i've got that summertime sadness

Kendall Olivia Nash. 16. Palo Alto. You could say I'm a hipster, it's probably an accurate description. I like sunshine and Arizona tea. I'm just here for good times, sunshine and summertime. ✌︎ ♥︎ ☼

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Am I Supposed to Apologize? || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

“I missed you,” he shrugged, as if that was the kind of answer that she was looking for when it came to her question. He knew perfectly well that it wasn’t, that she wanted him to say he’d go home, not risk getting arrested again. “Yeah, I ran. I was excited,” he shrugged, laughing breathily. He noticed Margot making his way over, sighing heavily as he crossed his arms in front of him. It was a defensive move, something he didn’t normally do. “Thanks, I think,” he said, his brows furrowing.

“And you know, her big brother is here for the first time in ages, so she kind of wants to spend some time with him. You know how it is,” he shrugged, a grin on his face as he tried to refrain from looking her over. “See you later, Margot,” he said with a halfhearted wave, rolling his eyes wistfully. “She has no fucking idea, does she?” he asked with a snort. Parker waved occasionally at familiar faces, regretting already coming here. It was a terrible idea, since he knew that he was far too known around here to get away with showing up unnoticed. “It’s okay, I had to settle in and everything anyway. Probably better that you were here,” he shrugged, biting his bottom lip. He listened as she babbled on, following her out of the quad and smirking to himself at the possibility of spending the night in a hotel with Kendall, his sister, or whatever she was to him now. This was good for them. Some time alone where they could just be together without any disruption. It was nice to get away sometimes. 

“So, you’re saying you want to get a hotel with me already? How do you know that prison hasn’t changed me? Maybe I’m like super fucked up now, you never know. I’d be careful if I were you.”

[kendall-nash]

“I missed you too,” she whispered, a small smile causing her lips to quirk up. She wanted to be angry at him for risking so much, but she just couldn’t. Not after it’d been so long since she’d seen him. She frowned as he crossed his arms, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. “It was a compliment, Nash,” Margot responded, rolling her eyes. She let out a snort, nodding. “Yeah whatever. Just don’t get arrested again, all right?” she smirked as she walked away.

Kendal looked up at Parker, raising a brow. “Would you rather she had an idea? Because I wouldn’t,” she mumbled, shaking her head. The last thing she needed was for Margot to find out. She knew she wouldn’t be nearly as understanding as Drake had been. “Still, I would have rather been there. I wanted to be there,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair. Kendall fished her keys out of her bag as she walked, trying not to look too excited at the fact she was leaving with Parker. She just wanted to be alone with him, to be able to talk to him, have him there with her. She didn’t realize just how badly she’d missed his presence in her life. “Shut up, Parker,” she smiled, rolling her eyes at him. “You’ve always been fucked up. I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon. Now get in the car,” she smirked, pushing him gently toward the passenger side as she unlocked it, slipping into the driver’s seat. She pulled out of the school parking lot, heading out onto the road, unable to keep from looking over at Parker as she drove. “I can’t believe you’re actually here,” she half whispered to herself, the smile not leaving her lips as she made her way toward the hotel. “You have no idea how badly I’ve missed you.”

[willahollandblog]

willaaaahh: betches

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Am I Supposed to Apologize? || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Parker could see all the familiar faces around him, but he was only focused on one. Kendall, of course. He waited impatiently, his mind spinning. He didn’t really plan out what he was going to say to Kendall. Was he to apologize? He wasn’t really sure. If he apologized, would that even change anything? What was done, was done. And arguably, this time, his sentence wasn’t entirely his fault. Sure, it was long awaited. But he’d done this for Drake, in his first unselfish move ever. He’d done this to keep his best friend from suffering even worse consequences. He hated that it resulted in leaving Kendall, but he had to do what he had to do. 

He spot her through the crowd of people, smiling as she practically flapped her wings and flew to him. It was amazing how much a small span of time could change things, but at the end of the day, things still felt the same with Kendall. Nothing had changed between the two of them, at least, as far as he could tell. When she flung herself at him, he wasn’t at all surprised. The spectators didn’t seem too shocked either. They were always close and everyone was just used to it by now. He turned his head to bury his face in her hair, the familiar smell of her shampoo washing over him, easing his anxiety.

He let her go when she dropped herself from her hold on him, laughing breathily at her words. “Yeah, I know I’m banned,” he said, rolling his eyes. He didn’t think the staff paid much attention anyway, although, the swarm of people might just be a dead giveaway. “I ran,” he said, chuckling softly. “Got in a fight with Olivia and thought, I need to see my fucking sister right now,” he shrugged. “So I booked it here. Wasn’t too bad. It’s breezy today,” he smirked, gesturing to the atmosphere around them. “I got out early this afternoon. Weirdly enough, there’s more security on those getting out of jail, than on those getting in. They searched all my shit, which wasn’t much,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Can we go home?”

[kendall-nash]

Parker was in front of her. Real, solid, alive. It was like she was finally able to breathe again. Like she was breaking the surface of the water, taking breaths of air she'd been struggling to get, swallowing water instead, slowly drowning. It was like her whole body was alive again, now that Parker was back. All she wanted to do was touch him, feel him, make sure this was real. Not even in a sexual way, she just wanted to confirmation of him firm and alive underneath her hand. His heart beating against his chest, thumping a steady rhythm. She gazed up at him, blinking, raising a brow. "So you know they can call the cops if they see you here," she pointed out, shaking her head in disbelief. It was so incredibly stupid of him to come there, but she couldn't find it in herself to be mad.

"You ran?" She repeated, brows furrowing, laughing softly at his explanation. "Jesus, Parker," she whispered, shaking her head. "Hey Park," Margot smiled at Parker as she walked up, looking him over. "Lookin' good for a kid who just got out of juvie," she commented, looking between Kendall and Parker. "I'm guessing we're not getting sushi, then?" Kendall let out a soft breath, barely glancing to Margot. "No. Um, actually," she started, finally turning to look at her best friend, "I don't feel so great. I think I caught a bug or something. Probably gonna have to go home. Yeah, definitely feeling pukey. Don't want to get anyone else sick." She nodded, raising her brows in Margot's direction. Margot raised to fingers to her forehead in a salute. "Rodger Dodger," she replied, giving Kendall a knowing smile. If she only knew the truth, she wouldn't be giving Kendall that smile, she'd be locking her up, probably.

