keithhuang @keithhuang - Tumblr Blog

wow this is terrible

must watch

how i wished i could have been able to do this

First Improv Audition

From a journal entry about my first PIT audition on Sat., Jan. 27, 2007

These are the Faculty members (ie. selection committee) and additional performers who were in attendance and who helped run the audition

pat shay ali farahnakian rebekka johnson chris grace megan martin ellie kemper ptolemy slocum in the booth alex zalben katie goan kurt braunohler

brilliant

“What Democracy Means to Me”

by Johnny Carson To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy, giving the fruits of nationhood to those who built the nation. Democracy means anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and creeds. Democracy is having time set aside to worship — 18 years if you're Jim Bakker. Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties. Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between three or more consenting adults. But I digress. Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto — usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge amount of money. Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer. Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will of the people, but more often they bow to the big butts of campaign contributors. Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve, and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from getting what they deserve. Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at your door. Of course, it also means never having the cable guy show up at your door. It's a tradeoff. Democracy means free television. Not good television, but free. Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within a minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within two minutes, be interrupted by call waiting. Democracy means no taxation without representation, and god knows, we've just about had the hell represented out of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want. And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head. This signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle. I thank you.

subway idiot 3 this is the one that really got me!

i want to be neenja

I loved this video. It’s so legit. But the entire time I’m watching, I’m remembering the only way to hold the door if you find yourself in this situation is to stick one foot into the car to prevent the door sensors from showing the operator that everything is green. Unlike an elevator, which will pop back open automatically, the subway doors will close on your foot, but it won’t hurt. It’ll just be a tight squeeze. But if you try holding the doors open with your body, that shit fucking crushes you -- it sucks. And is hella embarrassing. But the woman at the end of the video (2:39) nails it to perfection. When I saw it, I raised my arms and went “yes!”