⊰ good girl faith ⊱

❝ I think at an early age I learned not to judge people. ❞ · · · · ⊰ chloe lyra mclaggen ⊱ 7th. badger. halfblood.

[brxnwyntravers-blog]

“Not remotely a bother, Chloe,” Bronwyn may have attempted another smile, but she, unfortunately, was not an actress. She knew the effort would only translate as not genuine. The best thing, she decided, was to attempt to remain neutral. It was the only way to avoid prolonging talking to her —- subsequent to a shock of guilt that sunk in, she did really like Chloe as a friend. But her amicability towards the girl didn’t dampen the sadness she felt for having not been enough for Maverick when Chloe had. And, really, the only person to blame for the mess was herself; she could have tried harder, she could have done more; so it was best to leave others out of it as much as possible. “Sure? Oh… I was just… looking for Sterling, is all,” she diverted. 

[keepingchloe]

“Once again, kind of you.” Chloe, for a few moments just looked at Bronwyn, trying to decipher something but coming up short with nothing. She knew that whatever it was -- it wouldn’t be shared between them tonight. It may not have ever been shared between them & while that was something she could understand -- keeping emotions to oneself -- she wished there was something to do to repair it. To fix it. Maybe she’d ask Maverick later. “I’m sure, you’ve been already soothing me and just plain lovely, as always, I’ll find my way back. Even if I don’t, I guess it’ll be quite the adventure in itself. -- And Sterling? I don’t know him too well, so I wouldn’t know where to look. I hope you find him though!” Chloe added with a smile before continuing, “so, I suppose this is goodnight?”

[meadowesgrin]

She couldn’t help the giggle that flowed through the air; she didn’t even bother covering her mouth to hide it. “ Oh, it’s certainly spiked. Sorry to disappoint. But if you’re so thirsty, you could probably drink ONE cup and be fine! ”

[keepingchloe]

At least she had gotten an answer -- one that was complete at least. In front of her was a girl she knew to be Dorcas Meadowes, someone she actually found herself sincerely liking. “I don’t know, I mean, no, what am I talking about -- I don’t want any. But thank you! Thank you so much, I just needed to know. -- I’m assuming you had some?” Play it cool, Chloe. 

[insouxiant]

While Emma generally respected Chloe on the pitch — the girl had talent, even Emma could admit that —she was vaguely irritating off of it. Emma didn’t like making promises or giving her word to people casually because she took pride in never breaking it. That’s not to say she didn’t lie — lying was different to a promise in Emma’s mind. Chloe’s request for Emma to both pinky promise was both childish and irritating, for Emma knew she couldn’t promise the punch wasn’t spiked without breaking her word. Still, she wasn’t going to go back now. Keeping up the facade, Emma phrased her words in a way that wasn’t exactly a lie but weren’t exactly what Chloe asked her to promise either. “I can promise you there’s no firewhiskey in the punch, but the longer you stand here asking me to prove it the more chance the boys will have spiked the punch and I’ll be lying.”

[keepingchloe]

“But we’re right here, if they do spike the punch we’d be able to see it, right?” Clearly, Emma didn’t know what a pinky promise was seeing as she didn’t hold out her pinky -- but Chloe let it slide at the moment because she knew she was going to ask again. Being at Hogwarts, being around different kinds of people -- not all of whom she could trust -- was a different experience. When Emma made the distinction that it wasn’t firewhiskey in it, it made her wonder. Emma was always, in her opinion, far too nice to her. But she pushed the thought aside knowing that Quidditch united people in many ways. “You know, in a pinky promise you’ve got actually hold out your pinky, Emma.”

[jxmiemclaggen-blog]

Though he felt bad it was Chloe, Jamie realised he was a little less frustrated now that he’d spilt it out to someone. Like a clamp had been fastened around his chest and it had just been taken off. “Thanks, Chloe. For listening. I know you don’t have to, so it means a lot.” His cousin had her own issues to deal with, he was sure, but they were family and she was kind. It was all he could do to offer her the same. “Are you… doing okay with everything?”