Kendall turned back to Parker as Margot walked away, eyes narrowing at the crowd still milling around, hoping to get to talk to the infamous Nash. "They wouldn't tell me when you were getting out," she said softly, shaking her head. "I wanted to stay home, but Olivia wouldn't let me." She felt like she had to explain, had to let him know that she would have been there if she could. Kendall drew her lower lip between her teeth at his question, her brows furrowing. "I can't," she started, shaking her head, "I just mean, Olivia's there, I can't skip and go home." Her mother would have a fit if she showed up at the house in the middle of the day, especially on this day, when she'd insisted without leeway that Kendall attend school as normal. "But," she smiled, a playful glint in her eyes, "I have the platinum card. They forgot to take it away, I think they just forgot that they have it, to be honest," she rambled, brows furrowing and shaking her head minutely, "we could get a room at the Four Seasons. Order room service and watch shitty pay-per-view movies." She lowered her voice as she spoke, moving to lean into Parker and guide him out of the quad and away from curious minds, leading them toward the student parking. "I've got the car, so you don't have to run this time," she teased.

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Am I Supposed to Apologize? || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Parker was eager to see Kendall. It seemed stupid, but he really did feel like something had changed within him. He felt like the time he spent in juvie had done something for him, something that he’d needed for a long time. He felt like a whole new man. He couldn’t even begin to explain it to anyone who hadn’t ever been there. He was excited to really sit down with Drake and discuss everything he’d been through when he was gone, but right now, all he cared about was seeing Kendall. He needed to be back in her life again and he needed her back in his. It was important to him to be there for her. He needed to make up for how awful he had been recently.

"Kendall’s at school," a voice said in the doorway. Parker frowned as he turned around to face Olivia again, shutting his eyes. "I just want to see her right now, okay? I - All of this parental stuff is a little too much for me right now," he admitted, his fingers clenching the drawers. "I don’t really care what’s "too much" for you right now, Parker. You do know that you’ve just returned home for juvenile detention, right? You were in the equivalent of prison for youth? That’s… Don’t you understand how harmful that is? Don’t you understand what you’ve done to this family?" she asked. Those words hit him harder than they normally would have and he winced, quickly glancing down to the ground to hide it. "I’m going out."

He pushed right past Olivia, down the streps, slipped his shoes on and ran straight out the door. He’d run to Kendall’s school. He didn’t care. All he knew was that he was desperate to see her right now and he was going to. He didn’t need to listen to a word his mother said. He pulled his phone from his pocket to read the time, sighing in relief when he saw it was lunch hour. He knew she’d be eating in the quad or on her way out, so he headed straight there, his eyes widening when he saw her. He wasn’t expecting it to be this easy. He grinned as she seemed to catch him in her line of vision and he began to wave like a maniac, ignoring the people that were beginning to flock toward him, likely to ask what he was doing back there.

[kendall-nash]

To say that Kendall missed Parker would be an understatement, of the monumental variety. It had been incredibly difficult, getting by by herself under the roof with her mother, not having Parker there as a buffer. Even if it was usually because he was in trouble, he kept the spotlight off of her. Hell, sometimes he’d do it on purpose, if he saw she was about to get laid in to, he’d accidentally spill something he’d done wrong, shifting the focus on to himself. She supposed it was just a protective older brother thing, but she appreciated it nonetheless. And without him there, she was the only thing Olivia could focus on. The only thing immediate, anyway. She was constantly talking about how things were going to change when Parker got home. Kendall didn’t care, she just wanted Parker home.

She ran a hand through her long brown locks, shaking her hair out as she walked across the quad. Her parents hadn’t told her what time Parker was coming home, so she had no idea when she was going to see him, only that it was some time that day. She wished she’d been able to stay home from school that day, but her mother wouldn’t hear of it. Not that she could pay attention while she was there anyway. She glanced down to check that her bag was zipped up, sighing softly, not even the idea of sushi for lunch enough to brighten her spirits. It wasn’t until she looked up, having to do a double take to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. Her eyes widened as she stumbled in her tracks, her breath catching in her throat, her heart skipping against her chest.

Parker. Parker was here, at the school, in the quad, waving like an idiot for her. A grin broke out across her face and she let out a shriek, running forward and breaking through the throngs of people beginning to surround Parker, rushing to him, sending them both stumbling as she threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his neck, her legs moving of their own accord to wrap around his waist. She barely restrained herself from attaching their lips together, settling instead for pressing a discreet kiss to his neck, breathing heavily and smiling widely. “What are you doing here!?” She exclaimed, a soft flush rising on her cheeks when she realized her position, clearing her throat and slipping down from his hold, straightening her skirt. “Parker, what are you doing here?” She repeated, softer this time, her brows furrowing with concern. “You’re banned, remember? How did you even get here? When did you get out? Oh my god,” she ended on a whisper, finally allowing herself to really look at him, swallowing roughly.

[kendall-nash]

Kendall Nash Moodboard 5/?? ft. Hunter Woods

[kendall-nash]

Undertow || Self Para [Past]

Kendall paced along the length of her room nervously, chewing absently at her lower lip, her stomach turning as she waited. The little double lines on the plastic stick were still haunting her mind. She’d taken four tests, just to be sure. But there was no way that they were all wrong. She was pregnant. Knocked up. Bun in the oven. And there was only one person who could have gotten her that way. He was on his way over to her house, and she was pacing as she waited for him, trying to figure out how she was going to tell him. Parker was out, god knew where, her father was at work and her mother was at some sort of event, she didn’t know. She didn’t really care, all she knew was that she had the house to herself, and that was the best time to do this. She hadn’t told anybody, not even Margot. She wanted to tell Hunter first.

