Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI
“How could you just leave like that?” You shut the passenger door close after you had entered Christian’s car. You used a little bit too much force causing him to flinch at the sudden noise.
“I thought you might wanted to talk to him,” he attempted to explain, but he didn’t seem to have much confidence in what he was saying. How did he expect you to believe his lame excuse, if he didn’t even believe it himself?
“How did you get that idea?” You glared at him in disbelief. You weren’t able to say it out loud with Kiseok being there, but you entire body language was basically screaming for him not to leave you alone with your ex. Christian wasn’t stupid; he got the signal but seeing the way you looked at Kiseok made his stomach turn upside down. Without knowing, he clenched his jaw and balled his fists as if he were ready to fight. It all happened subconsciously. He didn’t quite understand it himself, but in that very moment he felt irritated and frustrated with you. Why did you still allow Kiseok to have that much power over you? Why did you still have feelings for him despite how much he had hurt you?
There was a little pause since Christian didn’t know what to say and he didn’t want to lie to you either. Instead of answering your questions, he asked his own.
“Why are you avoiding him so much?”
“I might forgive him if he gets a chance to apologize,” you answered honestly.
Kiseok had been a big part of your life for five years and you got used to him being around. You wanted him to be back in your life, because ever since he was gone you felt an empty hole in your chest as though part of you was missing. If you were being honest, forgiving him would make a lot of things easier. You wouldn’t have to change your lifestyle, you wouldn’t have to step out of your comfort zone and you wouldn’t have to be all alone. Everything would remain the same, be it good or bad. If you let Kiseok tell his version of the story, if you listened through his explanation and apology, you might not be as strong and resolute as you were now. Your heart might waver and that was one thing you couldn’t let happen.
“Did you?”
You looked down, avoiding his gaze while a sudden silence surrounded you.
“I really want to.”
Then there was a pin drop silence. Christian’s eyes rested on you, but he didn’t say anything. The anger he had managed to suppress struck him again at full tilt as he realized he stood no chance. He wouldn’t be able to compete with Kiseok. The love you felt for him was painfully real.
You wanted to forgive him so badly, but if you did you would let down your past self. You would become the person you spent your adolescence despising. It wasn’t just about cheating any more. Sure, you had felt embarrassment, rage, pain and devastation. You heart had been completely shattered into pieces and your trust completely broken by the person you loved most. However, it wasn’t just about that anymore. Eventually it turned into an issue of identity. What kind of person will you be? Were you able to throw away your dignity and pride for love? Could you grit your teeth, endure the pain and look past his mistake while turning into someone you vowed you would never become? Forgiving - was it a sign a of true love or foolishness?
“But I can’t. I won’t,“ you came to a conclusion.
“Why?“
“Because if I do, I would break a promise I once made.“ A promise you had made with your younger self.
“Even though you still love him.“ He seemed be asking a question, but he didn’t raise his voice at the end. There was no question mark.
“It’s love, but it’s not the kind of love I want.“
You loved him, there was no denying that, but you hated what your relationship had turned into. It would never go back to the way it used to be. It couldn’t. It could never be the same. You had seen it with your own eyes, the magnitude of a betrayal, how the seed of betrayal would fester and slowly but surely grow to poison every aspect of your life.
“Did you ever think about getting back together with Nayeon?”
He spent a brief moment thinking about your question, before he came to a quick conclusion: “No.”
You turned your eyes to him, a small smile playing on your lips.
“You’re always so sure of yourself. I admire that.”
“Putting aside the fact that she never wanted to get back together, there is a reason why a relationship comes to an end. I’m not someone who breaks up over little things. I try my best in every relationship and really make sure I don’t have any regrets. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.”
As you listened to him speaking, you wondered whether you had tried your best with Kiseok. Did you have any regrets? Was there anything that you could have done differently? If you had the ability to turn back time, was there anything you would change? Could you really confidently say that you had done your best? Kiseok was the one who made the mistake, who betrayed you. But if you had noticed and reached out a helping hand when he was at his darkest, his most insecure, wouldn’t things be different?
“Can I take a rain check?“ You said out of the sudden. His car was still parked in front of your apartment. Christian hadn’t even started the engine yet, almost as if he knew you were gonna change your mind about going to the movies.
“I figured you weren’t in the mood to watch a movie,“ Christian chuckled as he nodded his head at you gently. He placed one of his hand on your shoulder giving it a light squeeze. Then he released a little smile. “Don’t blame yourself too much.”
Your eyes widened at him staring at him silently. Just how did he always know what was going through your head? Did he have the ability to read minds?
~*~
[Time leap]
Since you brother was on spring break he came to visit you in Seoul. When you were little you used to spend almost every school vacation in Seoul, so he had a couple of friends he wanted to catch up with. But more than anything, he wanted to escape your mother’s hawk’s eyes, breath a little, live a little. Although he stayed in your apartment, you didn’t get to spend much time with him as you were too busy with work and catering to your clients and he was too busy meeting his friends and enjoying Seoul’s nightlife. You tried to shift things around so you could make time for him, but it was one of the busiest times of the year. You were able to finish work early today, so you forced him to have dinner with you. Even though he complained a little, you knew he was actually excited. You were a gourmet so you knew the best restaurants in town and he also missed you, but he wouldn’t ever admit that to you. He was too cool for that.
~*~
“We broke up,“ you told him in a flat tone before you took a sip of your water. There wasn’t much emotion in your voice. You could as well have been talking about the weather. It wasn’t something you tried to hide from him, you just didn’t know how to bring it up, since he had always been quite fond of Kiseok even before you had started to go out with him.
“I know,“ he answered in the same manner.
“You do?“ You arched one of your brows at him, a stunned expression covering your face. You expected him to be more surprised, perhaps even in disbelief, but he was none of that. His calm demeanour was astonishing, but you were grateful nonetheless that he didn’t make a big deal out of it. If it were your mother sitting in front of you right now, she would have probably flipped a table and made a mountain out of a molehill.
