NERVES

I ALWAYS THINK IN EXTREMES / I SHOULD BE THINKING MOONBEAMS

[ki-jung]

gong yoo & he/him / male‷ watch out , ki-jung “key” park has crash-landed into roswell !! they look forty years old and celebrate their birthday on january 12th. they are from busan, south korea, reside in aurora  apartments and are currently working as an anesthesiologist . one thing you should know about them is he boxes in his free time.‷

EARLY LIFE

Born in Busan, South Korea, to two parents who weren’t even a couple, let alone ready to raise him together and give him a good, stable life. He was left with his grandparents at age two after his mother decided she couldn’t raise him on her own anymore, and his father had never really been a part of his life to begin with. She disappeared after that, only contacting on occasion, and sending well wishes or gifts sporadically throughout the years, on birthdays or holidays. Never visiting.

Being raised by his grandparents wasn’t exactly bad, but as in all things, it wasn’t always good either. They weren’t very well off, and there would often be times when Ki-jung would have to skip meals or wear torn or too-big clothing. He never resented them for this, never blamed them for this, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with either. They loved him, they just… also weren’t prepared to be raising a child at that time. 

All in all, he was pretty happy. He was bright, curious, always asking questions, always absorbing information and still craving more and more and more. School was the best part of his days, and even though he got teased and made fun of by his peers for his position in life and his lack of whatever it was they deemed him to be missing, he always tried to take it in stride and stay out of trouble.

Fast forward to age twelve, and everything changed for him. All he remembers is suddenly coming home one day from school to find a man sitting in his grandparents’ living room, wearing a fancy suit and looking like he didn’t belong there at all. He was sleek, pulled together, with dark hair and eyes that looked so familiar to Ki-jung that he was taken aback by them when they first met with his.

It was a few minutes of awkwardness, and then the man was introduced as his father. Of course, this sent him absolutely reeling. He didn’t know how to feel, how to process it, and he wasn’t given any time to do so, either. Because — as he noticed rather belatedly — his bags were already in the room, already packed. Yeah. 

When he got out to the car, terrified and shaking with his lower lip trembling as he held back his tears, he felt like he was never going to see that place again, with his grandparents standing on the doorstep. Like he was going to a new world, and in a way? He was right. But he’ll never forget the sound of his grandmother weeping for him.

His dad didn’t talk much on the way to the airport, only enough to ask about his studies, about whether he’s hungry or thirsty, and to ask if he has ever been on a plane before. Ki-jung sat in utter silence, not answering a single one of his questions, and just staring out the window.

TEENAGE YEARS

* tw for underage alcohol/tobacco use mentioned in this section.

After being forcefully ripped out of his environment when he was just twelve, Ki-jun’s father took him to where he was now living with his new wife and two children in none other than the US. He would later find out that his wife only learned of his existence five years after they were already married, and had promptly demanded that he be brought to live with them. This might have been what she thought was for the best, and maybe in some ways it was, but what she seemed to have not expected was the way that it would affect Ki-jun’s behaviors in the following years and the damage to his long-term emotional state.

Warming up to his new family took an incredibly long time (he still isn’t completely warm with his parents; his little sisters, however, are a different story and always have been), and learning a whole new language after being thrown into this world was even more difficult. There were a lot more hardships for him socially, and in terms of school, he began to lag painfully behind due to the language barrier being as tough to overcome as it was at the time.

Key’s teenage years were spent in utter rebellion. Everything they didn’t want him to do, he did, and it’s a miracle that he continued to spend any of his energy on his studies at all, let alone enough to get the grades that he managed to achieve. He had a surprisingly large friend group once he was actually able to speak fluent English, and he regularly attended parties he was forbidden to be at, often times consuming alcohol and cigarettes, though not quite enough to be super habit forming at that time.

High school was hard, especially in a city as vast and sprawling as the one he was currently residing in on the east coast, but he managed to graduate nevertheless. He wasn’t an honors student or a valedictorian or anything special like that, but he got through it, and that’s all that he needed to do at the time.

