kaleb barrie

supernatural lgbtq+ author

[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 13: Dysfunctional

Their eyes snap up to each other and snag, bumbling around each other but unable to wholly drag themselves back in the opposite direction. Gavin shudders from the base of his spine upward as he feels a flame of insatiable desire lick through his chest. “Do you mean it?” Billy whispers. He’s suddenly mere inches from Gavin’s face. “Mean what?” “That I deserve better.” “A thousand percent,” Gavin breathes. Because you are a far better man than I will ever be, he completes the sentiment in his head. “Let’s say I did deserve better,” Billy goes on quietly. “Who did you have in mind?” White noise is beginning to overtake the corners of Gavin’s awareness. He is zeroed in on the wet parting of Billy’s lips, the flush that darkens the tops of his cheeks, the slope of his unfairly beautiful almond eyes and the way his tan skin is just crinkling at the corners as he keeps from smiling. “No one?” Billy presses him. “I don’t know. Maybe there’s a guy or two you’d like,” Gavin babbles. “Mm. Looks to me like there’s only one of them around right now,” Billy murmurs into his space, and then they are moving in concert.

Following an explosive encounter with his condescending ex, Billy tries to hold it together--but Gavin just has a way of unraveling him, from his body to his emotions to his very guarded secret that has followed him since he was sixteen years old. With their whole relationship thus far being based on their undeniable physical chemistry, will Gavin still accept him after learning about his erectile dysfunction?

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[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 11: And Then There Were Three

Gavin’s eyes find his and immediately drop to the keychain dangling from Billy’s fingers. “Do not tell me my sister gave you the keys to my goddamn car.” “You almost died,” Billy snaps, all his trembling relief gusting out of him in a giant cloud of irritation. “Hello? Priorities?” “If I’ve survived this thing just to die at the hands of your terrible driving, I’m suing from the afterlife,” Gavin mutters. “Yeah, well, good luck finding an attorney in hell who can put up with your cantankerous ass,” says Billy. Gavin does not so much as blink at the insinuation that he and his reckless behind would land in hell, of all places. Instead, he kicks moodily at one of the footrests of the wheelchair where he has placed neither of his feet. The device is locked in place and not about to roll anywhere, though apparently, not for lack of effort on Gavin’s part. As a nurse promises that they will return shortly with completed paperwork, Billy takes a moment to stare at the dark scruff on the other man’s cheeks and the tired fire in his eyes and thinks, I almost lost you. He doesn’t know if he wants to kiss him or to hit him.

Gavin wakes up in a hospital, wholly unready to face the music with his sister Izra, who fears the worst: that he may have been trying to kill himself. Billy wrangles with his panic and care for Gavin, while simultaneously reevaluating his priorities about staying on the show.

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[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars: A Novel

Gavin Ramanathan has been unlucky in love for the past decade. Always leading with his heart over his head, he longs to find a man who will match his intensity and commitment but won’t be frightened off by the tragic past he struggles with. Billy Dalisay moves in next door, charming and charismatic and ready to flirt with Gavin—but can he get past his traumas from a homophobic family and an ugly first relationship to put his heart on the line? It seems the universe thrusts Billy and Gavin together to figure it all out when they join Wedding Wars, a reality television competition for most compatible fiancés, and their bid for the cash prize swiftly evolves from fake engagement to very real feelings.

Themes and tags: gay romance, friends with benefits, fake dating, trauma, mental illness, coming out, accidental outing, lgbtq+

>>Read on ao3

[kalebbarrie]

Chapter 7 Sneak Peek and Summary:

Billy stares back at him, chin thrust out a fraction so he can meet the weight of Gavin’s gaze squarely. “Is that what you really think of me? That I’d turn my back on you and leave you after all the time we’ve started spending with each other?” “It’s not a character assessment, Sherlock,” says Gavin. “It’s me telling you about human nature. Don’t take it so personally.” “I know it’s not an assessment of my character,” says Billy, infuriatingly calm. “It’s an assessment of yours.” Gavin freezes, words caught in his throat. Billy’s voice drops to little more than a murmur. “C’mon, Gavin. You think that’s what friends really do to each other?” Friends. The word burns on a sharp inhale through Gavin’s nose. He finds the nerves in his fingertips trembling. Billy says on an exhale, “Gavin?” “Is that what we are?” Gavin asks smally. “Are we…are we friends?”

