Hold my hand masterlist - Fernando Alonso Masterlist - F1 Masterlist
featuring: Fernando Alonso x ofc! Martina De Marchi
summary: Sometimes, when everything starts to fall apart, the only thing that matters is having someone close enough to stay, close enough to hold your hand.
genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
warnings: This story contains themes of domestic abuse (both verbal and physical), toxic relationships, and implied sexual violence.
It also includes emotionally heavy content and hospital settings that may be distressing to some readers.
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That place wasn’t Martina.
It was the first thing Fernando thought the moment he walked into that restaurant that felt too elegant, too impersonal, too carefully constructed.
It was simply the place Leonardo had chosen for her, probably without even asking himself what she actually wanted; the driver glanced around for a moment, studying the group of people he was walking toward, all of them just a little fake.
Maybe she would’ve preferred going to the movies instead.
A few moments later he saw her, holding a glass in her hand and wearing a black dress that looked good on her but said absolutely nothing about who she was, her hair pinned up and that flat expression on her face that never really changed while she listened to the two people standing in front of her talking, Leonardo, and another guy who could’ve been his clone.
“Alonso!” the doctor exclaimed the second he saw him, hurrying over and saying his name loudly enough for everyone to hear, loudly enough to make sure everyone understood he had invited someone that important.
Too bad Fernando wasn’t there for him.
“I’m so glad you came,” Leonardo said, shaking his hand, and Fernando muttered a greeting without even really looking at him; behind him Martina had noticed him already and was smiling as she walked closer.
“Hi Fer,” she said, stopping in front of him.
“Hey Doc!” Fernando replied before opening his mouth to say something else, only to be interrupted.
“See? I brought Alonso,” Leonardo said to his girlfriend, and she simply nodded.
You didn’t bring me anywhere, asshole, Fernando thought.
“Thanks for coming,” Martina said softly.
“I’d never miss your birthday, doc,” the driver answered with a smile.
“Come on, come on, let me introduce you to a few people and let’s get a drink,” Leonardo continued, gesturing for Fernando to follow him as he headed toward the bar; Martina walked beside them, though still slightly apart, as if once again she was trying to stay in the background and not bother anyone, even though it was her party.
They started chatting with the other guests, normal conversations, small talk, random topics, and Fernando kept wondering how this could possibly be Martina’s party, the Martina he knew, that twenty-eight-year-old girl who liked talking, laughing, getting lost in movies and smiling for real whenever she could.
They hadn’t seen each other since the night she’d fallen asleep on his couch, the night he’d seen a kind of fear in her that had genuinely scared him, because of the look she’d had in her eyes, because of the way she’d panicked, because of how quickly she’d run away.
But also because that night he had realized he only wanted to keep her with him.
He wanted to keep her there on the couch, asleep, safe, protected from whatever was lurking around waiting to hurt her.
Away from him, away from Leonardo, away from that perfectly composed monster who was now smiling as if nothing was wrong even though he terrified her every single day.
Fernando was grabbing another beer when he felt someone step up beside him.
“Alonso,” Roberto smiled, ordering something from the bartender too.
“Hey,” the driver answered. “Didn’t know you were here too.”
“Just got here, I left the hospital early. I figured since it’s her birthday party Martina deserved at least a couple of actual friends instead of just the asshole faces invited by that bastard,” the doctor replied before taking a sip of beer.
“This doesn’t feel like her kind of party,” Fernando admitted.
“It isn’t,” the other man answered sharply. “She’d actually taken tomorrow off to go to the beach, but the asshole’s leaving with some friends,” he explained.
Fernando turned to look at the birthday girl, smiling while pretending to be involved in some conversation or another.
“Have you talked to her?” the driver asked.
“I tried,” Roberto replied. “But we were on shift and… we got interrupted. I was hoping to say something tonight, but I don’t even know if I should.” He sighed. “And honestly, I don’t even know what I’d say, because part of me just wants to tell her to run.”
Silence settled between them for a second.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about what you told me,” the doctor continued. “And I started replaying a lot of things in my head, episodes, behaviors, little details about Martina… And I’m scared… I’m scared you’re right. I think she’s a victim of that man and… Maybe all these years I ignored her cries for help without even realizing it.”
He took another sip of beer.
“More than once I saw her choosing her shifts based on Leonardo’s schedule, and I never really stopped to think about the fact she always chose to be at the hospital whenever he was home, when normally it should’ve been the opposite… She’s always the first one volunteering for overtime, the one who almost never goes out with coworkers or joins any kind of social thing…” Roberto continued. “...I’m afraid I got so caught up in my own life that I became blind to what was right in front of me.”