YOUNG ADULTHOOD

* tw for pregnancy mentioned in this section.

This was when things took a very big turn for Key. Rather than going right into university as his parents had wished for him to, Ki-jung chose to take his freedom in the form of deferring the transition for a couple more years, and set out to see the world. He loved it. All of it. Loved seeing things, experiencing different cultures, different lifestyles, different perspectives. It was refreshing and exhilarating and he never wanted it end. It wasn’t until he was aged nineteen and had to return home that he met her. 

It was never meant to be anything more than it was, never meant to be more than one night only, but as Key was about to learn, things don’t always go how you want them to. Three weeks later, he had proof of that in the form of a dozen confirmed pregnancy tests and a girl he had met less than a month ago weeping in his lap. That was the last time Key allowed himself to think only about his own happiness. Suddenly, there was so much more to worry about. Someone more to worry about. 

THEN

After finding out about the pregnancy, Key and the girl had a long discussion about their options and the road ahead of them, ultimately deciding that getting married and trying to make it work together was the best course of action moving forward. Neither of them wanted anything more than to ensure that their unborn child would have as good of a life as possible, and for Key, that meant giving them a better life than he had when he was still a kid.

This somewhat reckless decision was only reinforced by the fact that both Key’s parents and her’s fully supported it. In fact, they encouraged it, boasting about responsibility and how they were proud of them for buckling down and taking it. Key’s own father even offered to help financially support them until they were on their feet, an offer that was vehemently and wholly rejected by his son almost immediately. 

Raising their child was, simply put, a struggle. Money was tight, and for many years, Key was barely around. He worked several jobs, went to college full time, and his wife didn’t do any less. It was a lot, and their child ended up spending a lot more time at their grandparents’ houses than they probably should have, often leading to regret and guilt-filled nights for Key.

Years and years go by of this, of them barely getting through, and the pay-off didn’t hit until so far down the line that it almost seemed like it was too late. Key had a good job, had managed to pay off the majority of their debts, and between him and his wife, they had even put up a down payment for a condo in the city. That’s when things began to rapidly fall apart, unraveling so quickly that there was hardly even the time to catch the threads between their fingers.

Key’s marriage had never exactly been a happy one. It had been born out of necessity, and while there was some amount of love between the two, that faded over the years of hardship and going so long under the constant threat of their stress and impending financial ruin. 

In short, Key’s wife fell in love with someone else. And then she began to question whether she was ever actually in love with him at all, a sentiment that he himself couldn’t quite find the answer to either. It didn’t hurt him to know that she loved another person, and that was what ultimately made him decide to bring up the discussion of divorce to begin with. It wasn’t out of anger or jealousy or resentment, but rather out of... indifference. Indifference that he didn’t want to feel anymore, that he was tired of feeling. This just complete lack of anything. Of sparks, let alone of fire and flames. Continuing on like that wouldn’t be good for either of them, so why continue?

Divorce can be an ugly thing. A very ugly thing. Which is exactly why Key and his former wife tried to keep it separated from their parenting and their child as much as they possibly could, though being that he was seventeen then and no longer too young for things to fly under the radar, that didn’t work out so well. 

With his now ex-wife deciding to move across the country to be with her lover, and their son ultimately deciding to live with his mother, Key let go of the condo in the city and started applying for jobs in different states, particularly ones that he had visited during his travels and enjoyed. New Mexico just happened to be one of those.

NOW

It wasn’t long before the offers started coming in, the most enticing one being from a small town called Roswell, and he ultimately decided to accept it.

Two months later, there he was, fresh off the plane and beginning anew all over again. It felt strangely familiar, but not as scary as it had all that time ago, even if it was just as lonely.

Over the last couple of years since then, Key has been living in the same apartment, working the same job, and acting entirely differently from how he had been acting when he was still a family man. In some ways, it was almost like a delayed response, like something that wasn’t quite dormant, but was rather waiting to come out of him once the time was right. He was less serious, louder, more unrestrained, and reflecting the freedom that had once been the only thing that he cared about.

