🌑🦇☠️🪽

𝕾𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖉 5’5|F|Pan In The Dark UGW: 139 CW: 200lbs

[kiittykatana]

☠︎︎༒︎✞︎🕸𖤐ABOUT ME ☠︎︎༒︎✞︎🕸𖤐

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.🕊˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥☆𓆩♡𓆪🤍Hey, I guess I'm doing this so i can officially stop lying to myself and face the glaring issue in front of me. I normally don't make these things, but I'm doing this one to hold myself accountable and to be honest for once. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.🕊˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥☆𓆩♡𓆪🤍

I'm 26, a woman, and 5'5. I'm a little over 200lbs.... 3 years ago I was 139lbs. Shocker? I know. I got into starving myself at the age of 13 after meeting a peer in high school who admitted she'd done it along with excessive workouts to look the way she did. I adopted the behavior and dropped the weight by surviving on barely anything, and i was happy and proud. I kept the ED up until i was 23... The last thing i remember before i ended up on the opposite end was going through stressful situations and my dad asking if i was on drugs because i was so small. Due to those extremely stressful situations, i turned to alcohol (nothing new) because i was drinking heavily and starving myself at the same time, and somehow maintaining my weight. I stopped working out, i turned to alcoholism, and i found comfort in food. All three of those things contributed to why I've gained so much weight. I was alright with it at first because, hey! I got to enjoy food without fear for once! But as the weight piled on and as my body grew larger and so did my pant size... I realized that this isn't where i want to be. I want to have my ED back, full swing on the opposite end of where i am, and i struggle because i still turn to alcohol. Which is why I'm here. I idealize and often fantasize about returning to my old habits, and honestly, I'm beginning to hard swing myself into it once again.

I have thought about starving, working out, i have thought about vomiting and running (all sides of the ED i have had run-ins with). I want to say that stress and life is an excuse without feeling bad, but truth is, it is. Its an excuse. Traumatizing situations are an excuse. And unfortunately, mine didn't get any better so i continued to find myself at the bottom of a bottle, and stuffing my face....

So that being said, I'm back to hold myself accountable for myself. I'm taking a whack at it... Even at my 'old age'. Even at my size. Because i feel like this may be the only thing k can control and feel comfortable at, even if all else fails.

Today's weight: 203lbs.

[glennisthemenace-deactivated202]

why do bat eared foxes look like they're being bullied ,,,,

[blackestbileandsmoke]

Same creature

[turning2th3b0ne]

Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes a girl a smaller size

[lowkeyhereforthnspo]

not stopping until my arms look like this

♡

[tinyboyangel]

Some of my favorite 2000s inspired thinspo. 🤍

[sugarprincessangel]

Romanticize the hunger

Demonize the food

[loiraespiritual]

[chokingupleafs]

[songfawn]

Hm i wonder why i feel so disconnected? *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afar* *watches from afa

[vampurrring]

maybe growing up is just becoming who you were at 14 again but learning how to love her this time

[02vampire]

holy moly

[starvauee]

get ur shit together and starve

[thetidemice]

been getting really into bed recently

[blairisfuckingdead]

Im so sick of trusting people.

[whitegloomywinter]

Not mine

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

the worst part about EDs is you can never unknow all of it

I miss not knowing exercise burnt calories and more calories burnt is weight loss

I miss not knowing what macros are

I miss not knowing what a calorie is

I miss being blind to it all

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

the worst part about EDs is you can never unknow all of it

I miss not knowing exercise burnt calories and more calories burnt is weight loss

I miss not knowing what macros are

I miss not knowing what a calorie is

I miss being blind to it all