“He hasn’t been around lately,“ he answered simply. You were surprised that he noticed and you could barely hide it. He had been so busy and happy meeting his friends the past few days, you didn’t think he would pay much attention to things going on in your life, but he did. He always did and he was right. Kiseok used to drop by almost every other day when Minho came to visit two years ago, but he didn’t even show up once this time.
“I’m not stupid, you know“ he laughed at your bewilderment shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. No, he was far from being stupid, yet you still tend to underestimate him. Ever since he was young, he had been very aware of his surroundings. He noticed every little thing, every subtle change. He knew things, before they had been said and he knew more than he let on. On many occasions he had pretended to know less than he really did, sometimes to avoid getting into trouble, but oftentimes also to protect the dignity and pride of the other person that was trying to put on an act.
The smile on his lips faded as quickly as it appeared. His face suddenly turned dark as he looked at you, his eye softening. “I don’t want you suffering like Mom.“
Again you were caught by surprise. He was spot on. But how in the world did he know? You had barely even exchanged a word with him since he slept all day and went out at night. Were you that easy to read?
“I don’t want to be anything like Mom either,“ you nodded in agreement.
You were in middle school when you caught your dad cheating on your mother and it took you another year to tell her the truth. You didn’t want your family to be destroyed, you didn’t want your baby brother to suffer through a divorce. More than anything, you wanted the lies your dad had told you to be true. You were mistaken. It wasn’t what it seemed like. She was just a friend. You shouldn’t tell your mother because she might misunderstand.
Your mother wasn’t surprised when you she heard the news. No, she was in rage; not with her husband, not with the situation, but with you, because by telling her you had shattered the perfect world she had created for herself. She already knew, but she turned a blind eye to your dad’s affairs. At first you thought, she stayed with him for your and your brother’s sake because she wanted for you to grow up with a father in your life. That might have been one of her motivations, but you later found out she valued her lifestyle too much. She didn’t want to lose her status. She became known to be his wife and leaving him may have closed doors professionally and socially. She didn’t want to risk breaking up her social circle either. Men will be men, that was what she always said and repeated like a mantra.
It was never again mentioned and cheating became a taboo word in the household, but the time you caught him wasn’t his first time and it certainly wasn’t the last. At some point even your bother knew. You all were part of an act you mother had put on. The picture-perfect family. The loving and devoting husband, the caring mother and wife, and two smart and successful children. None of it was true. None of you fit the role you mother had assigned to you, but you all played along, fooling other people, fooling each other and fooling yourselves.
There was one thing that your parents and all of it had taught you though. You vowed to never turn into a pathetic woman like her and your brother never wanted to grow up to be a man like him. You tried so hard not to be like her in any aspect, but without knowing you eventually ended up being more and more similar to her than you wanted, blinded by what you thought had been love.
You actually didn’t want your brother to know the reason why you broke up with Kiseok because you didn’t want him to be disappointed again by a man he looked up to. To him, your father was always something like a superhero, someone who was invincible and without fault. In a similar way he thought highly of Kiseok.
“How are things at home lately?“
“Same as always. She’s still pretending we’re the happiest family….No one actually believes it, but her.“
“What about Dad?“
“Haven’t talked to him a lot since I moved out. You?“
Hearing that, broke your heart. Your father and your brother used to be inseparable. He took him literally everywhere, baseball games, the movies, business meetings, the golf course. They had a strong bond - the strongest father-son bond in your entire neighborhood. But ever since Minho learned the truth, he distanced himself more and more, building a wall around him.
“He sometimes calls and visits when he’s on business trips in Seoul, but that’s it.“ You as well never saw your father with the same eyes anymore. You noticed that he tried his best to fix his relationship with you, he tried to be the good father supporting you in everything you did. He never once questioned your decisions and when you fought with your mother he always took your side. It was easier for you to talk to your father than to you mother, but there still was this invisible barrier that stopped you from getting too close to him. He tried to be a good father, without question but despite his effort things were never really the same anymore.
“Enough with the depressing talk,“ you let out a chuckle, giving your head a quick shake as if to shake away all the bad thoughts. “You’ve finally finished high school! How does it feel to be free?”
You spent the rest of the dinner talking about his life at university which he seemed to enjoy much more than his high schools days. He accustomed himself quickly and made new friends. You didn’t expect him to enjoy university that much, because it was pretty much hell on earth for you. The people you majored with were way too competitive. You always felt like you lacked something, like you weren’t good enough. The friendships you had made there were superficial and shallow, none of them lasted long while you still kept in touch with your friends from middle school. The only people you considered friends were the people you met outside the walls of education. Jay was the first friend you made in Korea and it was thanks to him that you didn’t end up having depression or going crazy. It was a relief that Minho wasn’t struggling like you did. He deserved only the best in the world. You were ecstatic for him that he had finally found his place.
~*~
As you were calling the waiter to pay the bill, you received a call from Christian asking if you wanted to join their bowling night with the DPR guys. You had to decline since you were with your brother, but he told you to bring him along.
“You wanna go bowling or stick to the original plan?” You asked your brother, with Christian still on the other line. Your original plan was to have dinner and then go home and watch a movie with him. You didn’t really have energy for anything else.
“Bowling for sure. I know you’re gonna make me watch some weird horror movie.“ He laughed.
~*~
You decided the teams by playing rock, paper, scissors. You ended up in a team with Dabin and Scott, while your brother, Christian and Cream were on the other team. The loser would have to pay the bills. At first you didn’t understand why Christian and Cream were so excited, high-fiving each other while Scott was a little bit bummed. But you soon learned the reason. Scott was really good but Dabin totally sucked, tanking your overall score whereas the players on Christian’s team were all pretty decent.
“Dabin you suck!“ Scott groaned out in frustration, giving Dabin a playful slap. His ball had landed beside the bowling alley once again. “Why are you so consistent in sucking?“
“Skill come with practice,“ Dabin retorted with pride.
“I don’t see any improvement though,“ you said jokingly as you shook your head at him with feigned disappointment.
“It takes time.“
“Stop bullshitting, just pay the bill, Dabin,“ Christian joined in teasing him.