A certain sarcastic playfulness and understated charm have always been his trademarks, but the flirtatiousness is new, and something he has been indulging in so often as of late it almost comes out of him of its own accord. That being said, since giving into his impulses, Key has a hard time ever putting limitations on himself. His sense of what is ‘too much’ and what is ‘not enough’ is almost entirely skewed, and the only thing that he keeps himself in line with in an iron-clad way is going into work every day.

------------------

I haven’t had time to write a lot of wanted connections yet, but some things I would like to see are:

Ex-lovers/current lovers — Key (or Midlife-Crisis-I-Don’t-Have-A-Wife-Anymore Key, as we call him in the business) is a chaotic bisexual serial dater, so there will probably be a lot of these. Let me know if you or your muse are interested in sleeping with/dating/generally being in the vicinity of contestant #1 in a romantic manner, or you can call our hotline at 1-800-IWantToDateThatDad

Friends/best friend/ride or die  — This is pretty self-explanatory. If your muse wants to lose at arm wrestling, peel Key off of the pavement occasionally when he has too much to drink, and have unfortunately frequent late-night conversations about the validity of MCU casting choices, this might be the job for them. There are complimentary friendship T-shirts, and they’re one-size fits all.

Enemies  — Does Key make your muse big mad just by existing? Well, me too, but only THEY can actually do something about it, since they’re in the same dimension and all that. Please, someone, ANYONE just kick this guy in the shin for me, or at the very least send him a package that will explode glitter all over his apartment. I would personally love to see someone that maybe he has scorned in the past, perhaps through his serial-dating antics, or perhaps through some other unsavory means.

Folks he boxes with  — From what I understand there are quite a few muses around here that know how to uhhh throw a punch, and I want them to do it directly at Key’s face, so if you’re here for that, I promise he won’t press charges.

Uhhh I was going to have more, but I’m running out of steam, so just know that I am definitely open to anything we can come up with, be it a connection from the past or anything at all! ♥

[ki-jung]

closed starter ft. @honeybeefms​.

Key has felt this sort of bone-deep exhaustion before. The kind that weighs so heavy, it’s going to linger for weeks, maybe months to come, and there isn’t anything that can really be done about it. Days of sleeping poorly and not getting much of a chance to heal whilst trying to keep everything else together has taken a hefty toll on him physically and mentally, and his emotions, while pushed down and smothered and muted right now, are in utter turmoil beneath his calm surface. Loose threads are easy enough to pull along the frayed edges of his carefully stitched disposition, and as he braces his weight against Honey’s doorframe with nothing short of necessity, he finds himself hoping that she will notice. Knows that she will, really. More than that, though, he needs to be able to touch her, to smell her, to feel her and to know that she is safe. That all of the worst case scenarios his mind has been conjuring up over the course of this freak storm so far have no basis in reality at all.

A look of pure relief floods his features the moment the door is opened to reveal her standing there, and Key moves as natural as breathing, as exhaling after he’s held his breath for far too long. Reaching for Rosemary-Beatrice, he wraps his arms around her and draws her into his embrace, ignoring the pain that just as suddenly flares up the moment he has her body against his. Cracked ribs don’t matter when it’s been this long. They don’t matter when he was that worried. “I told you I was okay.” She hasn’t had the chance to inspect him yet, and it’s very likely she won’t think so once she does, but for him, he’s making good on a promise. An unspoken one, but a promise nonetheless. 

[ki-jung]

jadenlapointe.

it seemed like jaden was stuck in a strange , specific kind of groundhog day . he would get hurt , heal up , pay off some of his historic debts , and then be catapulted back between those four white walls , the fluorescent overhead lighting that blinded the male when he opened his eyes . he wasn’t entirely sure what had happened , the details of the ‘ accident ‘ — if he could even call it that — were muddied and communicated through bystanders , then through nurses , to the ear of the patient who truly just wanted to go home . he didn’t have buffy by his side or anybody he knew , with jovi holed up in a far-away hotel and chiba somewhere else in the walls of the wards , which brought on the familiar face-paced breathing , the sweaty brow beneath a head bandage , the distant ache below his knee .. like how hypothermia patients strip down and are convinced they’re burning up jaden pushed himself from the bed he had been assigned , grabbing a pair of crutches ( that absolutely weren’t his ) to begin exploring .