He nodded, “right, right.” Telling Keira about the homework he’d been doing for other students was definitely not on Jamie’s agenda. “You shouldn’t. Worry about me, I mean. I’ll be okay.” There was some truth in her words, he did have some friends that seemed to genuinely like him. But on the larger scale, he found himself doubting it regardless. 

—- “Please,” he chuckled a little. “You got it.” Jamie pushed away the homework that sat on the desk between them and leaned back in his chair for a stretch. “Did you have any plans for the dance coming up?”

[keepingchloe]

“You never have to thank me, bud, but you’re welcome. You’re family. Plus, I like hearing what’s in that head of yours.” She would’ve ruffled his hair, but that may have been too ... well ... that would’ve been weird. Still, she was happy that she could at least help some. When he asked her how she was doing, Chloe knew what her answer would be, what it always was though it was never the complete truth. “I’m doing good, you know? I like it here.” It wasn’t a lie. Hopefully, she’d get there. Slowly, she’d get there. 

“I know you’ll be okay, but it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna worry about you. Sorry, Jamie.” Chloe watched him push away his homework, & found herself relaxing a bit more as well. “Do I have plans for the dance? No, not really, I mean I’ve never really gone to something like it in the first place. I’ve got a costume though, it’s simple. How about you?”

[jxbrankovitch-blog]

And there it was. It was the panic that illuminated all over her features, the same expression she betrayed on that one Summer’s evening, and then comments like extra training. The smile on Jimmy’s face cemented from a genuine one into one that was so forced that it was probably as painful to see as well as express. “Do I?” He laughed nervously, casting his gaze down at his own feet as he rubbed the back of his neck. By now, Jimmy was more than certain. “Chloe, right? Chloe Mclaggen?” He asked softly, looking back at her once again. “It’s Jimmy… Brankovitch – I sure hope you were talkin’ about me when you brought up the Quidditch player, else this is goin’ to be really awkward..”

[keepingchloe]

‘Else this was goin’ to be really awkward’, like it wasn’t already. Seeing him reminded her of a lot of things;  her past never just staying in the past, her failure in being able to handle romantic feelings, & just a wave of guilt washed over her. Last time she saw him it was from behind a tree after she had run away from his attempt of him trying to kiss her. HONESTLY, out of all the places in the world he had to be here? Wasn’t he supposed to be doing what super stars did and be out playing Quidditch? Since then, she’d seen how successful he’d gotten, “ Yeah, Chloe McLaggen, that’s me. The one and only.” A nervous laughter started to bubble up as she continued to talk, “oh no, I definitely meant you. Yeah, it’s you, Jimmy Brankovitch. Shouldn’t you be playing Quidditch?” Shouldn’t you be anywhere but here? It wasn’t rude, just she felt so nervous, so s u r p r i s e d, she felt her legs may have wanted to go find somewhere to run like she had years back. 

[ammxavery-blog]

“I don’t know about you, but I was drinking by third year. You’re… welcome?” Amma’s entire face shifted. “Oh my God, like, right, though? Yes, babe, of course real gold,” she jutted out the side of her hip toward Chloe. “Feel it, that shit is premium and I know not many people get to touch actual gold in their lives.”

[keepingchloe]

“I don’t drink at all, I mean my mom’s family tries to get me to drink some wine on family holiday’s if we ever go over but besides that, nothing.” Chloe smiled in return, then looking at the gold quite excited to see how zealous the other girl was about her costume. Her hand reached out to touch it, “that’s amazing. You put so much effort into your costume and I look like such a schlep. Just dressed up in my Quidditch kit. I’m Chloe McLaggen, by the way, I’m sorry if we’ve met and I’ve totally just forgotten.”

[jxbrankovitch-blog]

“Ah, the punch? Well, I was told a girl called Galen Purkiss was in charge of the punch, which apparently, y’know, means there’s definitely a lil’ alcohol involved. D’ya want some? It ain’t that strong.”

