KimicalBurn @kimicalburn - Tumblr Blog

the-memeblades-chosen-one

so i got a totally not bootlegged Kingdom Hearts coloring book for Christmas

it has all my favorite KH characters!

such as

Sora

Maybe-Possibly-Cloud

This Guy

My Neighbor Totoro

Unfortunate Kairi

This Other Guy

Mansex

Soraruto(¿?¿)

And of course my most favorite

HECKIN’

GOSH DAMN

V E G E T A

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the holidays are upon us, so it’s only appropriate to bring back my favorite image of all time

jerryterry

Timely Sexiest Man Alive Jokes

I miss The Toast. When all the jokes about Blake Shelton started going around, I thought back to Mallory Ortberg’s previous efforts to turn People’s Sexiest Man Alive awards into a YA horror-thriller series, and was sad to think that we probably wouldn’t get to see her take on Shelton’s crowning. I was blessedly wrong. Enjoy this excerpt.

"You shrink from me," Gwen said placidly, "even now you lean away from my presence. You would run, if you thought you could." She tapped the mask that covered her face. "I wear this for you, that you might never have to look upon the evidence of my love for you. That you might be protected from the consequences of what you asked of me, from the proof that my love is stronger than yours. Because it shames you, that I carved the beauty from my face, that I might add it to your own. Because it frightens you that I did not flinch from it, that I did not stay my own hand." "I am not afraid of you," Blake said. "How like you," Gwen said, gesturing toward the fire and snuffing it abruptly out, "to try to lie to me, even now. May we get back to the topic at hand?" "Yes," said Blake, briefly squeezing his eyes shut until he saw stars. "You were saying –" "I was saying," Gwen continued, laying her hand gently upon his, "that there is talk." "Tell me what to do, then," Blake said, "and let us do it." He had said yes to everything the day he agreed to hold the bowl and catch her blood as she carved off her face for him. Before him – for the rest of his life – he saw nothing but yes in every direction. He did not shiver, although the room had grown cold.

Treat yourself and read the saga so far starring Adam Levine, Chris Hemsworth and David Beckham, then check out her wonderful newsletter/blog, The Shatner Chatner. It’s wonderful, in spite of her baffling love of William Shatner and equally baffling hatred for Tom Hiddleston.