r u t h l e s s ;

i refuse to change. i refuse to give up who i am. i refuse to follow your rules. i refuse to give up my brothers, my wolf and my mistakes. hwang, kevin. 23. werewolf. sob story murderer. terrible brother, perfect friend. bully & gang leader. biggest sweetheart.

[k-w-b]

[threeminuteheadstart-deactivate]

Frankly, I don’t give a damn | Jezebel & OPEN

[threeminuteheadstart-deactivate]

“Do I look like that bothers me? Boy”

[kevin-hwang]

“If you want to sit there, you can. You’re just sitting in a section you shouldn’t be.”

[threeminuteheadstart-deactivate]

Frankly, I don’t give a damn | Jezebel & OPEN

“Be a darling and move” Jezebel said simply. She seemed bored, nonchalant and not in any position to argue.

[kevin-hwang]

“Seat’s taken, girl.” 

[kevin-hwang]

“Do people actually still go to these? Pyro will always try to be a united community -- something it’s not.”

[kevin-hwang]

❝ T R I G G E R ❞ | Kev & Jang

[phxluna-blog]

For the most part, Jangwoo knew Kevin was right in accusing him of these things. He’d been holding some kind of grudge without realizing that both of them had been wronged; Kevin especially, with his brother. It had been a rough year for the both of them, and it wasn’t fair of Jangwoo to be acting as though he were innocent. 

“I really do,” Jangwoo responded simply, nodding. “I really want to be a part of your life again. I’m sorry for being unfair to you, and I don’t regret coming here tonight.” 

[kevin-hwang]

"I don't regret calling you. I don't regret being your first, or the time that I spent with you. The many afternoons I ditched the guys to sit with you in a Starbucks -- I don't regret any time that has been spent with you, Jangwoo." Kevin whispered, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the corners of Jangwoo's lips. "I still don't regret having feelings for you, either. Drive safe tonight."

[kevin-hwang]

❝ T R I G G E R ❞ | Kev & Jang

[phxluna-blog]

As much as he wished it didn’t, Jangwoo had to admit that the first comment had stung a bit. He looked away, not wanting to look phased by the idea that he hadn’t been Kevin’s first. “You were mine,” He said in return, almost cringing at out pathetic it sounded coming out of his mouth. Maybe that was the reason Kevin had always left a bitter taste in his mouth, he was young and naive and thought the man wanted to marry him back in high school. Maybe Kevin had been the first experience to ever snap him into reality. 

Listening to the man’s explanation helped him fully realize how unfair he’d been treated Kevin. The nurse had seen his demeanor and expected him to be some villain without ever trying to put himself in Kevin’s shoes. 

“You’re right,” Jangwoo finally answered, nodding almost to assure himself alone. “I’m sorry, you’re right. But I think I want to take it really slow this time okay? I don’t want to make you promises that I can’t keep. Let’s just be friends for now.” 

[kevin-hwang]

"I know," Kevin said, seeing the grimace on Jangwoo's face as he reminded himself that it was Kevin he trusted with his virginity. It was never a joke to Kevin, though, and he wondered if the witch knew this. 

"I wasn't toying with you then, and I'm not toying with you now. You only want to be friends? That's fine. That's understandable. But if that's the case, then at least try to be more understanding than you've been. The last time I talked to you in high school, it was just as cold as the first time we spoke when you only knew one thing about me: that I pushed kids around. And tonight, I can tell that you still see me as that same bully from high school.

So what I’m saying is that I want you to be sure that you want to even be friends. Are you going to be willing to give me a chance? Or are you going to continue to shy away like you have been?”

[alonso-saavedra]

“Oh really? Do you drive too fast? Because I’m too young to die” She replied in a playful tone, not really thinking he would kill her with his driving.  She looked at him confused when he laughed, but then her eyes stared at him with interest. “A crush? Really? What happened? And why does Phoebe hate you? Wait, let me guess, you’re somehow connected to my neighbor, aren’t you?”

[kevin-hwang]

“Too young to die?” Kevin snorted, hearing how cheerful she had gotten at the mention that he knew her roommates. “You know what sounds fun? Sitting face to face and letting me give you all the details, I’ll even get you a coffee or something. And then I’ll take you home and you can ask them if I’m wrong.” 

