Catalyst
My catalyst:
When I was 15/16 and my grandpa died. The world stopped and I wasn’t ready. That’s probably when everything begin. I didn’t understand why someone so close to me was gone.
Again when I was 17 two football players were murdered along with two others in Mckinney’s first quadruple homicide.
My senior year I probably dropped 50 pounds or so. My grandma thought I was sick. I would purposely drink over a gallon of water a day. I remember just eating crackers for meals and locking myself in my room. I went through a “goth” phase. Listening to the alternative music. Loving korn and trying so hard to relate to their music.
I was never that girl to be in a group or a clique. I had friends but only a few close ones I could trust. My boyfriend at the time was probably my only real best friend. He knew my family pretty well and my parents liked him. Once I broke up with him I consumed myself in either homework or athletic training. Going to games on Tuesday nights for boys soccer. Thursday nights of jv football then of course every Friday night for varsity. I kept myself busy and never slowed down. I didn’t drink or so drugs in high school; I just wanted out. I didn’t really related to a lot of people.
Once I graduated I had to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and I had no clue. I loved art because that was my way of expressing myself. I was never a great drawer but I felt creative. Two years later I was enrolled at the Art Institute of Dallas and was so grateful I got in. I didn’t realize that it was going to make my parents go broke. I graduated though and had to figure out again what was next. Housing market crashed and so did my dreams of working in the interior design field. Luckily? I still had my job at Lowe’s and kept with it for almost 10 years. I partied harder than I should’ve. Had a few nights I don’t even remember but thank god friends always took a million pictures. I tried to always get out of Lowe’s but it never worked out for one reason or another. Made some friends, dated a few here and there then one day I got out. Tried recruiting for awhile and that also didn’t work out and I was back to the drawing board. Ended up working two jobs for while to keep busy and to have extra income. Found another job worked till I found something else. Finally found the job I’m currently at and have made some amazing friendships with a bunch of ladies I never would of even imagined ever happening. But there’s still that part of me that wants more that is still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m 32 almost 33 in a couple of weeks and I’m still trying to be and do better. With recent events I also don’t know what that is either.