The door's open come in

She’d forgotten she’d sent him that text, and jumped when she heard the soft knock on the frame of her door, turning on her heel, her eyes widening as she looked over at Hunter. “I’m gonna be late for football practice, what did you want that couldn’t wait?” Hunter asked, already looking bored as he looked her over. Kendall's heart raced, her palms sweaty, hearing her blood rushing in her ears. She felt like she was going to be sick. Like she was about to vomit all over her own floor. Her mouth was dry as she attempted to swallow, biting at her lip. It was two simple words and she couldn’t seem to get them out, her mouth open and floundering. “Spit it out Kenny I can’t be late again, I’ll get benched.” Hunter snapped, his eyes narrowing.

“I’m pregnant.”

There it was. It was real now. She was fifteen years old and pregnant. Her eyes widened once the words were out, inhaling sharply as she waited for his response. Hunter looked at her skeptically, his eyes darting over her face, shaking his head. “Are you sure?” He asked, brows furrowing with the question. Kendall pressed her lips together and nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat. “I don't know what we’re going to do.” She whispered, peering up at him from under her lashes. Hunter let out a snort of laughter, raising a brow. “We? That’s not my kid.” He said simply, shaking his head. Kendall’s stomach dropped. Whatever she’d been expecting, it wasn’t that. “What do you mean it’s not yours? Hunter we’re dating, we’re together, of course it's yours.” She argued, blinking.

“Kendall,” Hunter started, rolling his eyes. “You’re a slut. Everybody knows it. You’d open your legs for anyone willing to give it to you. How would I know that’s my kid? It's my word against yours.” He said, a smirk behind his eyes as he stared her down. Kendall was about to cry. She couldn’t breathe. “Are you serious? Hunter, I have never cheated on you!” She cried, her eyes wide as she shook her head. “I’m late for practice. That’s not my kid. And we're not dating.” Kendall felt like she’d been punched in the gut, blinking back her tears. “You’re breaking up with me?” She whispered, her voice cracking. “I have better things to do.” Hunter replied, leaving the room and the house, leaving Kendall feeling broken and more alone than ever.

[kendall-nash]

Kendall Nash Moodboard 4/?? ft. Parker Nash

"He may be a pain in the ass, but he's my pain in the ass."

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Am I Supposed to Apologize? || Parker & Kendall

Parker wasn’t quite sure how he’d managed to dig himself such a deep hole, but he was certainly relieved to be finally crawling back out of it. He sat in a tiny room, as if he were about to be interrogated, waiting impatiently for his mother and father to pick him up from the hell hole he’d been in all this time. Three months. Three months taking communal showers, sleeping on a rock hard mattress and eating saltless food. Three months without internet access, alcohol or even a cigarette. But the one thing weighing heavily on his mind was that it had been three months without Kendall. He really wasn’t expecting a visit from her, in fact, he was pretty certain that Olivia had forbid her from going to him. He couldn’t really blame her. He was an absolute mess of a human being recently. 

He jumped at the sound of the door swinging open, pulling him from his thoughts. “Park…” Olivia said, her eyes filling with tears as she looked at him. “You look… so - so healthy. I haven’t seen you like this in years,” she said, glancing down to his hands that were in cuffs, resting on the table. “Right,” the officer behind her spoke up, making his way around them and waving to Parker, signalling him to hold out his wrists. Once he was free of the metal bands, he flexed his fingers, letting out a relieved sigh. “Look at him, Robert. He looks like a different person,” Olivia fussed. Robert nodded with a small smile, noting the fact that Parker wouldn’t meet either of their eyes. “Can we go?” he asked, pushing himself up from his seat. Olivia deflated and nodded her head. “Of course.”

The drive home was long, but it couldn’t possibly be long enough for Parker. He wasn’t ready for this interaction. It wasn’t only that he didn’t know what to say to Kendall, it was also that he was certain that as soon as he caught sight of her, his dick would stand at attention. He hadn’t gone that long without any kind of sexual release since he was a little kid and it was getting to the point where he was certain he would explode. Once they finally got inside the house, he made his way straight to his room, swinging the door open and heading toward the drawer by his bed for his cigarettes. “Fuck,” he muttered, kicking the drawer when he saw that they had been removed. “Kenny?” he called out.

[kendall-nash]

Kendall hadn’t been herself since she’d been home. She couldn’t be herself, she didn’t know who she was without Parker. And now with all the new medication, she really had no idea who she was anymore. It changed the entire way her mind worked, and it was strange and she didn’t know how to handle it. She needed Parker there to help her. But he wasn’t. She had to go another six weeks without him, starting school, getting back into her routine. It was more difficult than she thought it would be, but she was forcing herself to do it, if only to keep Olivia off of her back. The first week she’d been home, her mother had hovered a ridiculous amount, even going so far as to kick her out of Parker’s bed, an act that had not gone over well and had actually ended in a screaming match broken up by their father getting home and guiding Olivia away from the fight. It was intense. Her father had taken her side though, agreeing that she should sleep where she was comfortable, and it was only normal for her to miss Parker.

She was a month into school now, and as hard as it was, she was maintaining her status. The problem was, she just didn’t care anymore. But she knew it was vital for her to keep her reputation. Margot and Izzy were helping, rebuffing anyone who dared to say something about her being different. They were the only ones that knew where she had been, and they’d made sure any rumors about her were cut down before they even had the chance to circulate. She was thankful for them, even if she hadn’t been the best friend the past few months, they were still there for her. She needed them, they were all she had left anymore. It was depressing, just how much she relied on Parker, but it was something she had come to terms with a while ago. It was only now sinking in so deeply now that she really didn’t have him, hadn’t even seen or spoken to him in three months. She hadn’t been allowed to visit him, something she thought was ridiculous, but even her father wouldn’t budge on that one. They wouldn’t even tell her where he was, so she couldn’t even sneak off to see him.

