CHASE GRACE

[kaisaisabela-blog]

Chase whatever feels good

Whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience.

It's important to give it all you have while you have the chance. Talent without work is nothing. Work without passion is nothing. Passion without life is nothing.

Nobody tells you how it's going to work out, if it's going to work out and whether it's going be now or tomorrow or the next year. As long as you work with your passions and soul you are on the right track. When you feel like home then make the place as beautiful as you are. Sometimes you need to lock yourself in your room and dance or paint or sing your lungs out just to get some clarity. Work on what makes you happy and what feeds you more than food will ever do. Please do not care about how others are doing things... or do care but don't compare - it will kill your creativity, will put your soul into a cage and you will start hesitating your journey... But you can't compare a rabbit's and a turtle's speed - they are different as day and night and so are people.

We are getting every year more and more caught up in our heads - education is important but it's more important to know why are you learning, what are you learning and what you can do with it or after it. We know so much but forgot so fast, we get so much but we don't last. So much education yet nobody has thought us how to love ourselves, how to live with your own passion and wilderness and why it's so important to love, overall.

It's totally fine to take risks, it's totally fine to fail but it's not OK to give up because of "reasons." Reasons you say to yourself, reasons that other are barking about. As long as you enjoy waking up, smiling and life... you're doing an amazing job. It doesn't mean that every day is the high point of your life but it means that every day you know that you have the inner peace with you. Don't lose that. Don't lose your inner child.

When life knocks you down, roll over and look at the stars. When the morning arrives, get up and work for the stars. And not for the commercial stars... but with your own thing. Dance, do math, get physically moving, enjoy scrabble, read, get your hands dirty in your yard, start a family with love... whatever means "stars" to you - is OK. It's your stars... not anybody else's. People are getting caught up between living and "finding your passion." But your life shouldn't be the stress about "your passion" and even worse "always looking for it"... do what ever suits you, what ever rows your boat. Even if you have to do the job you hate but you get the money you need to travel - do it. If traveling feeds you, then do it. Do whatever   y o u   need. Stars without passion is nothing. Passion without life is nothing. Life without living is nothing.

Don't go back to less... just because you're impatient. Share the love you love. Look for inspiration but still, please, darling, go for it... do your thing.

- Kaisa Isabela, last day of November, 2015 

[kaisaisabela-blog]

Gregory Porter - Hey Laura (choreography Kaisa Kattai)

[kaisaisabela-blog]

I found myself in Paris... or did Paris find me? 

To sum up. Not for you. For me - so I could get this all out.

People won't let you change. Simple as that. They will take you for granted, how they are used to and as they like. Trust me if I say, that they won't help you to fight with your heartbreak, anger, loss or dry inspiration. They take you as they are used to... but don't feel bad about it or let it bother you - it's just easy for them. But now I have lost everything. Yet, yes, I still have all the things physically. But isn't it the most horrifying feeling when you are having it all on paper but not actually owning anything? Not being OK with where you are? Am I over analysing yet this time or do I need a true and a real wake up call from, I don't know, myself? It's time to start healing.

A week in Paris taught me a lot. About how people are people and you do, sometimes, grow apart from yourself. Let me tell you - it is totally okay. It's normal to feel alone while you have somebody next to you and it is normal to doubt in yourself, in your actions and believe me, it's even normal to make mistakes. I picked up my tickets already in the summer... I guess I knew that I would be in this situation and needed to get away. The Universe warned me and I went for it. I reached to the point where I'm not just cracked up but now, I'm totally broken down. I need to take my time and start building myself up. With what I want and NOT with what people expect me to do.

The realisation didn't come to me by mysterious muse or falling in love with Paris (which of course I did) but it came to me by surprise and more... a bit... "lamish" way. We visited Pompidou center when suddenly the alarm went off and everything got quiet. The magical moment of "what now?" was in the air. And suddenly we were all sent out by the security guards. Everything happened really quickly - you see people panicking but yet trying to calm themselves down, you see them running but being so confused about how serious the situation is. I guess we all know in our guts, at least I knew, that it wasn't a "bomb action" (hopefully). But there was still that doubt. When you see people running and panicking... then you start to realise - am I going to run with them because I'm afraid of the unknown and the life I'm living seems worth fighting... Or am I actually walking because I've reached to the point where I just don't care. I kept on walking. Okay, I picked up my pace a bit because they told me to. That's it. My only thought was, it's actually pretty okay - to die between famous painters would be a death worth achieving.

