кiδцlт

نور حفيطة

[stargazerinmoksha]

read this when ur sober

does it feel good to hide from yourself? because that’s the only thing i see sometimes— someone that’s terrified to look both ways before crossing the road, but yet you’re still jaywalking and some how i am still managing to keep you safe

everytime when you’re incoherent, you tell me the sweetest things. and although it brings me great joy, it’s not the same by the time you’re out of drinks

you only love me when you’re fucked up, baby, that’s fucked up

sometimes i want to run away with you, but sometimes i find myself running from you instead

it’s hard to talk to you when you’re not yourself. when was the last time you felt alive without anything to alter your state of mind? is being alive not enough for you? does being close to death make you feel a certain thrill that i can’t provide?

you are precise and straight to the point, but when i see you stumbling out of the taxi— my heart breaks for you. you don’t even remember why i’m crying

i was told at a young age that when two people are in love, someone is bound to love the other person more. the person who loves less holds the most power, isn’t that ironic? the older i get, the more i understand the saying. it’s not that they have any real power, the other person just wants to love, so they’re willing to sacrifice anything to just see that one person smile. even if it’s hell on earth, at least i’m walking through it with you

it’s unfortunate, when i think about love— i think about the way you say my name when you’re too drunk to make any sense. i wish you had half of that passion when you’re awake and sober. why are you so cold and distant when it comes to us? why do you even bother?

people aren’t more honest when they’re intoxicated. they simply just don’t give a fuck. lately, i’ve been running out of fucks to give myself

you know we sat at the beach one night and you were resting your head on my lap— we stayed there the whole night. i didn’t want that moment to ever end. but it did. and you woke up with the sun. you were at peace with the world, the things that you made me feel in those tiny moments, it felt great knowing that i stayed up all night just watching you dream under every star that granted my wish that just maybe, this once— i have something that was all mine

you can call me selfish, but i’ll call you reckless. you’re running out of excuses and i’ve ran out of patience a long time ago. the clocks have stopped working, but we’ve aged twice the time. how many more hours will we miss because you’re too wasted to care about anything, but overindulgence and guilty pleasures?

if this is how love begins, i don’t know if i even want things to continue

you’re soft to me even when you’re hard on yourself. the small sliver of hope swallowed by the darkness of the night

you drink twice as much on a full moon— you’re distracting yourself from the reality that one day i won’t be here

if you manage to read this while i’m still around, while i’m still loving you

don’t confront me about it.

because i’m going to tell you the exact same thing as when we first met

love me when you’re sober

[noorinhereyes]

the older you get, the more you really just want someone with iman in the heart, a warm smile and arms that will hold you tight forever

[yegirizkipratama]

Teruntuk Ayah

Setiap aku merasa lelah dengan segala tugas. Setiap aku merasa lelah dengan segala rutinitas. Setiap aku merasa ingin menyerah dengan keadaan yang ada. Aku selalu mengingat perjuanganmu, Ayah.

Malu rasanya jika aku harus menyerah begitu saja. Menyerah dengan keadaan yang tidak sebanding dengan jerih payahmu, Ayah.

Kau tidak pernah mengucap kata lelah. Kau juga tidak pernah mengeluh jika setiap hari harus bekerja. Kau sangat lihai dalam menyembunyikan rasa lelah dan keluh kesah. Kau selalu tersenyum ketika pulang ke rumah. Padahal aku tahu, betapa lelahnya ayah di luar sana. 

Mungkin, ucapan terimakasihku pun tidak cukup untuk membalas semua pengorbananmu, usahamu dan segala yang kau lakukan demi anak-anakmu. Aku akan terus berusaha dengan segala kemampuan yang aku miliki untuk membuatmu bangga karena telah membesarkan aku sebagai putra jagoanmu.

[alizetia]

“Para ulama adalah pewaris para nabi. Sesungguhnya para nabi tidak mewariskan dinar ataupun dirham, tetapi mewariskan ilmu. Maka dari itu, barang siapa mengambilnya, ia telah mengambil bagian yang cukup.” (HR. Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidzi, dan Ibnu Majah)

Salah satu sebab kebodohan pada diri seseorang adalah karena merasa cukup dan sombong. Merasa cukup dalam berilmu sehingga tak membutuhkan lagi nasihat. Serta merasa sombong karena merasa lebih dari yang membawa nasihat. Sehingga hidayah sering kali tak sampai karena kesombongan itu.

Hari ini mari kita menundukkan hati untuk menekuni ilmu ilmu Allah. Warisan para nabi :)

Alizeti, Depok

Hikmah hikmah yang ditulis untuk menyambut ramadhan :)

[quotemadness]

“When you come back you will not be you. And I may not be I.”

— E.M. Forster (via quotemadness)

[quotemadness]

“Sometimes an understanding silence was better than a bunch of meaningless words.”

— Mia Sheridan (via quotemadness)

[cwote]

take care of yourself today and every day :)

[zennou]

“Did I really want to stay on this road longer, knowing it was only going to end in devastation?”

