to go into the supermarket and buy the same things as his younger brother Ludwig would, other than the fact that he’d walk out with five six-packs of beer and pancake mix. The pancake flour is for his pet Gilbird, who only eats pancakes. Weird.
S.Italy (Lovino Vargas)- Just like his brother, he will go absolutely insane if the pasta is below his expectations. He also complains a lot about where the supermarked sources their tomatoes, be it China (Yes, actually. Google it up, aru.), India (Yep! 18.7 million tons of tomatoes a year!), or the United States. The only sources he doesn’t complain about are the tomatoes grown in Italy, Spain, or South America, which is the literal fricken origin of the holy tomato. If both brothers show up to a supermarket that can’t provide on-par pasta, the manager is usually not needed. More like a whole SWAT team is required to calm down these two nations. And unlike the German brothers, these Italians’ main diet consists of pasta, pasta, and maybe pizza on the side, even though that’s more of Alfred’s thing. You get what I mean.
Japan (Kiku Honda)- This petite and soft-spoken man is the kind of person who pays attention to sales and clearance, and if the situation is dire, he will sacrifice some quality for some quantity or maybe a little bit of a lower price. He is quite polite and diplomatic, so he is not as prone to haggling as Vash (Switzerland) is.
America (Alfred F. Jones)- Canonically speaking, he’s a huge consumer of junk food and soft drinks. He loads up on a lot of snacks and fatty foods, but he can cook. When in winter, he also stocks up on canned food, as well as microwave/oven meals, but sometimes he buys organic, healthy groceries too, albeit the fact that his diet consists of fast food or foods high in sugar/fat/cholesterol. He’s also the kind of guy who is addicted to instant ramen. How he doesn’t have diabetes is a mystery.
England (Arthur Kirkland)- He is an expert on tea the English way, but you can find him browsing the frozen puff pastry section, buying sausages and meat, or other odds and ends that combine to form what we call English cuisine and/or pub fare.
Canada (Matthew Williams)- He rolls out of the grocery with so much maple syrup that you’d think he was drunk, but he also emerges with pancake ingredients and your average groceries. He’s very mindful of what he eats and how much he spends.
China (Yao Wang)- Your average Chinese mom, what did you think he was going to do when faced with a lack of fresh groceries? He goes straight to the nearest Chinatown and bickers with shopkeepers over the price of fresh persimmons and inspects fish and other…questionable mollusks and crustaceans (Yeah, don’t ask me. I’ve been to Chinatown very often thanks to my heritage and they’ve got some weird stuff there). That aside, he’s very experienced when it comes to cooking and buying groceries, and often gets the freshest ingredients with high nutrition, all while calculating their peak ripeness.
France (Francis Bonnefoy)- Francis is a wine connoisseur, and he is found talking with whatever wine specialist or sampler that works in the store (if applicable) Other than that, he is obsessed with keeping his lean shape and looking pretty, and splurges on health foods and overpriced water and such. He always walks out feeling like a queen—that is, a king. A very prissy king.
Russia (Ivan Braginsky)- Ivan, as you would expect, always grabs a few bottles of vodka to refill his extra-large flask with, but his usual diet consists of potatoes, meat, fish, and poultry. He is very self-conscious and worries a lot about his dental health and overall fitness, so other than the items above, he like to explore his curiosity and pick up different “super-foods” that grocers offer and exotic fruits and vegetables from the tropics.
Denmark (Matthias Kohler)- Matthias always remembers to take a cask of beer and some junk food and drink. Other than that, he’s lazy and cooks simple meals. His cupboard(s) consist of odds and ends he uses to cure hangovers, plus a stash of instant ramen with an indefinite shelf life. He’s probably been saving up that ramen since 1958 (which is the year instant ramen was invented).
Finland (Tino Väinämöinen)- He eats healthy, but he indulges in the most bizarre Finnish foods and snacks, like salty licorice, kalakukko (fish baked in bread), or maksalaatikko (liver casserole).
