Ian had sat in silence for longer than he’d care to admit. He hadn’t expected Kendall’s admission, hell, he hadn’t even expected any kind of admissions at dinner. But now he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he had apparently missed. His grip on his cutlery was so tight that his fingers were white from the grip as the thoughts ran around his mind, guilt mixing with fear at the consequences of his youngest daughter’s actions. He knew it was going to be difficult with her growing into a woman now, he knew he would struggle with the fact that his little girl was no longer quite so little, but he never expected something like this.
Sure, the idea of her finding her blood relatives had always been a possibility, but he had thought, no, he had hoped she wouldn’t have felt that she had to do that alone. Did she think he wouldn’t allow it? That she had to stay away from them because this was her family now? Did she think they’d feel abandoned? The last question seemed to resonate within him. If she had excluded them out of fear of how they might feel she’d certainly stuffed that right up. This was so much worse, finding out afterwards, finding out that despite raising her she didn’t seem to have trusted him with the information, finding out that she had not only kept it a secret but stayed with this woman without even telling him.
What did she even know about her anyway? She was still a kid, she didn’t know whether this woman could be trusted, she hadn’t done her research, she hadn’t asked him to look her up, and, judging by Bailey’s shock, she hadn’t gone to her either. She was being reckless, childish, and yet, as angry and terrified as that made him, he couldn’t help but be worried for her in this moment. How must she be feeling after such an admission? She had gone to her room so quickly, she must be anxious about their reaction.
With a heavy sigh he loosened his grip, letting his knife and fork fall to the plate with a clattering that cut through the silence Kendall had left in her wake. He had to talk to her, and as much as he wanted to ask her a million questions, to berate her for her reckless behaviour, he knew he had to make sure she was alright first.
He was at her door before he even realised it, the thoughts racing in his mind preoccupying him from the actual steps he took to get there. With yet another sigh, one he knew would not be the last of the evening, he knocked firmly on her door, attempting to soften it somewhat from his usual gruff knock. “Kendall,” he called out, making an effort to keep his voice gentle. “Can I come in?”
Kendall was laying face first on her bed. Trying to focus on her breathing. In. Out. In. Out. But maybe it would be easier if she just stopped altogether because fuck she didn’t want to face this. She could feel the tears on her face, or maybe it was her imagination. She was just so...numb. All of a sudden, Kendall was numb. Her breathing was faster, which was probably a bad sign. But honestly, Kendall didn’t quite care.
Her arms pulled the stuffed bat she won at the Fall Festival closer to her, trying to find something else to think about other than how angry her family must have been at her. She just dropped this massive bomb on them and ran away. Would they even want to keep her now that she found blood relatives? Like, Kendall knew she wasn’t much. She could dance, sure, but she wasn’t brave like her father, nor was she strong like Bailey. She couldn’t play sports, and she wasn’t funny, she was just...there.
Should she start packing? Was Ian going to kick her out? This was the only home she’d known. Sure, she liked Holland, but Holland wasn’t her family. She was-- but not in the way the Fieldings were. She wasn’t there when Kendall was a baby, she wasn’t there when Ian’s wife left. Holland was just there for this mess. And yes, Kendall loved her, but she wanted her family, too.
The pillow that Kendall had shoved her face into to try and smother herself was soaked with tears. Kendall was crying. She turned her face and looked at the wall, her breathing finally slowing down. At least she’d be at school soon enough. A few more days and she wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. She could avoid them for forever if she wanted to-- move in with Alec once they graduate and never speak of this again. That gave her the smallest bit of hope, but she never wanted to leave her family.
God. why was Kendall so dumb? Why did she do this? She knew it wouldn’t end well, she knew her family would be upset, so why did she do it? She began to feel regret seeping through her pores. She was spiraling deeper and deeper into her pity party when she heard the knock on the door.
Dad. Kendall picked up her wand and pointed it at the door, giving it a little flick to open the door all the way. She didn’t trust herself to speak, not yet, not until she knew what was going on in his head. Instead, she shifted on the bed, making room for him to sit.
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