"Becca honey, look at me."
I felt Sandra's hand cover mine as I turned to look at her. "I'm...I'm fine Sandra honest."
"Are you sure sweetie? I only ask because it sounded like you were hyperventilating a little and I don't think I've ever heard you speak in that high a pitch before. Remember what I said you should do if you start to get anxious again..."
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before sighing it out, then I smiled at Sandra and stuck my tongue out at her. "I know, I know, thank you, I really am fine my thoughts just got carried away for a minute."
"It's ok, I understand! But remember what we were talking about last night when we were packing. You've done the "hard" work, you sent the pictures to Brad and you've spent some time getting to know him better. You even went on a couple of dates! When we first met, would you have believed that was possible? Look how far you've come and how much fun you've had!"
I held my hands up in surrender and laughed as she continued, "and this week, nothing's expected of you. Brad won a week at a lakeside cabin, it's short notice, his friends are all busy and he invited us along for a break. Just think a week of bikinis, sunbathing, wine and maybe Brad in a pair of speedos." She laughed as she patted my crotch with her free hand and winked at me, "see, I knew you were excited!".
"Oh, here he comes now." I turned and looked out of the car window. I can admit my breath caught in my throat when I saw him coming round the corner but then I choked a little as a tall black guy followed him round. They were chatting and laughing, the black guy was carrying an axe and some logs and went to drop them off on the wood pile as Brad came to the car.
"Sorry ladies, Shane managed to get time off work, there's no signal for miles around here so he couldn't get hold of me on the phone and as I hadn't told him I'd invited someone else up here he decided to drive up."
My breathing became a lot faster and Sandra slowly rubbed my hand. "That's ok sweetheart, the more the merrier! We just need to finish our girl talk, tell Shane we'll be over to say hi in a minute."
Brad smile in relief and walked back over to Shane and helped him stacking up the logs.
"Just breathe hunnie, this doesn't change anything! Not really. So there are two guys instead of one? If anything, it should make things easier for you because Shane will keep Brad out of our hair so the socializing won't be quite as intense. And besides, I don't think you'd kick Shane out of bed either." She kissed me on my forehead before getting out the car.
"Girls, this Shane, Shane these are Sandra and Becca."
"Darling," exclaimed Sandra before hugging Shane and kissing each cheek. I gave a much less ebullient, "hi" and shook his hand.
Despite my worries, things went as Sandra had told me they would. The weather was glorious and there was no one else around. I took some pride in how good my bikini looked on me, I didn't fill it out like Sandra did hers but I'd put a lot of work into my body and it had paid off. The wine came out in the early afternoon and after a couple of glasses Sandra would always ask whichever of the guys was nearest to come and reapply the sun lotion to us both before we did the same.
The one fly in the ointment was Shane. There wasn't any one thing and none of it was bad enough to be serious but we just simply didn't get on. He always seemed cold and brusque and just off in some way when he spoke to me. The first night the four of us were drinking and chatting after we'd eaten and he told us that he was divorced and hadn't really dated or anything since. Sandra was very sympathetic and solicitous but I could see that even with the alcohol, he was embarrassed talking about it so I kept quiet.
When our paths would cross in the cabin and I'd smile or say hi, he'd reply in kind but the smile never seemed to reach his eyes or he'd just brush past me and mumble.
My courage had grown in the time I was there, I was determined I'd enjoy the holiday and if Shane didn't or couldn't, then that was up to him.
Halfway through the week we had a very heavy night of drinking. I didn't wake up until midday and on the table next to the bed, I found a note from Sandra saying she'd gone with Brad to the nearest town to resupply and she hadn't wanted to wake me. Shane had left for a hike before dawn and she suspected I needed some recovery time from the night before so she didn't want to wake me.
I made some coffee and ate the last of the yogurt and fruit for breakfast. The weather looked perfect and I had the urge to be outside so I packed some water into a bag, applied some sunblock and went for a walk.
I didn't want to risk getting lost so I simply followed the lake. and enjoyed the sunshine. After about 30 minutes, I heard something nearby and panicked (just a little) before I remembered that we'd checked before we left home and there was nothing in the woods bigger than a rabbit.