[keepingchloe]

“Gosh, I keep getting mixed, er, opinions.” Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. “And no, I don’t drink. Thank you though! That’s very nice of you to offer. I’m training extra tomorrow, and I really shouldn’t even be here, but, yeah ... -- do I know you?” Chloe was fully aware that this was probably who she thought it was, but what were the odds really? Jimmy definitely wasn’t here, it just had to be someone that looked like him. “You look like this Quidditch Player I sort of know. Knew.”

[durianquotes]

I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was… And I think that’s why she struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed.

Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves (via durianquotes)

[quote-book]

I’m no weatherman, but you are lightning; striking.

Jason Mraz, Forecast (From the Album Mr. A-Z)

[insouxiant]

“No, the punch hasn’t been spiked – yet,” Emma offered helpfully, though she knew for a fact that it was, infact, spiked with vodka – she’d helped, after all. Seeing Chloe get drunk would provide Emma with a much needed source of amusement, this party had been far too dull for her liking. “I know there was a group planning on spiking it later on, so if you want punch but don’t want to get drunk, I advise you to drink as much of it now while you can.”

[keepingchloe]

“Yet?” Chloe listened to Emma’s words, noticing how nice she seemed. After playing Quidditch against her, hell, hearing her in the halls and everywhere around school -- she knew that Emma was really not nice. Still, there was a respect & liking she felt towards Emma because Chloe definitely understood her fierceness when it came to Quidditch for it was something they both shared. “Really? Can I get you to pinky promise?”

[ammxavery-blog]

“Merlin, you sound tragic. Like, of fucking course the punch is spiked. What are you, a first year or something?”

[keepingchloe]

“Ugh, I know. And I might as well be the equivalent of a third year if we’re getting technical. Thank you for telling me, though! Your costume is totally groovy. Is that real gold?”

[keepingchloe]

“Hey, do you know if the punch is spiked? With anything? I’m really thirsty but I know at events like these -- at least my parents told me -- that you know, people spike like, everything. Woah, rambled there. Anyways, is it spiked?”

[brxnwyntravers-blog]

“It’s rather alright, really. Though I promise there’s nothing to be afraid of in the halls of Hogwarts —- you’re safe here, even on Halloween.” It was her lips, she decided having finally glanced upon Chloe to offer a weak attempt at a smile. No, her eyes. Or was it the way her hair fell so prettily around her face? Maybe it was everything about her that Bronwyn couldn’t match up to. “No need to apologise, getting frightened happens to all of us. Is there somewhere you were looking for in particular I could help you find? Or did you want to go back to the dance? Whatever you want, I’m sure I could assist.”

[keepingchloe]

“Well, I trust you if you say you promise. But, there’s always a weird chance, yeah? But, thank you for the reassurance, it’s kind of you.” How distant Bronwyn was now, something she couldn’t help but notice. She knew the body language and the speech ( though, that wasn’t too weird, but it added to it all ), & it made her worried. Chloe seemed to be full of worry nowadays, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. What had she done? Had she even done something? “No, there was no where in particular, I was just running. And oh no! You don’t have to help me, what are you doing out here anyways?”

[brxnwyntravers-blog]

“I didn’t realise anyone else had left the party,” Bronwyn breathed, audibly and visually shaken by the surprise of the second presence. She sat at the bottom of a staircase, previously looking out an adjacent window. “Some warning would have been welcomed. Are you lost?”

[keepingchloe]

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry I scared you, Bron. This place is a little freaky at night, and I’m not used to it. Especially on Halloween.” What turned into Chloe just getting a breath of fresh air was now her running away from whatever scary thing or person had jumped out at her. “I’m so sorry, and I don’t if I’m lost yet, I just know I ran away from whatever the heck was chasing me.”

