Too Much Thinking @katiemarone-blog - Tumblr Blog

Thoughts of the day.

it’s around 4olock on my day off from work on a Tuesday and there’s a nice chill in the air where it feels like spring is around the corner. I keep thinking to myself how excited I am to start gardening this year remembering how much fun I had last year.

I went to light a candle in my hometown church today which felt really nice. I had to go in to get a paper signed since my sister in law asked me to be godmother which I am super excited about.

It has been 4 months since I posted a video on youtube. I feel guilty that I feel like I am abandoning my subscribers but to be honest since youtube is so heavily saturated I feel like I’m not idk spunky enough? I’ve always wanted a platform and have people ask me the makeup questions but since having an important role at Sephora and trying to plan a wedding my brain just shuts off the minute I step foot into my house. Plus I feel very self conscious when the FH is home and I don’t like being heard when I’m filming. Filming is my time...not your time to listen to my hobby. I feel like I sound like a 16 year old girl right now who is bothered by getting interrupted.

Anyway, planning our wedding is going good. 445 more days to go! Handing out my bridesmaid boxes was a success and I’m over the moon so happy it’s finally my time to be the center of attention. Very rare for that to happen.

Having dinner with my folks tonight. working all week with next sunday off. Talk then.

does anyone actually use tumblr anymore

I miss writing and typing. I feel like tumblr is kinda lost and forgotten about since facebook and instagram has pretty much taken up the entire world.

Maybe I’ll get into blogging more?

New Years Resolutions:

1) Focus on Freelancing

2) Save for new Car and GET new car

3) Make Time to go to gym more (stop being lazy)

.... being an adult is so hard.

Hunter Mountain

Usually I’m the one talking about all things beauty but today I’m here to talk about my experience of hunter mountain.

My boyfriend is out on the mountain snowboarding today. He’s super really into it and I deff give him a lot of credit. I’ve tried skiing once 2 years ago and absolutely hated it. Not my cup of tea so lets just put it at that. I tried and that’s all i wanna say.

I’m sitting in a cafeteria with people of all ages refueling there bodies with food. I had some of the chili which is actually really good and a granola bar that was not so good. I pull out my laptop looking like I belong in a hipster scene straight out of a Starbucks commercial listening to music as you would on a radio. To be honest with you i’m kinda bored. My cell phone is behind me charging...wifi isn’t the greatest and I feel so out of place. I feel like I don’t fit in cause this just isn’t my scene. maybe if people see me typing they might think i’m doing something important but I do have no where else to go. I already checked out of the condo cause the regular house that my friends and i are renting isn’t going to be ready till 3 or 4pm i think. so lets just say I really really feel out of place. i’m taking up a whole table and kinda feel bad that i am cause there aren’t any other smaller tables I can sit at. UGH. Mike said he’ll be done around 2:30 or 3...so what else can i do?

I tried to walk around in the shops but there’s really nothing here. Its a ski town. duh. all the shops are all ski related so I really don’t have a choice in going anywhere. time now is 1:11pm and i’m still sitting.

The Runaway

Sometimes I wish I could just ran away from all my problems...don’t we all?

My bills, my responsibilities, my nagging family...everything...

yes..start over in Hawaii, Where i could be happy and live on the beach.

and wear a bikini everyday and have my hair up in a messy bun,

drink coffee on my balcony while listening to the quiet sound of the ocean

live on the beach and listen to tropical music...not worry about facebook or whose hooking up with who.

My worry of the day is ‘did i put enough sunscreen on?’

I just wanna live a calm, happy beach life.

I get depressed sometimes knowing that will never happen.

I can only be happy roughly 3 months out of the year...

silly New York weather...snow...

i wish i could just ran away from the snow...

My skin hates the cold...literally...

it starts to get goosebumps when i get the little bit cold...

I can’t live like that.

Is it worth staying in New York

I always thought that things were going really good for me...

a great job, an awesome relationship, great family of course I’m grateful however with all that being said..is it worth it to stay in New York.

Specifically the long island area...I can’t picture myself living anywhere else.

My family unfortunately was never really able to take a ‘typically family vacation’ so Ive never really had to opportunity to experience life outside Long Island.

