時よ止まれ・お前は美しい

Once upon a time, I taught some very special kids in Japan. // Art, writing, games, mobage, VNs, music, translations, etc. And liveblogging, beware. ao3 / pixiv / twitter Hi, I'm Kai. Feel free to add me, ask me questions, chat me up etc. I'm now offering commissions as well. Asks are on, but any questions about FGO will be ignored. I got tired of how the community was treating me, sorry.

[kairosity]

Uh, hey guys. Been so many years - went through a lot and lost a lot of years of my life to things that I wish hadn't happened, but hopefully the bad fades away with time.

Pretty much all of my creative energy was completely lost in limbo at that time (like hell I posted a chapter 1 - to a multipart? not a oneshot!? - the other night), and I'm looking to get back to writing and drawing and all of the old fandom stuff again. Is this place still alive? Where go if not? Help - and hi again old friends, so sorry I've been gone for so long >:

[kairosity]

hey all - have had my copy of the collar x malice ~unlimited~ fandisc for a bit aka I am livetweeting it at twitter.com/paradigmkai with the tag kaiplaysCxM, so...check that out if you want etc. route order is enomoto > shiraishi > kei (almost done with his) > aiji > adonis > takeru. 

I feel like the migration to twitter as my main is here to stay, rip, etc. art and translations over there as usual etc. (maybe if pillowfort could pick up steam...)

[fatealternative]

Hope you haven’t forgotten about us - preorders close soon on July 11, so grab your copy at our storenvy while you still can! Take a look at our cover while you’re at it!

[kairosity]

Hey all! I drew Karna (Archer class) for @fatealternative, a Fate/Grand Order zine, and was in charge of the design/layout too! Many thanks again to all the artists for their great work and ideas (and putting up with my antics cough). 

Preorders up at fatealternative.storenvy.com - come take a look, and spread the word!

[kairosity]

hey, if you're still active I was wondering if you had recommendations for some useful gifts I could give to someone who's going to teach in Japan soon? thanks!

Sure thing! Hm, I’m not really sure about this one. People who are about to set off as ESL teachers are generally provided lists of things they should bring, both for the job and recommendations based on where they’ll be staying. If there’s something local that your friend really likes which wouldn’t be easily obtainable in Japan, that’s a good start. You could also send them a care package after they’ve already been in Japan a few months - by then I’m pretty sure they’ll know what they’re lacking, haha.

[kairosity]

.........................So, it’s been a while. Do people still use this place?

Long story short, I was on a month-long solo trek through Japan and stopped checking tumblr during that time, I returned(? can you call it return) to the US and ended up in a cycle of stasis, and before I knew it all these months went by and...vague hand gestures.

I can probably talk about some things, now that I’ve had time and distance. There are asks and inquiries and uhhh if people still want me to write up things about Japan/JET/etc, sure, hit me up and I’ll try.

Mutuals, please let me know if you’re still around - I miss you guys ;_;

Also, I’m far more active on twitter now that I’ve remade my accs - you can find me at paradigmkai (my personal) or kairositykai (art only). Just send me a line if you’re from here.

[kairosity]

I’m alive. Barely. This month has just been.........insane. Moving several times, being swung around in fucking circles with my life like a fucking rollercoaster that keeps dropping me then chucking me into the air, me feeling like I’m alone and nothing will work out and nobody’s ever going to help me, me feeling that this was the first time in my life I was really part of something and never totally alone...

My kids. My speech - apparently everyone cried. Apparently even some of the teachers cried, haha. The girls were definitely in tears throughout, and then two lines from me were just so tearjerker that I cried when I had to say them out loud. I’ve gotten mountains of letters, messages, presents, albums, photos, collages, drawings, gifts... Ryu-kun and his mother asked to meet me later this week. I’m trying to write one message each to all 70 of my 3rd years. I wrote two novella-length letters to my two boys. My speech contest boy heard me say offhand once that maybe I’ll be here up until October and keeps asking whether I’ll be around to help him practice, will I be able to see his contest in September, will I will I will I will I. His face lit up like a beacon when I said I had an email and a LINE address. And then Ryu-kun...god, I’m not ready to let either of you go, nor the other 68. ...well, maybe 65. It’s a long story. I think that in some irony of all universal ironies, it’s the English teachers that I get along least well with now of all the staff.

The mama (barkeep) at the bar that we went to for the afterparty to my going away party said that I could and should sing professionally, lol. I said it’s only because I can sing English here, haha.

Also I’m in tears all the time now thinking about things, and I still don’t know whether I’m going to be in Japan or in the U.S. this Saturday, and...yeah, that’s...my life, right now. So many things to do, no time, gotta breathe, can’t, my kids my kids my kids.

Ryu-kun said to me in a letter that he still remembered how happy he was when I first tried to talk to him, how he was so anxious and didn’t know what to do but was saved by how I kept kindly approaching him, and “I don’t think I’d have been okay if you hadn’t been here, so I’m thankful that you were.”

buries face in hands and dies, trying to tell myself that it’s okay, that just maybe, I was here in the right place at the right time

[wilwheaton]

Maybe the Democrats do need a fundamental overhaul. But doing 10 to 15 points better than a House candidate has done in this district since the 1970s simply isn’t evidence for that. There’s also a toxic desire on the part of many to use this painful defeat as an opening to relitigate intra-party grievances. Losing is hard. Taking a loss and getting up the next day to keep fighting to get to the next level takes endurance and guts. Many cannot resist the temptation to trade that sting for a toxic self-validation. All I can say to that is that parties build majorities by finding ways to unite competing factions over common interests and goals – something Donald Trump should help with a lot. They almost never get there when they are locked in internecine struggle or when either faction thinks it can or does destroy the other. That’s just not how it works.   This is a big disappointment. But remember, by any objective measure these races show a Democratic party resurgent and a GOP on the ropes. These seats came open because they were vacated by people Trump picked for cabinet appointments. They got those picks because they came from safe seats. They are by no means a cross section of House seats. The thing to do is learn what we can from coming up just short and move on to the next fight. No one should expect any of this to be easy. If you do, bow out of civic questions and just watch movies and TV. We need people with more endurance.