none of the blurred faces were recognisable , but he would chalk that up to the hammering of his heart and the lightheadedness , brought on by the head hit alongside the terror . swinging clumsily on his crutches , he almost collided with the first features he had recognised since coming to . “ — key ?? “ jaden breathed , relieved , and although there was still a patient-doctor relationship remaining , all that was thrown out the window in favour of a one-armed hug . the abandoned crutch clattered to the ground , uncaring . “ no .. nobody has . i don’t know what’s going on , “ 

A certain degree of empathy is required to work in a job like this. Understanding that the person one is treating feels just as much pain, fear, and uncertainty as you do is important, but sometimes attachments form that manage to stretch past the point of it being acceptable, and with Jaden, he isn’t sure where that line is. Key feels... borderline paternal towards him, protective, and when he (almost literally) runs into him now, his heart drops down into his stomach like a fucking rock. Aside from maybe one other face, Jaden’s is the last one he wanted to see in here, especially looking as rough as he does. There’s a bandage covering his brow, which obviously is noticed right away, but other than that, it’s hard to tell if there’s anything wrong with him. A cursory once-over doesn’t really give Ki-jung anymore perspective, and he braces to help support some of his weight when he reaches to hug him, the crutches he’d had tucked under his arms clattering rather noisily to the tile floor. Key ignores them.

“Okay. Let’s sit somewhere.” It isn’t a question. Ki-jung wraps an arm around Jaden to help support some of his weight, making the assumption that there’s some kind of head injury underneath that bandage that might make maintaining his balance a little bit more challenging than usual. Without the crutches, the best he can do is give him his body to lean against as he leads him towards a nearby cot, miraculously devoid of any of the other variously injured people milling about the ward. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling right now? That’s probably the best place to start.” Certainly it’s what makes the most sense.

Remaining on his feet next to the cot, Key glances around, head spinning dizzily while dark eyes seek out familiar faces. Most staff here are busy, but luckily he manages to catch the gaze of a nurse that he’s worked with before to gesture them over. After asking them to fetch him a few of the required supplies to make sure there’s nothing immediately wrong that needs to be addressed with Jaden, he lets out a heavy sigh. A good deal of nausea has begun to stir in him, sickeningly intermingled with the pain he’s continuing to ignore, and Jaden definitely isn’t the only person sporting a sheen of sweat on their skin. “If it helps to clarify any of it --- there’s a storm. A big one. I sort of just walked in here myself, and I barely made it, so I doubt we’re going to be able to leave anytime soon. I wonder if you came in with anyone.”

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: do me a favor?

HONEY: try not to break yourself even worse. i'd like you intact when you finally come home.

KEY: i'm not broken, just a little cracked. and i've definitely had much, much worse.

KEY: i'm finally laying down. we're wanting for space a bit here. feel like i haven't slept in a fucking week.

KEY: i wasn't even this exhausted when my son was a newborn.

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: you're lucky i love you so damn much

HONEY: i hope you know that

KEY: i do know it, but i like to hear it anyway. read it? hear it. think maybe i'm luckier that i love you back, though.

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: they checked everything thoroughly, right? nothing too broken that you have to stay in a horizontal state for months at a time with a nurse tending to you?

KEY: i mean i wasn't checked TOO thoroughly, and especially not by any nurses keeping me in a horizontal state. but i am okay, yes. we know for sure that i am going to live.

KEY: we can revisit all of that when i finally do get to come home, though...

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: i just needed you to answer my questions without making jokes, key

HONEY: now i'm stuck at home with no way of getting to you, and i'm worried

HONEY: what if something had happened to you? something WORSE than what's already happened?

KEY: but it didn't. i'm really okay, rosemary. i promise. i had someone check me out and everything. and i'm also refraining from making a joke about that.