“I don’t think violence is the first thing people imagine…” Fernando said quietly.
“No, but I’ve been a doctor for years, Alonso, and I’ve seen a lot of violence. Maybe I should’ve understood… You did immediately,” the other man replied.
“I saw things, I mean… it happened that…”
“...it didn’t just happen, Fernando,” Roberto interrupted, turning to look at him. “You stopped. You chose not to look the other way.”
Then he smiled slightly, “You like her.”
“What?” Fernando asked, completely caught off guard, and the doctor burst out laughing.
“No, it’s not why I want to… help her…” the driver started to say.
“I’m not saying you want to help her because of that,” Roberto replied. “But there’s something about her you like.”
“More than something,” Fernando admitted almost under his breath. “But that’s not the point. I don’t want to help her so I can get my chance with her,” he clarified. “I want to do it because… She deserves to be happy, and free to choose whatever she wants.”
“You’re a fucking good guy, Alonso,” Roberto laughed before pushing himself away from the counter and heading back toward the birthday girl.
Fernando stayed there alone with his beer.
He liked Martina.
He liked talking to her, watching her play with that damn kitten he’d ended up adopting just because of her, he liked when she sat quietly through a movie, when she told him about patients, stories, work, or even just something she’d thought about or dreamed of doing.
He wanted to free her from Leonardo and he didn’t want to do it so he could win her over, he just wanted to see her happy.
Then maybe, maybe… Who knew.
-
“Nice party,” Roberto said as he walked over to Martina outside on the restaurant’s porch.
She smiled, shrugging lightly. “It’s one of Leo’s favorite places,” she said before taking a sip of champagne.
“Maybe he could’ve picked your favorite place,” the older man replied as he sat down in one of the chairs. “But he doesn’t really seem to care much about what you like,” he added, setting his beer down on the small table beside him.
She didn’t answer, just stared at the street ahead of them.
“I’m not good at choosing things, I probably would’ve picked some shitty place anyway,” she said after a while.
Roberto looked at her for a moment, thinking carefully about what to say.
“So according to him… Your choices are always wrong?” he asked, and she nodded absentmindedly.
“Marty…” Roberto said quietly as he stood up. “...You’re allowed to choose, you know that, right?”
“I do,” she replied automatically.
“You’re also allowed to choose not to be with him,” the man answered, more directly than he’d probably intended.
Martina turned to look at him, caught completely off guard.
“We…”
“Me,” Roberto interrupted her. “There should be a me before there’s a we, Marty. And definitely before there’s a him.”
Martina lowered her gaze.
“Hey birthday girl,” Fernando’s voice sounded behind them and she turned immediately, unable to hide the smile that appeared on her face, one Roberto noticed instantly. “They’re making a toast without you. And I’m not wishing you happy birthday early, I’m waiting until tomorrow. I’ll do it together with Spritz,” Fernando added as he stopped beside them, making Martina burst out laughing.
“It’s bad luck to say it before midnight,” Fernando defended himself, raising his hands with a grin, and Roberto noticed that too: the way he looked at her.
“I’m gonna grab another beer,” he said immediately, glancing between the two of them; in that moment he was the extra person there, and Martina was in very good company already with that Spanish driver who managed to make her laugh in a way he’d never seen anyone else do.
“I’ll give you your gift tomorrow too,” Fernando said a little later, once the doctor had gone back inside.
“You really didn’t need to get me anything, Fer,” she answered softly. “I’m already happy you’re here.”
“I already bought it, but you’re getting it tomorrow,” he repeated with a smile as he looked at her. “It feels weird celebrating the day before…” he added carefully.
“Leo leaves tomorrow morning, his flight’s at six… so…” she shrugged. “...I wanted to go to the beach,” she admitted without even thinking.
“I’ll take you,” Fernando answered immediately. “I’ll take you to the beach tomorrow,” he repeated, and she turned to look at him.
“No, no… I didn’t mean… I wasn’t trying to…” she started to say quickly.
“Will you come to the beach with me tomorrow?” he interrupted, stepping slightly closer. “I don’t really know where to go, but you can guide me, right?” he continued, lowering his voice for no real reason.
Martina stared at him without fully understanding what was happening, what was happening to her, what happened to her every single time she was with him.
He had this way of talking to her that made her feel important, that amused smile whenever she said something stupid or funny, and those eyes she sometimes couldn’t even look at because it felt like they could read straight through her.
There were moments when she forgot what she was supposed to say while looking at him, moments when she wanted to be closer to him, others when she wished the rest of the world would disappear.
