little white lies

so tell me when you hear my heart stop 

[katelcorn]

lol my mom just told me to kill myself lol what makes her think i haven't thought of that before lol

[katelcorn]

i went to aurora music fest last may with my tita hehe :")

[katelcorn]

04.20 — we locked gazes and immediately bursted into laughter. without words, without anything else. tell me why i said it didn't matter what happened between us, but in that moment i was ready to risk it all again?

tell me why if there's a tiny chance of us being okay again, i would've held on to that hope and make myself stupidly believe we'll be okay? tell me why i saw you smile and i'm back at square one again, me hoping, waiting until you gather enough courage to show me you love me.

because that's all you wanted, right? a little time to man up, a little time to get yourself together, a little time i need to wait on which costed me my relationship with my family and friends.

i don't wanna force things anymore. and i'm done hoping you'll wake up one day and realize my worth. because right now i feel sidelined and you're only here when it's convenient for you. i hate that i protected my heart for so long just for it to be shattered by a guy who's so afraid of showing he loves me. i hate that i said i didn't wanna get this wrong and i still did.

maybe right now this will hurt. but maybe this is what i need to walk away from you. but tell me why i'm saying all these things but if come running to me, i would've accepted you with open arms?

[katelcorn]

soooooo

i don't know if i still want this life. . . sister took 2 months to decide when they'll go to my house and now i'm having second thoughts. idk what to tell her :/

[katelcorn]

Nagmomol ba kayo?

nopeeeee

[katelcorn]

ang hirap ng situation na yan ah tapos ikaw pa yung huling ihahatid. The silence and awkwardness na dati hindi naman, I don't know what something big happen at naging ganyan siya sa iyo. Pero hoping you'll not experience that again

-C

it really was super awkward 🥲 the silence was deafening and the air felt very heavy. . . parang he was there but he seemed so far away

it was a 30 min drive and we did not speak once. well, he asked where my house was and in my head i was like, really???? parang di mo ko hinatid ng ilang beses dati

you know what's funny? nothing big really happened. one day i just felt him being distant and i matched his energy then boom, wala na

anywayyy, thanks for sharing yer thoughts again! di ko makwentuhan friends ko kasi parang ayaw na nila marinig hahahaha but it feels nice having someone listen :)

[katelcorn]

update, if anyone cares to read haha

we don't have a driver today to take us home kasi busy sa deliveries. the other drivers were jailed parang 2 weeks ago? and we don't know when they're coming back

and since he's authorized to drive the company cars, they forced him to drive us home nalang. WE pala. kasi grabe yung pagcoconvince ko sa head ko para magpasuyo sakanya ihatid kami

i ended up sitting beside him. it was SOOOO awkward. believe me, we weren't like that before. ngayon ang bigat ng hangin, hindi ako makahinga, hindi makagalaw. i didn't know how to act around him. pero dati, ang landi landi namin. naghholding hands pa kami sa car and sa motor bike nya. ngayon para kaming strangers

when i was the only one in the car with him, nagpray talaga ko na sana magsalita sya. sana kausapin nya ko. sana kamustahin nya man lang ako. pero hindi. malapit na kami sa bahay, dun lang sya nagtanong ng daan. kunyari pa sya eh alam nya naman, ilang beses nya na ko hinatid. when we reached my house i just said thanks and hopped out the car quickly. sobrang awkward kasi, di ko inakala na aabot kami sa ganon

pero okay lang. he never comes through talaga. kung anong ineexpect kong gawin nya, never nya ginawa. kaya okay lang. di ako masyado nadisappoint kasi alam ko naman na madidisappoint talaga ko sakanya umpisa pa lang

it just really sucks whatever happened between us. . . nakakainis na ganito na kami ngayon. akala ko by this time, mas serious na, mas malalim na. akala ko talaga may pupuntahan kami. oh weeell, sabi nga nila hindi to rejection but redirection. i'm trusting God and His plans. 🤍

[katelcorn]

star ng pasko ⭐️

[katelcorn]

oh I see, I will not make further comments and assumptions regarding your situation. Based on how you answer alam kung you can decide for yourself.

Praying that God give you wisdom and strength on what decision would you make.

WISDOM sa utak, let it decide kasi ang puso marupok at pabugso-bugso ang desisyon.

-C

thank you 🙏 i've been praying about this and God has been consistently telling me this will lead nowhere.

now i'm praying for strength to finally walk away 🙏

[katelcorn]

if okay lang malaman, ilang years na ba kayo in a relationship?