KEY: i'm sorry for worrying you. and i'm even more sorry that i'm not there.

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: why are you making eight thousand jokes right now?

HONEY: this isn't fucking FUNNY

KEY: well i certainly wasn't doing it to piss you off. i just don't know what the alternative is right now. be serious? be upset? sit here and agonize over the fact i can't change anything about what's going on?

KEY: i'm sorry.

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: that didn't answer my question, and you know it

HONEY: this is serious, ki-jung. are you hurt?

KEY: i'm okay. it's just a couple of cracked ribs.

KEY: what we should really be worried about is my insurance KILLING ME with the deductible i'm about to get. my car is finished.

[romancedawg]

gong yoo in train to busan (2016).

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: are you at the hospital for work or did something happen to you?

HONEY: supplies wise? yeah, i have everything i need.

HONEY: i need YOU here

KEY: i came because i knew they would need me.

KEY: oh yeah? if i were there, what would we be doing?

KEY: i'm just kidding. mostly. i wish i was, too. once it's safe and i can, i'll come straight there. i promise.

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

HONEY: no, i'm not out in the snow. i was getting ready to leave when it started and then decided not to.

HONEY: ...are you out in it?

HONEY: please tell me you aren't out in this

KEY: i'm at the hospital. we're practically at capacity at this point --- it's going to be worse the longer this goes on. i'm not sure i'm going to be able to leave anytime soon.

KEY: do you have everything you need there?

[ki-jung]

sms — honey.

KEY: tell me you aren't out anywhere in this

KEY: finally, a text wants to actually fucking send. a whole miracle.

[ki-jung]

open starter for the storm surgery plot drop! ft. @chibanao, @archiefm, @wyliefms, @roswellwinter​, @jadenlapointe, & @nicvansant.

Doctors make the worst patients. It’s common knowledge amongst the people who work within the medical field, a cliché only because it just so happens to be true, and Dr. Ki-jung Park is certainly no exception to that. Despite coming in with injuries of his own, and despite the fact that he probably shouldn’t have attempted to come in at all, Key has been spending all of his time here frantically flitting between one person or another. Normally, one of his colleagues might have intervened, might have tried to force him into a bed given the substantial amount of bruising slowly bleeding a blueish-purple spread through his abdomen, but it’s all hands on deck, and nobody has time to babysit him. The cuts he attained were superficial, at least, so there’s only a minimal amount showing on the outside, especially with him still being in his street clothes right now. He hasn’t had time to change into anything else. Not yet.

Uncertain as to whether or not the person whose bedside he’s at has actually been examined (their system is down as a result of the storm; they still have power because of the back-up generators, but accessing charts or even being able to file them has to be on a temporary hold), Key manages to keep the wince of pain that threatens to flit over his features under wraps. Nobody would benefit from knowing how he’s feeling right now. “You should stay laying down. Has anyone seen you yet?”

[ki-jung]

closed starter ft. @theodorefm​.

“Does it ever get boring? I mean, compared to your old job, this can’t be as exciting. Certainly Roswell itself isn’t.” After coming into the bakery a few times since their first strange, fumbled conversation, Ki-jung finally realizes where he’d recognized this person from. It isn’t as if they know each other, but sitting in here this afternoon, nursing a pastry with nearly all of the other customers cleared out, he feels like striking up some dialogue certainly won’t hurt. It’s possible he’ll be kicked out soon anyway; he can’t imagine they stay open super late. Most places around town don’t, unless specifically catering to such things. “When I lived in New York, my parents used to drag my ex-wife and I out to Broadway shows all the time. And by ‘all the time’ I mean ‘far more regularly than is ever financially warranted.’ Good thing they paid.” 