Now it was the day he was supposed to come home, and she was at school, anxious as she’d ever been. Her leg kept bouncing in classes, unable to pay attention to the teachers. She was a million miles away, her heart picking up every time she thought about the fact that she’d be seeing Parker later. She was nervous, she had no idea what was going to happen when she saw him. She didn’t know where they were at, what their relationship was now. She didn’t know if he was mad at her or not, didn’t know if he wanted to continue what they had going. “Are you okay?” It took a moment for the hissed voice to get through to her, and her head jerked up, looking over at a concerned Margot. “I’m fine,” she muttered, shaking her head. “Parker’s coming home today.” She whispered, chewing at her lip. Margot nodded in understanding, though she really couldn’t understand it at all. Only Drake could, and Kendall hadn’t even seen him since Parker had gone to juvie. The bell rang overhead and Kendall began stuffing her stuff in her bag, sighing as she stood. “Wanna go off campus for lunch?” Margot asked, tilting her head as they began to walk out of class and through the halls, passing the cafeteria by. “Might help take your mind off it, at least for now.” She suggested. Kendall sighed and nodded, hitching her bag up. “Yeah, sushi?” She asked, pressing her lips in a smile as she pushed the doors open to the quad. She was thankful it was lunch hour, not sure if she was able to pretend to pay attention to her teachers for much longer.

[kendall-nash]

@kennynash no bullshit tbt or whatever, i miss you. come back to me. it sucks without you. @parkourparker ps change your instagram name it's dumb.

[kendall-nash]

Sounds of Silence || Self Para

Today was the day.

Today was the day that Kendall was going home. She was leaving the rehab facility, after nearly five weeks in the hell hole, as she liked to refer to it. She was finally going home. Not that home was going to be any better. She was going back to an empty house, as far as she was concerned. Without Parker there, there was nothing there for her. Her mother, who would be watching her like a hawk, making sure she took her medicine, making sure she didn’t have another meltdown. Her father, who would keep his distance but watch her with concern, his brows drawn down, trying not to pry into her life. She was upset that she’d worried him so much, honestly. She’d never meant to cause him any pain. Next to Parker, he was the only person she had. He was the only other person who was there for her, truly. Even if he had an odd way of showing it, he loved Kendall and Parker, and she knew that. He could have let them try Parker as an adult and be thrown in jail, but he didn’t. And that meant a lot to Kendall.

But it was still disappointing, to know that Parker was in a juvenile detention facility. Kendall was supposed to start back at school next week, so she wouldn’t even have time to get to visit him. She’d be too busy getting all of her stuff together, doing damage control to make sure there weren’t rumours circulating about her, about where she’d been. The last thing she needed was whispers behind her back. She needed to make sure that she stayed on top, that nobody tried to knock her from her throne. If she didn’t have that, school would suck even more than it had since Parker left.

The ride home was stiff and quiet, her mother having to pick her up since her father was at work. She tried to make conversation with Kendall, but Kendall simply ignored her, turning her head to look out the window. She let out a soft sigh, pressing her lips together, picking absently at the plastic band still on her wrist. All she wanted was to be going home to Parker, but she wouldn’t see him for weeks. She had no idea what was going to happen when he got out, what they would be like. Would he forgive her for what she did? If she hadn’t overdosed and ended up in the hospital, he never would have gone to that fight, never would have put that kid in the hospital and been arrested. It was all her fault. It is not all your fault. Those were his choices. No one forced him to do that. He made those choices entirely on his own. She repeated the words the therapist had told her when she confessed how she’d been feeling, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

Kendall ignored her mom, heading straight upstairs and to her room, closing the door gently behind herself. The upside of all of this, if she had to find one, was that her mind had been quiet for almost four weeks. There weren’t any voices, not even any whispering in the back of her mind. It was odd, and she wasn’t really sure how to deal with it, but she was dealing. It was something she’d always had, and at times it could be soothing. Especially the voices that didn’t screw everything up, that didn’t tell her what a horrible person she was. There were a few that actually tried to help. She guessed you had to take the good with the bad, and vice versa. She couldn’t pick and choose what voices she heard. She’d gone this long without an incident, and even though she knew the medicine was helping, she still loathed being on it. It felt like it was reenforcing the fact that she was crazy.

Kendall set her bags down in her room, looking around, tugging her sweater tighter around herself. This wasn’t where she wanted to be. Without even thinking about it she found herself walking, through the bathroom and out the other side, letting out a breath as she stepped into Parker’s room. She glanced over to his bed, brows furrowing minutely. She had no idea if he’d brought any of his trysts back to the house and to his bed, and the thought bothered her, but right now she just needed to be connected to him in some way. Kendall kicked off her shoes, shuffling over to the bed and pulling the covers back, sliding underneath and pulling them up, burying her face in his pillow and inhaling deeply, feeling herself relax as he surrounded her. It wasn’t what she needed, but for now, it would do.

[kendall-nash]

Kendall Nash Moodboard 3/??

"And just one mistake is all it will take..."

[kendall-nash]

Journal #001

I don’t know what I’m supposed to put here. I’ve been in this prison for two weeks. They gave me this thing and told me I should write, my feelings or whatever. But every time I try I just want to throw the pen and the book and scream. I don’t want to be here. I want to be with Parker. I want to be with my brother. I want to be… I don’t know what I can say. They said they aren’t going to read it, but who knows. What’s the point in writing anything if they’re not going to read it anyway? That's stupid. It’s stupid that I can’t be with Parker either. Because Parker is in an actual jail. Juvenile detention facility. Same difference. He’s not with me, that’s the main point here. He left me, after he promised. He promised me. He was supposed to protect me. Be there for me. And he left me. In so many more ways than just getting himself sent to juvie. And it hurts so bad. It aches and it kills and it’s destroying me, thinking about the things he did while I was in the hospital I can’t breathe when I think about it. It’s suffocating. I love him so much and he hurt me so much. He’s supposed to protect me not hurt me.

I guess I should probably not just talk about him, but he’s all I can think about. It’s killing me that he’s in there alone. He probably doesn’t… He’s probably preoccupied in there, taking care of himself. He probably doesn’t have time to think about me. Unlike me, who all I have is time. That’s the worst part about this place. All I can do is sit here and think about him. They’re trying to get me to talk, about him, but I can’t. Not without saying something wrong. I can’t do that. I can’t lose him. I was wrong, so wrong. I don’t want to stop, I need him. I just need him to hold me like he used to, when I was little and had a nightmare or didn’t feel well, and he would wrap his arms around me and protect me from everything back in the world. Here I go again, everything ends up back on him.