"Communication" ito yung isa sa mga essential na need ng relationship or kahit ng society kasi it causes misunderstanding and struggles.

I hope you both will work things out for the better.

-C

we're not even in a relationship yet, still getting to know each other, but he already dropped the L word months ago. as for me, i told him i'm still figuring out if i "love" him too but i know i have feelings for him. i've known him for more than a year na, started developing feelings around march-april last year. and from then on we've been playfully teasing each other. i used to play games with him as well, and that's how we became closer

last december 2025, confessions happened and we never stopped talking since then. we went on a date na rin. but just once and it never happened again cuz my mom found out and she wanted to meet him at home but i feel like he keeps stalling? parang one time he was ready to meet my mom but then he said he was too shy and nervous. maybe it was also my fault kasi one time i told him not to drop me in front of my house so maybe that discouraged him too? i don't even know anymore lol

[katelcorn]

a normal immature trait ng karamihan ng mga guys.

I think thats push-pull method in psychology, its your choice if you will remain your relationship or communication with kind of person. I don't know if pasok pa siya sa "malay mo magbago".

My recommendation is choose yourself and your own peace. Nag-cause ng overthinking mga ganyang tao.

- C

hi! yes i'm trying to analyze him as well. i think he's an avoidant too but him being like that makes me withdraw emotionally lang. but i guess if we want to make this work, we have to work on our attachment issues rin. idk but nattrigger nya rin abandonment issues ko so i feel like sometimes it's better to put some distance between us

i still think he's a great guy, minsan lang he doesn't know how to properly approach me and i don't like how he treats me

i don't like how this behavior is normalized though, he's turning me into a fearful avoidant lol

but thanks for your thoughts! appreciate it :)

[katelcorn]

is it normal for a guy to behave like this?

to turn cold and distant, not do things you're used to him doing, and when you tell him you're used to his absence he throws a temper tantrum and not speak with you for a whole month. repost stuff on insta saying i found someone new. i couldn't even be with him, how could i be with someone else?

now he's posting shit about how he misses me but he could've done that when he felt like i was pulling away. now it's just too late and i'm like, whatever.

i don't like this treatment and i was really hoping he'd man up but seeing how he still can't do that, i don't think this is worth it anymore.

this sucks because i genuinely like him but i don't like feeling like i'm just being played.

[katelcorn]

halooo ~ :")

[hollanderthoughts]

I want to be heard (doesn’t speak) I want to be understood (doesn’t explain) I want to be seen (acts like if a missing person was right in front of everybody)

[katelcorn]

[katelcorn]

it's been almost a month of no contact with him. for me, it's suffering, torture in the cruelest way, a reminder that him reaching out confirms how little i mean to him. but for him, it's just a normal tuesday. we see each other at work, we don't look at each other's way, we pretend the other one doesn't exist. very normal for him.

well i found out last night that his last day at work is on april 16th. without even telling me :) without trying to fix what we've broken. he's leaving without even a proper goodbye. don't i deserve a goodbye at least? i just think that after all that happened he owes me at least a goodbye. tell me you're leaving, tell me we're really over, tell me you're done. at least that!

i have so many questions for him that i know would only be left unanswered because we don't speak with each other anymore. because instead of manning up, he chose the easier path to take, which is leaving me behind after all the mess we created. now i'm left wondering if what he felt for me was real like he told me, or if my friends were right and he was just here for a good time. but i guess i'll never get answers now cuz he chose to walk away from us.

before him i was happy with how things were in my life, but he came and showed me i could have a life with someone. now i'm up at 5am writing paragraphs he'll never have access to cuz he showed me i could also still have a life without him. maybe someday i'll forget about all this, i'll forget the sound of his voice, how he made me feel. i'll forget how intensely he used to stare at me, i'll forget about his promises. maybe someday i'll lose all these feelings i still have for him. but i'll never forget that he was just the boy who chose to escape instead of proving how pure his intentions were.

the joke of it all is that he was the first guy i've ever loved, and i'm gonna need to find a way to accept that he's not the first guy to actually love me. maybe this was just a game to him and someday i'll come to terms with that aching truth.

but not now. . . today i'll show him how much i hate him. until all that's left of me is nothing but indifference towards him.

[katelcorn]

we're signing up for a 10k run this june anddddd . . . here's how it's going so far hahahaha napagod ako ang sakit sa legs