Katalina

the world through the eyes of a girl who‘s still around the morning after

[katemoiselle]

Side salad to my project “heavy mornings”

As it should be, this project has outgrown itself a long time ago. I’m only sticking to the title until I can find something better for this mental journey.

I am aware of the fact that many of you started to be to worried about me when I started this series. Don’t be. Me finally talking about these feelings is the beginning of my healing process, and this project is the most helpful thing I have ever had in connection with my anxiety. Being able to communicate these things (that, I believe, are not completely unknown to many of you) is the best therapy I could’ve ever asked for.

The way it started was like this: I’ve seen a post about how people are always trying to make their life seem perfect and constantly happy on social media. But there is, of course, two sides to that story. And here I was, deciding to embrace my anxious, black and white mornings. And then afternoons or early evenings followed. Because these days deserve the spotlight as well.

My winter depression (or seasonal affective disorder, whichever you’d like to call it) definitely did not help with my anxiety in these past months of lockdowns and isolations. I’ve never felt so lost and empty, not to mention the complete lack of motivation and inspiration. Until the start of this project, that is. Thankfully, the first warm days are also arriving now, and I am letting the sunshine in.

heavy mornings / part 8

[katemoiselle]

heavy mornings / part 7

[katemoiselle]

heavy mornings / part 6

[katemoiselle]

heavy mornings / part 5

[katemoiselle]

heavy mornings / part 4

Here’s to women like me, not being able to love themselves to the fullest. I, for one, has never been able to accept my body. Seeing all the “perfect” girls on social media is one of the many sources of my anxiety. Knowing I will never be like them. But then, maybe that’s for the best. Because I am me, and I am unique, and not just another one of the instagirls with the many filters. And I deserve love, most importantly from myself.

Happy women’s day.

[katemoiselle]

heavy mornings / part 3

[katemoiselle]

Heavy mornings / part 2.

my winter depression (or seasonal affective disorder, whichever you’d like to call it) definitely did not help with my anxiety in these past months. however, the first warm days are arriving now. letting the sunshine in.

[katemoiselle]

Ophelia / school project

2021

[katemoiselle]

Heavy mornings / part 1.

I’ve seen a post about how people are always trying to make their life seem perfect and constantly happy on social media. Well, here I go, embracing my anxious, black and white mornings. Because these days deserve the spotlight as well.

[katemoiselle]

After all, we were just two people passing by, with our glances crossing for one second too long.

[katemoiselle]

drunken bus rides

There’s something inexplicable about riding the night bus in the middle of the evening, when you already have had enough alcohol to see your demons sitting in the seat right in front of you. Anxiety and Loneliness are unobtrusively taking glances at you, possibly discussing all of the bad decisions and failures of your life, while Melancholy placed herself on the seat right next to you, her arm gently touching yours.

The lights outside seem to dance on a strange, ritualic way, somewhat like members of a cult, whose aim is to curse you for the rest of your life. Life feels abnormally still on these nights, as if the world has stopped for a moment to admire your misery, watching your sad memories like people watch movies in cinemas, the stars being like popcorn left on the ground after the screening. And you’re watching along.

[katemoiselle]

late nights, early mornings

drunk on beer or on tension

we always end up

getting each other’s attention;

pumping blood.

little touches, secret kisses,

not a thought

of anyone who misses

us.

[katemoiselle]

december (2018)

[katemoiselle]

rainy night, 2019

pushed film

[katemoiselle]

GranCanada @ Organix Festival, 2020

[katemoiselle]

Salle de bain de ma grand-mère

septembre 2020

[katemoiselle]

Daughter of May!

Your face has always had the expression of spring, even when it storms.

But your physical grace is not why you have garnered so much love.

It is because your gestures are music, in that they are in key with the world. Your heart is harmony with those of us lucky enough to let ours sing with yours.

When you smile and let the clouds break, you bring all the sincere happiness of the season.

Congratulations on your new age. Your new atmosphere of experience. Your new verse, all the more ripe with your growing number of friends, loves, and years.

- Anna Leah for my birthday, 2020