— Becca Fitzpatrick

[uncristalitoroto]

suffocation, crystal castles c. 2010

[vrtoglavicazanosa]

[catsbeaversandducks]

“Even in 2019, you still hear of black cats being associated with superstitions, witches, black magic and such. Black shelter pets are less likely to be adopted than pets of other colors. They still face so much hate nowadays and the more I read about this topic, the sadder I get.”

Comic/text by Jenny-Jinya

[quotemadness]

“Angry, and half in love with you, and tremendously sorry, I turned away.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

[ysfirwn]

ayah itu seperti laut yang dalam tidak banyak suara dan setia menghidupi

makin dalam aku membacamu, ayah maka makin aku sadar

: diam–seolah kau isyaratkan bukan berarti tak peduli

[musingsofmimi]

Things I have learnt as a revert in the past 6 years

I took my shahdah at 17 and entered the beautiful world of Islam. I have grown and learnt so much since then, and have so much that I look forward to learning yet. Here are some things I noticed that may or may not be of help to someone. (I am not the perfect muslim, you may not agree with me on everything).

1. The grey area. When you revert, some of us have an urge to want to know/do everything perfectly. It doesn’t help that some people like to throw information at you and expect you to automatically do all your fasts, cover up etc. I call it the beautiful grey area. If you rush into everything it may be overwhelming. I’ve seen fellow sisters find it too much and leave Islam due to it. Take comfortable baby steps. Its not a race, do what you can and don’t compare yourself to others. What I personally found was the more you learn and fall in love with Islam, your outwards appearance and actions will reflect it. So read, listen and pray. 2. People won’t always understand. You will find a ton of people who mean well and want to help. My mum once screamed to me in a rage of fit that no-one will accept me because I won’t fit in. Now this isn’t true. I’m sure people will accept me, my beautiful friends have. But I won’t fit in, not fully. It’s a feeling of being an outsider to your own and to other muslims sometimes. Find a good base of people, friends, reverts. People with whom you don’t need to fit in but will accept you anyway. At the end of it don’t rely on people too much, you have been chosen by your Lord- who better do you have to turn to? 3. Don’t answer any questions you don’t want to. Muslims are beautiful and accepting and I cannot tell you how much help I have received by beautiful Muslims around me, But don’t feel the need to answer everything. People are curious, they find revert stories as a source of inspiration and love to help. A question I get a lot is “how did your family react?” I hate it. Personally it fills me with dread to have to explain to this stranger how my life is falling apart, I tend to laugh and say “not great” and change the subject. I’ve had a lot of invasive and more personal questions thrown at me which looking back I shouldn’t have been pressured into answering. Some people want to help; others just want an entertaining story. It is not your duty to give them that or share anything that you don’t want to. 4. You don’t have to tell your family straight away. I personally struggled with the guilt of hiding it from my parents. I’ve been doing it for 6 years now and it has become easier. I wouldn’t suggest doing it as long as me but I have my reasons. But you don’t have to deal with it all straight away. It’s a bit overwhelming to revert and then have to deal with the reaction of others. I’d say take your time; tell people when you are comfortable enough with it. (I am aware that not all families will react badly) 5. The guilt. Now I’m from a Hindu family where Islam is taboo and doing what I’ve done makes your family socially outcast. This plus the guilt of hurting the people I love can be a bit much. I have caused unbearable amounts of pain to my parents by accepting Islam and in turn hurt them more then any child should and the guilt of that weighed on me for a very long time. The way I had to see it and the way I hope others would is that by accepting Islam and unleashing this pain onto them. I have introduced them to Islam. Now whether they hate it or not, they are aware of it, and time changes things in ways we can’t imagine. Yes I’ve hurt them but if it turns out they learn a little about Islam and accept it one day and then it will be worth it. 6. The fear. One thing I struggle with as a Muslim is the fear that my parents will die without Islam. Knowing the punishment of the hellfire, no –one could ever want this for their parents. I’m sorry I can’t offer advice here, all I can say is Allah knows best. Make dua for your parents every day. Make your actions be the best dawah possible, and the rest is left to your Lord. 7. Ramadhan. Ramadhan is a beautiful and daunting time for a new Muslim. What I would advise is don’t try and do everything at once. Do a few fasts before so you are prepared. Don’t feel disheartened if you don’t manage to fast all of your fasts for the month. Do what you can and take the time to learn and enjoy the peace that comes with this blessed month. A tip a fellow revert gave me to was to eat slim fast bars and have nourishment for sehri. Now it sounds odd and can be sickening. But it releases energy through out the day and curbs your cravings, I found it helped for me but it may not for everyone. Also it is an easy thing to have snuck in your room and quietly munch! 8. The creeps Now I wish there wasn’t but there a few guys who will take advantage of a revert sister. You are new to this world and at your most vulnerable, just be on a look out. Not all brothers have bad intentions but a fair few might. Don’t believe anything you are told without checking it out and do not feel pressured into something. 9. Good Vibes. I keep a tiny (miniature) Quran hidden on my top shelf in my doll house. I feel like having it in the house protects me. In the past while I sleep I have got a Quran app on my phone and played it out all night. I plugged my headphones in and kept volume low and just left it on my bed. It soothes me to just know it is being played and there even if I am not listening to me. 10. Pray. I know it isn’t easy for everyone. I hide behind the door and pray, half listening out to people approaching. But pray, and talk to your Lord it helps everything. If you can find a local mosque or uni prayer rooms but make sure you keep praying or at least trying to.

