RECOVERY VENT BLOG

block don't report yada yada yk the drill

[killmeoncemore]

you can call me Kris, I use he/they/ix pronouns and I'm 17 y/o

I'm diagnosed with C-PTSD and have secondary structural dissociation. My therapist also suspects ADHD and/or autism.

I'm recovering from/dealing with self harm, eating disorder and bunch of trauma stuff that comes with a bonus depersonalization and derealization </3

Fun fact: I am also a war refugee from Ukraine (Kharkiv)

Two of my cats recently died, one who was in Ukraine and who I wasn't able to see for years (her name was Motya) and another one who belonged to the family who fosters me (har name was Lisa).

If you see me reblogging plural stuff.. no you didn't 🤫

fyi if I'm suddenly very active it means I'm struggling again </3

imma do my best to tag things but lmk if there's anything I've missed 𔓘

[office-cabinet]

is this a switch and has literally anyone else experienced this

[killmeoncemore]

going to the depersonalization tag expecting to find community/relate to other people's experienses, but instead seeing edgy quotes and weirdcore shit (≖_≖ )

[killmeoncemore]

OR quotes that trigger you even more.

spamming shit like "you're not real" and "nothing matters" etc.

like wow. very helpfull ty </3 /sarcastic

[killmeoncemore]

going to the depersonalization tag expecting to find community/relate to other people's experienses, but instead seeing edgy quotes and weirdcore shit (≖_≖ )

[schizotisticstatic]

reminder to stop fucking taking mental health terms and applying them to normal human experiences that a lot of people have regardless of their mental health!

stop saying you have a "special interest"/you're "hyperfixating" on something when you just like it a lot!

stop saying you're "overstimulated" when you're just overwhelmed!

stop saying you're "dissociating" when you're just zoning out!

stop saying you're "so OCD" because you like to be clean/organized!

stop saying you're "delusional/delulu" because you hope the person you like might like you back!

stop calling things "traumatizing"/saying you're "traumatized" when you see something that was a just a little weird or scary or uncomfortable and left no real lasting damage on you!

stop calling people/things "psychotic" when you mean violent/homicidal! (people in psychosis aren't inherently dangerous btw)

and most of all!!

stop fucking calling people/things schizo!!!! full stop!!!! there is never a good reason for it!!!! schizophrenics have enough to worry about without hearing you say that shit!!!! fuck dude omg

anyway feel free to add to this if you reblog it :]

[hellhoundzzz]

It is so weird [interesting ?] to me that something like physical sensations actually send me deeper into a dpdr spiral- whereas for others it might actually be grounding !!

[killmeoncemore]

omg same!! esp with stuff like reality checks..

I saw some people say that looking in the mirror helped them but for me the longer I look at myself the less familiar I look :/

[killmeoncemore]

Gonna confront my sister about her watching Harry Potter movies and buying their merch

Esp cuz she claims to want to grow up to be a "hot feminist mom who takes her daughter to protests and stuff"

Imma do that the next time she puts on the Harry Potter movies cuz ye. U can't be saying all that and then watch The Bigoted Movie Series :/ that's just no how this works ok

[killmeoncemore]

I hate it when I post something, look away for a second and then suddenly the post is "posted 1 hour ago" like no tf it isn't....

[killmeoncemore]

really crawing animal company rn but both of my cats r dead </3

fuck u Motya and Lisa for dying one after another and leaving me alone :/

[killmeoncemore]

also fuck Norway specifically for not allowing pet's ashes through the border like wtf. I want closure bro give me my kitty back.

now Motya has to be made into a fucking pebble type shit. like, hello??? how's ashes in a form of a stone allowed but normal ashes aren't?? stupid ass law

[killmeoncemore]

really crawing animal company rn but both of my cats r dead </3

fuck u Motya and Lisa for dying one after another and leaving me alone :/

[kanades-cup-noodles]

these always trigger the worst episodes

[zmpl]

Check out this adorable bunny on a trampoline — it will surely brighten up your day!✨

[entomophone]

doodle inspired by a tweet i saw :3

[killmeoncemore]

Yesterday night was wild huh..

Didn't relapse tho!! That's something, right?

[killmeoncemore]

If I cut myself up I will prove that I'm real. Real creatures bleed. Real creatures have skin layers. If I cut myself and go deep enough maybe then the proof written in blood will be enough to prove my existence.

[cryingbard]

That's not fair.

(If you want to see me vent I'm on tiktok, @cryingbard)

[killmeoncemore]

Depersonalization

Shattered Self Image

...

FUCK I MADE THIS WITH READING MODE ON SOBBB

This is supposed to show both how depersonalization feels and how it feels to do the "name your features" exercise*

* grounding exercise where I name and look at your features/body parts to confirm that you are you and that your body is yours