Day 17 of 'Isabelle Watch'
Our hero has gotten herself into a right pickle this morning. Late yesterday a Dutch representative from the International Happy House Academy arrived for a three day stay, partly to assess Tom Nooks operations and partly to run an audit on his customer charges, after several islanders complained that they were charged over a million bells for an expansion that was little more than the size of a fucking shoebox.
Tom had asked Isabelle to take the representative out for a meal and entertain her while he hurriedly 'organised/shredded' some paperwork before the inspection scheduled for the next morning. Isabelle wasn't too keen on the idea until Tom rammed a thousand bells in her hand and told her to keep the rep out late, which straight away got pocketed faster than a Penn & Teller sleight of hand trick.
After picking up the representative from Dodo Airport, Izzy soon realised that the woman's English was very poor, and that the only common form of communication that Izzy was proficient in was the language of getting 'Shit-Faced Drunk'.
Deciding that nothing would break the ice more than a few large vodkas down their gullets, Izzy whisked the confused rep into the nearest bar and ordered a double round of shots.
After a few hours Isabelle realised she had a real challenge on her hands. This woman could drink, and was almost toe to toe with Izzy when it came to the empty shot glasses of tequila that now littered their table.
In Izzy's mind this was becoming a challenge; How DARE this majestic European bastard step into Isabelle's back yard and try and piss up the big tree! If this 'international intoxicated interloper' wanted a challenge, then by hell she'd picked the wrong bitch to fuck with.
A short cab ride back to Isabelle's house and they were sitting at the kitchen table. The rep looking far too upright for Izzy's liking as she dug into the back of her cupboard and pulled out the secret weapon.
A rare and dusty bottle of 'Harv's Hairy-Back Hooch' rested between her furry paws. She'd won it as first prize in a cock-fighting tournament several years before after always believing she'd never see one in the flesh.
Legend had it that just two measures of the almost green liquid inside would be enough to knock down even the most hardened drinker, make them forget who they were, what legs were actually used for and question why after almost two days comatose in bed they had suddenly grown a full and lustrous beard..
Isabelle poured a thirsty measure for them both and plonked the glasses down between them as she stared into the eyes of her grinning opponent. Before Izzy could explain just what they were facing, the rep threw her head forward, grabbed the glass in her mouth and threw her head backward, forcing the liquid down her throat before spitting the glass against Izzy's oven, splashes of the hooch sizzling as it ate its way through the hardened glass door.
Isabelle quickly threw her drink back too. "If this fucker thinks they can step into Mama's house and dr…"
She woke up as the daylight shone through the curtains. Isabelle had no idea how she'd ended up in bed beside the foreign rep, nor why she seemed to missing some clothes, her knickers were up on the lampshade and a random set of soggy false teeth lay in her pocket.
She shoved the leg of the rep to wake her, but nothing. She pushed again harder and harder, finally slapping the woman to wake her but with no response.
Izzy sat in shock; finally her hard drinking bravado had caught up with her and she'd killed someone. She quickly called Tom Nook and explained the situation, who arrived shortly after with two large spades, a bucket of lime and some nylon rope.
Twenty minutes later they were just lowering the Dutch Drunkard into a freshly dug hole at the back of the pear orchard when she sprang awake, screamed something Dutch-ish and took off at full sprint toward the airport.
Four days later a large gift basket arrived at Island Services with a card attached;
"Thank you for the wonderful hospitality, entertainment and 'DISCRETION' during my recent trip to your lovely island. As you can see I've given Nook Inc. A five star pass, and a commendation for the administrator for her professionalism and DISCRETION during my assessment of your island.
Isabelle was delighted. Not only had she not killed an important foreign visitor but she'd managed to get her rocks off along with a commendation.
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