(t)werk, bich

watch as the drama unfolds

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

“Straight girls need to stop using the term ‘girlfriend’. It leads to too many misunderstandings and it’s criminal to get my hopes up so often just to send them crashing down.”

— Rosa Lalonde

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

“When I was in high school, there was this silly rumor that went around all the time. It was kind of a fun one, to be quite honest,” Rosa said with a smile. “See, some of the other girls liked to say that every time I orgasmed, a man died. After some careful experimentation with a variety of lovely ladies, I can say that, tragically, their hypothesis was incorrect.”

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

“When Rosa lived with her girlfriend she kept jars and jars of produce and stuff on shelves in the kitchen,” Roxy said as she tinkered with a Hello Kitty race car. She was sitting on the floor in her room with pieces spread out around her. “Only none of them were real. One time I made Dave eat half of a fake apple. He cried and threw up all over Rosa’s pretty white loveseat.”

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

Roxy settled down in the confession chair and barely waited for the camera guy to give her the all clear before ranting.

“Never let Dirk Strider tell you he’s a bad boy. I shared a joint with him once and he cried for like a day and told me he’d never pass a drug test for the rest of his life. As if he’s ever going to work a day in his life. Can you imagine his spoiled ass working at McDonalds? I love my baby bro, but c’mon.”

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

An Overheard Argument

Dirk: Kissing girls is illegal, Roxy.

Roxy: Is that why you're gay? Because you're afraid of THE LAW?!

Dirk: *crying* Why would you say that?

Dirk: I'm a bad boy, but I'm not scared of the police.

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

Dane's Banana Ban

Dane: So there was this one time I was running late and I had to grab breakfast to go.

Rosa: As one does.

Dane: I grabbed a muffin and a banana and high-tailed it out of the house for a shoot.

Rosa: As one does.

Dane: The muffin, it was chocolate chip. Chocolate chip, Rosa. You know what that means?

Rosa: I have a feeling you're about to tell me.

Dane: It means I had to eat it first. I had to devour it as quickly as I could, Rosa.

Rosa: As one does.

Dane: Well, this meant that I only had the banana left when I arrived on set. So I take it with me because, hey, what kind of guy wastes fruit?

Rosa: Dave or Dirk, depending on the type of fruit and the day.

Dane: I'm sitting in the director's chair when I decide it would make a great mid-morning snack, you know? It's a banana; it's healthy. So I peel it and go to eat it.

Rosa: ...as one does...

Dane: And BAM. I lock eyes with one of the maintenance guys.

Rosa: ...

Dane: It was probably the worst thing to ever happen to me, Rosa. My mouth was full and he was standing pretty far away so I couldn't even say, "No homo."

Rosa: For fuck's sake.

Dane: So, like any reasonable guy would, I had the guy switched to a different production and I swore off eating bananas for... six years now?

Rosa: ...

Dane: ...

Rosa: ...

Dane: This is the part where you say, "As one does."

Rosa: No, Dane, no it's not.

Rosa: This isn't where I say that at all.

Rosa: This is where I say, "Full homo, you prick."

Dane: ...

Rosa: Don't you dare.

Dane: As one does.

Rosa: You son of a bitch.

Dane: Do you kiss our mother with that mouth?

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

Hello queens, kings, monarchs in between

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

Au where they meet the Kardashians and it's like that Spiderman meme

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

so are the strilondes in this au like really REALLY well known, like an international sensation, and do the Normies of society watch their bullshit online and at press conferences and are just Confused And A Little Envious In Addition To Being Slightly Turned On or what

“the Normies” I’m cackling

Dane does actual creative shit and so does Rosa so they got fans and then the fans caught onto the absolute bullfuckery that is their family so it blew up and soon even non-fans had to consume their content or be left behind socially

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

Roxy isnt into vore though ill argue that.

IN HOMESTUCK CANON SHE’S IN LOVE WITH CALLIOPE THE GIANT SPACE SNAKE SO SHE’S A SCALIE AT LEAST AND BEING CONSUMED BY A GIANT SNAKE IS A BYPRODUCT THAT ALL ROXIES HAVE

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

crappyopinion101 replied to your post “ok god youre so right. you just phrased it like...he was a top. no....”

c u r s e d

[keepingupwiththestrilondes]

ok god youre so right. you just phrased it like...he was a top. no. he's into like bondage but for likr calming and security reasons. lots of being coddled and shit. touch me pingy and tell me u love me uwu

Dane: talk dirty to me

Dane’s partner: i cherish you and your impact in my life

Dane: *nuts with the explosive power of 420 rockets*