Billy, king of messed-up communication and mixed signals, accidentally sends Gavin into a drunken spiral. Billy forces himself to reckon with some trauma from his past and resolves to own up to it to keep Gavin in his life—but is he too late?

[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 9: Pressure Release

“I brought chicken soup,” is the first thing Billy blurts out, “but it looks like I might have brought the wrong kind of medicine.” Gavin grasps the clumsy attempt at a joke right away. He knows he both looks and feels like garbage. Objectively, he probably smells a little. He is dimly aware that he should be hungry, too, though his stomach hasn’t quite woken up to this fact yet. “You didn’t need to come,” he says eventually. He still hasn’t moved to retract the chain and open the door wider. It simply hasn’t occurred to him. “See, that’s where you’re wrong,” Billy says lightly. “You say one thing, so obviously, I have to do the opposite. It’s kind of our thing now.” Something sharp throbs in the center of Gavin’s chest. He can’t decipher it. All he knows is that if he isn’t careful now, that sharpness could travel upward and take residence in his eyes. And he cannot lose it in front of Billy right now.

The weight of a loss Gavin has refused to grieve for the last ten years comes to a head. As accustomed as he is to bearing it alone, Billy ensures that he doesn't have to.

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[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 8: Not Nothing

Gavin promises solemnly, “And for the record, I will not kiss you again without consulting you.” “Okay.” “I’m serious. Draft a written contract. I’ll sign it.” “Oh, so I’m the one stuck doing the work in this scenario?” Both their faces are already cracking into tentative grins. “I’ll type the heading and the notary section,” Gavin offers magnanimously. “So, you’d let your fellow librarians see how often I let you feel me up on national television?” “Shit. You’re right,” Gavin says with exaggerated gravitas. “We need to add a section about how often I let you stick your tongue down my throat, too.”

Gavin considers whether or not his heart is ready to fall in love with Billy, given his unlucky history with romance. As he grovels for Billy’s forgiveness, he learns more of the other man’s backstory that begins to put Billy’s triggers into perspective.

Story is 100% written and will update weekly.

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[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 7: The Devil Is in the Details

“Gavin,” Billy stresses. “I’m a hot mess.” “You got through grad school. You’ll survive,” Gavin says, unaffected. “Yeah, okay. But then that means you have to do the diorama.” Gavin blinks over his English muffin. “The what now?” “The diorama,” Billy repeats slowly, with a demonstrative gesture, as if that clears up anything. “You know, so we have something prepped and ready to show the judges?” “Oh, gee, thanks, I understand so much better now. I hadn’t realized we’d intended to win this show for adults by perfecting second-grader arts and crafts.” Billy squints at him thoughtfully as he licks the last of the crumbs and cream cheese from his fingers. That is not an image that Gavin is even fully online enough to process at this time in the morning. “Who dropped you on your head as a child?”

Gavin treasures the tender, artistic side that Billy trusts him enough to open up to him about, which is why he feels like such an asshole after spectacularly breaking that trust onstage at the next voting round of Wedding Wars.

Story is 100% complete and will be updated weekly.

>>Read on ao3

[kalebbarrie]

moodboard: gavin ramanathan from wedding wars by @kalebbarrie

Chapter 6 Sneak Peek:

“Well,” Gavin says lightly, picking his words with caution, “at least you know if it’s fake, you won’t get invested enough to actually get hurt.” Billy slumps back with his neck nestled in the crack between the cushions. “How do you do it? I mean—you said you’ve had your fair share of relationships. How do you just put your heart on the line again like that, over and over again?” “I don’t,” Gavin lies. “I just take the fun while it lasts. And if I’m not what they’re looking for to settle down with, or vice versa, I’m fine with it.” Billy has rolled his head to squint at the side of Gavin’s head. “Really?” “Yes, Billy. Really,” Gavin huffs. “You do know there’s such a thing as casual relationships, right?” From the corner of his eye, he catches sight of Billy frowning. Billy shrugs. “Yeah, but—I always figured that at some point your heart would get entangled. That it would get messy.” “It doesn’t,” Gavin says through his teeth. He swallows back the memory of Jesse, and of David, and of Carlo. How he imagined a future with each of them, too much, too soon, and they had been completely frightened away when they realized their good time came along with stupid, messy, clingy emotions.