[wlxjangwoo-blog]

“Fine,” Elena smiled, happy to hear she’d be free of any chores for the night, “I can’t win a single game of Slaps.” 

[kevin-hwang]

“That’s my girl,” Kevin smirked, patting her on the head. “It’s okay to suck, I won’t make fun of you too much.”

[alonso-saavedra]

“What if I yell?” She asked with a smile “I won’t of course, I mean, I don’t think I will” She wasn’t scared easily but she didn’t want to promise something she wouldn’t be able to do. “Do you know those red buildings close to the park on the fifth? I live there with my roommates Phoebe and Jangwoo, it’s not too far”

[kevin-hwang]

“I know where you’re talking about,” Kevin nodded before smirking at her question. “I’ve had a lot of people scream while being on the back of my bike, it’s music by now.” Hearing about her roommates though, Kevin let out a very loud laugh, turning around to pat her shoulder. “I know them, so you’re in good company. Phoebe hates my guts and Jangwoo and I used to crush on each other.”

[alonso-saavedra]

Savannah was sure that when you expected good things, good things happened, and she was glad to see that there were still kind people around, willing to help a stranger. Sure, it was also dangerous to get in a bike of a stranger, but Savannah wasn’t thinking about the risks and danger, she was just glad to be able to get home sooner. Maybe she could surprise Jangwoo and Phoebe with something nice to eat if they were up for it. “I’m Savannah, it’s nice to meet you, Kevin” She said, smiling at him as he buckled up the helmet for her. “Thanks” She said before sitting on the bike, her arms around his waist. “This is my first time in one of these things, so I guess I should apologize if I freak out a little or hold onto you too tight”

[kevin-hwang]

“Even if you hold on too tight, it won’t bother me,” Kevin told her, pushing the kickstand up with his foot and starting the bike. “What community do you live in? I can figure out the rest from there.” 

[prxmisedwitch]

“Oh oops. My bad. But see now my mood is even better because of it.”

[kevin-hwang]

“Your mood? You have feelings?”

[wlxjangwoo-blog]

“Oh it’s not? Even so, I still refuse to do the dishes. You owe me, remember?” Elena pointed to Kevin, wagging it in a nagging manner. “You had all the boys over last weekend, there was even blood on the carpet from when Yi Gwak cut himself on the table.” 

[kevin-hwang]

"Alright, alright," Kevin said, pulling his hands away from her and up in the air. "There's no need for you to get so angry..we cleaned the blood up, didn't we? I'll do the dishes and cook you dinner if you agree that you can't win one game of that."

[kevin-hwang]

❝ T R I G G E R ❞ | Kev & Jang

[phxluna-blog]

“That’s exactly, what I’m trying to say, Kevin,” Jangwoo rolled his eyes, feeling flustered and unorganized as he did his best to try to make Kevin understand. The two had always been in different worlds, and coming to a compromise had never been easy for them. 

“We’ve grown apart. And neither of us cared to reconcile what we had,” Jangwoo stopped just outside his car, turning to fully face Kevin. “So maybe you’re right. Maybe there is no forgiveness to be had, with either of us. We both made mistakes, we both had things going on in our lives.” 

Turning, the boy threw his medical bag into ht backseat before opening the driver’s door, feeling more confident that he had a quick escape plan if Kevin went wolf again. “But here’s why I’m confused: why now? You randomly saw me in the hospital, then decided I was the one to call tonight. Now you’re saying you wanted to talk things out? Why? Why not a year ago? Or two? Is it because I’m convenient right now, just like I was convenient when you were exploring your sexuality when we were eighteen?” 

[kevin-hwang]

Kevin couldn't believe what he was hearing and because he was in a bit of shock, he let out a loud laugh right in Jangwoo's face, not feeling an inch of guilt for it. "Jangwoo..do you think that you were my first? Because you're wrong if you thought that. Why did I only call you tonight? Because I got your new number only a week ago. Which reminds me..if you really think there's nothing left between us, why rush here? Why rush here to help us?" 

The wolf moved to block Jangwoo against his car, putting his hands on either side of Jang's head. "I decided that now was a good of time as any. I don't know a thing about you anymore, remember? You could be gone and out of this town tomorrow and I would be left without a way to reach you yet again. I chose now because I'm in a position where I'm not mourning my brother, and I'm not trying to fool around town anymore. I'm an adult, just like you are and I'd like a second chance, if you would. We didn't have enough time before, just a few months to grow as close as we had. 

