starboy; @kellan-x - Tumblr Blog

chloeronson:

Scoffing when he looked away from her arm, she rolled her eyes. Typical of him to act as if nothing happened. He was always good at that. “I’m not going to rehab,” she said firmly and looked away from him. “I don’t know what you want from him. I just… I don’t even know what I want from me. I have no job, no nothing. This isn’t even my home anymore.” Chloe felt completely lost and scared. She knew that if Kellan were to ever kick her out, she would have nowhere to go. “I don’t have any family left.”

“You’ve got me.” Kellan mumbles lowly, knowing that it wasn’t much. It was probably not even what she wanted but it was all she had. “I know you don’t want to go to rehab, no one ever wants too but it might be the only thing we can do to help you quit.” He pauses for a second as he looks up at her. “But I can’t actually force you to do it. That’s ultimately something you have to decide. I’m here to support you...whatever your decision is.” He honestly doing his best to be a better person. Make things as good and easy as possible.

#003;

chloeronson:

Chloe laughed sarcastically at what he said and shook her head. “I’m a recovering drug addict Kallen,” she reminded him and scratched her arm before lifting up her sleeves. “Do you see these?” she asked him and showed him the track marks that were starting to fade. “This fucking means that I can’t just turn it off just because I’m pregnant. I need help, kind of like how you need help apparently to not cheat on me.”

Taking a couple deep breaths, Chloe tried to calm herself down so that she wasn’t mean. “I’m sorry that I’m kinda struggling to really believe you considering you cheated on me for a year.” Pulling her sleeve back down, Chloe bit her bottom lip. “I’m trying but it’s hard.”

Kellan couldn’t help but turn away when Chloe shows him her track marks. Just the sight of them make his heart break because he knew his actions were what caused her to do this to herself. “You need help, okay I’ll get you help. I’ll make whatever phone calls I need to so I can get you that help.” He frowns a bit as he looks up at her. He knows that she’s doing everything she can to change. They both were. He sighs ever so slightly as he runs a hand through his hair. “I know...I know....” He mumbles a little.

“I guess I’m sorry for freaking out like I did, I’m just worried about the baby. And I know you are too...”

#003;

chloeronson:

The first couple of days after getting off of drugs were the hardest for Chloe. So much had happened to her, all she could really think about was getting more drugs into her system but she tried her hardest to resist knowing that she had a baby to think about. It became even harder as time went on because she craved it. Chloe did her best though because she wanted to give her baby the best chance possible knowing that she already gave it a shitty chance considering the drugs she ingested for a straight month.

Kellen had done his best to give her space, calling every few hours and apart of her wondered if he was cheating on her. Of course her mind went there, it was Kellan, he had a habit of cheating on her often and she wasn’t an idiot to think that having his baby was going to stop him.

Looking at her boyfriend in surprise when she saw Kellan practically attacking her drug dealer, she tried to make her body smaller as she looked at him scared. Wincing when he took the drugs from her and started to back away from him. “I-I just wanted a small hit,” she muttered, her body shaking as she played with the oversized sweater she was wearing. “Please?” she begged him. “Why are you even here? I thought you would be at ‘work’” Chloe said sarcastically.

“Are you fucking mental Chloe?” Kellan asks pinching the bridge of his nose, he more that frustrated right now. “A small hit could kill the baby. Why even tell me you want to keep it if you are doing this shit?! I just don’t understand.” He lets out an aggregated sigh. “I’m here because you obviously cannot be trusted!” He jab about him being at ‘work’ only aggravated him more.

“And for the record, I was actually working. Not ‘working’.” He rolls his eyes, making air quotes to go along with his words. “I told you I was going to change and I’m actually doing everything I can do keep that promise.”

#003;

It had been about three weeks since Kellan and Chloe found out they were going to be parents. Things hadn’t gotten any easier for them though. If anything things probably had gotten worse. She seemed like she did want anything to do with him and he honestly didn’t blame her. He was down right awful before and you can’t just expect things to be all hunky dory.