Scott and you managed to raise your score so it wouldn’t look too pathetic next to Christian’s team, but you still lost by far.
“Let’s play another round! I’m sure this time, we’re gonna win,” Dabin clapped his hands together determined.
“In what world?“ Minho broke out into laughter.
“No way,“ Scott shook his vigorously as though his life depended on it.
“Not with you on our team,“ you both said in unison and he immediately stretched out his hands for you to give him a high-five.
As the game ended you moved to a pub to get a late night snack and some drinks. It turned out Minho actually listened to Dabin’s music and was quite a fan of Cream’s beats, he had a little fanboy moment in which he raved about their craft with admiration. Somehow it then turned into a freestyle rap battle with Dabin and Minho participating and Scott beatboxing.
“Damn you got bars!“ Dabin complimented him, surprised by his witty lyrics.
“If you join DPR, I’ll make you a star,“ Scott agreed.
“Don’t make him change career paths! He’s at an Ivy League right now,“ you said jokingly.
Your little brother was the pride of your family, the shining star. Your mother always wanted her children to be Ivy League graduates, but you didn’t have the interest nor the grades and ambition to attend an Ivy League. All you wanted was to be as far away as possible from your controlling mother. You didn’t apply to any university in the U.S. All the applications you had sent out were to universities in foreign countries. Eventually, you decided to turn back to your roots and attended a university in Korea. That’s how you ended up where you were now. You remembered the time when he dreamed to be a rapper and you were glad Kiseok was able to talk him out of it. It wasn’t that he wasn’t talented enough, he was. He had the talent and the looks, but having seen the industry from behind the scenes, you knew that alone wasn’t enough to succeed. You had seen with your own eyes how the industry destroyed people taking everything away from them, leaving nothing but emptiness. He would barely survive under these harsh conditions and along the way he would have probably lost himself. That was something you didn’t want to watch.
“I guess now we know who got all the intelligence genes,“ Christian said playfully, sticking out his tongue at you as he gave you a gently nudge.
“At least I graduated from university,“ you teased him back. You found out at his aunt’s birthday that Christian had been accepted into a prestigious university. But he dropped out even before the semester started, packed his bags and flew to Korea to pursue his dreams. Another thing you admired him for. His ambition.
“Not an Ivy League though,“ Minho teamed up with Christian to tease you.
“You’re in you first year, let’s see how long you’re gonna survive,“ you replied playfully.
~*~
While you went home with Minho the other guys returned to the studio. The reason why they went bowling in the first place was because it was feeling too stuffed and suffocating in the studio. They had been listening to, recording, and mixing songs since the sun had risen over the roofs of the city. There was only one month left until the release of Dabin’s new album which meant sleepless nights in the studio for them.
As Cream was rearranging one of the tracks, Christian and Dabin plopped onto the couch enjoying the little break that they had.
“When are you going to tell her the truth?” It was a vague question, but Christian knew exactly what his younger friend was talking about.
“Never.”
“I think she likes you too.”
“And since when are you such an expert, Dabin? Didn’t your girlfriend just dump you?” Christian laughed. It happened recently, but Dabin got over it quickly. They hadn’t been dating for long and she lost interest in him quickly. Dabin didn’t like her that much either, he just didn’t like to be alone.
“But what if she does?”
“She made it clear that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. I don’t want to pressure her. Besides, I don’t think she’s over her ex yet.” Christian just like anyone else was afraid of rejection but what was even worst than that was losing what he currently had with you.
“It’s just a stupid crush, I’ll get over it.”
“I think I can help you with that.” Dabin said, peaking Christian’s interest. He turned his head to his friend, motioning him to go on.
“You remember Jenny?”
“Who?” Christian furrowed his eyes digging in his memory for a face that matched the name.
“One of the models who starred in my first music video?”
Christian tried to remember, but he needed more information than that. Over the years he had directed many videos. He accepted almost every request in his earlier career because he needed to get his name out there and he also needed the money. It was almost impossible for him to remember all of them. He had lacked skills, knowledge and experience back then, so many of those visuals weren’t very special to him or carried any meaning at all. Watching those videos now made him cringe. But he was still proud of his work. It what made him what he is today.
“We filmed in Itaewon and I accidentally destroyed your camera.”
“Oh! Yeah! I definitely remember that!”
That camera had costed him a fortune. He had so save money for months in order to be able to afford it. It was his most precious possession back then and there was no one that didn’t know how much he loved that camera. However, Dabin ended up dropping it while they were changing locations. It was in the middle of winter, so his hands were frozen when Christian shoved the camera into Dabin’s hand so he could help the staff carry the props.
“Sorry about that by the way. But do you remember the girl you lusted over, but she didn’t give you the time of day?”
“Oh! That girl! Right! Jenny! Of course I remember! Man, she was hot! But wasn’t she in a relationship?”
Christian recalled an image of her in his head. He usually wasn’t that interested in models. Though he had to admit they were pleasing to the eyes, they were also a tidbit too skinny for his liking. But Jenny — that girl had the right curves in the right places. It would be a lie to say he hadn’t fantasized about her before. He didn’t have an ideal type, but if he had one he always imagined her to look like Jenny. The fact that he couldn’t have her, made him even more intrigued by her. Christian felt the blood rush through his veins as images of her popped up in front of his imaginary eyes.
“Well, she’s single now if you’re interested.”
“How do you know?”
“We kept in touch. If you want I can set you guys up.”
It didn’t even surprise him that Dabin actually got her number. Dabin was friendly and chummy with almost everyone he met. He didn’t discriminate between male and female when it came to making friends. He had as many female friends as he had guy friends. He was someone that was well liked by everyone of all ages, regardless of gender. Even Christian’s mother was very fond of Dabin. She always asked about him while she didn’t really care about the rest of his crew.
“Yeah…why the hell not?” He agreed with a shrug. He had to get over you somehow. If he didn’t, he could end up destroying your friendship and trust. He definitely had to get over you and why not start with someone he found visually and physically appealing?