Medicine. I don’t want to be taking it, but I guess I don’t really have a choice, not here anyway. They watch you take it. I will admit that I at least haven’t heard the cunt in a while. So maybe it’s working, who knows. I feel like I’m more depressed now, though that might just be because I’m having separation anxiety. God dammit. Fuck this. Everything is about him. Two more weeks of this prison, then straight to another one. Going home is going to suck.

[kendall-nash]

Nothing Good About Goodbye || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Parker nodded his head, biting his bottom lip. He’d never would have done this months ago, not for anyone, but the way Kendall had been trying to show him how to be a little less selfish had helped him make this decision. Drake meant a lot to him. He truly loved Kendall and she was his whole world, but Drake had a big part in his life too. He didn’t want to see his best friend go down for something that was largely his fault. It wasn’t fair to him. Parker frowned at her words, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I - I fucked up. I know I did. I’m really sorry,” he said, shutting his eyes and looking away. He would do things differently if he could go back and change it, but that just wasn’t possible. “I know. I wasn’t there and I’m sorry. I really am.”

Parker was always reckless, behaving as if he were invincible and nothing could touch him. He genuinely never thought for a second that he’d end up in a situation like this. He felt like he was above everything, even the law, despite how ridiculous that was. “No, I’m not,” he shook his head. “We don’t know that. We don’t know anything yet. And it’s not forever, Kenny,” he assured her, meeting her gaze. Parker nodded his head, looking down to his lap. “Yeah, I think so. I think he’s doing everything he can without actually directly helping me,” he said, meeting Kendall’s gaze again. “I know what you mean,” he nodded. He was used to Olivia breathing down his neck. It was something he’d grown up with. “Kendall, you have an illness. It’s going to treat that. You’re still a normal person,” he assured her. Parker sighed heavily, shaking his head. “I don’t want to let you die. I don’t want to live without you, Kendall, don’t you get that? Our lives are connected now. You die, I die. And apparently vice versa. We have to learn to deal with it.”

"I know you don’t, but I think it would be good for you. Especially with these voices you’ve been talking about. Kenny, I’m really worried about you. We all are," he whispered, looking her directly in the eyes. "I like it, too. But it’s just… it’s not good. For either of us," he said, meeting her gaze. "It’s a big deal if we keep ending up in places like this," he said, using his head to gesture the room. "I know what you mean," he said with a sigh, shaking his head and shutting his eyes. "So it’s not ideal, but we’ll get through it together," he assured her. He had to believe that, or he’d drive himself crazy. "I wish I could too. That’s all I want to do right now. This stupid glass," he shook his head and shut his eyes, staring down at the table in front of him. "It was," he agreed. "I know. I don’t understand the way my mind works," he admitted softly, glancing to the guard who was tapping his watch. "I’m not going anywhere. Not permanently," he said, glaring to the security guard as he made his way over. "I gotta go, sis. But I’ll see you soon," he said. "Love you," he smiled softly, putting the phone down before she could say something that would make this any harder than it already was. 

[kendall-nash]

Kendall sniffled softly, rubbing at her nose, keeping her eyes on the table. She couldn’t say what she wanted to say. She couldn’t talk about it, not with so many people watching them. She knew there were only a few guards in there, but it was still too many prying eyes and ears. She couldn’t tell him how hurt she was about what he’d done. “We had a deal, Parker,” she whispered, the only way to think of phrasing it that he would understand, and nobody else would. “We had a deal. Why couldn’t you just keep our deal?” She whispered, looking up at him teary eyed. Kendall pressed her lips together, trying to keep her chin from quivering, sniffling quietly. “Parker were you… were you punishing me?” She whispered, her brows twitching down. “Because I… Because I said I didn’t… And I stopped talking,” she murmured, clearing her throat nervously.

Kendall pressed her lips together, brows furrowing. “What if they send you away anyway?” She whispered, swallowing roughly. “If… If dad and…” She trailed off, wiping at her eyes and shaking her head. he didn’t think her father would do it, but she wouldn’t put it past Olivia to try to kick him out. Kendall nodded as he spoke, chewing at her lower lip. “That’s… that’s good at least. It’s not like he can’t afford it.” She mumbled, shaking her head. Kendall wanted to be furious at her mother for what she’d done, but she couldn’t even bring herself to be with how wrapped up she was with Parker. “I am not sick, Parker!” She snapped, inhaling sharply. “I am not… I’m not sick. I’m not sick.” She repeated under her breath, shaking her head. “I don’t need to be treated I don’t have cancer or something.” She sniffed, shaking her head. “Of course I get that Parker that’s exactly how I felt when you…” She trailed off, taking a shaky breath and letting it out slowly.

Kendall let out a breath and rolled her eyes. “I’ve had them since I was six and I’ve dealt with them just fine, why is it such a big deal now?” She grumbled, brows furrowing as she shook her head, unable to hold his gaze and looking away. “Why not? I mean, as long as it’s not the hard stuff, why not?” She murmured. “We could have… it would have been fine with the… if you hadn’t…” Kendall whispered, pressing her lips together, trying to figure out how to word things without telling the truth. “So we won’t keep ending up here.” She insisted, looking at him almost pleadingly. Kendall didn’t want to be away from Parker, not for a moment. She thought it was going to be bad when school started again, she never thought something like this would happen. Kendall sniffled and nodded, frowning. “I just want to feel you.” She whispered, swallowing roughly. “Apparently neither of us do,” she mumbled, chewing at her lip and looking down. She looked up at Parker did, her heart jumping, shaking her head quickly as Parker spoke. “No, no, no,” she rushed out, her breath hitching. “No Parker, no, don’t leave me please,” she cried, unable to stop the tears any longer as the spilled over, placing her hand on the glass and leaning forward. “Parker, “ she whimpered, her frown deepening when he put the phone down, panic clear on her face. “Parker, Parker!” She called out, leaning forward, watching as he was taken away. “Parker!” She yelled, swallowing roughly, beginning to hyperventilate. She collapsed back into the chair, turning away when her mother came back toward her, shaking her head, but letting herself be lead out to the car, to be taken to the rehab facility. To be taken away from Parker.

