getting anonymously acknowledged while staring into space during online classes for an essay i wrote weeks ago triggered my ego a bit. these days, i had been thinking that i had good potential of being a writer, despite my poor vocabulary skills. having billions of thoughts about my own life and being able to put them down into words gives me a sense of satisfaction, being well-aware that what i just said is self-explanatory and 'normal-human-being' understandable. i do not have sentiments over the course subject nor the professor at all, but i only liked the ideas of personal essays. it asks you questions that nobody actually asks but you'd love to talk about. you want me to know my ideal marriage and family? i'd gladly tell you. i could write a 100-page essay if you required me to (don't though, please). anyway, the moment made me dive into another essay i made talking about my vocational path story, and my november 7th self just finds my previous self's mind so genius.
create a blog to post the essay alongside many others soon, where you have the full permission to be completely serious without feeling the need to insert humorous side comments to lighten the tone in case an irl reads it and thinks, "wow, this is so different from how she expresses herself in reality".
Ever since I was a child, I was always fascinated seeing people older than me find their passion or calling in life. Whatever path they took, I found them cool and wondered how I would eventually find my own someday. I didn’t think much about it, brushed it off, and thought that it was my older self’s problem to worry about. As I got older, I was only living and enjoying life with what was given in front of me. During my early teenage years, I found it difficult to join school clubs because I really didn’t know what I wanted to do and ended up joining wherever my friends went – so at least I wasn’t alone.
When it was time to choose a strand for senior high school, I chose to go for the strand that was aligned to the path that my late father took, initially wanting to honor him in that way. Then came the period where we had to apply to universities and colleges with our decided course. As I didn’t grow up wanting to become something or even be part of a certain school, I was confused and lost.
While pondering over this, I thought about the path that I told myself I would take to honor my father – which was becoming a programmer. I hesitated to take it – I thought that I wouldn’t truly enjoy doing it. I looked at my friends in that same path and I saw that even though they would complain about the hard work, it was still something they stood by for and never gave up on – because of passion, perhaps. I felt different, and so I was made to look back at my past and question myself if there was something I really loved or was interested in – something that I thought I had potential in, with hopes of finding what would be worth taking.
It was then when I remembered that during my childhood, I always loved playing with pictures, graphics, and videos. I enjoyed editing for fun – since I was just a little kid who stayed at home, always stuck with their family computer as a way of passing time. I really enjoyed doing that and explored multimedia arts. Realizing how interesting it was, I thought that maybe if this is what I took, it would be something worthwhile. As I am now writing an essay under this course as a student in this college, you may now predict what happened next.
However, I chose to make that decision roughly three years ago. Being seventeen and twenty is totally different – especially when you get exposed to such talented, skilled, and hardworking art students. I knew from the start that I lacked the artistic skills – making this decision was all based on a phase that I had from my childhood, and never chose to pursue or develop during my high school years.
Today, I will admit that I have doubts about this path I took. While this course is so much fun, and most of the time the hard work is worth it, given my progress and skills, I don’t know if this is something that would help me last long and sustain myself in the future. Nonetheless, there are things still clear to me. First of all, it is given that I have a trait of being indecisive, but as much as a human can do, I can only do so much. Secondly, I may not have a practical dream as people around me have, but I do have a dream of what type of life I want to live.
I dream to be one of the cool adults that my childhood self looked up to – independent, passionate, and hardworking. I want to enjoy whatever I decide to do from now on – whether I will focus on a path in multimedia arts, or even if I deviate from this. With much more importance, I just also want to choose the path where God directs me to be. Surely, that way will lead me in fulfilling the purpose ultimately designed for me and help me become what I wish and need to be.
