blink back to let me know.

hello! i'm kathy, i am 17, and i am very strange. if you want to know something else, please do ask :). "i like things that i like, but i love everything." users online

[kathattack]

been rereading my tumblr lately

and it’s so CRAZY because yeah a lot of it feels really juvenile and dramatic and makes me wanna cringe a little bit but SO MUCH OF IT is true to who i am today. and i’m so struck by it every time i wander back onto my page and scroll through a page or two. and it makes me really, really happy i kept this thing (which at times was frustrating and at times scary and at all times usually pretty vulnerable) because it truly is like a time capsule. i was texting a friend today that it’s like WHOOSH i’m instantly transported back. wow. maybe i’ll try to keep it up.

it’s like, i don’t want to change my description that says i’m 17. it’s so crazy to imagine that i wrote that description SIX YEARS AGO. WOW. time. it flies. 

damn, you know?

[kathattack]

dear people of the world: stop underestimating yourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank u good night

[kathattack]

“Okay, we didn't work, and all memories to tell you the truth aren't good. But sometimes there were good times. Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep beside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great wars like ours.”

One Last Poem for Richard, by Sandra Cisneros

[kathattack]

Haven't posted on here in quite a while...

When I really think about it, I realize that the thing that I fear most is time. Sometimes I even resent it. Thinking about all the things that it has brought me away from. Thinking about how it dwells when I least want it to, and how it seems to run away from me when I just want it to pause. People say that time heals everything, but I find that at times it has the opposite effect. Time creates pain -- whether it be when you're trying to 'find closure' in the moment, or whether you're reflecting on your past. 

If only time could do what I want. But then life would be too easy, right?

[kathattack]

day 8(?)

i miss crawling into bed with you and going to sleep knowing that you were there and i was there and even if we had a bad day that everything was okay. i miss that. i miss a lot of things. sometimes i forget that we are not together and i think that i can still do that. i think i can just go over, go upstairs, find you. but i can't. and it's really really hard for me to accept that. but i am trying. 

i'm sick and tired of the way that i feel, i'm sick of dreaming and it's never for real. i'm all alone with my deep thoughts. i'm all alone with my heartache and my good intentions.

(Hellhole Ratrace, Girls)

[kathattack]

yep, feeling pretty shitty

[kathattack]

oh i think i screwed up the timing. it happened friday, so let's just call today day 4.

day 4 (4:36 pm):

things i want to do:

-watch himym 

-cry

-sleep

-go home

-rewind 3 weeks

things i don't want to do:

-my paper

-prepare for my presentation

-study for my midterm

i feel so uneasy. that describes it better than sad or angry. i just feel not at peace, like something is missing. and i feel alone. i feel saddest when i wake up for two reasons: 1) i feel so very alone and 2) when i first wake up i'm a little disoriented and i don't even remember. and then it hits me and i am so sad. 

i've been calling people like crazy everyday, just to motivate myself to get up. 

i hate missing you, but i'm human and i need to realize that this will take time. i guess writing is helping. 

[kathattack]

day 2:

it's been quite the weekend, to say the least. at this exact moment right now, i feel...good. idk if that will be true tomorrow morning (probably not), but right now...i'm ready to take on the world and be myself and not be trying to make someone else happy all the time. and i think i need to remember again what "happy" really means. yes, i'm sad. but i'm not crying; i'm not mourning. i'm sad that through it all you still haven't changed very much at all. but that's ok. people are different, and we were and are different. 

i got dis. 

i got. dis.

[teenagedream]

[kathattack]

omg bree yes

[kathattack]

rebuilding

one day at a time.

[kathattack]

restlessrestlessrestlessrestlessrestselsktalkjslkfjaklsfjalksdfkamscmal;ksdjf

[kathattack]

dinner conversation

would you rather die tomorrow or live forever?

i'd be curious as to what your answer is, if you have one!

[iblogaboutmesorry]

Mayhem makes paper dresses with her mom, and she loves it.

[lickystickypickyzzz]

This one is ready for the world.

[kathattack]

Deep inside the heart of this troubled man,

There's an itty bitty boy tugging hard at your hand.

Born bitter as a lemon but you must understand

That you've been bringing me joy.

[kathattack]

this semester tho

realized that a lot of the things i've done thus far have been extensions of what i've done in high school (i.e. model un, chinatown esl). not that there's anything wrong with that. i love those things. but i've decided to try a few new things:

-crimson design (!!!!! ya design editor comp yaaaa! made a front page mock up today)

-scas (helping people navigate small claims courts in massachusetts)

-crew (gonna be a cox! we will see how this one pans out.......)

SO TIRE ALL THE TIME

[beatpie]

[kathattack]

omg this looks like one of my friend's little sister

SHE'S SO CUTE

[kathattack]

And I don't come here for the exclusivity

I just come here for the view

And the minuscule chance of some close proximity 

Or an awkward conversation with you 

Yeah that'd be cool.