I’ve only really been to Hawaii ( I saved my buff for that one) , Atlantic City( a weekend getaway with friends) and Pennsylvania ( road trip with friends) ...that’s it.

It’s almost kinda of depressing thinking to myself that I finally have my dream job of working at Sephora but the pay is so sucky.

I love it there; clients are cool, my co-workers are AWESOME, hours aren’t too bad, clean work environment, but the pay is horridness.

I used to work at Walgreens where I had no social life cause I was WORKING MY ASS OFF and the pay was AMAZING! ( at least for my position and for working there for 5 years) I do still miss it every once in a blue moon i’ll regret leaving knowing how much money I could have saved instead of buying crap that I didn’t need.

so what do i do? Do I stay at a place where I’m happy and sacrifice my money where in no way shape or form am able to move out and get a place with my boyfriend? Or do I leave my dream job and start from scratch.

I was always afraid to being that person living pay check to paycheck, not being able to pay my bills off, having extra money to spend yada yada yada...I don’t wanna have to struggle when it comes to my finical stability.

I feel like i’m stuck and I wish someone can guide me, my mom can only give me the best advise but I know nothing is going to change if I don’t try.

trying is always better then not trying at all.

I sometimes wish I didn’t go to college, I wasted 4 years of computers thinking that was going to be something that I had wanted...what a waste of money and time. I regret it everyday and wish I had the love of make when I finished high school. Could have went to beauty school and could have been 5 levels up form where I am now. I hated that I was pushed into going to college when I knew I wasn’t ready...I really wasn’t..I wanted to travel but now..of course I get talked out of it.

I really hate being an adult and making horrible decision...I feel like every decision I make is the wrong one.

wanting to move in with my boyfriend is something I REALLY want to do but hey look who can’t afford to give her share of the rent...$1800 for a 1 bedroom...are you kidding me?

you can probably get a bigger place and pay half that probably in Florida.

I wish i had all the answers and a better education...

is luck and opportunity the same thing?

I've always found myself writing my 'feelings' down.

I remember back when I was a teenager when I had my first boyfriend and writing about my first breakup.

page after page...all the different emotions in words that I would only understand because I knew those words meant something.

It wasn't until my 20's where I bought myself my first laptop and thinking to myself "wow typing is so much faster!"

I can just a button and my essay of heartache stays forever.

I sometimes thought of being a writer like everyone in the 20's thinks about but never actually knew what to write nor thought who would read what I write?

well for starters....I like writing about makeup.

everything down to the packaging, the way it looks, the way it preforms, the price tag, stuff like that...

I like to think that maybe there is that little shot in hell that some big CEO of some makeup company stumbles across what I write and thinks to herself "well this is pretty good"

people will like what I have to say.

people will want to hear what I have to say.

i just want interaction.

My cynical outlook on the holidays

hate to say it but I feel like the older I get, the more grouchy i get during the holiday season.

It's not that I hate seeing people all happy and jolly...perhaps I wish I was that 'jolly" but honestly i'm just not.

i'm too overwhelmed with trying to get decent presents for family and loved ones, and hate that I have to put on some act at holiday parties otherwise if I act like ms.grinch no one will talk to me.

I just want it to be summer all year round.

I forced myself to even put up the christmas tree this year.

what the heck is wrong with me ? =(

I sometimes hate thinking

Sometimes I hate when I"m all alone with my thoughts late at night.

Thinking of thoughts of things I should have said to you when I had the chance. A chance to make things better.

I'm in bed thinking all these things and then when i come to sit it all just goes away. I hate when that happens too.

I hate myself for crying on the phone that night

spilling my guts out to you.

I've ruined a real chance of having a normal friendship with you.

and i hate myself for that.

I hate that you probably forgot about me.

not even a sorry.

i hate that you won't want to make things right between us

I hate thinking that I once thought you were my friend.

I sometimes think that you'll be the better person and come to me and want to talk to me.

but of course, i'm always the one getting disappointed by the people that I want to care about me.

i hate how it's always been that way.

every time i have the most strongest feelings for someone, they always shut me down.

why can't i find what's real?

I don't know what to say

I feel like such a bad person.

the mistake I made i know is unforgivable.

but do i really want to go back?

back to a life that was a lie.

what would people say?