~*~
[Time Leap]
“So you want me to go on a double date with you and meet some guy you know nothing about, just so you can get laid tonight? Did I get it right?“ You summarized everything that Christian had been trying to tell you for the last half an hour through constant stutters and pauses. Christian usually never beat around the bush, he would just get straight to the point. But today he was having a hard time trying to form cohesive sentences which you found quite amusing. You haven’t really seen him this nervous yet.
“Basically,“ he nodded his head although you couldn’t see him.
Dun Dun Duuuun! Minhee’s little brother is in town and Christian’s finally acknowledging his feelings for her. Will he really get over her by seeing Jenny? Aaaand a double date - that’s just calling for a disaster isn’t it? Do you think Minhee will agree to go?
I’m currently working on the next chapter of Getting Off The Wrong Foot and while writing my brain was flooded with new ideas that I could incorporate into the story….
But GTOTWF wasn’t supposed to be a long series to begin with and I do suck at posting regularly…sooo the question is, do you guys want me to continue the story as long as I am inspired and still have new ideas? Or do you guys want me to end the story where it was supposed to end (around 5-6 chapters)?
It is really up to you guys, since you’re the ones reading and waiting for an update. I wouldn’t mind either :)
Let me know!
Are you writing MKIT RAIN scenarios? Just asking nicely. ~Queennie
I don’t write for them, I’m sorry! I’ve been out of touch with the khiphop scene lately. Just trying to finish all the stories I’ve started...which is a lot lol
I just realized that minhee and ian relationship is like a song from Niki called I Like U and I honestly love it😍
I love that song! You’re right! I didn’t even notice the similarities haha! I guess that song will be playing in the background while I’m writing the next chapter haha. I’m glad you do! Thank you!
So i’m new to the christian yu cult (is that a thing? Well, it should be haha) and your series is just *chef’s kiss* P E R F E C T. I love you 🥺 kthanksbye
Hahaha is that a thing? I wonder haha
Aww thank you love! I’m so happy you enjoy the series!
I'm team Christian too. Min has started to like him and Mama Yu is right about her son liking her. Kiseok might sound sincere but he always seems to have a rock to through at Min when things don't go his way. Min could still has feelings for Ki but she has to see who treats her right. Rome left them alone to settle things down once and for all, but it could bite him instead, cause Ki seems manipulative. We haven't seen Min&Ki together in your story so you could do that to show us, but Chris 😢
But does she really like him that way?
He does sound sincere. What if he really changed?
Maybe I will? Thank you for commenting! I appreciate it love!
here is a google doc of resources to support george floyd, ahmaud arbery, roy stoddart, and the many, many, many other wrongfully murdered black people in the united states — as well as the black lives matter movement in general
please share this link or post to anyone and everyone
Here is a compilation of places to donate (IF you can, simply reblogging and sharing this can help) and petition to sign. I found these websites and organizations on twitter.
DONATIONS
THE MINNESOTA FREEDOM FUND: Donate to this to collect funds to pay jail bonds for the protesters who get arrested.
BLACK LIVES MATTER: An organization fighting for the BLM movement. Donate if you can.
BLACK VISIONS MN: an organization that is led by Black, Queer and Trans people. Donate if you can.
NAACP Legal Defense Fund: Fights for the overall equality fight. Donate if you can.
PETITIONS
Willie Simmons has spent 38 years in prison for a $9 robbery. He had two prior convictions similar to robbery that he served time for. He was prosecuted under the Alabama Habitual Offender law and was given a life sentence for his third strike - stealing 9 (NINE) dollars. Sign his petition.
Breonna Taylor was killed by police who were conducting an UNANNOUNCED drug raid, where they gave no request to enter. They bashed her door and entered, shooting her EIGHT times. They were in the WRONG HOUSE.
George Floyd was killed by a police officer who knelt on his neck and suffocated him to death, after George pleaded with the officer and told him he couldn’t breathe. The officer had pulled him from where he sat in his car on an alleged FORGERY. You can also text “FLOYD” to 55156
ARREST THE OFFICERS WHO KILLED GEORGE FLOYD: The main police officer who murdered George is being kept in PROTECTIVE CUSTODY. You probably have heard he was arrested, but this is NOT TRUE. He was placed under PROTECTIVE custody because of the riots and “threats” on his life.
If you know of ANY other organizations or petitions, PLEASE ADD TO THIS LIST. The fight for justice doesn’t end here, it will never end. Especially when the president of the United States calls white supremacists good people and protesters of a mans death THUGS. USE YOUR VOICE. NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE. FUCK COPS. FUCK “BLUE LIVES”. ALL BLACK LIVES MATTER!
Ian’s mum is definitely right. He’s in love & so is Min but they won’t be honest with themselves or each other. Which is understandable as they’ve both been hurt in the past. Ian saw Min’s signals for help but left coz he knows there are unresolved issues/feelings that need sorting out. Ki & Min need to talk whether she wants to or not. As much as I love Kiseok, I’m Team Christian.
Thank you so much for commenting! I love reading your theories! Yep, it’s probably gonna take some time for Min to trust again.
ahhhh thank you for the new update! I cant wait to hear what she would say to Kiseok! I also have a feeling that she will come in to realization some time soon. She will probably realize she does have feelings for Ian but she will probably take some time to reflect before admitting it!! Thank you for posting again!!!
Thank you for the feedback! I’m glad you liked it! But is she really over Kiseok?
I'm really sorrry for asking.. But... What happened to jenn? 😭😭😭😭😭
No need to apologize! I have it all figured out in my head, but I’m kinda struggling to write it down. But I’m still working on it! I’m so sorry for the lack of updates. But it’s really hard to write when you have a writer’s block. I need to find some inspiration again. Thank you for being so patient!
Okay so my thoughts after reading... it was kinda heartbreaking to see Christian deny his feelings for Minhee. But i get where he’s coming from. Kiseok was super petty and if he’s “trying” he’s really not showing it. I just hope Minhee takes times to actually explore her feelings for both of them.. it was a great chapter overall tho!! Thank youu❤️❤️
Thank you love! I’m glad you enjoyed the new update!
Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X
“Are you falling for me too?“ He asked, his eyes locked with yours. Your widened eyes rested on him, not blinking. You spent a few seconds staring at him, your brain unable to formulate a thought. It was a question you didn’t expect at all, especially not coming for him.
“You’re worried? Wanna make a run for it?“ You then broke out into a deep rumbling laughter. Joking - that’s how you dealt with situations you weren’t comfortable with. He couldn’t have been serious anyway, could he? But unlike yours, his face showed no sign of amusement. Usually he would join you and laugh at your jokes, even if they weren’t funny to begin with. But this time, not a muscle on his face twitched. He looked at you deadpan. Was he afraid that you might cling onto him like other girls did? Was he afraid to lose his freedom?
“You’ve been a good friend to me, plus the sex is good. But that’s it. You’re safe. Nothing to be worried about. I’m not falling for you, Christian,” you assured him and you meant it. How could you fall in love with him, when your heart still belonged to someone else?
He sighed shortly. Was it a sigh of relief or disappointment? You couldn’t read the expression on his face nor could you guess what was going through his mind right now. You had agreed early on that this would only be physical thing. Why was he suddenly worried about it turning into something more? Admittedly you were a hopeless romantic, but you weren’t over Kiseok yet and he knew, it was the reason you slept with him in the first place. If you had met him under different circumstances, maybe then things would have been different. But there was no room, to think about what ifs.
“Good, ‘cause I’m really not looking for a relationship,” he then said with a confidence that didn’t sound very convincing, but you shook it off with a shrug. You didn’t want to start questioning him now.
“Good, me neither,” you agreed with him.
~*~
Keeping up the act was quite exhausting and you were slowly beginning to regret having agreed to it in the first place. It didn’t cross your mind that fooling his family wouldn’t be as easy as you had imagined. They knew him inside out while you barely had gotten to know him. You spent most of your time with physical activities and afterwards you were both so exhausted you would go straight to sleep. There was no room for pillow talks. So when his relatives told you stories about him, it felt as though they were describing a completely different person, a stranger. You learned a lot more about him in the span of a few hours than you did over the past few weeks. Ever since you stepped inside this house your entire body felt tensed, you were in constant fear that someone might see through it. Despite your worries, the afternoon went by without any mishaps on your part. You just had to endure a couple more hours, before you could go home, you thought to yourself. But before you could face his relatives again, you needed a moment to yourself. A moment where you could be yourself, not Christian’s fake girlfriend. When nobody was paying attention to you, you quickly escaped to the balcony that was attached to the living room. You took a slow controlled breath and attempted to loosen your body movements. You felt the fresh spring breeze fill your lungs. Winter hadn’t fully passed yet, it was still rather cold outside. Crossing your arms, you leaned them against the railing. Your eyes watched the sun slowly setting behind the buildings at the horizon. The sun casted it golden rays down upon the rooftops, painting the sky shades of orange and pink. Taking this beautiful sight in, your body could finally relax a little.
You heard the balcony door open and close behind you. You didn’t turn around, because you knew the sound of those footsteps. Christian stepped next to you and also leaned against the railing, his eyes following yours, taking in the picture-perfect sight in front of you.
“Are you cold?” He asked when he saw how lightly you were dressed. Without waiting for your answer, he slid the suit jacked down his shoulders, but you stopped him midway. You pulled it back over his shoulders, adjusting it neatly.
“Keep it on. You just recovered from your cold,” you reminded him. He had been lying sick in bed the past few days. Since his fever was quite high you dropped by almost every day after work to check on him. He didn’t really have anyone else to take care of him so you took it upon yourself. It was in your nature as the elder sister to worry too much. You were used to taking care of your sick brother, it wasn’t any different with Christian. It were the same symptoms and you knew exactly what he needed to heal quickly.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized out of the blue.
You turned your head to the side, looking at him through narrowed eyes. You didn’t understand what he was apologzing for.
“My family can be a pain in the arse.”
You shook your head at him with a little smile planted on your lips. “They’re lovely people.”
“You think?”
“My family is not that big. I only have an uncle. He never had kids so I’ve never experienced something like this. It’s quite fun, except for the interrogation part,” you chuckled lightly. It was the first time you experienced a family reunion like this. Your own family wasn’t that close, you never met up for holidays or birthdays. Your uncle only ever called when he needed something.
“You’re lucky my aunt hasn’t found the time to talk to you yet,” he told you playfully as he lightly nudged your elbow with his.
“I don’t think she can be worse than your cousins.”
“Why? What did they do?” A wide grin played on his lips.
“They asked way too many questions! It felt like my brain was exploding coming up with lies to tell,” you whined.
“What kind of questions did they ask?”
“How we met, who confessed first, if you’re romantic, how our sex life is, if you treat me good,—“
“Our sex life?” Christian repeated with arched brows. You could see the smug smirk on his lips even though he was trying to hide it. Of course, out of everything you had said, it was that part that caught his attention. “What did you say?”
“I said it was good,” you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly, deciding to completely omitting the part where you fantasized about him.
“Just good? That’s an understatement, you make me look bad!” He grabbed his chest, pretending to feel offended. “You should have said that I am the best you ever had.”
“That would’ve been a lie though,” you immediately retorted without thinking.
“I’m not your best?” He asked you in a high-pitched voice, looking at you in disbelief. “Who is then?”
Christian was, but you didn’t want to admit it to someone whose ego was as big as his. No, you would never admit it to him, because then you wouldn’t hear the end of it.
“Kiseok?” He took a guess as you didn’t answer his question. Even now you remained silent. “The way you described him I thought he was a rather selfish lover. Guess he was doing something right,” he then said trying to provoke a reaction from you. Suddenly Christian shifted in his position. He stood in front of you, his hands grabbing the railing, his arms either side of you trapping you in between.
“Let me redeem myself, then.” He leaned his muscular body against yours, pressing your back against the cold railing. You felt a shiver run down your spine. “I’ll be the best you ever had.” One of his hand slid under your dress, pushing the soft fabric up your thighs. Then it worked its way to your butt, giving it a tight squeeze. His head moved closer and he covered your mouth with his in a hungry kiss.
