Saif's Diary

Simply converting my notebook diary into a Digital one!

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Sometimes when incidents happen, They happen in a very unexpected way.

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What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than the blue sky She's got you mesmerised while I die

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Expectations

The true source of dissatisfaction. It isn't always the case, but it is the majority of the time. Expectations are something I wish I could create power over in order to be able to manage. It's not because you can't do it; it's that you wouldn't do it because it makes you feel good for a brief period of time. Everyone wants their goals to be met, but in fact, this isn't always the case; as the saying goes, you have to expect the unexpected. It's a good fit.

My expectations are high, not because I have them in my head, but because I am aware of my capabilities and perform well in my position. Maybe I'm hoping that all works out and I get what I've been waiting for. What I forget is that other aspects are necessary as well; not only is my effort sufficient, but so is the effort of others in order to meet this expectation. I assume this is true for everyone on the planet. Many writers and teachers, without a doubt, advise us that we must lower our expectations. But, on the other hand, I believe that if you don't expect anything, you won't learn how to expect them the next time. Recently, I've been dealing with depression and the fear of not being able to complete my master's degree in the United States. But as time goes by, I realize that lowering my hopes would not hurt me nearly as much as if it never happens ( I really hope not, I want to go badly).

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Realization

We've been debating whether or not there is a god. Atheists do not believe in God and typically rely on scientism to prove their point about evolution. While the majority of their points appear to be so relevant that a person of faith may question his faith. But, if Christianity, Islam, or any other faith is true, what is it that makes so many people around the world believe it?

Many people practise religion today, claiming that the bible or holy book such as the Quran convinced them of the existence of God. They have a strong belief in God and do not want to be told that there is no such thing as God. The atheists, on the other hand, believe in evolution. They want proof and evidence to know if the verse from the holy book was true and if there were prophets who performed miracles. When asked, "How do you think all of this came to be?" They'd respond with facts about string theory, evolution, and the Universe being a part of the multiverse. They have answers to all of the questions that have been posed to them. When questions are posed to believers, however, they tend to provide more philosophical answers rather than relevant answers. They'd ask questions like, "How do you think this emotion of love came to us?" Or How do humans acquire intellectual abilities? There is a creator, and he created the universe! Though they are quickly triggered when the atheist asks, "The human mind created the word creator, so there must be a creator who created the creator." I'll just go with what you think!

For the concept of the afterlife; as an agnostic, I would say, I'd love to believe in an afterlife, some kind of heavenly state, but I just can't talk myself into believing something for which I don't find good evidence and have good evidence against it. I'm neither an atheist nor a firm believer. What most of us don't understand is, if you're a person of faith, what does that faith mean to you? We have common sense to best answer those questions rather than giving irrelevant answers about love and all. As a believer, there is only one simple answer you can give to anyone: "YOU BELIEVE." Nothing else is required. You believe in it if you believe in God, Christianity, or Islam. Here's where you go wrong: when a question is posed, you don't become defensive; this is contrary to the general teaching of your faith. If someone asks you a question, treat it as a question.

It is critical that you understand what faith means to you. As a believer, you should never make the other person feel bad about themselves. Or crowd him/her up so that he/she believes that if I ask a question, they will all come and beat me, you just do what a believer would do, just say, these may be your facts, but I believe in God and I'm happy with it. As for Atheists, so many of us don't ask questions because we're afraid of the society, of how defensive others will become if we do. Christianity, Islam, or any other faith teaches you many things, but it is also important to respect the choices of others.

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Promise

It can bring a smile and sad tears when someone breaks it. Not many people are aware of its true significance or value. It's a big word, in my opinion, and one should be aware of it when making a promise to someone. It takes a lot of guts and dedication to follow through on what I've promised you. Before making a promise to someone, it's a good idea to think about your words.

As we interact with people on a daily basis, we tell them a variety of things, some of which are important to us and others which are not. We make promises or say words in between these interactions that generate a certain wish for the other person, even if we aren't aware of it. When someone promises to do something for us and then fails to do so, it can cause us to feel dissatisfied or heartbreaking. Some may also question why you were expecting so much from that person in the first place; you know how he/she is! But we are all human, and we all make mistakes. We learn in this manner.