[kendall-nash]

Nothing Good About Goodbye || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Parker didn’t know what to do. His head was spinning and it felt like the room was closing in on him. He didn’t know how he got himself wrapped up in this. How could he have taken things so far? He must have completely lost his mind at some point. He started to feel like pieces were coming together again, but now it was too late. Naturally, that was just how things always happened. He was always too late. “Yeah,” he nodded, biting his lower lip harshly. “I didn’t know what else to do, Kendall. I didn’t know how to help him. It’s my fault we’re doing all this anyway,” he said, his brows furrowing. “Yeah… I mean, I think they had a feeling Drake wasn’t the brains behind all of it,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I know. I know I did. I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Parker frowned at their hands, so close but unable to touch. Things were never supposed to be this way for them. It was supposed to go well. Things were supposed to be made right. “I’m not trying to leave you. I don’t want to leave you,” he muttered, shaking his head. Parker swallowed thickly at her questions, squeezing his eyes shut. “He doesn’t know. He’s going to do everything that he can to keep me out of detention, but he said at the end of the day, it’s the judge’s decision,” he explained, his brows furrowing as his gaze settled on the desk. Parker had no energy to fight right now. He knew that at any sign of an argument, he’d just get up and leave. “Who knows? Those places love their drugs for a place the frowns upon them,” he rolled his eyes. “Why? Why not if it helps?” he asked. “No you’re not,” he mumbled, shaking his head. He really did believe that. She wasn’t crazy at all, she was just sick. He was sick too, just in a different way. 

"Oh, okay," he mumbled, chewing at his lower lip. "Well, maybe it all worked out. If you get treatment, drugs may never be a problem for you again," he whispered, looking at her earnestly. He wished he could think of the right thing to say in this situation, but he was at a loss. He felt useless behind the bullet proof glass. "Yeah, I guess so. But it really could be good for you. You never know until you try. Three weeks is nothing and then you’ll be back home again," he said, giving her half of a smile. Parker sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I just… I don’t know what to say. Or do. I’m so fucking useless right now," he groaned. "I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Things were so good between us. Why did I mess it up?" he asked, his brows raised as he looked at her sadly. "I want to protect you, too. I hate that we’re in this situation," he said, his stomach twisting. "Kenny… I love you, okay? We’re both going to make it out of this alright. I promise. We just have to stay strong and we’ll be together again in no time."

[kendall-nash]

Kendall sniffled and shook her head, rubbing at her nose. “No, no it’s okay. I — I understand.” She nodded, swallowing roughly. As much as it hurt to see him behind the glass, to know he was going to go back to a cell, she did understand that he’d been trying to do the right thing when he told them it was him who had started all of it. A few weeks ago it still would have made her angry, but after getting to know Drake a little better, she was proud of Parker, almost. She was still perturbed, however, that he’d gotten himself into all of this mess in the first place. But she had to admit, it seemed like for the first time in his life, he seemed to be taking responsibility for his actions. “I needed you Parker,” she whispered, brows furrowing. “I needed you, and instead you… you went and buried your dick in whatever girl you could find, put a kid in the hospital and-“ Her breath hitched as she cut herself off, keeping her voice low, looking away and taking in a shuddering breath. “I needed you, Park.”

Kendall never wanted to be in a situation like this. You saw it in movies and TV, people visiting family or significant others in jail, the hands on the glass. It was so cliche. And yet here they were. Doing just that. She didn’t know something could hurt so badly. “But you are leaving me,” she whispered, shaking her head. “You’re going to be sent away, away from me.” Kendall sniffled and nodded, listening as her brother spoke. “Did he… Did he at least get you a good lawyer? Like, one from the office or something? Not some bullshit public attorney or whatever.” She asked, brows furrowing. “She decided I’m no capable of making my own decisions, and made it for me. I didn’t want them.” Kendall mumbled, shaking her head. “Because I don’t want to have to take drugs to be a normal person!” She snapped, taking a deep breath, her eyes glassy as she gazed at Parker. “Yes. I am Parker.” She whispered, her voice cracking. “I’m crazy. And now there’s medical proof. Why couldn’t you just let me die…” She trailed off in a whisper, wiping at her eyes and looking away.

“I don’t want to get treatment, I don’t want to have to go somewhere and be forced to talk to someone. I was taking care of it by myself just fine.” She muttered, shaking her head. “I like doing drugs. I don’t want to stop doing drugs.” She mumbled, her eyes darting around the room before settling on the table. “Besides, I just smoke and drop X sometimes, it’s not that big of a deal.” She mumbled, chewing at her lip. “Three weeks is a very long time when I’m away from you.” She whispered, swallowing thickly. “Great so I can go home from rehab to being watched like a hawk by the Wicked Witch of the West.” She muttered, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “I just wish…” She sniffled, shaking her head. “I wish you could hold me and make it go away.” Kendall nodded as he spoke, her lower lip quivering. “I want it back, too. It was good.” Kendall swallowed roughly, unable to deny the fact that it had indeed been Parker who had screwed everything up so badly. “Because you have to mess up everything good in your life, because for some reason you feel like you don’t deserve it. Like you don’t even deserve the love of your sister, which is bullshit.” She murmured, pressing her lips together. Kendall’s brows drew down as Parker spoke, her breath hitching. “I don’t know how to be strong without you.” She admitted, shaking her head. “Please don’t leave me, Parker.”

[kendall-nash]

Nothing Good About Goodbye || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Parker sighed shakily, forcing himself to lift his head up to meet her eyes. He hated that she had to see him like this. He felt pathetic, locked up like an animal without any rights. He was a child all over again, stuck in the play pen in a kindergarten classroom. He frowned down at the cuff around his wrist, groaning as it rubbed against his skin. He didn’t want her to have to witness him at his lowest. He knew that in a way, he belonged in here. He did things before that should have landed him in here a long time ago. It was only a matter of time. “Hi,” he said again, biting his lower lip. Parker chuckled shyly, ducking his head. “Drake would have went down for this. It would have been bad. I just… I wanted to do something right for once,” he said. Parker’s brows furrowed at her answer, not entirely convinced. He sighed when she admitted the truth, nodding his head. “I know,” he whispered. “I wish I could help.”