“Your family, Christian,” you reminded him sharply as you were struggling to push him away. Truth be told, you actually didn’t want him to stop there, but you weren’t going to embarrass yourself today. Not in front of so many strangers that he called his family. It was only a glass door that separated you from his entire family. Even though they couldn’t see you because of the thick curtain hanging over the door, it was too risky. Somebody could have come barging in at any given moment.
“I don’t think I can wait ‘till we get home,” he groaned at the loss of contact. He tried to kiss you again, but you quickly turned your head to the side. Then you felt something hard pressing against your lower abdomen. You lowered your gaze and your jar dropped open at the sight of the bulge in his pants.
“You’re unbelievable, Christian,” you shook your head at him as you threw him a glare.
“I can’t help it,” he whined. He bit down on his bottom lip as his eyes caressed your body.
“You look so sexy today,” he whispered in your ear, before kissing your ear lobe. You felt his hot, uncontrolled breath brushing against your skin. “C’mon, Min.”
“Nope,” you shook your head. “Your whole family is right on the other side of the door!”
“Don’t make me beg for it,” he whispered in a pleading tone. He almost had you there, the expression on his face, his deep voice and the way he was looking at you. It was too much for you to handle, you needed to get out of there, before you would give in to him.
“Take care of it yourself,” you told him, trying to sound as cold and sharp as possible. You smoothly wriggled out of his arms and walked towards the door.
“Fuck,” a deep groan left his mouth. “Can you at least stay with me until…my dick has calmed down.”
“Fine,” you turned back again and walked towards him as your eyes mustered him.
“Shit, Minhee, don’t look at me like that. It’s not helping,” he complained out of the blue.
“That’s my face!”
“Turn around,” he ordered. Not waiting for you to follow his instructions, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you the other way. He closed his eyes, trying to distract himself, trying not to think about the things he wanted to do with you. But the image of your naked body kept reappearing inside of his head and he was getting more and more turned on by the second.
“I just took a huge dump today,” you said out of the blue. His eyes shot open. “What?”
“It was really nasty and it smelt horribly.” You thought the more disgusting the story you invented was, the quicker his erection would disappear.
“That’s information I didn’t need to know.”
“Did it help though?”
“Not at all,” he shook his head with a laugh.“I’m gonna go to the restroom.You need to cover for me though.” He walked behind you so nobody could see his little friend down there. When you reached the restroom, you parted with him. You went back to the living room where the party was at. As you were standing in the room like a lost puppy, his mother walked over to you and kept you company. Although she did ask you a couple questions, she didn’t make you feel like you were being interrogated. The way she was speaking to you, you were the one that wanted to tell her more about yourself. That’s the power she had. You ended up revealing a bit more about yourself than you had originally planned.
“To be honest, I was a bit scared he wouldn’t be able to love again after Nayeon.”
It was the first time someone mentioned the name of his ex and judging by the how softly she spoke about her, she must have liked her quite a bit. His ex must have gotten along well with his mother. She probably fooled her just like she had Christian wrapped around her fingers. But how was what you were doing right now any different to how his ex played everybody? You weren’t being truthful either, so how could you condemn someone else for doing exactly what you were doing right now.
“He’s someone with a big heart. He just needs to find the right person to give it to. I’m really glad he’s found you. When he told me about you he was grinning from ear to ear. I missed that boyish, carefree look on him. He seems to be really fond of you.”
“I don’t think so,” you blurted out without thinking. His mother had such high hopes for you, it didn’t feel right to be lying to her.
“Don’t say something like that, dear. Rome wouldn’t introduce a girl he wasn’t serious about to the family. And I can see why he likes you so much.”
“No…he…I-I mean…” you stuttered when you couldn’t find the right words to explain the situation. “We’re not really dating. I’m sorry for lying to you,“ you blurted out without thinking.
“If you’re not his girlfriend, then…” His mother looked at you confused.
“I’m just a friend. He asked me to come, because his aunts were pressuring him so much. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s ok, dear. My sisters can be kind of…obtrusive sometimes,” she agreed with a laugh. She didn’t seem to be caught off guard by the new information. You expected her to be angry with you, but she seemed to be taking it rather relaxed.
“But your son is a really great guy. I’m sure he’ll find the right person,” you meant what you said. Those were probably the first true words that you had said today.
“Sometimes you miss the forest for the trees.”
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind. There he is, I’ll leave you two alone,” she nodded to Christian who had just appeared in the crowd.
~*~
“What were you talking about with my mum?”
“I kinda fucked up. I’m sorry,” you admitted straight away as you swallowed down.
“What happened?”
“I couldn’t lie to your mom. She knows we’re just pretending.” You expected him to be angry. He had been a great emotional support to you without asking for anything in return. It was only one simple favor, yet you couldn’t even manage to get through the day without messing up.
“Well, it’s my mum,” he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “She probably knew anyway.”
“You’re not angry?”
“Why would I be?” He looked at you dumbfounded as he let out a laugh. “I got my aunts off my back. That’s what I wanted in the first place.”
“I’ll go get some drinks.”
“No,” you hurriedly grabbed his hand, pulling him back. “Please don’t leave me alone with your family,” you said with panic in your eyes. You weren’t sure you would survive another interrogation by his cousins.
“Okay,” he chuckled softly. “I won’t leave your side.”
“You can let me go, you know?” He looked down and your eyes followed his. You didn’t realize you were still holding his hand until he pointed it out.
“Sorry,” you quickly pulled your hand back as if touching fire while an awkward chuckle left your lips.
~*~
[Time leap]
“Mum, we’re heading home first. Minhee has a meeting early in the morning.“
“Where is she?“ His mother looked left and right, searching for you.”She’s waiting in the car.“ Christian wanted to bid goodbye to his mother, but after the incident between you and his mother, it didn’t feel right to appear in front of her again. You felt too guilty for lying.
“Confess to her before it’s too late.“
“What?“ He looked at his mother with big eyes, completely startled by her words. “Mum, it’s not like that. I just asked her to pretend to be my girflfriend, so I won’t have to go on those stupid blind dates.“
“Rome, when do you ever learn that you cannot deceive your own mother? I know my son. And I know when he is in love.”