Thoughts on the Disappointing Result Out of Georgia 6. (via wilwheaton)

[kairosity]

Apologies to anyone trying to message me, commission me for something, etc - there is so much going on and I am barely functional that I...am probably letting a lot of correspondence slip through the cracks. Sorry. My process of moving/job hunting(?)/country relocation(?) is going to span the next two months.

...Also, I told my boy yesterday that my time here ends soon and that he’s the first to know. At first I thought he didn’t understand what I was saying, but then I saw him wiping at his eyes. So then I started tearing up. And then I cried a bit at my desk. And I’m still just constantly trying to breathe. Really looking forward to breaking the other kids’ hearts next week when I finally let the cat out of the bag.

So yes, please bear with me. I didn’t think this would all be so impossibly hard.

[whowatchesthewatchmen-ror]

What I wouldn’t give to be normal. To live in that bubble, the reality of the naive.

[kairosity]

Sorry, haven’t said much lately. Work’s just been busy – last week, I went on the school trip with my 3rd years. It was blessed. Four days and three nights. Got to see all of 3-1 a lot as well, and the girls would always run up to hug me and say how much they missed me because they don’t see me in class any more (since umbridge).

Major thing was, I got to spend basically the equivalent of two full days with just Ryu-kun. And fuck umbridge - I’m sick of her affecting me. I imagine a car hitting her and her little hag body flying through the air with a boing sound now every time I feel myself getting angry. It helps.

Sat next to him on the train on the way there where he proceeded to kick my ass repeatedly at ultimate tic tac toe, then did a scenery sketch while we took a break and unfortunately got noticed by kids who were all “SENSEI WHAT WOW WHAT”, making the poor boy’s head whip around from the window so fast.

Went to the Banyaro Café and P5 store on their group day, and then during the Disneyland day…as 1) no kids invited him to their Disney group and 2) everyone forced him to pair up with someone that no one wanted to be with to the point that both of them were insanely worried about it…both he and the other student asked me to go along with them. So I did, along with two other teachers. It was…the best day ever. I’ll never forget it. He and I pretty much stayed in a pair glued at the hip the whole day, turns out he likes the fast thrill rides just as much as I do, and…I dunno. For the first time in a long time, I could breathe again. Remembered just what it was that I stayed here for, and that I shouldn’t let some pathetic little hag like umbridge stand in the way.

And it was just nice to – around him, I don’t feel like my persona comes into play or anything at all. I feel like I’m just me. I think he gets to be him, too, and so I think that for both of us it’s just very…comfortable. Natural. A relief, given how the rest of our typical days tend to be. So that day was just more healing than I ever knew was possible.

Also I’m winning the public relations war against her, big time, and – my face kept twisting up into a rage pretzel every time I so much as heard her laugh or voice, but now I just imagine a car hitting her and sending her little hag body flying, with some comical sfx/effects to boot. It’s helping. I can do this. Fuck her. And god why are my kids my everything. My boy. Please don’t make me leave him I just…please don’t I. god

He/they will be fine without me, though. I’m sure.

[baawri]

Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017)

[jemmafitzsimmons]

Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017)

[auerums-deactivated20180718]

tell me what time it is & what ur thinking about

[geeky-jez-deactivated20231025]

[tessacrowley]

teacup what the fuck i just woke up why would you put this rIGHT AT THE TOP OF MY DASH

[aphelionbruise]

a while back someone reblogged one of my poems on tumblr with the tag “no one deserves to be atlas” and it hit me pretty hard and i want to talk about that today

listen, you are not a life support machine, you are not to be expected to carry someone’s organs. it is easy to fall into the rhythm of building your life around people who hope they are already dying, but that is not healthy.

i know. i am no stranger to people like this. i have known people who swallow pills with a snakejaw, who drink vodka straight without flinching and pray quietly that it’ll kill them, who smoke on their roof at 2am while crying. people who starve themselves until they can barely stand, who burn or cut or bruise their bodies because no one taught them to forgive themselves and be soft with their own skins. i have been these people.

there is only so much help you can give. if you learn anything, learn how to tell them: i am sorry, i cannot do this today. i am aching from holding the weight of your sky, please talk to a professional.

i see a mentality a lot amongst middle and high schoolers. i see it in college kids too, in some of my closest friends and in the drug dealer i talk to on weeknights. and the mentality says “if you are not willing to drop everything for me, you are toxic and a bad friend”

i understand that mental illness does a good job of making you feel isolated and it makes you scared of losing people, but realize that your support systems hurt too, and in ways that you might not even know.

listen, no teenager should have to add “keep my friends alive” to their to do list.

it can be hard to exist sometimes and it is okay to need help but you cannot place your fate in someone else’s hands. they shake just as much as yours, they are not any safer.

if you love your friends do not make them be atlas. they are not titans. they are small and afraid too.

[world-abyss-pit]

I wish I could reblog this a million times. Can’t even add anything,its just completely perfect.

[unfollowfriday]

white boys be like “im gonna make you come so hard” and ur like, what to my senses