Parker swallowed thickly, glancing to her head and over his shoulder at the guard. He reached forward placing his hand on the glass and holding the phone up with his shoulder. “Yeah?” he asked. “I wish I could hug you,” he whispered, frowning at her. “No. They didn’t tell me anything. I only spoke to Dad once since I got here and all he said was that he was calling his lawyer,” he shrugged, looking down to the table. “I’m sorry. I wish I could be there with you. Fucking Olivia. She’d have us both as medicated zombies if she had it her way,” he said bitterly, his eyes narrowing angrily. “That’s good. Maybe they’re good for you,” he suggest, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, I mean… We had to see each other. They have to understand. We’re close," he chuckled, shaking his head down at the table. They obviously didn’t know exactly how close they really were, but they did have some idea of how reliant they were on one another. Parker opened his mouth to speak, shutting again and leaning back in his chair. "For how long?" he asked, clearing his throats and steeling his gaze on the table in front of him. "I just - I want to know because I might have to go to juvie. I don’t know for how long, but likely for a while. Maybe it won’t be so bad then. Because then you know that even if you get out of there, I won’t be there," he explained, shrugging his shoulders. He didn’t want to have to go to a detention centre, but if it meant that Kendall would feel better about getting help, than he was willing to accept it. "It could be good for you, Kenny."

[kendall-nash]

Kendall watched him sadly, wishing she could wrap him up in her arms and hold him, kiss him and make this all go away. She just wanted to go back, before any of this happened. Before all the fighting, before any hospital visits. She wanted a time machine to go back and fix this. Maybe never even start this to begin with. Then maybe there wouldn’t be so much trouble. Or maybe it would only be worse. There was no way to know. Kendall cleared her throat quietly, her lips twitching as she nodded. “Right,” she murmured, chewing at her lip and looking down. “I guess… that was nice, I guess.” She said softly, sniffling quietly. “They believed you? When you said you started it?” She whispered, brows furrowing. Kendall sighed heavily, shaking her head and looking away. “You could have helped, Parker. Instead you went and fucked and fought and ended up in jail.” She muttered, her throat tight around the words.

She stared longingly at his hand, wishing she could link their fingers together, squeeze his hand and pretend everything was going to be okay. There was no way to pretend with glass between them, talking over phones in a jail. “Why are you leaving me like this?” She whispered, frowning as she glanced up at him. Kendall nodded as he spoke, worrying at her lower lip, her eyes darting around before settling back on Parker, fidgeting in her chair. “Have you spoken to a lawyer? Are they gonna get you off? Can’t you just do community service or something, and probation?” She asked nervously, her stomach turning at the thought of him being sent away. Kendall let out a quiet sigh, shaking her head. She didn’t want to start an argument, so she didn’t say anything about how he could have been there for her. “Well, she’s had it her way. I don’t even know what they had me on, I wasn’t paying attention.” She admitted, shrugging. “I don’t want to be on antipsychotics.” She snapped, eyes narrowing letting out a heavy breath. “I’m actually crazy, Parker.” She whispered, her eyes watering as she spoke.

“They didn’t have to understand anything,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “The only reason they let me out to see you is because I agreed to get treatment.” She admitted, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment and sighing. Kendall picked at her lip, looking away, shrugging at his question. “Three weeks. At least. Maybe more, depending. They want me to be able to start school on time, I guess it just depends on how everything goes, and how the medicine works.” She mumbled, her nose twitching as she tried to keep herself from crying. “What?” She asked breathlessly, her head snapping up, eyes darting quickly over his face, panicked as she looked at him. “Parker, I want you here,” she insisted, leaning forward toward the glass. “Just because we — because I stopped- it doesn’t mean I don’t want you here. You’re my brother. I don’t want to get out and not have you there, that’s not what I want at all.” She argued quickly, shaking her head. “I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to get help. I just want to go home with you and curl up and watch a movie and forget about everything else. I want you to be playing video games and pretend to get annoyed with me when I curl up in your lap and go to sleep, just like we used to, but you know that you loved it. You liked feeling like you were protecting me.” She whispered. “I want you to protect me.”

[kendall-nash]

Nothing Good About Goodbye || Parker & Kendall

[eliaspaxton-deactivated20201019]

Parker find him pacing the cell over and over again, unsure of what to do with himself. The closest juvenile detention centre was an hour away, so Robert had signed off to let them keep him there. It wasn’t terrible. He was fed his three square meals a day and allowed to read. The worst part was having to use the toilet in the same place he slept. It was an odd way to live, but he knew he put himself in this place. Honestly, he was quite surprised that he hadn’t ended up in here sooner. Drake had visited him a couple times, but he never really had much to say. He thanked him over and over again and begged Parker to let him tell the truth, but Parker refused. He didn’t want to see his best friend go down for something that was mostly his fault. He was the one who was always encouraging this. Drake just followed along because he thought that this would benefit him in some way. Instead, they ended up here. Parker would go back and change things if he could, but he had to face the consequences of his actions. He was beginning to realize this now. 

Parker had gotten into the habit of rubbing his knuckles raw against the sharp points of his cot, watching as his skin would gradually go from pale white, to a rash like soreness and then to the bleeding. He’d stop before it got too ridiculous, knowing he’d only be questioned about it. He was honestly expecting his father to pay his bail to get him out, but it seemed like the man was going to try to teach his son a lesson by keeping him there as long as he could. He sighed heavily, laying back in his pale scrubs, his arms behind his head in his cot. “Shower!” the guard yelled, waiting for Parker to stand. Parker sighed, pushing himself up and walking toward the door. The officer opened it, cuffing Parker at the front and grabbing his arm, leading him down the hall to the shower room. He opened the door, taking the cuffs off again and handing him a towel. “Five minutes,” he said, shutting and locking the door. Parker washed as quickly as he could, shutting off the water and drying off before getting dressed again. He tapped twice on the door and the officer opened it, putting his hands in front of him again for the cuffs. 