I listened carefully for a minute or two and then set out in the direction the sound was coming from. After a minute or two, I realized what the sound was. Two people were having sex, very passionate sex. My curiosity got the better of me and I moved closer, I went slowly because I wanted to avoid the embarrassment of getting caught peeking.
I was really close and saw that the trees opened up into a clearing just ahead. I circled round to where the leaves were pretty thick, I could see there was a blanket in the clearing and the couple were there. I sat down and carefully peered through the small gap in the leaves ahead of me and there they were! Just going at it, right out in public without a care in the world. I held my breath and started planning to back away and move on before I saw the car parked on the edge of the clearing. At first I thought I was wrong, I don't really know cars after all, but deep down I knew what I was watching and the bottom dropped out of my world.
Sandra and Brad were having sex right in front of me...and it was so hot. Part of me felt so stupid and betrayed and wanted to storm into the clearing and demand an explanation. Sandra had "picked" Brad for me and then pushed me and pushed me towards him. Was it all a joke? But I just sat there watching, I felt so weak and pathetic.
Even worse, my own body betrayed me. I usually wore a chastity device but this week I'd left it at home because it rather spoilt wearing a bikini. Watching Sandra and Brad together gave me a "huge" erection, which filled me shame and made me blush (I couldn't believe I had the blood to spare for that!). It felt absolutely rock hard, like my little clit was so full of blood nothing more could be added and I could feel my pulse there.
I was frozen in place, I didn't trust myself to move without making a noise or freaking out and anything brushing my crotch would set me off. So I just sat there focusing on breathing as deeply and quietly as I could while watching Sandra and Brad. After a length of time that could have been 30 minutes or simply forever, they got up and walked back to the car hand in hand, both smiling at each other and laughing like teenagers.
Once they'd driven off I took a moment to collect myself and stood up to begin walking back to the cabin. I was a mess, to put it mildly. I didn't know what was going to happen, what I was going to do or even how to cope with what I was feeling. Shame, arousal, fear, friendship, betrayal were all swirling round inside me and tears began to stream down my face.
I came across a large, flat rock in a small clearing, sat down on it and began weeping.
After a minute, I heard a twig break and looked up, to see Shane walking into the clearing. A look of surprise crossed his face, "Becca?!? What's wrong? Is everything ok? Has something happened to the other?"
I'd calmed down a little by then and between gulps and pauses to dry my eyes I told Shane what had happened.
When I was finished, I saw his face had changed and he looked like he did when he was talking to Sandra or Brad. "Oh Becca, I think I owe you an apology. My ex wife, she was emotionally distant and would bottle everything up inside of her and eventually, that's why we broke up. You seemed distant and a little cold with me, especially compared to Sandra, so I kept you at arms length because you reminded me of my ex. Seeing you like this shows me I was unfair. You're nothing like her something like this, a betrayal by a friend, she'd have gone ice cold and clammed up. Can you forgive me?"
As he was speaking, I burst into tears again. Shane's eyes widened, he paused before saying, "it's ok, I know it hurts to be treated like this but..."
I interrupted before he could continue, " you...you don't understand. It's...it's not the betrayal, it...it wasn't even really a betrayal. I was never his, she didn't take him from me. As I watched them I saw they weren't having sex they were making love. Seeing them together like that, I understood they belong together." I almost shouted the last part, I looked away from Shane and wiped my eyes again before talking again, but this time in a much quieter voice.
"I'm crying because I saw exactly what I want but I'm beyond terrified it's something I'll never have. They were french kissing, it was so passionate and it just went on forever. They weren't having a quick fuck they were physically expressing their feelings for each other. Their bodies were so close and so together it was like they became one person. He was inside her, she nibbled his ear and cooed into them, he teased her nipples...cumming didn't even seem to be on their mind."
I took a deep breath before continuing, "And me? I just sat there watching and leaking and shaking and scared. I want to be her so much, SO MUCH, I want to be that free and easy, I want a man to look at me like that and treat me like that and be my world like that, but how?"
I stood up and began to turn away, "I can't even imagine it happening to me, let alone how to get it and it just makes me feel so..."
And Shane grabbed me by my the shoulder, turned me round, took hold of both of my hips and...