Chapter 6 Summary:

Eddy seriously loathes his job being the third wheel every day while interviewing these competing couples. Gavin and Billy think they come to a tacit agreement that what they share isn't real…and yet somehow, they can't keep their hands off each other.

[kalebbarrie]

moodboard: billy dalisay from wedding wars by @kalebbarrie

Chapter 5 Sneak Peek:

Mom speaks in her mother tongue first, before switching back to English: “Stop this nonsense and talk to your father. How are you going to be able to see each other at Eva’s wedding next month if you can’t even look at each other?”

Billy bites back a string of expletives. For a moment, he forgot about his cousin’s wedding.

“And when people see you, and you’re not talking to him, what will they say?” Mom presses.

Billy is rapidly losing his cool. “And how exactly do you propose that I reconcile with Dad in one month’s time to look picture-perfect for Eva’s wedding? By playing the straight son?”

His mother is struck dumb for a long moment. There are some rustling noises from the other end of the line, and then, low and quick, like a breath of resignation: “Anak. Are you still on that path?”

Chapter 5 Summary:

Gavin lets slip to a friend that he knows more than he lets on about Billy's financial situation. Meanwhile, Billy proceeds to have the worst day ever.

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[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars: A Novel

Gavin Ramanathan has been unlucky in love for the past decade. Always leading with his heart over his head, he longs to find a man who will match his intensity and commitment but won’t be frightened off by the tragic past he struggles with. Billy Dalisay moves in next door, charming and charismatic and ready to flirt with Gavin—but can he get past his traumas from a homophobic family and an ugly first relationship to put his heart on the line? It seems the universe thrusts Billy and Gavin together to figure it all out when they join Wedding Wars, a reality television competition for most compatible fiancés, and their bid for the cash prize swiftly evolves from fake engagement to very real feelings.

Themes and tags: gay romance, friends with benefits, fake dating, trauma, mental illness, coming out, accidental outing, lgbtq+

>>Read on ao3

[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 4: Ground Rules

Gavin grins. “I promise you, I can and have charmed the pants off anybody, and they would never question a word I’m saying.” Billy side-eyes him back. Gavin is quickly learning to distinguish this look from all the other types of Judgmental Billy Looks in his diverse arsenal of stares. “Sure, if by ‘charm’ you mean the grating personality of someone with a rat that crawled up his ass and died there.” “Seems like you spend a lot of time thinking about my ass and what does and doesn’t go in there.” “Again: you had a pigeon poop stain.” Gavin rolls his eyes. Over the speakers, some other young guy is screaming again about first love and pillow talk. “You really are a last-word type of guy, aren’t you? No, don’t answer that. Just let me take over if a situation like that comes up, yes? Now. What about PDA?” “Hmph. I don’t know. You seemed like you didn’t have a whole lot of questions about it last night,” Billy mutters into his lap.

Or: Gavin Ramanathan needs to learn how to stop accusing people of preposterous things when he's sleep-deprived, or he might just end up in the world's most bizarre situation where he now must fake date the guy on reality TV to help him save face before a spiteful ex. Billy Dalisay is just content to appear happily taken and is determined not to think about how great of a kisser Gavin is.

>>Read on ao3

[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars, Chapter 2

Sneak peek of Chapter 2:

When an energetic little knock sounds at his front door, Gavin stabs his chopsticks into his box of lo mein and throws back his head with a groan. “Why,” he intones to the ceiling. Still, it could be the neighbor down the hall who sometimes needs help getting into her apartment by jiggling the front door that often gets stuck with the sticky paint adhering to the lintel. A bitch though he may be, Gavin will not allow an innocent to fall in the crossfire of the various events of his horrid day. He waits for the second knock to fall before he pushes aside his meal and shuffles over to the door to open it. It’s Billy, covered from nose to fingertips in grease. “No,” says Gavin, and shuts the door in his face. “Wait—Gavin—” Billy yelps, muffled and panicked through the door. He starts knocking again.