[ki-jung]

honeybeefms.

the draw to key is always in the forefront of her mind and on any given day, honey can’t help but think about the next time she’ll get to see him. it’s like they’re made of magnets, pulled together by an unseen force, clicking together like missing pieces that will no longer be pulled apart. but the problem is, they do pull apart, forced to every single time they’re together by something or another. but it’s just excuses at this point, reasons to go along their merry ways that clearly made them both unhappy at the end of the day. honey is only truly happy when she’s with key, a warmth radiating throughout her body now that he was sat next to her, so close she doesn’t even have to reach to touch him, and she knows this is how she wants it to be. if honey bee moore had it her way, she would freeze time and stay like this forever. 

pulling away from him had to be forced now, knowing that, if she stayed that close to him, she’d close that gap between them that took their relationship from ‘friends’ to something far more than that. her eyes are trained on his face as he looks at her, goosebumps rising up on her skin almost uncomfortably as she swallowed, hard. the temptation to sit back down and place herself in his lap almost took over, though there was a bit of relief as he began moving to his feet. dancing was just another excuse to press herself against him and revel in his warmth. ki-jung was her comfort, the one person she wanted to turn to when things weren’t going right. so why was it so hard for her to admit to that?”

“you don’t have to remember how,” she spoke softly, the words harboring an amount of desperation that she wasn’t ready to admit to. for as long as she could remember, rosemary-beatrice was scared of feeling this way about another person. as the eldest moore sibling, she felt a responsibility when it came to love and life; she’d watched her mother struggle throughout her life, her romantic view on life making it hard to ever really be content and happy in life. rosemary-beatrice had never settled down with anyone, had never even made a full commitment to another person about from ki-jung. he was different around her, softer and sweeter than he was with other people; or perhaps that they were similar, and she only ever saw the best parts in him that she never saw in herself. the opportunity to be with other people had come and gone in her life, but honey only ever wanted to be with key, and despite being shy about it, she knows that it’s hard to ignore at this point. when he looked at her the way he was right now, it couldn’t be ignored. 

with arms wrapping around his neck, honey let herself get lost in the feeling of him. it was like she was suddenly surrounded by a cloud cutting her off from the outside world, trapping her inside of it so she could live in that fantasy space for just a little bit longer. she was always finding excuses to touch him, to be next to him at any given point even if there was no real reason to be. however, she was under the impression that he didn’t mind too much, his own touch gravitating towards her, a familiar and comfortable touch that left her feeling like she was floating on some kind of cloud. honey had read about these types of feelings in thousands of books, had even written about them herself time and time again, but she’d never felt it herself until meeting key. looking up at him now and catching a glimpse of that smile, however, was a gentle reminder as to why she felt like that in the first place. she was his, and that was something she would never quite get used to.

there’s a jolt of electricity that runs through her body when his nose brushes hers. suddenly, rosemary-beatrice’s fingers are lacing into his hair, stroking rhythmic strokes in the dark strands that tickle at her skin. so this is what being in love is like, she thinks to herself, lashed fluttering with the realization. she’d been denying it for so long, telling herself that he was her best friend, and that he could do far better in his life than being with her. but the truth was, she didn’t want him to find anyone better. whenever honey pictured someone else in key’s arms, it was like an outrageous amount of jealousy coursed through her veins, an emotion that was easy to forget when she saw him, always taking comfort in the fact that she held his attention for so long. loving ki-jung was one of the most selfish things honey had ever done, but she didn’t feel any shame for it. how could she when he held her the way he did?

finally meeting his gaze, there was a voice in the back of honey’s mind that knew what this moment would lead to. the way honey looked at key wasn’t how she looked at other people, and as her skin began to tingle under his gaze, she very nearly made the first move. but she didn’t need to, as in the next moment, his lips were against hers, and it was like everything came alive all at once. it was if she let out a sigh of relief with the contact, body lifting up onto her toes so she could press closer to him. 

any inhibitions she’d had before were gone now, her every thought filled with the way his lips tasted, and the way her fingers laced further into his hair. rosemary-beatrice was breathless now, but she wouldn’t pull away. pulling away meant having to face their actions, and all she wanted to do was get closer and closer to him. this was a kiss she wanted to last forever, and she truly hoped it would. 