Iceland (Emil Steilsson)- His go-to snack is skyr, which is Icelandic yogurt. According to what I know, skyr uses the same cultures as generic yogurt, plus one strain that is unique to skyr and gives it the characteristics it still holds today. Other than that, he buys minimal amounts of groceries, but still stays relatively healthy, other than the piles of licorice he eats. He makes dentists nervous.
Norway (Lukas Bondevik)- Heads turn when he arrives at the register with tubs and tubs of butter. He also buys some large tubs of coffee, but not enough to compare to his butter addiction. Adding on his usual groceries, which count for a balanced diet had all the butter and caffeine not screwed it all up. Passersby tend to eye his figure with jealously, thinking: How is he supposed to stay slim with all that butter? I hope it’s for someone else… What they don’t know is that it’s all for himself.
Sweden (Berwald Oxenstierna)- Berwald will get himself some coffee from time to time, but is a normal eater otherwise. I always like to imagine that Berwald obsesses over calories, and he ticks them off like counting children. Imagine counting 2,000 children a day.
Belarus (Natalia Arlovskaya)- She is self-conscious like Ivan and eats healthy,, but is the most blasé shopper you’ll ever meet. She just walks in and out. It’s a chore. It should be taken seriously.
Estonia (Eduard von Bock)- I have no doubt that he uses Instacart. I am 99.9999999999% sure he orders his groceries online, whatever they might be.
*whispers* Fight me if you think otherwise.
Latvia (Raivis Galante)- Is always mistaken for a little kid and asked if he’s lost. Instead of clarifying his actual age, he just cries. Poor kid, they always say. When he finally gets through his anguish and makes it to the cash register with his groceries, the cashier will usually say, “How did you get your mother’s credit card?” and call for someone to claim their lost child for the last goddamn time on the speaker system.
Lithuania (Toris Laurinaitis)- He’s accustomed to doing chores, so buying groceries is usually a task he can complete in his sleep. He is self conscious to the point that he knows he needs to eat healthy although he’s not exactly a fanatic like Francis or anything.
Ukraine (Katyusha Braginsky)- What? She doesn’t go to the supermarket or the grocery store. As it is stated canonically, she farms and does all the backbreaking work. The scent wafting from her kitchen is of homey, heart-warming dishes—not only does Katyusha make sure that each and every bite is full of joy and good taste, she knows that her budget is stretched as far as it can possibly be.
(S)pain (Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo)- He has to buy a lot (like, a LOT) of turtle food first. He’ll drop by the pet store if it’s unavailable at the supermarket. Speaking of which, he’s known for his tomatoes, right? Never mind that. He grows them himself. That way you can eat them right off the vine without worrying about pesticides and other shit. He’s pretty normal when it comes to his grocery shopping regimen, but he’ll occasionally buy a bottle of Spanish port (a type of sweet-like-syrup red wine). That’s when you realize that it’s going to be rough once night rolls around.
Austria (Roderich Edelstein)- This man is a cheapskate. Coupon diva. Penny-pincher. Whatever you want to call him, he’s going to be the guy who’s handing stacks of coupons to the cashier. People will goggle at the fine foods he has stacked inside of his cart—fine wines, fancy cheeses, prosciutto and salami, caviar…the list goes on. This man only eats the finest of fine foods, but shockingly, he refuses to pay a dollar for it.
Hungary (Elizabeta Hedervary)- A woman who once worked for Austria, she’s used to chores and doing all the grunt work. She spends a lot of time at Austria’s house, but in conclusion, she is a normal person when it comes to shopping at the supermarket.
Netherlands (Abel ????) - Another person who hates breaking the bank for food. He skates through the aisles snatching whatever’s marked for clearance. Much like Roderich, he uses a butt-load of coupons and contests the allotted dates for promotions and sales. He usually gets the better end of the deal—maybe it’s his imposing demeanor, forceful rhetoric, or just because he won’t give up and he’s holding up the line to the cashier.
Switzerland (Vash Zwingli)- Cheapskate #3 is the polar opposite of Roderich, buying the cheapest items he can. That way, he saves money on buying necessities. He’s also like Abel, who always demands that he get money back or a markdown on some product or the other. Together, this trio makes for the fearsome Horsemen of the Supermarket. Behold!
dededos
annaxmalina
titsay
yousharknotpass
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
