♡ @kindnessoverperfection - Tumblr Blog

To all my new followers-

This started as a personal vent blog, which I use to process thoughts/feelings/trauma.

I definitely don't mind having followers! In fact it's nice to have the company.

Just figured I'd state that now so that people know what content they'll be seeing here, and if that's not the content you want on your dash then there's no shame in unfollowing!

Either way, I hope everyone has a lovely day ♡

Lately, when I talk about someone I strongly disagree with, I think about my friends.

When I interact with someone who regularly rants about people, and tends to take things in the worst ways (without any attempts at self-reflection or grace), I feel more on-edge. I'm nervous to voice opinions. I'm always over-thinking everything I send them, worried about how they'll receive it.

On the other hand, I feel much safer during conversations where someone is speaking neutrally about those they feel at conflict with. When they feel upset about a situation, but without talking aggressively about the other person. Because I know that if we're ever in a disagreement, or have some sort of conflict or misunderstanding, they won't hurt me or suddenly hate me*.

I used to speak much more aggressively about people. My personality disorders, combined with online toxic environments, were big factors in that. I was stressed and angry constantly, and I felt justified, and I felt afraid and ashamed to respond with anything but anger. But to make a long story short, I had several big painful interpersonal experiences where I realized how my attitude was impacting my friends.

I remember the nervousness in my friends' eyes. I remember the people I've met who are much older and never grew out of that reactive communication style, and I don't want to be that person. I want my loved ones to feel safe around me.

So nowadays, I do my best to speak compassionately (or at least neutrally). Because I want to signal to my friends that I'm not going to be cruel to them, or to automatically believe the worst of them, during a conflict or misunderstanding. I try to vent about situations and my fears instead of people.

I wish I'd realized this before.

*(I discuss splitting in the tags)

#actuallynpd #actuallybpd #actuallyautistic #relationship advice #communication skills #I added the autism tag because we missed the social cues that would have alerted us of this early on #and that sure is a big thing we talk about in therapy.#Accidentally hurting people is so painful. We learned this back in 2020 and have been #practicing it ever since. We've wanted to share this with others because honestly a post like this would have prevented a lot of pain and #conflict.#And as promised; about the splitting-#This isn't a post meant to shame anyone for struggling with intense anger or distrust or splitting or any other symptom #My partner and I both have PDs. I've learned to self-regulate intense anger before venting. I've learned how to use more neutral words even #when I don't feel them. And when he splits on me he tells me he's having a BPD moment and that he needs some time alone #That's okay and healthy <3 Mental illness is tough. PTSD is tough. I often jump to the worst conclusions because I'm scared of being hurt.#I've just learned to handle it differently.#I wanted to clarify that because I don't want anyone to think they're inherently bad for having trauma reactions. My goal was to make the #type of post I needed back then when I lacked that social awareness. I had to work through a lot of guilt and shame and that was really #really hard. But it was so worth it. I'm so so glad she told me.

creature-wizard

I've been hearing anecdotal reports from people that Republicans they know are planning to vote for Harris because Trump has gone completely off the deep end.

I'm also seeing YouTube comments from people saying they're Republican and plan to vote for Harris. (Though admittedly, a lot of YouTube comments have to be taken with a grain of salt.)

But - also - a bunch of conservatives turned out for Harris in Florida:

Democratic National Committee (DNC) chair Jaime Harrison said on MSNBC's The Weekend on Sunday, "The Villages is a ruby red—there were 500 golf cart seniors riding around, and probably voted for Donald Trump, previously, supporting Kamala Harris.