He had been putting more time into work, actually working this time, so he could give her the space she needed. But with her prior drug abuse history he was honestly very worried about leaving her alone for too long. So he’d call her every couple of hours but she hadn’t been answering his class lately so he knew that he needed to make a stop by. He told his father he was steeping out for lunch before quickly heading home.

When he opened the door though his blood began to boil. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He calls out, slamming the door behind him. “She’s fucking pregnant! Get the fuck out before I call the fucking cops.” The drug dealer tried to put up a fight but eventually leaves. “I cannot believe you right now. You tell me you’re going to keep the baby yet you go around doing this shit.” He grabs whatever she had just gotten from her dealer and chucks it in the trash. “Do I have to hire someone to be with you at all times? Treat you like some fucking criminal?”

#003;

chloeronson:

“So then what are you going to do about it?” Chloe finally asked him, taking his hand and intertwining her fingers with his. She wanted to give him that choice now. She wanted to give him an out if he really wasn’t ready to go through with his promises. “What are you going to do about it knowing everything that you did to me? Are you going to keep doing it to me or are you going to actually one hundred percent commit to changing yourself?”

Kellan squeezes her hand slightly, nodding at her question. “It’s going to be hard but I can say that I am one hundred percent committed to this. I will do everything I can to change myself for you and our unborn child.” He pauses for a quick second, bringing her hand up towards his lips before placing a kiss against the back of it. “I’m willing to do whatever I have too in order for this to work again.”

#002;

chloeronson:

Nodding her head, Chloe closed her eyes and chewed on her bottom lip. There was also another question she wanted to ask but a part of her was scared. “Do you… do you think there’s a chance that you weren’t safe with all the other women you cheated on me with?” she asked him in a small voice before she finally turned to him. “I really loved you so damn much. So much that I kept thinking if I stuck it out with you, you’d realize that I did love you. That you’d finally realize you loved me too and stopped cheating on me, but every time you came home smelling like another woman or you’d come home how many days later basically bragging about the women you fucked or all the times I would actually catch you being sucked off by some chick, it was like a part of me kept getting chipped away. And truth be told, I should have left you the first time. I don’t even wanna get to how you’d treat me half the time. I never wanted you for your money and I never cared that you were rich. I loved you because of the times you’d make me feel like I was the only person that mattered. The times you’d encourage me to be my best self.”

“I honestly don’t know...” That was something Kellan didn’t want to think about. The idea of having a bunch of kids out there freaks him out a bit. That would make things so much more difficult for everything and everyone. When Chloe starts talking about everything he’s done it breaks his heart. He’s really done a bunch of fucked up shit to her and he knew that she didn’t deserve that. “I’m an awful person...and I shouldn’t have done any of the things I’ve done to you...you really deserve someone how wont try and dull your shine. Like I’ve done for so long...I’m sorry..”

#002;

chloeronson:

“Maybe you should get some help,” Chloe encouraged him as she looked at the man she was completely in love with. “Because I don’t want to raise a child in a household that thinks cheating is okay,” she admitted and shook her head, Chloe in a verge of tears at the thought of their child growing up to be like Kellan and his father. Nodding when talked about the reason why he wanted to be a father, Chloe couldn’t help but be a little disappointed at the reason why. A part of her hoped that ot was because he wanted to start a family with her. “So wanting a family with me never crossed your mind?” she couldn’t help but ask. “Why do you love me?”

“I don’t know...” Kellan kind of shrugs slightly. He had honestly never really thought about being a father, yet he wasn’t actually that careful with his hook ups. “I mean it might have crossed my mind once. But I never thought too hard about it.” He knew that what he was saying might not be what she was wanting to hear but it was the truth. When she asks why he loved her he looks down at his lap. “You’re beautiful, and smart. And lets be real you dealt this my shit more than one else could. You’re the kind of woman my mother would want me to be with...”

