snot-nosed little punk

[kenzi2002]

guys, diets are total bullshit for me. it's just that sometimes emptiness settles in me, and I begin to respond to it from the outside. no matter how much I eat (and all portions seem huge) or drink alcohol (all portions seem too small), I can literally feel this emptiness burning to the ground all the calories. and with them emotions. haha this is not an honest weight loss (2.5 kg by the way), because with depression it is cheating 🤭 huh?

[kenzi2002]

last week i saw the typical before/after pic and suddenly realized... i'm a before-girl now…

[kenzi2002]

i gained weight on purpose so that I would be allowed to donate blood. i lost 450 milliliters of weight yesterday ahahaha.

this is what I call justice

[kenzi2002]

the best way to lose weight for me is to not focus on losing weight. seriously. fuck off, it just overwhelms the brain. and I'm actually living my best life here. I don't give a shit. you just have to have enough things to do so you don't have to think about food, meh

[kenzi2002]

last week i ate 500 calories less than the week before last

and this considering that I was constantly smoked [: my small personal success meh. if it wasn't for one case of overeating and wine every other day, it would be even better. but I'm satisfied so far. I still haven't bought a scale, because I don't want others to suspect something.

[kenzi2002]

soooo yep, i overeat yesterday. i ate twice as much as I needed. and i became twice as far from the dreamed space between the legs.

[kenzi2002]

it's a foolish idea to lose weight when you're always high on cannabis and your boyfriend is a fast food fanatic 

i'm just trying to consume no more than 1200 kcal (I had an overeating problem. like 2200+ kcal/day...) and then less and less every day. i just have to do it gradually, not like when I was 13, lol

[kenzi2002]

how I feel in the second week of trying to lose weight

[kenzi2002]

i used to be very thin. depression "helped" me in this. i hope this time it will be done without it. i’m not suicidal, ok? i just wanna fucking space between my legs, ok?

[kenzi2002]

this week i ate 500 calories less than last week. and also I found out that alcohol is fucking high in calories!

i like white wine, it always seemed to me that it did not have enough calories to taste meh i know you know what i mean. some fall into such a nut trap next week promises to be better.

and i'm going to buy a scale. or maybe it's better not to? ahah

[kenzi2002]

Nothing motivates as much as the memory of the fact that you were once thin and the memory of how you felt then

[kenzi2002]

This is exactly how I feel after eating <<500 kcal.

[kenzi2002]

Is it possible to have a well-managed eating disorder? Or am I just imagining, like everyone else, that I'm the smartest?

[kenzi2002]

most of the photos of girls tagged with #thinspo... these are not thin girls. they are ordinary girls with a thin waist, ok?