Thoughts so strong, I feel them when you're gone. @keriapplesauce - Tumblr Blog

Spent a few hours in the cemetery yesterday and it was beautiful, I loved it. 🪦✨🌸 (at Green Mount Cemetery) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcvZN9Ku1k2z5NY8W5CIj3nb8BGNTn1sJCLVVw0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

My babes. 🥰🐰🐣 we didn’t have Ezra today so that sucks and we missed him all throughout the day. But we had a nice day and I love them. 😊 https://www.instagram.com/p/CceXt4quI1Wt7BZNjbw26F3duFn-08894G_tXo0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

No clue how I’ve resisted posting this. It’s one of my favorite photos ever. 😆💕 (at Fort Howard Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CbyAswZOwUy4MYXXNPUzb_FJwPB-WSFVkQsPiw0/?utm_medium=tumblr

Let’s be real, how could I end the year without a post of the ✨real✨ best part of this lame ass year? Love these humans with every bit of me. I wasn’t looking, but you found me. And I’ve never been more thankful for anything in my entire life. I will never take you guys for granted. 💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/CYLMld9uIxrz2bBjBW1dTpil_lxrw5XDeUp72E0/?utm_medium=tumblr

2021 was the absolute worst year of my life. Trauma, therapy, medication, health issues, uncertainty, abandonment, loss, an ongoing pandemic, the list goes on. I *do* want to acknowledge how bad it’s been because it will surely be unforgettable and I’m so happy to close the door on this year. Despite how horrible this year has treated me, it has also brought me some of the most incredible moments, lessons, realizations, people, and experiences I’ve ever encountered. I’m gracious for that. I put so much work into myself this year. I’ve shifted the focus to myself; a first. They say that healing is not linear, and ain’t that the fuckin’ truth. But I’m so glad that I could pull myself out of the depths of a depression I felt fully and immensely throughout each molecule of my body. I am still a depressed person, but I took many steps to be able to be happy. And I am happy every day. I’m also sad most days for various reasons. But this happiness did not exist at all for me previously. I know a totally different version of joy than I’d known before. I am so incredibly thankful that I gave myself that gift of an ability through rather consistent work and effort. I’m thankful for so many things, but with this post I just want to be sure to acknowledge my wonderful therapist. She sees me in a way I need to see myself in and she shows me what she sees. She helps me figure things out in a way that is so comfortable and kind. So as I give myself credit, I absolutely need to give her credit as well. I do the work, but she shows me the way and guides me while boosting me up. Anyway, I’ve got Covid and my period and I ain’t in the mood for NYE tbh. So here’s a series of photos/videos of times this year that I felt comfort or joy. Moments that make me go: 😌🥰 https://www.instagram.com/p/CYK6KG_LnC4WrfXOqxWgUZwzmyXM0pE0uvGzlg0/?utm_medium=tumblr

So so so soooo loving my weekend adventures. 😇🌿 https://www.instagram.com/p/CUDPnT9Lzio/?utm_medium=tumblr

How do you guys feel about this fake window decal we have in the women’s bathroom at work? 😂 ya just run in and pretend you’re in a beach instead of in the work bathroom clouded up w/febreeze 🥴🏝 https://www.instagram.com/p/CT4p8Y7r1Fj/?utm_medium=tumblr

I just still really love how cute this guy was. 😍🤘🏼 Cried for the first time in 4 weeks today from my therapist pointing something really sweet and endearing out to me. I’m happy and excited about things and I like my day-to-day for the most part. Nothing will ever be perfect but some things feel really close to it sometimes and I’m so so so thankful for those things. Just needed to document these feelings. 🥰 Gonna keep doing things that feel nice and let myself feel the joy that those things bring. https://www.instagram.com/p/CTyALT0rYr2/?utm_medium=tumblr

Sketchy work bathroom photo for added dramatics. But I had my first in-person therapy session yesterday and it was SO nice. I cried a lot on the way there since all these memory-based songs played. I normally skip them but I let it rock since therapy day is “let it all out” day anyway. Then I drove by all these nostalgic places that made me cry and it was just wild. But, it’s good to let it out. I can’t all the time but I have to do it sometimes because I’ve held tons in for years and let out the insignificant things instead. Which isn’t a great move. Like road rage? Ugh. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Anyway, my appointment went great. She taught me some things I never put words to before but now can recognize easier because she put words to my thoughts/feelings/experiences. And that’s my favorite part of therapy. I’m thankful that I found a wonderful human to work with on my first [real] try. I should receive my meds in the mail tomorrow and we’ll see how that process goes. I’m committed as fuck to improvement and better mental health. I’ve never put this much time and attention into myself. I’m so stoked on me rn. But damn, those “low days” are really something. But the not-so-low days are feeling pretty nice since I didn’t have any of those last month. Just like giving the positive updates. I’ll be happy to look back on this one day. 😊🧠💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/CSsAvG2LXts/?utm_medium=tumblr

My insta feed has never been all ✨me✨ but fuck it. 😎 https://www.instagram.com/p/CRK9y-vLmVO/?utm_medium=tumblr

Just had to post the documentation of this sweet boy being so so well behaved and sweet as pie yesterday at the parade!! I was the lucky chosen one whose lap he sat on and I’ll never take that kinda lovin’ for granted! Thankful for Vancey 🥰 Can’t wait for his twin siblings to be born so I have more cute babies to snuggle! https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ7SwxdroBt/?utm_medium=tumblr

Let’s just appreciate clouds for a moment. ☁️✨ https://www.instagram.com/p/CQrqsIeA68c/?utm_medium=tumblr

✌🏼😵‍💫✨ (at Felipe's Taqueria Towson) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQEpLuLBTcj/?utm_medium=tumblr

Just saving turtles from the busy road. 🐢 https://www.instagram.com/p/CPj8wsqBVJ5/?utm_medium=tumblr

I never post like this. But fuck it, Max is cute. 😘 https://www.instagram.com/p/CNSXyfXBVE7/?igshid=1x6b56d9itdfw

Went into the old Montgomery Ward’s at Golden Ring. 5 Below, Petco, Panera, etc are in a building that was originally part of the old mall. Above those spaces is this. Signage still up, destroyed bathrooms, part of the optical center, etc. Most of it is still carpeted haha. It was awesome. I hadn’t been there since I was a child (the mall was closed in 2001 and knocked down in 2002) (at Golden Ring Mall) https://www.instagram.com/p/CL-KgGAF33r/?igshid=sk8icl7gp2mv

Not feeling my best today. Just sad. Figured I’d share a photo of me being utterly ~me~ from the summer. With a ridiculous face and energy. ✨ https://www.instagram.com/p/CKe06zjhIzm/?igshid=1oco3h5p7q5z7

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Thoughts so strong, I feel them when you're gone.