#002;

chloeronson:

“Then why,” Chloe started off and looked over at Kellan. “Why did you keep cheating on me? Why wasn’t I enough?” Biting her bottom lip, Chloe did her best to try not to cry. It was hard for her considering they were reopening old wounds. “I don’t really know if I want this baby. I never thought about having children with you but I’m willing to try with you. I do love you and I’ve never stopped”

“Attention, mostly.” Kellan says with a slight shrug. “I know that sounds bad and makes it seem like you weren’t giving me enough...I just crave more I guess.” He frown slightly. “You we’re great. I just have a problem...and I might have to see someone to help. That would probably make things easier.” He looks down for a second, nodding a little in agree meant to her next statement. “Being a father never really seemed like something I wanted to be....but it’s happening. I just have to find a way to break this news to my father...” He shakes his head a little before looking over at her with a smiles. “I don’t know why you love me. But I’m glad you do.”

#002;

chloeronson:

“You think?” she asked with a raised brow, feeling her heart sinking a little. Chloe didn’t have room in her life anymore for uncertainties, not if they were supposed to bring a child into the world. “I can’t… I can’t hang a child’s life on an ‘I think so’ Kellan,” she whispered to him and shook her head. “Why then?” Chloe asked him and bit her bottom lip. “Why did you cheat on me so many times if you wanted to be with me? Was I not enough for you?”

Moving closer to him, Chloe nodded and smiled softly when he said he loved her. “Do you really mean that? You’re not just saying it to get me to keep the baby?”

“I know I’m not being very helpful with all my “I think” talk but that’s honestly the best I can do here.” Kellan sighs lowly. “I’m going to do everything I can to change but I’ve been this way for like 12 years.” He knows that saying this might not help him sell him changing but it’s the truth. He’s been this way for 12 years, change is going to be really hard for him. “No, I’m not just saying this to get you to keep the baby.”

#002;

chloeronson:

Chloe listened to him carefully as he spoke but there was this nagging voice at the back of her mind telling her not to give him another chance and that he was just going to hurt her. “Can you do it? Stop sleeping around,” she asked, looking down at her stomach and placing a hand on it. “Do you even want to be with me?” Patting the space beside her on the bed, she moved to the side a little. “I do love you. I really do.”

“I think I can...” Kellan knew that this would be the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life. He also knew that he would more than likely have a few slip ups. “It will be hard...but I think so.” He watches her pat the bed and move to the side. He stands there for a second before walking over to sit next to her. “I do. Would I be here if I didn’t?” If he honestly didn’t want to be with her he wouldn’t have bothered to come to the hospital.

He smiled slightly when she said that she loved him. “I love you, and I love this baby.” He stops for a second, his smile fading a little. “Look, I know we’re not going to be the best parents out there but I’m willing to try if you are.”

#002;

chloeronson:

Nodding her head, she tried to remain as stoic as possible before she sighed. “How? How are you g0ing to change exactly?” Chloe cocked her head to the side and bit her bottom lip. “Do you mean what you said about loving me?” Looking down at her arm, she saw the track marks and sighed before her hands shook a little. “I-I’m scared. I’m scared that nothing is going to change and that I’ll just get hurt again. I don’t want to go through the same thing anymore. Please don’t make me.”

“I’m going to stop listening to my father. And stop letting him talk me into doing things.” He looks down at his feet. He knew that he had more stuff to change about himself but he knew that was a big thing. “And of course the sleeping around...” He adds before looking back up at her, nodding slightly. “I do mean it. I honestly and truly do.” He frowns slightly at what she says next. “With everything I’ve done I understand you being scared...”

#002;

chloeronson:

Every part of Chloe was screaming not to let him back into her life and to not let up. She knew that she needed to let him go completely and to cut him out of her life but one look at him and her whole resolve just crumbled into tiny pieces. The way that he had promised her he would change, she actually believed it and she felt as if he believed it himself. She’d been so caught up in her own thoughts she didn’t realize he had gotten up until she heard footsteps. “Wait!” she shouted, her head snapping up. “Do you… do you really mean everything you said? That you’d change and that you love me?” she asked, looking up at him hopefully. She chewed on her bottom lip, scared that he was just all talk.

