I knew so long ago that I wasn’t put on this earth for just no reason. I also had a hunch that I was in the complete wrong body and that it wouldn’t be easy to get those around me to understand or accept that.
My parents were young when they had me. They were both relatively broken people that found one another. Neither one of them were who the others parents wanted for their child. But isn’t that what being young and in love is about?
I was an only child so I felt incredibly dependent on their existence. I never wanted to be a disappointment. The blame would have no where to go but on me. I had seen what they’d do to each other when something went wrong and I was afraid of exploring that.
We weren’t well off but what we did have put on a pretty good facade for those around us to believe that we had it good. As I got older I realized how much they relied on other people to make sure ends were met.
At 19, I moved in with a girl I had known for about 6 months who I had met at a pizza place we were both working at. We were also working on getting the power turned on in our new apartment and after a quick credit check, we found out that my parents had used my name and social security number several times over the years to keep their lights on among other things, of course.
I called my mom pretty immediately after I found out and when I brought it up she denied it and hung up. When she called later she was crying and angry at me for thinking she would ever do that. When I told her they identified the places that my name was paying for happened to be at our old address, she said, “whatever, *insert old dead name* believe what you want.”
About a week later my father called me to tell me he was sorry for what happened and that my mother was so upset and embarrassed that she couldn’t admit it to me. After all, they had moved into the basement of my grandparents house where I had been living for about a year (18-19) to get out of a very toxic and abusive relationship from high school.
My parents couldn’t have me at their house, my room had turned into storage and moldy walls from water damage and neglect. They were so mad that at the age of 14 I had chosen a girl and her family who accepted my sexuality that they told me to not come home. That they had given up.
At 18, after the last 2 years of it getting too abusive and damaging, I had to get out of that relationship. My uncle has just died of a massive heart attack while living with my grandparents (yes, the same grandparents) and they were glad to have me around.
Ive been with the same wonderful girl for the last 7 years. She accepts me and she too didn’t have it easy growing up. We get one another on a level I could have never imagined. Truthfully, without her help, I don’t believe I would have gotten to be where I am today. Happy, successful and as of yesterday at 12 noon, I’m in the body I knew I have always been meant to be in.
Thankful is an understatement.
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