What is it like having a mother who is no longer here on earth .. especially on Mother’s Day? Emotional.
Mother’s Day is the hardest yet most rewarding day for me. My mom passed away when I was only 11 years old from stomach cancer. It took me 13 years to visit her grave after she passed away. I always told said she (and my dad) would be the first to know that I was engaged... and pregnant. And I stuck to my promise. When I was pregnant with my son, I FaceTimed my dad and told my mom at the same time at her grave. With my daughter, life was a bit awry. I found out I was pregnant the day we laid my husbands grandma to rest, so needless to say, that didn’t happen. I knew I had to do something special.
We decided to find out the gender with our second. I wanted my mom to be the first to know. I had a photographer come and take pictures. I fell to the ground, I was so excited! I found out the day my mom passed away.
Having my children “meet” my mom for the first time is a huge deal to me. My son, Logan, will be 2 1/2 next month. He doesn’t truly understand yet, as he never met his Grannie, but he loves bringing her flowers and visiting her. I visit her every Mother’s Day, so I figured it’d be a perfect time for Saylor to meet her Grannie. My husband couldn’t go, as he is in school getting his MBA, and we are getting ready to put our house up on the market, so he is busy getting ready for that. Last minute, I contacted the photographer who did the gender reveal to see if she could show up. She could!
I was scared, as we’re not supposed to have any contact with anyone until she is 12 weeks - so yes, I’ve literally been home bound unable to do anything since BEFORE she was born. I had her wear a mask, and she kept her distance.
Saylor met my mom for the first time on Mother’s Day, (and gave her first smile!) which was the best gift I could have received. My husband didn’t get me anything, which I am sad, but having her meet my Mom was more important to me than anything.
Being pregnant during this pandemic has been the most stressful thing. Not knowing if I was able to actually give birth at the hospital .. not knowing if my husband would be able to be there ... i was supposed to get induced on St. Patrick’s day (my favorite holiday) and that’s right when everything went awry here. I ended up having her late. Nobody can see her for 12 weeks. I can’t see anyone. (Except closes window meetings). Which meant my dad couldn’t come from out of state to see her. My son couldn’t meet her at the hospital (which actually turned out for the better). I just feel so alone.
To add on to a little about Saylor and my pregnancy :
She’s got a lot of guardian angels
My last cycle was my moms birthday
We found out I was pregnant the day we laid my husbands grandma to rest
My husbands dad passed away in November
She was born 3/25 at 1:33 am (see the 13!.. and 3 is my lucky number) her head was 13 inches Around. She weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and was 19 inches long. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamt of having a little girl in March with red curly hair. I’m pretty sure my dream came true.
To all the pregnant women out there.. or moms, I feel you. This is such a hard time to be pregnant or have a little one.
To those who still have a mom.. hug them a little tighter for me, please. You never know, one day they just might not be here.
To taylor, I love you. And thank you for being the inspiration for my daughters name.
@taylorswift @taylornation @tree-paine
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