Kellan freezes when he hears Chloe tells him to wait. He honestly hadn’t expected her to try and keep him from leaving. He would have assumed after all this him leaving would be a good thing. He turns around to face her when she asks him if he means what he had said. “I do. But I know that changing will be hard....very hard...but I mean it.” He stays near the door, leaving still seemed like a good idea to him.

#002;

chloeronson:

“Then what huh? What do you mean?” she asked harshly. “How hard is it to understand that you aren’t going to be a good father and I’m not going to be a good mother either. I am a goddamn druggie.” As much as it hurt her seeing him crying, Chloe was scared of letting him back into her life. This time, a child was involved and it would be even harder for her to leave him. She was scared because she knew that he was never going change his ways for her.

Laughing when he talked about how he was better than his father just because he hadn’t replaced her in two seconds, Chloe just shook her head. “Wow Kellan, you really set the bar so fucking low for yourself. Was I even out the door before you fucked someone else?” Chloe was tired of his excuses. She was tired of downplaying the fact that he cheated on her over and over again.

Then he said it and Chloe’s heart stopped. This was the first time he’d ever said that to her. “You’re not going to change. Nothing is going to change Kellan and I don’t want to go back to that. I don’t want to go back to you cheating on me over and over.”

Kellan doesn’t even answer her question about how long it was before he hooked up with someone else. Because it really wasn’t that long but he knew that she probably knew that already. “I know no matter what I say I can never make up for all the shit I’ve done to you.” He states lowly, his eyes still firmly on his lap. “I can change...it wont be easy but I’m sure I can....” He slumps down in the chair slightly, knowing that she’d have come back to his words. He was sick of this back and forth fighting they were doing. This must have been everything she had dealt with during their relationship.

“I should go.” He mutters slightly as he gets up from the chair. “I’m sorry....honestly....” He stands there for a second, looking at her. “If you truly do not want this baby.....” He pauses for a second, feeling himself getting choked up. “..you can get rid of it. Just don’t tell me don’t tell me when it happens.” He turns to head towards the door.

#002;

chloeronson:

Seeing him start to cry, Chloe looked at him rather oddly. As far as she was concerned, Chloe knew that Kellan held no feelings for her so why did it matter so much what she was saying? “Stop,” she whispered as firmly as she could. “Don’t do that.” Chloe began to tear up when he tried to apologize, making it harder for her to even look at him. She wanted nothing more than for him to leave because it was getting harder and harder for her to be around him. The longer she was around him, the more likely she was going to give in and keep the baby. Kellan just had a way of weaseling his way back into her good graces.

Scoffing when he said he said he didn’t have the best role model, Chloe just sat there and glared at him. Then he talked about the women that he’d slept with, Chloe could feel her heart breaking. “So that’s all that I am?” Chloe asked maliciously. “I’m just some woman to breed with? If none of those women are mother material, what the fuck makes you think you’re father material?” Chloe looked down at her stomach with a frown. “No, you aren’t like your father. You’re worse than him. You know what he’s like, you know how much he’s hurt your mother yet you go and actively choose to emulate him.”

Kellan looks down at his lap at she speaks, his heart breaking more and more with each word. He might as well reach into his chest and hand his heart to her so she can actually crush it. “That’s not what I meant...” He mumbles lowly, wiping at his face to get the tears that had fallen. “That’s like the opposite of what I was trying to get at. You’re not just “some woman to breed” with, Chloe.” When she brings up his mother he bites at his bottom lip. His mother was always a touchy subject. Things could go totally south, if they already weren’t south enough.

“I’m a piece of shit. I know this....but I’m not worse than him.” He looks up at her, glaring ever so slightly. “My mother wasn’t dead for more than a day before he was talking about his wedding with Alessandra. He had her on his arm at the fucking funeral.” He bites at the inside of his cheek. “If I were worse than him I’d have had your replacement seconds after you left me. Any woman I’ve slept with before, during, or after our relationship haven’t meant a damn thing to me. I don’t love them. I never have and I never will.” He finds it hard to look at her while he says this next [art so he looks down at his lap.