“I’m not in love with her. Really. She’s a just good friend,“ he denied again as he shook his head. He knew once his mother was set on something, there was no changing her mind whether she was actually right or wrong. But why was he so adamant in proving her wrong right now? Whom was he trying to convince?
“Don’t wait too long or you might miss your chance.“
“I don’t even like her that way. Neither does she,” he tried to explain to his mother.
“I see the way you look at her. That’s not the look of someone who’s looking at his friend…”
“Mum, it’s really not like that. She’s a good friend…and she’s in love with someone else anyway. She was just trying to help me out because I asked her.”
“If you wait too long to acknowledge your feelings, you might lose her.”
~*~
Ever since Christian returned to the car he had been rather quiet. He didn’t talk a lot throughout the ride and it made you wonder if you had said something to irritate him. You tried to backtrack your conversations with him. He didn’t seem angry when you had told him that his mother knew the truth. He was still goofing around with you afterwards. It was only after he went in again to say goodbye to his mother that his mood suddenly changed. It must have had something to do with his mother, you concluded. “Did your mom scold you? I’m sorry. It just didn’t feel right to lie to her.“
“Nah everything’s good,“ Christian quickly shook it off and gave you a reassuring smile. It was a half-hearted smile. You could tell his mind was somewhere else and he didn’t put in much effort to hide it.
“Why are you so quiet then?“ You probed further.
“I’m just a bit tired.“ He closed his eyelids and crossed his arms in front of his chest, sinking into the seat. You reached out one of your hands while the other held the wheel, your eyes still focused on the roads. You touched his forehead to check his temperature which made him flinch.
“What are you doing?“ He pushed himself into an upright position, his full attention now on you.
“Checking your temperature.“
“I’m good.“
“You sure?“ His forehead was warm, it wasn’t quite a fever yet, but it wasn’t the normal body temperature either.
“I’m fine, Minhee,“ he chuckled.
“Then what’s going through your mind?“
Christian looked away from you, then down at his shoes. Still not meeting your eyes, he touched the watch on his wrist and played with it for a moment. The car remained utterly silent. You heard the sound of his breaths, irregular and shaky.
“What you said earlier…”
“What exactly?“ You had spent the entire day with him and his family, you had said a lot of things to him. It was impossible to remember everything or guess what he was referring to.
“You said you’re not falling in love with me.“
“You’re still worried about that?“ You chuckled, your shoulders falling in relief. You thought it was something serious, but if it was only that bothering him, he had nothing to worry about.
“How can you be so sure? I mean it’s possible that you do, isn’t it?“
You spent a moment thinking about it, but you couldn’t imagine dating him, or dating anyone in general right now. “I don’t think that’s gonna happen.“
“Why not?“
“You’re not my type,“ you answered shortly and simply.
“What is your type?“
“Well, for starters someone who’s not afraid of commitment.“
“I’ve been in relationships,“ he pointed out matter-of-factly.
“I know, but…you don’t want to be in one right now, do you?“
“Where did you get that idea?”
“You said that! And you’re not really making an effort in meeting someone or going on dates.”
He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t say anything. After all you were right and he couldn’t dispute that. He was way too busy to meet someone new and go on dates. Getting to know someone was a time-consuming activity and he didn’t have time left to spare. The time he had, he wanted to spend with you.
“Ian, you don’t have to worry,” you assured him again. “I don’t even wanna be in a romantic relationship right now, neither do you. I want some time for myself, you know. Just focusing on work and myself, I’ve been neglecting that for too long. It’s just sex, no feelings involved.” You words were supposed to give him assurance. You thought that was what he wanted to hear, but they had a different effect him. Christian remained silent again. He glanced out of the window, then at his feet. His gaze danced around, avoiding yours.
”If you’re that worried that I might catch feelings, we could just stop-”
“I don’t wanna stop,” he replied almost immediately as though it was a reflex.
“What is it that you want then?”
He didn’t answer that question, because he knew he couldn’t have what he wanted. He’d be asking for too much. “You’re right,” he let out a shaky breath. For a moment, there was no sound.
“Let’s stop.”
~*~
You parked his car in the underground garage of his apartment. You turned off the engine and pulled out the keys, before returning them to their owner.
“I can’t drive you home, because I drank,” he said with an apologetic look on his face.
“I know, I’ll just take a cab.”
“You can stay, you know,” he offered as he awkwardly scratched the back his head.
“And do what?” Whenever one of you stayed for the night, there was only one purpose. But sex was out of question now that you both came to the mutual agreement to stop. Staying for the night and not sleeping with each other seemed weird to you. It felt wrong.
“Right…” he let out an awkward chuckle. “Text me, when you’re home.”
~*~
[Time leap]
You were brushing you hair when you heard the sound of the door bell. You hurriedly walked to the intercom while your hands were busy tying your hair into a bun which was rather difficult without a mirror. At times like these, you wondered why you let your hair grow that long in the first place. It would be a lot easier if you just chopped everything off. You turned on the speaker function and told Christian that you would be down in a minute.
“I’ll come upstairs.”
“Why?” You wondered, but still pressed the button to open the door. I felt a bit weird, he hadn’t taken a step inside your apartment since you both agreed to stop the physical activities. All you ever did at home was related to sex, that’s why you never bothered to invite him in again.You left your apartment door ajar so he could enter himself and stepped in front of the mirror to fix your bun. You heard the door closing, before Christian appeared in front of you. He was carrying a small wooden box in his hands.
“What’s that?” Your eyes followed him.
“Peaches,” he answered shortly before he led himself into your kitchen with you following behind. He placed it down on the kitchen counter. Clapping his hands together, to wipe off the dust. You stepped next to him and took a peak inside.
“My aunt grows them in her garden. She sent me two boxes of it and told me to share them with my girlfriend,“ he said with emphasis on the last word.
