var kengkeng : human;

var _wau = _wau || []; _wau.push(["tab", "vfy94guciqu4", "gzo", "right-upper"]); (function() {var s=document.createElement("script"); s.async=true; s.src="http://widgets.amung.us/tab.js"; document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(s); })(); BEA & ME THOUGHTS PHOTOGRAPHY RECIPES Heyyaaaaaaa~ Well, what can I say? I'm just a simple girl from Bulacan who has big dreams but little confidence. Someone who has so much to say but too lazy to talk about it. A wanna-be psychologist, photographer, graphic artist, blogger, programmer and writer. Kapag nagagawa ng iba, gusto ko kaya ko rin. Indecisive. Complicated. Weird. Awkward. I hate being surrounded by people I don't know. I'm terrible at socializing. When life is simple, I make it complicated. When life is complicated, I make it simple :P Pangarap kong maging masiyahin at madaldal. Oh, at magkaroon ng magandang buhok. Hehe :) var wp_user="Macatypo";var wp_size=0;

[keng-keng-blog]

Ano nang gagawin ko...

sa mga larawan mo?

sa mug mo na iniwan mo sa table mo?

sa mga plano natin gawin at puntahan?

sa mga bagay na bigay mo?

Kahit ginusto ko

Bakit masakit parin?

Pero dapat kayanin ko. Natin.

Alam mo din naman kung bakit humantong sa ganito

Alam mo naman kung bakit natin kailangan gawin 'to

[keng-keng-blog]

Siguro kaya masakit kasi...

Alam mong kaya niyo pa subukan ulit

Alam mong kaya niyo pa magkabati ulit

Alam mong kaya pang magibg masaya

Pero dulo na eh.

Masyado nang masakit

Tipo ng sakit na malalim na

May lamat na

Hindi na kayo tulad ng dati.

Natatakot ka na baka pag sumubok kayo ulit

Ang mangyari baka tuluyan niyo nang kasuklaman ang isa't isa

Na baka lahat ng masasayang araw mabalewala na.

Kaya't habang kaya mo bang isalba ang mga masasayang ala-ala

Tinapos niyo na.

[keng-keng-blog]

I want validation.

Validation that I am right and you are wrong.

Validation that you acknowledge that you were incompetent.

Validation na oh, hindi nga naman pala kayo dapat pantay. I know I did better.

Ano bang nagawa mo? Ano ba naayos mo? Ano ba napatunayan mo? Kumpara mga mga nagawa ko?

It feels so bad that they think we are equal. I am insulted. Either mababa tingin nila sakin or mataas tingin nila sayo.

These are some of my thoughts right now. I don't like it kaya I don't like me. Wala akong mapagsabihan kasi I don't want to be judged. I just want someone to listen and validate na tama ako. Na hindi ko kasalanan kung mas magaling ako. Na masakit sa loob ko na makumpara sa ganun.

I can't tell anyone. But it is killing me.

[keng-keng-blog]

Pwede ba?

I feel alone.. wala akong mapagsabihan ng mga inaalala ko. Pag nagoopen up ako sa boyfriend ko nagaaway lang kami kasi pakiramdam niya sinisisi ko siya. Wala na akong close friends. Hindi kami gaano kaopen ng family ko. Pakiramdam ko gusto ko nalang wag na magising. Gusto ko mawala sa mundo na walang bakas ko. Na parang di ako nagexist.

[keng-keng-blog]

Pucha. Ano bang problema mo?! Kung may problema ka sa'kin sabihin mo. Nakakasuya na 'yang "hehe" mo eh. "Hehe" - tawa ng taong may bagay na masamang tingin sa'yo pero nahihiya(?)ng magsabi. Sorry lang ah pero ang kapal lang. Adik ako sa work? Tingin mo naappreciate ko mag-OT araw-araw? Hindi naman ako magmumukhang "adik" sa work kung konyi lang ang kailangan work-an eh. Ang kaso, MADAMI. Kung inaayos mo lang sana ang trabaho mo, sana gumaan-gaan naman 'yung ginagawa namin 'di ba? At ung isa naman, kung makapagaalita parang palaging dapat masisi or mas tanga. Okay ka lang? Utos pa nang utos tapos ineexpect mo makatarget ako ng mataas? Ikaw lang ba may karapatang magbigay ng reason kung bakit mabagal ang execution mo? Galeng ah. $$%@$$$!!!! God. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nangyayari sa paligid lo. Either there's something wrong with them or there's something wrong with me.

[keng-keng-blog]

Grabe na. Grabe na talaga.

Ramdam ko nang tumataas ang dugo ko sa ulo ko. Malapit nang magdilim ang paningin ko. Napaka-unfair niyo. Napakapabaya. Mas nakakawalan lalo ng gana!

You know, if you'd only treat your employees the way you treat a client, it wouldn't even come to this.

Feeling ko, tingin niyo sa'min para kaming mga numero. You only care about good metrics. You only care about how much progress you can report to the client. You only care how our progress will reflect on you!

Kung sana nakikita namin na ginagawa niyo 'yung trabaho niyo at nabibigay niyo 'yung suporta na dapat ginagawa niyo...

Kung hindi namin kayo nakikitang naga-undertime habang kami araw-araw OTY...

Kung hindi kayo palaging biglang nawawala kasi may biglang offset or VL pala kayo samantalang kami kailangan mag-request ahead of time...