“I love you, Chloe....” He says barely above a whisper. “I know you probably don’t believe me because of everything I’ve done but I do...”

#002;

chloeronson:

“And what makes you think I’d want a child with a man like you? What makes you think I’d want to bring a child into this world for it to come out like you?” she asked, her voice wavering a little. Rolling her eyes when he told her the reason she was in the hospital, the blonde just let out a small scoff. “Maybe that was the whole fucking point Kellan? Maybe I just want to fucking die,” Chloe spat with her eyes narrowed. Then those words came out of his mouth and Chloe couldn’t help but feel her heart skip a beat. no, this wasn’t fair to her. “Why can’t you just go and have a child with someone else? You have no problem fucking other people. Why does it have to be me? You’re fine with hurting me and forgetting that I exist, why can’t you just forget this? You’ve made it clear that there are better women than me. There are better women to have your children.”

Her words stung him. It felt like she had just stabbed him in his chest. He could feel his eyes starting to sing a little, the tears were there. He did his best to hold them back the best he could. “ Chloe please...” He mumbles a little, finally sitting down in a chair near her bed. Everything she said only hurt him more. And even though he knew he deserved all this pain it still sucked. “....I can’t really apologize for what I’ve done. Even if I did I doubt you’d believe me.” He pauses for a second, looking down at his lap.

“Everything I do...” He sighs slightly. “Look, I don’t have the best male role model in my life. You know this but, fuck...” He stops once again finding it hard to get is words together. “The other women I’ve been with aren’t really mother material. They just think that sleeping with the bosses son will further their careers or whatever.... and they never mean anything. I know that makes me sound like trash...which I probably am...” He looks up at her for a second. “But please, Chloe, don’t kill this baby....I can be a better father than my father..”

#002;

chloeronson:

“And you just admitting that you slept around while we were together makes me want to keep this baby?” Chloe asked, feeling herself start to get angry. It made no sense to Chloe as to why he wanted this baby so badly and didn’t see it as a mistak. If anything, she thought he would be all for her having an abortion. “I’m not having this baby. Do you understand me? I. Do. No. Want. This. Baby. I. Do. Not. Want. This. I don’t want to be a mother to your kid. You have done enough to me. I am in this hospital bed right now because of you.”

“You already knew this so it’s not like I’m admitting to something you didn’t know.” Kellan groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just stating fucking facts, Chloe.” He was becoming frustrated with all this. His two sides were fighting with one another regarding all this. And that damn nauseous feeling wasn’t going away, only getting worse. He felt dizzy and hot and just everything all at once. “No. You’re in the hospital because you fucking overdosed. You could have died Chloe.” He pauses for a second, he knows this is his fault. All of this but the awful part of him didn’t want see that. That side of him would never let him admit to it. “Please don’t kill our baby.” That small good part of him, the part that honestly loved her, chimes in. Winning if only for a few seconds.

#002;

chloeronson:

Fear flashed through Chloe’s eyes when Kellan asked the doctor if they could be left alone. Before she could ask the doctor to stay, he was already gone and her gaze turned from Kellan to the door before she tried to make herself a small as possible. Her heart stopped when he closed the door and started to move closer to her. As a response, Chloe backed away as much as possible as she shook her head furiously. “No, no you don’t get a say in it,” she whispered in a small voice. “I don’t want this baby. I never even said that this was your baby so why does it matter? I could have been fucking other people too white you were.” Chloe could already feel her hands starting to shake and the need to shoot up becoming prominent. Trying to stop herself, she dug her nails into her skin, scratching at her track marks. “I don’t want this.”

“Bull shit his baby isn’t mine.” He snaps at her. “If you had been sleeping around while I was sleeping around you wouldn’t have gotten so upset every time I did it. It makes zero fucking sense.” Kellan didn’t want to get angry with her. He knew that doing so would only make things worse but he couldn’t help himself. “So, you and I both know that baby, the baby you could have very well killed with all this bull shit, is mine.” He points at her stomach. “You can’t just get rid of it. It’s not right.”

#002;

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