Thoughts on change, commitment, and the comfort of staying the same
Hello Tumblr people, man has it been a while...
Since last I wrote I had graduated from college and made the move to Seattle where I know live. So much has changed in the past year but college and that life just seems so long ago.
Anyways, if you're asking how life is now for me, it's fantastic... I honestly wake up thinking about how amazing it is for me to be where I am now. Is this real life? I am so grateful for where I am today... I love Seattle and am so lucky to live with good friends in a beautiful place. Things aren't perfect - but they are pretty damn good, I'd say.
It's been a big change with the realization that I'm not a kid anymore. I'm an adult - able to make my own choices - a scary but exciting thought. To be perfectly honest, I'm loving it.
So one thing I've been trying to figure out as an adult, is my view on religion. Being a cradle Catholic and having gone to church all my life, nowadays mass is almost a successful experiment of classical conditioning. Every week it's the same format, with the same back and forth recitation between the priest and the congregation all carried through the years from the original Latin mass. We've all been so "conditioned" that when the church authorities decided to change the text to match the original mass, we all stumbled over the words for a few months. Change is not something to characterize the Catholic church. Of course - not until Pope Francis started stirring things up. (Loveee him, btw!)
Anyways, I've been trying to figure out what it is exactly that I believe. No longer will I tolerate being a blind sheep, ignorant and lazy to really know what the Church teaches. In fact, it's interesting that atheists and agnostics tend to know the most about religion (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/09/28/130191248/atheists-and-agnostics-know-more-about-bible-than-religious).
I do see the value of religion- the set value system, the community, and the overall belief that we were put on this planet for a purpose greater than ourselves - to serve this being we call God and recognize the good in human beings.
But at the same time, it's so easy to get lazy in religion, - to accept it as absolute truth rather than marvel at it's mysteries. To call yourself a Catholic or a Buddhist and not know the hell what's going on and not live any of the teachings.
Anyways, today I was on my way to Catholic mass and noticed there was an event occurring nearby. I had mixed up the mass times, showing up an hour early for mass - so I decided to check out the gathering, which was mass for the Seattle Church of Christ, a non-denominational church. As soon as I descended the stairs, an usher handed me a little plastic cup (it looked like one of those small Asian jellies). "What's this?" I asked. "Communion," she said smiling.
The congregation was pretty big - probably around 300-400 seated around a stage, where a group of singers and musicians were singing about Jesus. The music was modern and almost too good - it made me feel guilty after years of textbook Catholic music. Am I enjoying a service a little too much?
The pattern of singing followed by a speaker continued. The speakers were all very charismatic - almost like the speakers you see on evangelical TV. The talks centered on the history of the Seattle Church of Christ, since the church was celebrating it's 25th anniversary. The speaker showed pictures of some of the founders ("disciples" as he called him), talked about their contributions and good qualities, and related this to a Scripture. I thought it was nice how personal the sermons were. The crowd also was very into the talks, uttering words of agreement like "that's right!, get it!, preach!" (and if you were wondering, it was a pretty diverse group of people haha).
Then it got a little weird - at least for me. The time for communion came. In a Catholic mass, this is the most important and sacred part of the service. All are focused on the altar as the priest blesses the Eucharist, just as Jesus did in the Last Supper.
So returning back to the non-denominational mass, the next speaker simply said, "Okay, it is time to take communion. Everyone get the little cups in the beginning?" No real special moment, no special prayer, or request that everyone be silent and reverent. But after that 300 people all opened up their little purple cups at their leisure and drank it down. WEIRD.
I won't lie, I didn't end up drinking mine... I considered it after watching everyone take their communion. No one dropped dead from drinking the purple drink...
The sermons were good. The community was great, but as some point, it felt very weird to me. I decided to dip out once the 'financial status' of the the church talk began and escape back to the Catholic mass I was intending to go to in the first place.
I sat myself down on the wooden pews. Ahhh, as boring as Catholic mass can be sometimes, it just felt very comfortable sitting there as I've done throughout the years.
As I kneeled after communion, I thought to myself. I do see the value of things staying the same. There's a comfort in the familiar, in knowing that while things are constantly evolving in this fast-paced world, the Catholic mass will remain the same as it has for centuries.
I'm still trying to figure out what it is I believe and as I was sitting on the hard wooden pew, I realized that religion is a lot like a relationship. After a while, when the excitement dies down, you really have to make the choice to commit. Love is also a verb. Just as when your relationship gets stale, you should do more "loving" actions, when your religion gets stagnant, you need to take the action to rekindle the romance. The initial rush turns into a steady, comfortable sense of love. (lust is a weird word to use with religion, I know haha).
When I was training in Texas, there was a period of time when I went to church everyday - as I was trying to decipher what I believed. I felt my faith returning, a quiet but steady sense of joy from being with God each day.
Moving to Seattle, I stopped going everyday and that fire died quickly. So in a sense I'm still "spiritually single." I'm curious how it is that other people worship and definitely plan on exploring more in the year.
But if anything, as an adult, I choose not to worship blindly. It will take some time before I'm willing to commit.