Chapter Summary:

Yet another series of unfortunate events forces Gavin and Billy to be not only neighbors, but also carpoolers. A ghost from Billy's past returns, triggering Gavin to make an irreversible decision.

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[kalebbarrie]

Wedding Wars: A Novel

The neighbor is, exactly and infuriatingly, Gavin’s type. “I’m sorry,” Billy finally stammers out. Gavin leans an elbow on his lintel and squeezes the edge of the door with his other hand. “Which part are you sorry for? The noise? The waking me up from my precious nap? Or the endless play-by-play on you and your boyfriend banging?”

Gavin Ramanathan needs to learn how to stop accusing people of preposterous things when he's sleep-deprived, or he might just end up in the world's most bizarre situation where he now must fake date the guy on reality TV to help him save face before a spiteful ex. Billy Dalisay is just content to appear happily taken and is determined not to think about how great of a kisser Gavin is.

Themes and tags: gay romance, friends with benefits, fake dating, trauma, mental illness, coming out, accidental outing, lgbtq+

>> Read on ao3

[kalebbarrie]

from a window across the world

(a sonnet in reverse)

If we were neighbors, we would be the kind To live so close we’d hang our heads outside The windows, toss a pebble, and call out, Oh, come and lend your pretty piece of mind: Do you not think it best to come inside And see what holding hands is all about?

I rather think my fingers fit in yours. My feet will always wander to your door And if your heart thumps, and you ask: wherefore? Our souls were split from one, to two, to four,

And cast across the earth in such design That I would find your piece, as you would mine, And never leave another shard behind. For this, my darling, be my valentine.

--kaleb b.

[kalebbarrie]

but i’m no good at words

an anthology of prose poetry

I don't know how to say a lot of things because I get tongue-tied when I merely begin to think of telling you. But I think you know the vastness of this something that lives inside me and that lives for you. At least now, in my own quiet way, you can.

>> read the anthology on ao3, quotev or wattpad

i. honeymoon | ii. an exercise in intimacy | iii. a jew on a date | iv. once a fool | v. body | vi. body, too | vii. habit | viii. lens | ix. close to truth | x. blue lines | xi. field of our meeting | xii. the first time

[kalebbarrie]

The Seventh Power: A Novel

Eighteen-year-old Oliver Mellado is about to start college after living with his older sister Tía following the mysterious death of their parents. All at once a host of strange happens befall Oliver: his best friend inexplicably comes back into his life, a group of misfits who are obviously hiding something accept him into their fold, a string of violent murders plagues their city, and Oliver meets the most beautiful boy in the world. The shoe drops when suddenly Oliver discovers he can move metal with his mind. Has everything in his and Tía’s life up to this point been a coincidence, or are there greater forces at work that he is only beginning to understand?

Themes and tags: supernatural, mystery, thriller, lgbtq+, found family

[kalebbarrie]

Chapter 1 is now up!! 

>> Read on ao3 or fictionpress

[kalebbarrie]

Chapter 2 is up! Fink flirts. Shay reappears. An attacker strikes on Tía and Oli, and the plot thickens...

>> Read on ao3 or fictionpress

[kalebbarrie]

The Seventh Power: A Novel

Eighteen-year-old Oliver Mellado is about to start college after living with his older sister Tía following the mysterious death of their parents. All at once a host of strange happens befall Oliver: his best friend inexplicably comes back into his life, a group of misfits who are obviously hiding something accept him into their fold, a string of violent murders plagues their city, and Oliver meets the most beautiful boy in the world. The shoe drops when suddenly Oliver discovers he can move metal with his mind. Has everything in his and Tía’s life up to this point been a coincidence, or are there greater forces at work that he is only beginning to understand?

Themes and tags: supernatural, mystery, thriller, lgbtq+, found family

[kalebbarrie]

Chapter 1 is now up!! 

>> Read on ao3 or fictionpress

[kalebbarrie]

the nameless thing that always leaves

What is a 'they'? Why is a poem despised? Why do I fear myself? Poems that chronicle not self-discovery, but self-knowing: a journey that has neither a beginning nor an end.

>> read this wip anthology now