"you're a fool for going back to her." "why are you with her?"

what good would that do us?

you'll never look at me the same.

you wouldn't kiss me the same.

you couldn't love me the same.

...

I hate that we have nothing in common.

we don't like the same music, you hate going shopping with me...i sometimes felt like I couldn't be myself around you.

I just feel in my eyes like I was this person you think is so great when in reality i'm really not.

i'm not all that special.

i'm lazy, my room is always a mess, i hate exercising , i get even more lazy when it comes to cooking and all i wanna do is lay down and watch sex and the city.

sure i love going out and our romantic date nights but still.

i wish you made me laugh more...i wish you weren't so quiet.

i wish you were more spontaneous instead of 'we'll figure it out'

i hate that you would question my intelligence. asking me 'do you know what this means, you know what that means.'

if i say something wrong, don't prove to me and correct me.

if you go to ask me about my day, let me have the attention at least for a couple minutes, don't just change the subject so quickly and tell me about your day...let me at least ask you...because you know I always do.

I wish you didn't have an opinion on everything. There are things in this world that I personally just don't have an opinion on and that's ok with me.

and yet your making me prove to you that i want you back.

the truth is...I don't know if i do.

i don't know if i can be with someone who is constantly judging me.

on the other end of the spectrum....

i miss just going over your house to just hang out.

i liked just coming over and keeping you company while you edit.

I miss going out to eat with you, grabbing a beer when there was nothing else to do.

i miss you holding me.

I miss your warmth next to me when we would wake up next to each other.

...

i hate myself for being torn on what to do.

and yet for some very strange reason I still picture a life together after all that has happened.

I"m not sure if that'll ever be possible now.

I'm just so scared of making the wrong decision.

i don't know what else to say.

sorries are never good enough

my mind today was just a fog

I'm physically here but mentally I am lost.

I'm walking on a path of which I do now know if it's the right one nor how and if it ends.

If i could travel back in time i could change what i did to you.

it was unforgivable.

i feel like i don't know which end is up anymore after I treated you.

I just feel so guilty.

I am so sorry.

I knew it wasn't meant to be but i guess I just didn't want to admit it.

I hope one day that we can be civil to each other.

i hope one day that you'll find what your looking for

and i the same.

all these thoughts racing around...they never do seem to stop.

I am...just...truly...sorry.

kushandwizdom

cosmicwizdom

thegirlwhocrieswolf

Lullabies, the new book by international bestselling author Lang Leav will be released September 16th, 2014. Pre-order at all major bookstores. To get a special discount now, purchase online at Amazon,BN.comand The Book Depository.

Where am I?

Updates I feel are always the hardest to write.

You write about what's going on, how your feeling blah blah blah

and then you read it back and you say to yourself what the fuck?!

In a way i guess it's good to reflect on what direction one is going on because how you will know if you want to stay there, maybe you want to go somewhere different however always knowing your original path is always there and always waiting for you to come back.

I guess you can say I'm getting a little comfortable how and where I am now. I'm 23, still living at home, have a great boyfriend, have a good job(not my desired career but it pays the bills) and I'm doing what makes me happy which is make youtube videos.

the living at home thing is totally fine because I know how tough it would be if i were live on my own between buying food, bills and such but I like my little room and a DOUBLE room from when my brother moved out. I pretty much took over that room and to make it my filming room.

My boyfriend had mentioned about moving in together and quite honestly I would be a little scared. I really don't feel like i'm ready. He already has his "own" place aka he as a house with roommates and he pretty much did the whole i'm a grown up and i'm moving out thing. Me..I like my little bubble..is that bad?

As the job thing ::sigh::

Don't get me wrong I really do like my job and my boyfriend wants me to quit so badly but hello i have bills AND heath insurance. My dream job however would be working for MAC during the week and doing freelance makeup on the weekend. that would be amazing.

so thus I need to get certificated. Pretty much the only way I can do that is to go to school (which isn't cheap) so I can't get my dream job without school and without my job now I can never save up for school and without school and without my dream I'll stay in the same place forever which is NOT want I want. I just wish my boyfriend understand that =(

I guess that's all i have now..

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