“The perks of being Rome’s fake girlfriend,” you said playfully as you took a quick look at the peaches. They looked delicious. Smiling to yourself, you felt a warm and fuzzy feeling, a feeling you weren’t unfamiliar with. Kiseok’s parents had a little farm where they grew their own crops and they would always sent you some. They made you feel welcomed and loved, just like Christian’s family did. The only difference was that their friendliness was based on a lie. You weren’t really deserving of it.
“Let’s go.” Christian saw the subtle change in your facial expression, so he tried to divert your attention to something else. You quickly grabbed a jacket and followed him to the elevator which really took its time.
“You sure you wanna watch that movie?” He asked you out of the blue.
“Why? What’s wrong with it? I heard it was good.”
“I read some reviews…” His face turned dark.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared?“ You broke out into rumbling laughter. You didn’t think he would be scared of horror movies. He always gave a reliable and gutsy impression, someone who wasn’t scared of anything.
“A little bit?“ He chuckled shyly. “I mean…you should have read the reviews!“
“You said you liked horror movies!”
“I don’t.” Since none of your friends wanted to watch that movie with you, you had bothered Christian for over a week until he finally gave in.
“Why did you agree then?”
“‘Cause I missed you.”
Your body froze for a brief moment as you blinked at him, a sudden warmth shooting through your body.
“Now you’re just sweet-talking me,“ you chuckled lightly as you rolled your eyes.
“Did it work though?“ He grinned at you playfully.
“A little bit,“ you winked at him with a smile.
“So we’re not watching that stupid horror movie?“
“Well, I don’t want you to wet your pants at night,“ you took this perfect opportunity to tease, a smirk spreading across your face.
In this moment a high-pitched tone indicated that the elevator had just arrived. The door slid open, revealing a silhouette standing on the other side. You didn’t pay much attention as you were immersed in the conversation with Christian. Without looking, you walked straight into the elevator. Christian quickly pulled you back, stopping you from bumping into the person in front of you. Confused you looked up, your entire body froze and a string of nerves tightened in your ribs upon seeing that familiar face.
“Kiseok…,” you whispered to yourself, still not believing your eyes.
“Can we talk?” He asked you with caution, his voice sounded soft.
“I-I…actually have plans right now.” You wanted the words to be firm, strong, but instead your voice was shaking. You glanced at Christian, with your eyes you pleaded him to help you to get out of this sticky situation, but he didn’t seem to get it, or maybe he did, but he just chose to ignore it.
“I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll wait in the car,” he told you as he walked into the elevator, leaving your side. No, no, no, Christian, don’t leave me, you shook your head slightly, giving him all the signs you could think of to make him stay. But he didn’t. He waited for Kiseok to leave the elevator, before he pushed the button that brought him to the ground floor.
Fuck, you cursed inside of your head. You didn’t know what to feel right now, overwhelmed with contradictory emotions. You were angry with Christian, as he left you alone with Kiseok without a second thought. You didn’t want to talk to Kiseok. Christian out of everyone should have known how much you dreaded seeing him again. Yet he left. You felt betrayed by someone you thought would have your back when you needed him. At the same time you felt hurt and scared of the conversation that was about to come.
“What do you want, Kiseok? Did Jay send you?“ You quickly regained your composure, not wanting him to see you in a vulnerable state.
“No, I decided to come myself.“
“Why? You have more insults you want to rid yourself of?“ You asked him in a mocking tone.
“I’m sorry for how I behaved at the party. It was inappropriate,” he said out of the sudden. An apology coming from him was the thing you least expected.
“I got jealous when I saw you with him.“ It had been a while since you heard honest words coming out of his mouth.
“And you thought picking a fight with me in public would it make it better?“ You snarled back at him with sarcasm.
“No…I-I didn’t think at all to be honest. I had one too many and I leashed out at you.“ You knew it was a sincere apology, yet you weren’t satisfied. You weren’t sure what you wanted to hear from him, but nothing he said could subdue the anger you felt towards him. It wasn’t only anger either, more than anything you felt hurt and betrayed.
“You’re excuses are getting worse.“
“Look, Minhee, it’s not easy for me. We’ve been together for so long.“
“And you think it’s easy for me?“ You looked at him in disbelief as you let out a scoff.
“Well, you’ve found yourself someone else pretty quickly.“
“It was just sex.“ You didn’t even know why you felt the need to set it straight. It was none of his business anyway. It was your life which he wasn’t a part of anymore due to his own doing.
“I saw the way you looked at him.“
“And how am I looking at him?“
“The same way you used to look at me.“
You shook your head at him and let out a chuckle in disbelief. “God, you’re so paranoid. I’m not in love with him. I think I’d be the first one to know if I like someone or not.”
“What is he doing here then? I know you, Min. You don’t invite just anyone to your home.” You had no idea how the apology turned into an interrogation and you didn’t feel comfortable with the direction the conversation took.
“I don’t owe you an explanation, Kiseok.”
“It’s just unfair that you get to move on with your life while I’m still miserable.“
“You have no right to say that. You walked out on us the moment you fucked her and lied to me.“
“I only lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t want to lose you.“
“Well, you hurt me and you lost me, so that plan of yours didn’t work out very well, did it?“
“I’ve made a mistake, Minhee. I know that and I know it’s not something I can’t fix with a simple apology. But I’m trying. I’m really trying to fix it, because I can’t throw away the past four years just like that. You mean too much to me. I can’t just let you go like that. I can’t give up like this.”
In the silence that followed, you broke your gaze preferring instead to rest your eyes on the elevator behind him.
“Is there nothing I can do to win back your trust?“
“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. Would you ever be able to trust him again after all the lies he had told? Would you ever be able to believe his words without having any doubts? Was his word even worth anything anymore?
“Will you ever be able to forgive me?“
“I don’t know, Kiseok.“
“Do you still have feelings for me?“
Wow, this was a pretty long chapter! The longest yet I think? Hope it wasn’t too boring to read haha. What do you guys think? Is his mother right? Why did Christian leave so suddenly? What will Minhee's answer be? Are you Team Kiseok or Team Christian? Looking forward to reading your comments! :)
And I hope you all are staying healthy!
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