I'm not trying to miss that time anymore."

[prxmisedwitch]

“I’m in a good mood so naturally that’s reason for celebration. Look I even came prepared.”

[kevin-hwang]

“You got that shit in my food, brat.” 

[wlxjangwoo-blog]

“– No fair! You have, like, super-speed or something!” 

[kevin-hwang]

“Ohhhh, you got me!” Kevin said sarcastically to mess with Elena, smacking the top of her hands again before laughing. “It’s really not my fault that you’re just slow.”

[kevin-hwang]

❝ T R I G G E R ❞ | Kev & Jang

[phxluna-blog]

Jangwoo was silent for a long time, listening carefully to everything that Kevin had to say, then taking time afterwards to really make sure he was absorbing everything. About some things, Kevin was right, which made the witch angry, because he knew their problems traveled down a two-way street. His issues with Kevin were partially just a grudge from high school, and that was unfair, but the wolf wasn’t being entirely fair himself, either. 

The elevator went completely silent when Kevin hit the button to resume it’s tracks, but Jangwoo wasn’t quite finished. For once, Kevin wasn’t going to get the last word. Hesitating a bit, he punched the same button, with a little more anger than necessary. “You don’t know me, Kevin,” He said, and the words felt unbelievably good to say out loud. 

“That’s the thing about you, Kevin, is that you live in a world where you think you have everyone figured out, don’t you? You pass someone one the street and think, ‘oh he’s not worth my time, I know exactly what kind of person they are.’ But I’m going to tell you a secret. You don’t.

“You think I’m just some nice kid who’s too caring for his own good. That I only dislike you for one little incident that happened years ago. You think my only problem in life is you. Well, it’s not,” Pressing the button, Jangwoo allowed the elevator to finally move towards the ground floor. “Not everything is two dimensional, you of all people should understand that. You’ve experienced loss.” 

The elevator doors opened, and Jangwoo stepped out. However, he thought twice about just walking away, feeling guilty for simply pointing fingers. “You’re right about some of it. I’m finished being angry with you about what happened in high school, but you have to understand that there’s more to it than that. I’m not ready to have a civil dinner with you, Kevin, and it hurts to think you expect me to be more forgiving than I have the ability to be. Forgiveness is an earned thing, not something you’re just entitled to. It’s not about what happened, or how long ago it was, it’s about how you’ve managed to make up for it. And so far? I’m not seeing that, and I’m truly sorry for it.” 

[kevin-hwang]

Kevin wasn't done talking either. 

Following Jangwoo out of the elevator and through the apartment lobby, he walked close beside Jang and smirked at his ear. "Yeah, you're right. I do think that I have everyone mostly figured out. It's a wonderful talent to have, I'll tell you that much. It's gotten me out of a lot of trouble, but you're just the same way. You don't know me either, pretty boy. You have no idea the things I have done for my family, this gang and for myself just to stay afloat, yet here you are lecturing me like you know me inside and out as well. Loss? Thanks for reminding me that my brother's dead. It's not everyday that I get punched in the fucking gut with words, but somehow, you've managed to make that happen. 

If you're not willing to have dinner, let alone talk to me, then it sounds to me like you have no room for me in your life. And that's fine. I get it. But how do you expect me to make up for it, Jang? When I haven't seen you in years? Right after everything happened, I made an effort to apologize but then I killed my brother and forgot who I was. I fell off the face of the earth and had people worrying about me, had family members actually give me a call. I laid in my bed awake for months over the fact that my brother wasn't in the next room over anymore and you want to tell me that you're sorry because I haven't put in any effort to kiss and make up to you? 

Don't you think I want to do that? All of those nights I ditched the gang to take you somewhere new, to sit in the library and stare at you while I pretended to care about my school work, the times that I told you I liked you -- I wasn't lying. Do you think the guys had it easy after they literally ran you out of my life? You haven't even given me a chance. You haven't even given me more than an hour to try to explain myself, or to even be friends again. 

So ask me, Jangwoo. Ask me why I expected you to be more forgiving."

[kimwoobinseyebrows]