My friend is seeing someone, and it's strange that they've been seeing each other for a year. However, she feels a strong sense of separation from that person. She doesn't express her feelings to him and simply says, "going with the flow," but she later tells me that she is unhappy. I did tell her, however, that she should be honest and do what she wants. It can get boring eating the same dish over and over again, no matter how much spice you add or how many new ingredients you try to incorporate; if it still tastes the same, it's boring. You should try a new flavour and, more than likely, prepare a recipe that you enjoy eating.

I do not think that people should not make promises; rather, I believe that they should only make promises that they can keep. You will be fine if you know your limits and are able to perform the part or duty that you informed someone about. And you should learn to say no or be honest when you are unable to fulfil a promise. If they know you, they will understand; if not, you will know what to do. The key is to be honest and straightforward and do things that will benefit you.

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Secret

I'm curious to know the secret of Korean people; their skin is flawless, they're smart and technologically advanced, polite and respectful, and they have TV dramas and music that keep you hooked. But, returning to the reality of my life, is there really a secret? I mean, do all people have secrets?

Well, I keep a lot of things to myself. I may tell a few close friends, but the true secret is only known to myself. I also believe that a lie is a synonym for a secret; after all, don't we lie to hide something, and that hidden thing is our secret? They may not always be relatable, but they are always able to relate. What if we stopped keeping secrets, if we were open and honest without ignoring our feelings, if we were more optimistic, and if we didn't fear anything? Maybe some people are like that, but my mind wanders back to the fact that they must have had a secret at some point in their lives.

You already know my biggest secret; I've tried to tell a few others, but they don't seem to believe me. I often wonder what I would be like if I didn't have this secret. But then I consider how people would react! I know we say don't listen to what others say, but I don't think they understand what that person is going through to make that statement right in front of them! What I believe would be a solution is to leave it as it is, and when the time comes, you can either reveal it or make a better decision.

It is entirely up to you whether or not to keep a secret. However, if this begins to affect you in any way, it is time to make a decision about this secret. It's always a wonderful feeling when you share something with someone and they respond positively. Perhaps all you need to do is find the right group that accepts you for who you are. It may take some time to find those people, but you will know when you do. Again, the bottom line is to be happy.

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Curiosity

Our minds wander for approximately 22 hours per day. We're thinking about something or another, or about a specific situation or a person we'd be involved with in that situation. Are we attempting to find an answer here, or do we simply wish to redefine certain concepts in order to better cope in our fictitious world? I'm sure every human is curious about something in life; for example, I have a lot of questions that I'd like to have answered. Is there, in fact, a God? Why don't there seem to be any blue animals? Do we, with the cyborgs, have a future? These are just a few examples from one mind; imagine it from a zillion. There are a plethora of them!

Every interaction I have on a daily basis raises a new question. It's as if we were designed to discover or invent new things simply by putting our minds and efforts into it. It's all good as long as society accepts it and we play by the rules. I've always been fascinated by the Heretics, and I admire them for asking for a proven answer. As a 22-year-old, I am still expected to be quiet and simply do as I am told. But you know who I am! I don't really care about them anymore. It irritates them even more when I ask questions, they refer to me as the "wrong path guy," or they literally pray to God that I do what they have been doing their entire lives. Religion, in my opinion, is more of a barrier between people than an answer. So when I tell them that I don't agree with their practises, I'm the bad guy!

Nonetheless, I wish that everyone on this planet became free and began to ask questions. I understand that not everyone wants to ask a question, but I'm sure they have some ideas about how things would be different if things went the way they expected. Everyone has the right to live the life they want, even if it requires a lot of hard work, patience, and love. It's a daily battle with myself to determine whether or not there is a god, but with the teachings I've received, I always put in my Dua's that everyone in the world should live in peace and that they receive what they seek. So, in practise, maybe I believe in God! I just don't like certain people lol.