I wish I could say it is going to be easy, it’s not. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, and it really does test you. But you’ve been chosen for this path and if Allah thinks you can do it then no-one can tell you that you can’t. Learn, ask questions and just enjoy it. It is so beautiful if you let it be. I am nowhere near being the perfect Muslim, I mess up and sin so much. Repent and don’t feel like you’ve ever done something so bad that you can’t repent. He forgives all. This is such a beautiful gift that you have been blessed with. It will be your own journey, your own experiences, probably very different from what mine has been so far. But I hope that maybe this helps at least one person out there. I’m here if anyone wants to message me and if I’ve said something that offends you or you disagree with then please accept my sincere apologies! x

[sumhats]

O Allah, please help me be kind to my parents, please help me honour them, please help me speak to them gently, please grant me patience in dealing with them. O Allah, please help me love them, O Allah, please help me pray for them always. O Allah please have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.

Amin

[mahllqh]

[yunamusic]

You are loved.

I look at all the questions from my young fans from Malaysia and all over the world & I realized they’re all stemming from insecurity, bullying & rejection.. So many of them asking how to be accepted, how to deal with depression, how to not have suicidal thoughts… All is just to worrying me. I’m sorry for not replying them all, so I’m just going to write this so it will reach anybody who needs it. If someone can translate this to Malay, that will be great and I will be greatly indebted to them.  

My dear young ones, you are brought into this world for a reason. Many reasons, actually. To be the protector of the planet, to care for your family, other people,and to inspire others to do good. You are special.

If you are struggling with studies, you think homework or assignment is hard, think of your country and your neighborhood - what is it about your country that you want to change? Are the schools accessible to all kids? Are the kids getting into violence? Think deeply, and then gain as much knowledge as you can because with all that knowledge, you can come back to change all that, make sure other kids will get the same opportunity as you. If you are already in engineering school, law school, art school.. you are already on your way to serve a purpose to the world. That’s why you need to study. That should be your drive. So go and SOAR and be the best, and go make a difference in the world. Because my sweet young ones, YOU ARE THE FUTURE LEADERS! If you are struggling with love and rejection, think of the people who are always there for you no matter what. Sometimes falling in love and getting hurt is one of the ways to learn how to care for yourself. A good friend of mine always remind me to pray and to ‘take care of your heart’. It is people like that you should keep close, they care only for your well-being. Look around you, if your friends are making you feel less than who you are -they are not your friends. These are people who are sabotaging your happiness.   Keep the ones who drives you to be better, who shares their knowledge with you, who genuinely cares about you, who stops you from wrecking yourself. If the person close to you is telling you you can’t grow into a better, more successful person, this person does not care about your growth, and only wants you to stay at their level. If you feel this, break free. You’re better off alone.

If the person you love leaves you, it is not their fault, it is not your fault. It’s just not meant to be, and it will leave an empty space that you can now fill with all the things you can do for yourself. Start a business, take your parents on a holiday, join a charity group, play sports, go to a music class, dance class.. Its an opportunity to work on your skills, to enrich your character and your life because YOU ARE SPECIAL. And in the future, someone who deserves you will come along. And you don’t have to worry about them being the wrong one - because you’ve train yourself to filter out the negative people in your life. And this person, as God has sent them to you, will love you for who you are. Remember, you are LOVED. 

If you’re struggling with yourself, remember, you are made beautiful since day 1. Good looks go away after sometime, what remains is your heart and how you made people feel.. It’s your choice to be beautiful or not, beauty is not a privilege - it can be yours. Through your actions, through your words. Being attractive is when you enrich your brain and soul with positive things and share them with the world. Real beauty is when you love yourself. When you don’t sacrifice your natural beauty or your identity just so that people will like you. When you take care of your health. Beautiful is when you’re pleasant. When you’re respectful in other people’s space, when you are classy dealing with people who upset you. In my life, I learned that nobody will want to be around you if you’re not a warm person & constantly talking bad about someone. When your heart is black, it is really hard for people to stick around. Being beautiful, is when you nurture love inside of you. It’s not the color of your skin, the shape of your nose, the thickness of your lips, its not the curve of your body.. its how you remain lovely in this cruel world that’s constantly changing and where there are people who are advocating violence in public, you exist to promote love and peace.

If there are things making you depressed, don’t give into it. You have to fight it. Find help, talk to someone, don’t create that dark hole for yourself, don’t crawl into it, you deserve better. Find something you love doing, go out, get some sun, go to beach, get your friends to cook together, share ideas. Pray, you will find peace, you will find acceptance. Just like your body, your brain, your heart, and your soul needs food too. Trust me on this.. IT WILL GET BETTER. You will find your real strength and you’ll realize you’re stronger than you thought you were! Imagine if you get through this, wouldn’t it be a wonderful accomplishment? YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE LOVED. DONT LET ANYBODY TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT. 

-Yuna Zarai. 💜