[jxmiemclaggen-blog]

A small, brief smile indicated his gratitude for the gesture. But unfortunately, not even Chloe understood how very much other’s opinions mattered to him. A lack of trying wasn’t the cause. But everything he did, or didn’t do, was a reflection of himself, and turning down one of the older kids meant that it was just another opportunity he was losing to be liked. Jamie shook his head firmly at his cousin, “like me because of who I am? Do you really believe that?”

His tone wasn’t berating or rude, rather frustrated. “I’m a Hufflepuff, which puts me at a disadvantage already; everyone likes the other houses more, we’re the soft, boring ones. I’m a halfblood, which knocks out pretty much any pureblood from liking me for who I am, and last, I’m Keira McLaggen’s weird little brother. The only thing I have to offer right now is the homework I can do for people. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, Chlo, you’ll forgive me if I don’t put away my quill and try my personality out instead.” 

Jamie rubbed the back of his neck and sighed for the second time, “sorry. You want to help, I know.” His attention wavered, finding the floor for a moment and then returning slowly to her. “You’re not… going to tell Keira, right?”

[keepingchloe]

It was okay when he expressed himself, to her it was admirable that he could even at all show he was frustrated. Something Chloe couldn’t really do, not well ( unless on the Pitch ). Not something she did as much as she should’ve, though she was working on it. So, there was no offense taken when he snapped at her -- there was sadness that he didn’t feel like he was enough, but neither anger nor offense. She took a deep breath and let it out as she listened. 

“Oh, Merlin, tell Keira? That’s a talk you need to have with her, really. -- I worry about you, you know. There are good people out there that will like you for you, and I really do believe that.” It was true, and while she may have told what she felt were white lies about other things concerning herself -- her believing in her cousin’s personality was the truth.

-- -- “Anyways, you wanna change the subject? No homework doing though. Unless it’s your own.”

[jxmiemclaggen-blog]

A sigh propelled out of his lips, defeated shoulders slumping. Though Jamie, in the face of her smile, couldn’t manage to be too bummed with himself. At least she found it funny instead of pathetic. And he had to be glad it wasn’t Keira, if Chloe was protective, who knew how his older sister would react if she found out he was taking on other people’s homework for them? “I just,” he started, “I just wanted to help people, y’know? I thought… maybe I’d be easier to like that way.”

[keepingchloe]

Chloe sighed, reaching a hand over to her cousin and squeezing his shoulder in a comforting manner. She knew how much other’s opinions of Jamie mattered to him, and she didn’t like it at all. Still, she couldn’t do anything to change it besides support him, tell him to be himself -- everything straight from an after school special. “There are many ways to help people that don’t involve doing other people’s homework. It’s a kind gesture, but, then you’ll be liked just because you do people’s homework -- not because of who you are.” 

A pause. A pause because she didn’t realize he was doing this, that he had been at all. Question upon question just reeled in her mind, but she didn’t want to interrogate him. Not now & certainly not like this. It was just a shock, that he went this far to seek approval. 

“You know you’re brilliant, right? They don’t see that if you do their homework, they’ll just see you as a machine that can do homework. You’re more than that, llitle cuz.”

[jxmiemclaggen-blog]

Brilliant at homework, sure. A good liar? That, Jamie was definitely not. Not often, anyways. Not to his sister, and not to Chloe. Stupid, he scolded himself for muttering aloud about work that wasn’t his. For a long, silent moment, he glanced between the books before him and his cousin, weighing up the options, and then, a high pitched, unsure, “…. yes?”

[keepingchloe]

It was amusing, funny, freaking hilarious that he thought he could lie. For a moment, she weighed the options. Carry on with the lie, see how far he’d go with it -- or call him straight out on it. While there was a part of her that just wanted to see how far he’d go with it, she decided to spare him. Younger siblings had to stick together after all. Chloe broke out into laughter, “you are such a terrible liar, seriously. I mean, unless you’re suddenly in my class now. But really, Jamie? Why are you doing this? Other people’s homework ... ?”