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Birth

Today was a shocking day for me because I became a doctor and delivered two babies. I put on these blue gloves, a mask, and waited for Quincy to finally make that push for 2 hours! Quincy is my cat. Although the experience is not comparable to giving birth to a human child, because this is my diary, I CAN BE DRAMATIC HOWEVER I WANT! Giggles.

On April 22, 2021, three beautiful kittens were born, and as the doctor, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of delivering these babies. There was blood and I made an ugh face when I saw it. But I was blown away with awe when I cut the long tube connected to the baby's belly and the baby made his/her first move. I don't know how to express how happy I was; Quincy and I connect on a deeper level. She was so calm while I was cleaning her, she let me hold the baby, and I even cleaned the placenta (which felt like an open organ in my hands), but I could feel how happy and stressed out she was, and it's a moment I'll never forget. I can't wait to see how they grow! I almost always pay them a visit at all hours of the day. I've also decided on names! Jimmy, Mufa, and Kosa. The only problem is that I don't know what gender they are.

Isn't it a lovely experience? Of witnessing the birth of a new life right in front of your eyes! I did learn a lesson when I saw how much love Quincy was pouring out on these kittens; it seemed endless. These babies have no idea how fortunate they are. And this is coming from a creature. Consider it coming from a human, from a mother! It's almost as if love can be defined in an infinite number of ways. And then I imagine that if I start loving myself in the same way, I'll have so many reasons to be happy. I have super inferior complexity issues, but I'm still working it out as I accept myself the way I look (which is very difficult). I still fear other people's opinions, but since there is clearly someone who loves and cares for me, I might as well reciprocate.

There are so many things I want to tell you! It's as if I'm learning something new every day. When my mood is low, I'm drowning in negative thoughts, but I don't usually stop them. I believe it is acceptable to have them. Maybe one day I'll get tired of thinking about them and revert to my neutral self. I should probably go to bed, but I can't wait to tell you all about it tomorrow! I hope so! Laughs

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Ramadan

This month is very important to us, and we celebrate it in all of its splendour. We fast for 30 days, devote ourselves, and learn a lot. However, most people do not continue their learning for the rest of the month.

Last year, I dedicated myself to completing all 30 fast days, reading the Quran, and offering namaz. It gave me a sense of purpose, an understanding that was different from those with different projections. It started a feeling that was so different (I do consider the situation that could have influenced the feeling), but aside from that, I could find myself with a new way of interacting with God. But, you know, when things go wrong, you just give up and go insane! No, not really. Though I had reasons for discontinuing namaz and reading the Quran, the lessons I learned from the one month of fasting were simply amazing.My beliefs and ideas differ from those of others to some extent. While I believe that religion is not a taboo and that we should be able to discuss it openly and also analyse critically. Most people I meet only follow the crowd, which has been led by an ineffective leader. It astounds me that they don't have an opinion or have developed a sense of control, that whatever they have been taught is the correct and true version of life. I believe I have reached a level of maturity that has led me to create my own religion, one that is close to God. Rather than calling it a religion, let me refer to it as the trust that exists between me and God.

The morals and principles I was taught for 22 years have changed and shaped me in such a way that no matter who I interact with, they always have a smile on their face or we connect with kindness, and I'm grateful to my parents, teachers, and everyone who has been a part of my life thus far. From tomorrow, the Ramzan season will begin. I'm not sure how I'll handle the fasting this time because I'm going through a deeper conversion with myself. Maybe I'll keep going on my own journey of discovering new things and different aspects of Islam MY WAY (because only you know what is right and wrong when you are not copying others). I don't believe I have to participate in the rituals that are imposed on us, but the learning and message are what I will treasure and practise. Because this is just my diary, here's a wish. “Have a happy festival, do what you want, and be yourself!” The most important thing is to be HAPPY.”

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Making the move!

In my tiny dairy, I occasionally write down my thoughts and feelings. However, a minor mishap occurred, resulting in the water bottle leaking and destroying all of the pages. I've decided to put my thoughts and feelings here on tumblr instead. I'm sure no one would read them, and even if they did, they'd have no idea. So everything is fine!