He was getting used to the procedure here, but he knew it was only temporary. Once he went to trial, he could be sent to juvenile detention, where he would be in a bigger facility with more ground rules. He almost wanted to stay here. At least in this place, he had a little bit of privacy. He glanced up when an officer returned to his cell, his brows furrowing at the man. “You have a visitor,” he said simply, opening up the door. He cuffed Parker’s wrists together again, walking him down the hallway to a room beside the showers. He led him inside, Parker’s stomach dropping at the row of glass cubbies and phones. It was like he was stuck in a film he couldn’t get out of. The officer led him to one of the booths, placing him down in the chair and releasing his right hand from the cuffs, chaining him to a metal ring under the table. He sighed, forcing himself to look Kendall in the eyes before picking up the phone. “Hi,” he said, his voice cracking. He realized it was the first time he had used it all day. He cleared his throat, swallowing to provide it with some moisture before chancing to speak again. “H-How are you?” he stuttered, chewing harshly on his lower lip. “This is intimate,” he joked, reaching forward to tap this glass with his knuckle. “Nash!” the guard barked and Parker quickly pulled his hand away again.

[kendall-nash]

Kendall’s leg bounced up and down as she waited anxiously, glancing around the room every couple of seconds. She hated that there was a giant piece of glass there, that she wouldn’t be able to hold Parker, to have Parker hold her. All she wanted was to feel him solid, underneath her. This was entirely her fault, that he was here. If she hadn’t landed herself in the hospital, he wouldn’t have fought and hurt Jason so bad, and he never would have been ratted out. Maybe this was what needed to happen for him to realize the path of destruction he was on, but it didn’t make her feel any better. She wasn’t really surprised that his bail hadn’t been paid, and she understood why their father hadn’t, but she wished that he had. All Kendall wanted was to see Parker, without any barriers in the way. If he was out, she could do that. But right now, it was this or nothing.

Kendall’s head snapped up at the sight of bodies in her peripheral vision, her eyes widening, brows drawing down at the sight of Parker. Her throat tightened and her stomach flipped, feeling sick at the sight of him like this. Khaki was not his color. She swallowed around the growing lump in her throat, watching as he was lead over to sit in front of her, her eyes darting over his appearance quickly. She sniffled softly, rubbing at her nose and lifting the phone, raising it to her ear, clearing her throat gently, unsure of what to say. “Hi,” she murmured back, her voice constricted as she tried not to cry. “You wanted to get away from me so bad you put yourself in jail?” She asked, forcing a soft laugh, trying to play it off as a joke, but there was some apprehension behind her eyes. “I’m okay,” she murmured, wiping at her eyes and shaking her head. “No I’m not.” She admitted, biting down hard on her lower lip to keep it from quivering.

Kendall raised her hand to touch her fingers against the class, frowning at the guard’s yell. “Parker,” she whispered, sniffling softly. “I just want to hug you.” She murmured, shaking her head minutely. “Did they tell you I’m crazy?” She asked, her brows furrowing, lips turning in a frown. “They think I’m schizoaffective. They’ve been pumping me full of antipsychotics for four days, per mom’s request.” She let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “But the plus side is I haven’t heard anything for four days.” She murmured, shrugging. “They wanted to keep me at the hospital. The doctors did not advise letting me leave.” She sighed, her gaze moving to the table in front of her. “I have to go to rehab.” She whispered, wetting her lips, unable to look up at Parker, afraid to see the look on his face when she did.

[kendall-nash]

Nothing Good About Goodbye || Parker & Kendall

Kendall hd gone back to refusing to talk after her outburst. All she wanted to do was see Parker. She refused to do anything else until she was allowed to see Parker. She didn’t eat, she didn’t speak. They started giving her the basic nutrients she needed to be alive through her IV, just so she wouldn’t end up blacking out. They’d also kept her on a mix of antipsychotics, at her mother’s request. Kendall wanted to be angry about it, about the fact they were giving her drugs she didn’t want, but she had to admit it was a weight of her shoulders not the have the whispers constantly going on in the back of her head. Plus, she had no idea how She would react to all of this. It would be a riot, most likely. Finally, finally, after three days of not eating anything and not saying a word, her mother told her that she would be able to be released from the hospital and would be able to see Parker. On one condition. After she visited her brother, she was to be checked into a rehabilitation center, where she would stay for at least a month. She would get out with enough time to recoup before school started back up.

Kendall had reluctantly agreed, only because she was going to see Parker. She knew that doing this, she wasn’t going to get to see him for a while. But maybe that’s what they needed. But it needed to be done right, not having him ripped away from her. There needed to be a proper goodbye. After almost two weeks in the hospital, Kendall was finally checked out. She looked terrible, she knew that. She had bags under her eyes from stressing about Parker, she had lost at least ten pounds. Her collarbone was more pronounced, along with her hipbones and ribs. Part of her liked it. She could see the damage she was doing to herself. It was like cutting, but people complimented you for losing weight, they didn’t compliment you for mutilating yourself. They sent yo to rehab. Kendall didn’t care about going home before she got to see Parker. She grabbed a quick shower in the hospital bathroom and changed into the clothes her parents had brought her. A pair of shorts that now hung a little too loose, and a t-shirt that had been oversized to begin with.

She stayed silent on the ride to the station, picking at her cuticles and chewing at her lip, her stomach turning every time she thought about the fact that she was going to see him. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him, hug and kiss him and hold him. But she knew she couldn’t do any of those things. Not only because he was in jail and there would be eyes on them, but because she’d meant what she’d said, about them being over. She didn’t want to be dragged along for the ride while he killed himself. Kendall swallowed roughly when they pulled up to the station, hopping out of the car and shuffling inside, her sandals scuffing across the dirty tile before she sat down to wait. Olivia sat beside her, and she could tell she wanted to comfort her, was itching to wrap her arm around her or say something. But Kendall’s look of warning was enough to stop her. “Ms. Nash?” An officer finally called out, and Kendall’s head snapped up. “You can see your brother now.” Kendall nodded, pushing herself from her seat and following the officer back, wetting her lips nervously as she went. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, looking to the seat that the officer gestured to, frowning at the phone and the glass and nodding, sitting down and waiting anxiously.