little white lies

so tell me when you hear my heart stop 

[wroteyouathing]

𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦

[katelcorn]

office chika

i heard from my bf that our production control officer's making comments about my officemates' bodies and as a girl i do not stand with sexual harassment whether it was done verbally or otherwise.

first it was nicole he was targeting. in his own words, maliit man si nicole bawi naman sa pwet. right after hearing that i immediately told nicole about it and it was up to her what action she wanted to take. it went on for months and i often hear them joking with each other sexually and i thought maybe she's okay with it so it's not really my place to do anything anymore.

then last wednesday, my bf told me our pc, again in his own words, said rica's boobs are so big it's "umaapaw". i saw him at the pantry later that day and said, "ano yung umaapaw ha?" he just laughed and said it was nothing. then came thursday, i told rica about it cuz i couldn't in my good conscience let our PC get close to the girls knowing damn well he's ogling them like that. i told her to do with that information what she will and she reported it to our head.

our head talked to him in private in the conference room. it went on for a few minutes and then she called everyone for a meeting. she told us he was defending himself saying it should've stayed in their circle and whoever leaked that information hates him. he knows damn well it's my boyfriend so he's been taking shots at him passive aggressively. i just told him not to stoop down his level and just let him be because he did the right thing telling me.

then yesterday morning, our admin manager / hr head was telling us that our PC had a valid point. it shouldn't have left their circle cuz they have a "bro code". i was disappointed hearing her defend the boys saying guys just naturally have conversations like that. she's a married woman with two kids. her husband told her if she ever gets catcalled it's just normal cuz she's pretty. and i couldn't believe what i was hearing. she even said it's not valid cuz rica only heard it from me and not from PC himself. so she's pointing out that rica escalated the situation without any valid proof. but at this point he should have been terminated cuz he's done this not just just once or twice but countless times already. but there's still no action from our "hr head" cuz she believes what they're doing is only normal lol

[katelcorn]

at what point does love stop feeling like love and ends up feeling a lot like shame?

i feel like i've been complaining a lot and almost sounding too demanding but after everything that's happened, i think i have all the right to feel this way and demand something more?

it's even crazier to think i'm not really asking for too much, just some respect towards the people i deeply care about and for him to make me feel like he actually values me. this is my first relationship so i have no frame of reference whatsoever but i truly believe this isn't how a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend he claims to "love".

i'm so done feeling like a cheap toy he can pick up when he's bored. i'm done begging for bare minimum stuff like asking for my parents' permission and doing things the right way.

it gets to a point.

now instead of feeling in love all i feel is shame because other people have told me countless times that i should just let him go but instead i keep falling for his potential, when deep down the only potential he'll ever get to show me is the potential to hurt me which he's done consistently the past few months. . .

[katelcorn]

parant lang ulit

kasi my bf had been so busy at work like wala syang time sakin talaga. i told him the watch i gave him has no effect kasi wala pa rin naman syang oras 🤷‍♀️ he kept apologizing and he promised pa na once maluwag sched nya, we'll go on a date again. and believe me sobrang nagttry ako so hard to be understanding kasi alam ko nauumay na rin sya sa pagtotoyo ko.

but thennn, this morning magkausap kami. alam ko nakaleave sya bukas cuz he said nung magkaaway daw kami nagfile sya para magsolo ride sya kung di kami magbabati. pero sabi nya may swimming pala sila bukas with his friends and it's up to me kung sasama sya. i was like, whatever do what you want. and he's like, baka magalit ka blah blah blah. i just feel like we've been through this over and over pero hindi pa rin naman nya ko naiintindihan. he can make time for his friends but pag ako sinasabi nya lang, "wag ka na magtampo kapag maluwag sched labas tayo", "wag ka kasi magalit kagad", "nagpapaalam naman ako eh". so kapag nagpapaalam sya with friends payag kagad head nya pero pag sakin ang dami nyang reason. lol. nakakainis lang. dapat jowain nya ung mga kaibigan nya kasi mas gusto nya kasama mga yun. ilan beses naman na ko nakikipagbreak sakanya sya lang tong may ayaw kaya di ko magets kasi friends pa rin naman nya inuuna nya ng inuuna so bakit kinikeep nya pa ko. kaasar

[katelcorn]

alam nyo nasanay nalang talaga ako na pag nadidisappoint ako bibigyan nalang ako ng gifts as peace offering. my mom had been giving me food, clothes, and shoes the past few weeks after she told me to kMs. tapos my boyfriend also gives me snacks or kung ano ano kapag nagaaway kami. then last last night my dad said something mean to me kaya di ko sya kinakausap. tell me why he just sent a receipt of an apple watch kasama ng graduation gift nya sa kapatid ko? he didn't have to buy me stuff but he did. nahawa na kay mama.

di naman ako materialistic eh. ayoko nga nakakareceive ng gifts after a conflict. it's like telling me they can buy my forgiveness through material stuff that they can give. sana bago pa nagkaconflict nagbigay nalang, so i don't have to think like they're just doing it para di na mahaba pa yung argument, just to shut me up. lol

[katelcorn]

guys

clown ba ko?

we made up last may 9. he asked if i wanted to go home na or if we can get coffee muna or have dinner. i said yes. sabi ko sakanya, "first time ko magka-ex, may ganto bang mag-ex?" umiling iling lang sya tapos paulit ulit syang nagsosorry. ayan inuwi ko rin naman ung gifts nya hahahaha

pero promise decided na ko na makipagbreak sakanya kaso ganto yata talaga kami on again off again haha

[katelcorn]

Not all naman, pero sadly most guys ganiyan. Been reading what happen between the you and your first boyfriend. I think medyo minalas ka pa sa una mong naging boyfriend, a lot of red flags.