After that, in the evening when everything turned out fine (I guess, we still don't know what happened but we are alive), I started to think about myself and how sensible I am. At the same time how cold hearted I can be. What? Exactly. And yet, how my soul is missing a piece or a life or a purpose. Maybe it's missing me. Yes, my soul is missing me. I started writing down some postcards and found myself in a situation I thought I'm not having (nor I ever will) - I ether live my life with not doing things I want to and I'll accept it or I at least TRY to change something so next time I would feel the urge to run when the alarm goes on.

So sorry if you are not letting me have my change - the ways, prospectives or creative work. I know I will get slapped because I won't behave the way they want me to, but please do understand that it is for me. And you are for you. And trust me, I don't expect anything from you. I'm keeping my sensibility and taking life deeply (you know, it's both a curse and a blessing to feel everything so deeply). But I'm cutting the "bad-ass crap" and making others happy with my "physical" work and never-ending-giving-out emotions. It's not "my time" like some people like to say. It's my freaking "life" and... I'm so young to be this tired of living. (I'm not over analysing - my every true close-one can see this.)

So hello. I'm gonna start finding my roots again, sides that make other people inspired and what inspires me, reasons why I have my tattoo and beliefs that made my success. But it's all gonna be for me at first. Cause being nice is cool! But being nice to yourself is now necessity.

[kaisaisabela-blog]

Don’t fall in love with the moment

and think you are in love with the girl.

He sat there, eyes locked to mine and we both knew what we were thinking. And in that brief moment everything came back to me. Every familiar move, conversation and comfortable vibe, every answered and missed phone call and every laughter. Or fight. Or anger.

"What if." My mind told - well actually screamed at me - thousands ideas in only few seconds. The air was so delicate and full of memories, maybe even some unfinished business and dishonesty. I wanted to burst out every little thought of mine - what he did, what I did, what is going on in my life and how apologising is not the answer. My head whispered to me that maybe... maybe this is faith... but suddenly everything got quiet. I doubted. My gut and heart took over my head and emotions... They were pretty sure that it's actually a moment of "goodbye" and finally letting go of the past.

I left and I was suddenly so caught up by the "what if-s." I was slowing down my pace, thinking if I should run back and give the moment one more look. Chance. Time. But I didn't. I guess this means I have grown.

And I will be ready if the right one is there in front of me, eyes locked to mine and then there's no time for "what if-s".

[kaisaisabela-blog]

[kaisaisabela-blog]

[kaisaisabela-blog]

What I’ve done?

Changing directions. Changing university. Changing back to my soul. 

I get this fear based reaction of "Aren't you afraid that it won't work out?" Following by: "Aren't you afraid that this is the wrong move? What are you thinking? What about future? Aren't you just AFRAID?"

Short answer is "Yes..." Followed by: "But what if it works?" and "What if it doesn't and I'm still glad that I took the ride?" There are so many things in life that we should be afraid of... For example driving and drinking; driving and texting... or nowadays even walking and texting. Or bears? Or illness? Or lost of a family member? Lost of your own life? There are so... SO many things where and when it's OK to be afraid... but not in your everyday, present, full of wonders, life. It's not acceptable to be afraid of what we want, and who we are, and our creation, and mind, and body. And so on. And so on.

My last answer to all of this is: "It's not about giving up. It's about putting yourself first and making decisions of which will help you to take steps on the road of... you." You know... we always turn the car around when we are driving to the wrong direction. Aren't we? 

So why is it so scary to do that in life? Why are we afraid of ourselves? Or the non-existent future?

[kaisaisabela-blog]

The beauty of finding home

I have no words. No words to describe the luck, the mystery and the bliss. The dots have been connected and I've returned to where I belong. My head found a bridge to my heart and my heart found a highway to my body. It's the bubble of presence - breathing in the music, swallowing the laughter and touching everything that is full of love. Or what needs love. To make broken so beautiful is a remarkable talent. To walk with flowers on shoulders, melodies in lungs and Universe by hand. To be careful with falling but still admiring the existence of love. To make the days count, not to count the days. To make broken so beautiful... is a remarkable talent when you decide to fix the broken with beauty. And a whole lot of laughter and joy.