“We won’t tell anyone,” Fernando continued. “Nobody has to know. But it’s your birthday and you want to go to the beach.”
“I don’t think you really have time to spend an entire day at the beach for no reason…” she said quietly.
“For you, I’ll make time. You’re reason important enough,” he answered, tilting his head slightly. “Come to the beach with me tomorrow?” he repeated.
“Yes,” Martina answered without hesitating.
“I’ll knock on your door at nine then,” Fernando smiled. “You’re not this party, Marty. You’re not an elegant dinner full of people you don’t even want to talk to.”
“Your friends don’t have to be his friends,” the driver continued. “You’re so much more than what he wants you to be, and I know that because I’ve seen it, because when we’re together you’re… an incredible Martina…”
She lowered her gaze, visibly affected by his words.
“You know how to laugh for real, you have a thousand interests… You’re not some white restaurant with dim lights, you’re that noisy place full of lights where we met a while ago, and you’re definitely not a black dress that’s too long. You’re that sparkly purple dress instead…” the driver continued while she slowly lifted watery eyes back to him.
“It’s not that you aren’t beautiful like this too,” Fernando added softly. “But when you’re really yourself, you’re even more beautiful.”
Silence fell between them before the restaurant doors opened again and the other guests spilled outside with all their chatter and noise.
-
It was after two in the morning and Leonardo had been asleep for hours already, he had to wake up at four-thirty to catch his six a.m. flight.
Martina was sitting in the living room, that random book he’d bought her as a birthday gift abandoned on the coffee table.
She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t calm down, she kept replaying every word Fernando had said to her in her head.
“It’s not that you aren’t beautiful like this too, but when you’re really yourself, you’re even more beautiful.”
There were too many thoughts in her mind, too many feelings, she was confused, overwhelmed… but every road kept leading in the same direction: toward the apartment across the hall.
Toward Fernando.
She’d been trying to push those thoughts away for weeks, they were feelings she couldn’t even allow herself to have.
She couldn’t admit how much she liked seeing him.
She couldn’t admit how much she always wanted to stop and talk to him.
She couldn’t admit that the night he’d held her hand she’d wanted him to keep holding it forever.
She couldn’t admit she’d developed a crush on him.
Or that maybe crush wasn’t even the right word anymore.
She couldn’t admit she was falling in love with him.
She couldn’t, for a million reasons.
Because of Leonardo, but also because they were talking about Fernando Alonso, not just some random guy you happen to fall for.
She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the couch.
“I’ll take you to the beach tomorrow.”
That was exactly what he’d said, and something told her he meant it, that he really would knock on her door the next morning, and she couldn’t wait.
Her phone vibrated and she picked it up, bursting out laughing the second she saw the message that had just come through.
Fernando:
Fernando: I’m exhausted and this thing won’t leave me alone…
Fernando: Do you see the stupid faces he keeps making too?????
Fernando: I want to sleep
Martina: But you two are adorable together
Fernando: I’m not adorable, I’m tired
Fernando: And he’s not adorable, he’s a pain in the ass
Martina: He wants attention…
Fernando: You come keep him company then, so I can sleep…
Martina: I wish… I can’t sleep anyway
Fernando: Why not?
Martina: Thoughts…
Fernando: Good ones?
Martina paused for a second: she was thinking about him.
Martina: Yeah
Fernando: Thank God
Martina: I was thinking about tonight… About what you said…
Martina: You said things about me that… I didn’t think anyone had noticed…
Fernando: I like watching you, doc
Fernando: I’m afraid I like being around you a little too much
Martina: Enough to take me to the beach?
Fernando: Definitely enough for that…
Martina: I don’t understand why
Fernando: Why what?
Martina: Why you like being with me
Fernando: I don’t think you see what I see, Marty
Fernando: Otherwise you’d understand perfectly well why
Fernando: I can think of dozens of reasons
Fernando: The only downside is that you convinced me to adopt this damn cat
Martina: You love him…
Fernando: I’m afraid I do…
Martina: I’m going to bed, champ…
Fernando: Night doc, I’ll ring your bell tomorrow at nine…
Fernando: And since it’s after midnight now: happy birthday Marty
Martina: Thank you
I kind of miss the impulsivity that certain spaces used to allow. oh you want a hair cut today? hairdresser in the corner can fit you in before her 2 o’clock. tattoo of a cobra… sure leg or arm? even concerts, back when you could go to the box office thirty mins before any show. not saying these things don’t exist at all, but everything feels booked five months in advance and 10x more expensive
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