Kung sana hindi kayo mismo ang bumabali sa mga rules na iniimpose niyo sa amin...

Kung kayo sana ang gumagawa ng mga bagay na dapat kayo ang gumagawa...

Is the boat sinking? If so, are you planning to be the first ones to get off?

Ayokong manumbat pero oo, nanunumbat ako ngayon. Kasi masakit na talaga sa loob ko. On how I see things, parang ang unfair na talaga eh.

If you're my boss and you just so happened to read this, I'm sorry but this is how I currently feel. I am planning to tell you about this in a calm and professional manner but that would take a while. Clearly, this is a rant post to vent our my pent up frustrations so I hope you can forgive this outburst of mine here in my personal space. Mababaliw na kasi ako kapag hindi ko pa ilalabas.

I don't want to do "politics". I won't kiss my boss' ass just to be on their good side just so they can push me to the top of the rank when deliberation comes. They are lacking, and they deserve to know if ever they're not aware so we can find ways to improve. If they would hold a grudge against me, fine. But I'll still do the best I can at my job. I'll let my work and achievements speak for me. Pero kung makakakuha siguro ako ng rating na alam kong hindi ko deserve, then I guess it would be time to move on.

I'm still gritting my teeth and biting my tongue although I'm never a fan of tolerance. My parents used to say, "Iyang anak mo na 'yan, kapag ayaw na niya ayaw na niya talaga." and vice versa. But I realized that there are things na hindi mo basta-basta kayang bitawan, talikuran, itapon, o baguhin. And this is one of them. Nagtiiis ako kasi boss ko kayo pero, parang tubig, dumadating ang lahat sa boiling point.

Work has become work. It not fun anymore. It's frustrating, it's tiring, and it's not doing any good for my mind and heart.

[keng-keng-blog]

Palaging naghahanap ng wala. Muntanga.

[keng-keng-blog]

Parang baliw lang ako. Kung masokista ang tawag sa taong gustong nasasaktan, ano ang tawag sa taong gustong nakakaramdam ng lungkot? Pakiramdam ko kasi bagay sa'kin ang adjective na 'yun. Shemay ang emo ko talaga! Oo emo ako, matagal na. Mahilig magdrama. Akala ko nagbago na ako pero hindi pala. Nagpapanggap lang ako. Tinago ko. Kasi hindi tanggap ng mundo (anong pake ng mundo?) Or more like wala pa akong nakikilalang tao na kayang tanggapin ang ako na buong-buo nang walang judgement nor doubt. Not even my friends. Not even myself (shemay emo oh)

[keng-keng-blog]

I want to find the cure for the emptiness I feel in my life.

[keng-keng-blog]

We ignore not because we don't care. It's because we care too much and feel too much. We're scared of losing control of our own emotions, scared of losing our grip to our made selves... that we end up taking a step back.

[keng-keng-blog]

Friendship over.

Is it over?

[keng-keng-blog]

You feel like you have so much to say but no words come out.

[relationshipadvice23]

10 Signs of Depression

[keng-keng-blog]

1. Withdrawal People with depression typically withdrawal from society. They opt to stay at their house instead of going out on a Saturday and it takes much effort from them to simply go to the store. This is often played…

Am I?

[keng-keng-blog]

I think I'm in love

Why does it feel like we're meant to be? It's like you're made just for me. I think about you each day and night. I look forward to be with you even if we're together everyday. Even if sometimes I hate you because you stress me out Even if other people told me to find another I still feel like I want to be with you

I feel really attached with you You make me really happy and fulfilled There are no dull or boring moments You always have something new

I feel like I don't want to be anywhere else than here. Is this love? Because if it is... I think I'm deeply and madly in love with you!

Haaaayyy!! I really love my work! <3

:D

[keng-keng-blog]

List of things I want to learn this year:

Unity3D 4.3 (learn to use the 2D and 3D side)

3D Modelling(? Not really willing but I must learn at least the basics)

Android application development (need to study more on this)

Selenium (to raise my value as QA *wink*)

MongoDB (simply curious about this)

MS Excel Macro (to raise my value at work din)

Sana masingit ko siya in between of my weekday work, weekend work, action group work, watching TV shows and movies, and social life(oh wait, I don't have much of that anymore lol T_T).

And thennn... I target to be promoted this year with a good rating, go on a nice vacation with my family(maybe on December? Where though?) and also to produce a good thesis project with my advisory team :)

I want to also maintain my good relationship with the people I work with (may it be onshore or offshore) hehe ^^

[keng-keng-blog]

Pho Hoa ft. My Thai *too sleepy to write a decent lenghty post so this will be quick* Ate here today with workmates/friends haha. We ate in their bracg in Taguig wherein Pho Hoa and My Thai's space is joint with each other. Place's ambiance is so-so. Nothing special that I took notice of. Food is good. I ordered their rice meal, not noodles (which is their specialty). My dish has fried rice(?), grilled chicken, and spring rolls. I enjoyed their spring rolls the most. It's crispy and felt so meaty... yum! And I also love the sawsawan na suka. Not you typical vinegar as it's not too sour and it gives a hint of sweetness. Again, it's not someplace I'll go to frequently. Recommended budget is around 300. I might eat here again to try their noodle dish. :)

[psych-facts]

Information is just bits of data. Knowledge is putting them together. Wisdom is transcending them.

Ram Dass (via psych-facts)