GAMMA RAY CHARLES

Hi there you smell nice I write and make collages

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N 🌍 V

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This one's called "WHAT DID I DO???"

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I collaged cos I'm my mother's son … lol and my father's 😳

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Sorry I haven’t text back

I don’t really feel like talking. Or seeing people I know I don’t like. I’m carefully choosing where to breathe my air. When I’m outside I just wanna be inside and when I’m inside all I do is look outside. I look comfortable in art galleries and it pisses the staff off and it’s the greatest thing to look at in those spaces. I’ve stopped having conversations and now people just watch me talk to myself. Eye contact is a contract. I stick my invoices in the fridge. I know God loves me but _______. Spaceship by Kanye West. My default setting is alone. I might do something stupid and end up in prison and I don’t care and it scares me because it doesn’t feel like me. Haven’t felt this way since I was a kid. Kareem wants to find how he wants to be in the world. So I do have a sibling somewhere. The day before Father’s Day it hits me: my dad doesn’t love me. On Father’s Day I’m told I’ve known about this sibling for years. I haven’t. He’s denying that child too, apparently. I keep calling him dad so people know who I’m referring to – ignoring the fact that word gets my hopes up.  I thought he was a stone mason. Learned he was an artist and have been looking up alternative lifestyles since. My mum handed me the phone after school, said my Granddaddy was dying and I just spoke into silence. Everybody got to hear him speak but me. Uncle Chris keeps telling me his last memories of daddy from the island; the patterns in his breath and when it lost its tread. He was mine too. The only man I had in my family. I was around women all the time and their men looked at me like they knew why they couldn’t get too close. I keep realising my daddy is dead and my dad may as well be.  I need a hug from somebody bigger than me.

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Daydreaming about how  seeing my dad will go.

He’s too scared to move.

He smiles and I see me.

I thank him for my stammer. Explain it led to me talking with my hands but please understand this won't be different. I called the police and ambulance 5 minutes ago, we will both be punctual for our next appointments.

Offers to buy me beer.       Comes back.      Asks for a tenner.

Hasn’t recognised me.

Asks how old I am.

I forget to not daydream and I miss everything.

DAVID: Cries. KAREEM: Stop being a bitch.

He brings that 2002 world cup ball he promised.

He’s set up the the room as a cinema resumes The Phantom Menace at the exact moment I fell asleep.

I ask him about my siblings and he shrugs his shoulders.

Slides one of his paintings across the table tells me I can sell it once I’ve made him famous.

Slides a birth certificate over the table, tells me he owns 30% of everything creative I do or sell.

He doesn’t turn up. Instead there’s a stack of his favourite rap albums. One stack of Stevie's Harmonica solos.

He cooks for me and I enjoy the meal.

He’s in a black trench coat and shades. Skin darker than government secrets. He just sips his coffee like a mighty third eye.

I’m about to ask to see him as a baby then I realise I’m sitting in front of it.

I’ve accidentally called him dad and now we’re stuck here.

[uwotlorenzo]

R KELLY ZINES: TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET

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Rianna

© Amaal Said amaalsaid.com

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Last night was mad real.

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faces of @KareemPBrown new segment coming soon

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@KareemPBrown facial expression gif

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@KareemPBrown quotes #wisdom

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use it yourself or pass it on https://t.co/jGMwILonVb

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Face value isn’t valuable. J Dilla loved the Doughnut cos they’re CD’s you can eat. A hug is a heart fight. A real badman is that urge to spark the lighter while it’s in your pocket. Read the small print – Gang signs cause arthritis. Earthquakes just want to be called groundbreaking. Pole dancers are really auditioning to be flags. Treat your RIPs like VIPs. Make jokes silly as the idea of them being dead.  The laugh is a miracle – Stone turned to water.  This family and separation go together so well I don’t know why they don’t hurry up and get married. Nan Nan says the tongue is pink when we’re born because it’s uncooked, but if it’s still pink when we’re grey  it is because we didn’t speak with enough fire.  Home will be that haircut you didn’t ask for – that one you’re told to grow into.  Brown family have a habit of staying in places where we’re told we’re needed but not that we’re wanted. We need to learn to move, to live like death – When it’s time to go it’s time to go.  His mum and him live under flight paths so the airplanes make the sky sound like a hungry stomach. The trees with plastic bags caught in their hair wave TV static.  You write a list of people you have to live for and your name doesn’t make the list.  People will stab you in the back until your torso is a cheese grater then come back to your door knocking remorse code – you will feel so ugly you could crease light. Trying to sleep, vexed, shaking violently in bed until the springs turn to slinkies.  Never apologise for being a threat. It’s their fault they can’t traffic light your roads – You told me you don’t feel part of this family – the caesarian wasn’t the first time you were cut from somewhere you belong  ––  And for once this whole family has something in common  because Dad and Dead feel the same in the mouth. You snapped both Achilles tendons dancing for God. I think you’ve given up, Mum. Nowadays your sighs are  the strongest thing about you.  You exhale as if you’re trying to shut the body down. And it’s as if you’ve training your inhales  so they’ll soon be strong enough to suck heaven out the sky like a lost balloon. 

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Kareem: I feel really sorry for the books on the top shelves in the library you know.

Aisling: Yeah, when the ones in the corner shops get so much attention.