Just a reminder lang, normal makaramdam ng insecurities time to time pero hindi tama na pinaparamdam ito sa iyo lalo na ng partner mo. Akala ko ba may experience na siya to handle relationships dahil sa mga past niya. Pero bakit parang ang dating back to zero at ikaw pa nag-aadjust.

I don't know if you remember me, just lurker here.

-C

i wouldn't say minalas. i genuinely believe he did his best but maybe hindi talaga nya ko naintindihan.

and yes i do remember you! it's been a long time since i last heard from you, C!

[katelcorn]

Mali niya talaga.. di mo siya deserved ate ko tho let’s say mamaya part pala ng plan niya yon etc etc overthink lang pero lol sana nag make effort man lang siya makipag reconcile with you esp kahit sino namang babae ganunin ng surprise e maiirita esp firt relationship mo (?) right? Hindi ikaw mag aadjust sakaniya tama lang ginawa mo! ❤️

thank you!! 😭😭😭 it's a bit sad lang kasi first boyfriend ko tapos ganito lang sya mageend. parang mababaw pero ilang beses na kami nagaway dahil sa ganito hindi naman sya nagbabago... okay na siguro talaga yung decision ko 🥲

[katelcorn]

as an nbsb girlie who recently had a boyfriend, do u know how fucking ridiculous it was to celebrate our very 1st monthsary alone? 😂 nakakatawa but humiliating at the same time pero it was definitely a memorable experience. imagine may boyfriend ka pero di mo kasama magcelebrate ng milestone sa relationship nyo 😂

di ko alam siguro mahirap ako mahalin talaga. i try to be as low maintenance as possible, binaba ko na lahat ng standards ko, wala na rin akong masyadong expectations. in the end nadidisappoint pa rin ako. imagine bare minimum nalang gagawin, iggreet nalang ako di pa nagawa hahahaha!

ewan ko ba ang funny ng first relationship experience ko. rate ko sha ng 2/5 i def do not recommend! ladies, choose the guy who loves you more than you love him para di kayo masaktan sa huli hahahahahahahaha lol

[katelcorn]

tanginaaaaaa

nagsorry na ko lahat lahat sasagot lang saken "okay kung yan decision mo"

first time ko magkaboyfriend ganto ba talaga mga lalaki punyemas nakakairita talaga

[katelcorn]

During the early stage nga ng relationship that's when guys tend to go above and beyond for their partners. Regardless kung kasalanan nila or hindi, they will fight for it. The kind na hindi mo kikibuin buong araw but will knock on your door to fix things. People who will love you that way exists and you haven't met them yet. Chin up, Queen. Any guy would be lucky to have you

eto lagi sinasabi ng friends ko and i'm always quick to defend him. minsan pinagsasabihan nya ko not to tell anyone about our issues na and ako lang daw nagpapalaki lagi

sometimes all i need is reassurance ayun lang, he fails to deliver pa

ewan ko baka i'm too much na rin talaga naaawa rin ako sakanya when he has to deal with me, pero di ko naman sya pinipilit kaya lagi ako nakikipagbreak nalang lol

but thank you! this made me feel a lil better

[katelcorn]

Idk what led to your breakup but for something like this to happen on the first monthasary is considered good riddance.

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

[katelcorn]

like i literally made him a card and all 😭😭😭 this really isn't the 1st monthsary i was expecting to have especially because this really is my first EVER. i wanted it to be special...

i left all my gifts for him inside my drawer at the office and i'm a little regretful we weren't able to celebrate today just cuz i let my neurotic thoughts get in the way of us having a proper conversation. i wish i didn't feel insecure all the time. i wish i was a better girlfriend. i wish i don't always misunderstand him. i wish i wasn't always quick to think of the worst case scenario. but i don't know how to get better.

sobrang excited kasi ako parang 2 weeks ko na tong iniisip tapos biglang nagpost sya ng plans nya with his friends TONIGHT. tonight. at our monthsary night. and so i thought maybe he really did forget or he just doesn't care enough to bring it up. natrigger talaga ko and without thinking i just blocked him. i think valid naman ako don. lagi nya kasi inuuna mga friends nya. kala ko this time won't be any different. but i was wrong. should i say sorry? pero ayoko... isipin nya pa nagkamali ako. hayyy

[katelcorn]

this relationship thingy is so hard when you're emotionally unstable 🫠🫠🫠

[katelcorn]

guys i broke up with my boyfriend yesterday (today's our 1st monthsary) and he didn't bother greeting me. nothing. so i thought he forgot or he just didn't care, so this afternoon i blocked him thinking he'll talk to me in person but he didn't and then i found out he bought me gifts and flowers and he was so mad he posted the pics captioned "for sale!!!"

i was about to feel bad but then i remember i bought him a shirt and a watch too and idk what to do with those things anymore. should i just sell them too? 😭😭😭😭😭

[katelcorn]

lol my mom just told me to kill myself lol what makes her think i haven't thought of that before lol

[katelcorn]

i went to aurora music fest last may with my tita hehe :")