last March 3, 2020, I mentioned that I have a boyfriend...well now, wala na. That post was pre-pandemic so sobrang outdated. We broke up while under quarantine. We never had the chance to talk personally. He ended our almost 2 years “relationship” via text. Sad no? Fuck covid. Di ko rin naman alam kung counted ba yun since wala naman talaga kaming “label”. I posted our pictures here sa blogsite ko na to. Check nyo na lang.
Anyway, so much for that. Wala naman pinagbago tong sitwasyon ko na. I am actually writing this with a heavy heart. Wow? Gaano ka-heavy? Well, wasak na naman po ako. Wala eh. Hobby ko na ata to. Ang masaktan ng paulit uilit.
It was September when we started talking. He messaged me first. Grabe, sya na nga nauna lumapit sakin pero ako pa rin unang nasaktan haha. So ayun. The first time that he messaged me, he complimented my hair. My curly hair. Actually I was surprised nga na nagreact sya sa story na yun. Ako kasi ang nag add sa kanya kasi na-cute-tan talaga ako sa kanya. But to my surprise, sya pala mauuna kumausap sakin. After that compliment, di ko rin naman akalain na magtutuloy tuloy ung paguusap namin. Based naman sa conversation namin, I believe na he was interested. He’s a Doctor and he lives in Cavite. He was set to do his residency in Pasig. Hanggang ayun sa we decided to meet in person.
After that first meeting, sobrang daming nangyari. Ang hirap na din ikwento. The bottomline is, I was there. Kailangan man o hindi, I was there. Hindi naman required pero ginawa ko. Kasi I was under the impression din naman na we are dating. And ayun nahulog nga ako. Minahal ko.
but as the time goes by, nararamdaman ko na rin na may iba. I dunno. Super takot din ako iconfront. Alam ko kasing ticking bomb un. Once na harapin ko, ayun na yun. Pero tapos na ako sa ganong sitwasyon, I had to ask him about us.
Seloso ako eh. Marami rin ako napapansin so I asked him kung exclusively dating kami. Para at least alam ko ung boundaries diba? Kaso tulad nga ng hinala ko, ticking bomb talaga yun. He’s not ready. Madami daw syang kailangan gawin at natatakot sya na i-put to next level kung ano man ang meron kami, which I understand. Totes.
Kaso mahal ko na eh. Kaya sobrang sakit. Ang hirap lang na maguumpisa ka ulit kung saan ka nadapa. but I respect his decision naman. Sobrang sakit lang na ako na naman ung nasaktan. Ako lang ung nagmomove on. Ako lang ung may mabigat na puso.
Nakakapagod din. Di ko na rin alam kung bakit ganito. Kailangan ba ako sasaya? Kailangan ko mahahanap ung pagibig na deserve ko?
Masakit pero ganon talaga siguro. Hindi naman nawawala ung tiwala ko sa pagibig. Masakit lang talaga. Kapagod. Pero babangon at lalaban ulit.
titsay
stormborns
gummygunk