Some sort of magic blooms up between them, opening like a flower, like her fingers tangling into his hair and the press of her body are bathing him in sunlight. Warm. Everything is warm, and he can't help the way that his mind keeps going back to that, as if all of these months and years have been spent with Key locked out in the cold. Now the door is open, Honey is open, and he is finally willing to be brave enough to cross over that threshold. The more he chases her taste, her scent, her touch, the more he realizes what a fucking waste of time it was to ever be running away from this. A waste of energy, if nothing else, and on both of their parts all things considered. The back-and-forth between them that has stretched out over months has finally seemed to come to a head, and the soft give and take of her lips against his own is even better than he expected. It's dizzyingly beautiful, and he feels intoxicated by it with an intensity that he has never experienced before. Not with any amount of alcohol, and not with anyone besides her.

Ki-jung sighs against Rosemary-Beatrice's mouth, and when he draws her nearer, it's so that he can ease her down onto the sofa with him. Their kiss breaks only temporarily during that process, and even still, his lips seek out her's again within seconds of him pulling her into his lap. It's a lot to be so close, but it's also not enough, and he knows there's a part of him that will probably never be satisfied; that only encourages him to chase this intimacy with all the more intensity. A hand moves to hold her nape, and his opposite arm is wound tightly around her, not giving for any sort of space in between their bodies.

It has been a long time since he felt even vaguley like this with someone. So long he can barely remember what it's like, and it's almost melancholy in a way for him, to know how much he was missing over all of those years. Pretending to be someone he wasn't has wasted the majority of his adulthood, and he refuses to do it anymore. He refuses to do it, even when he's more confused than he has ever been about his own identity. Not giving himself the space to be anything besides a father, besides the shell of the husband that his ex-wife deserved, devoid of love and full of apathy... it was wrong. It was always wrong, and he's only just now realizing it. He's only just now allowing himself to realize it; over the recent weeks, the last few hours, the last few minutes. Maybe he should thank Honey. Maybe he should just never stop kissing her like this.

The next inhale that Key draws in is against her cheek, nose fit in next to her's, and though he (reluctantly) breaks their kiss in order to speak, he leaves their foreheads resting together. They're so close they're sharing breaths, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Couldn't have it any other way. "I'm sorry." He doesn't know at first why those two words are the ones that are immediately on the tip of his tongue, but he can't seem to stop them from coming out either. He sounds breathless, voice low and husky with desire, with need that isn't even remotely close to being satiated yet. This is not over. At least, he hopes it isn't over.

Long fingers splay against her jaw as he cups her chin, the hand on her nape having come around to do so. The pad of Ki-jung's thumb smooths along her soft skin, like velvet, and he takes another kiss, stealing it away like he might not get another chance. Hell, maybe he won't, but he definitely hopes otherwise. Maybe desperately hopes otherwise. "I'm not normally so late. Or so afraid." But he already feels forgiven, so maybe it will be okay. Maybe all of this will be okay, late or otherwise. "Will you stay with me tonight? Please. I don't want you to go."

[ki-jung]

spruce-in-the-wild.

Spruce wanted to try out what Ender suggested, and what better place than a party, and what better time than when alcohol was swaying in their body at a speed where they really didn’t realise or had much control over their action anyways. They went around introducing themselves to random people, hoping to at least have some memory of them the next day. “Hi, I’m Rollo,” they said, finding it weird how their middle name sounded, but also… finding it interesting that they didn’t fuck up when they said it. “What’s your name? And do you like dogs?”

The night so far has sort of been a bit of a blur. Colors, voices, faces, tastes, smells, sounds --- they all blend together in a pleasant, disorienting sort of way. He hasn’t drank in hours, and doesn’t really plan to again considering how late it’s getting, but nor is he ready to leave just yet and go home. That’s how he finds himself being approached by a stranger, and not for the first time tonight, that stranger just so happens to be drunk. “Hi. Key, and of course I like dogs. What kind of person doesn’t like dogs?” Absolutely unimaginable, honestly. Unfathomable, even. “I don’t suppose you brought one with you? A dog would make this party so much better.” He’s mostly joking. Mostly.