So if you're in a red state, don't assume for one minute that your vote won't mean anything. Trump's gone too far for many conservatives, and many of them will be voting blue this election.

pteren

hey my besties who live in red states: id like you to go out and vote anyway.

yeah, the electoral college means your vote doesn't count unless you win your state. it's a terrible undemocratic bullshit system. it's not going to change before this election,* so there isn't much point in complaining about it right now.

if you hold the belief that there's no point in voting because your voice will just be downed out by a chorus of bigotry- chances are other people in your state feel the same way. and because those people are not voting, it's impossible to know how many of you there are. the reason it's important to vote EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE is to make this number public.

when the minority in a state still goes out to vote:

- other members of the minority party know they aren't alone in their state. this encourages MORE people to vote in the next election

- the majority candidates are forced to divert some of their campaign resources away from swing states to secure a state they were already going to win

- the minority candidates are encouraged to spend some time campaigning in your state instead of abandoning it as a lost cause

- assuming you also vote in local elections, the minority is more likely to win representatives in the house

- who knows there might be so many of you that you fucking flip it by mistake

there has been a 700% increase in new daily voter registrations in the few days since Biden dropped out of the race.

thousands of people are deciding, right now, that voting is worth it. some of them live in your state. there is going to be a spike in blue votes across the country. this election is going to have the youngest voter turnout in history. this is the best possible time to join them. join us.

what have you got to lose? one afternoon?

creature-wizard

Addressing some anti-voter reasoning (and explaining why it's bad)

The reasoning most anti-voters are using is bad, and here's why.

"I plan to vote third party."

When it comes to presidential elections, third-party voting is dead in the water without massive election reforms, which Republicans will never allow if they have their way. By voting third party, you're effectively voting for Trump and Project 2025/Agenda 47. This might sound harsh, but it's just the truth right now.

"I would be complicit in genocide."

If genocide is what you're worried about, how would letting Donald J. "Finish The Problem" Trump become president help? Do you really think Donald J. Muslim Ban Trump isn't going to go after Palestinians already in the US? And what exactly do you plan to do for Palestinians in a Trump dictatorship when you've been imprisoned for "pornography" because you were trans in public, posted pictures of trans people or characters, or posted support for trans people? (Yeah, Trump and his buddies want to legislate so-called "trans ideology" as "pornography" and make it illegal.)

"It would be no worse than what POC are going through already."

However bad things are for POC in America right now, a Trump presidency would make them even worse. Using their suffering to justify letting Trump into the White House again is really, really messed up.

"White people have it coming."

White people won't be the ones who suffer the most. Again, POC will be disproportionately affected by Trump's policies. If you actually care about POC, why would you want to subject them to that? How does making things worse for them help anything?

"Bad things happened under Biden."

And a number of them happened because of Supreme Court members whom Donald Trump appointed, and because Republicans blocked his efforts to fix things. Furthermore, many good things happened under the Biden/Harris administration. Here's one post with examples. Here's another post. And here's another post. And here are some good things Kamala Harris has done.

One reason to vote for Harris is to balance the Supreme Court. If elected, she'll be able to appoint judges who aren't turbo-conservatives, which would help us immensely going forward. (It was a liberal Supreme Court that got us gay marriage, remember?) Meanwhile, if Trump is elected, he will appoint more turbo-conservative judges. We gotta think about the long game here.

"The Revolution would solve everything."

Leftists right now would never have tactical parity with, much less superiority over the US military, which Donald Trump would happily sic on all of you. At best, your "revolution" would actually be decades of insurgency. The genocide in Palestine would still happen, and the most vulnerable people in the US would suffer even more.

So basically, there's just no good reason not to vote at this point. Refusing to vote (or voting third party) is counterproductive to literally anything you want to accomplish, unless what you want to accomplish is "make things infinitely worse for everyone."

mugiwara-lucy

With Kamala/Walz going up DAILY, I've seen more people talking about voting third party/Jill Stein (EW) and I believe the above screencaps from @three--rings can explain WHY Third Party votes NEVER work NOR is this the election to screw around in.

Everyone....like she says above.....PLEASE LEARN FROM HISTORY!!!

(Because if Trump gets in, he's NEVER LEAVING).

ADHD really does put everything at equal levels of importance, huh? Like I'll have an email I need to write that'll take maybe 10 minutes, and getting that done will alleviate 6 months of stress. Then I'll notice a sock on the floor I need to put away. Then I'll get the strong conviction that it's up to me to cure cancer. And my brain will tell me that I need to do all of them at once, start and finish them all in the time span of 0 seconds, and my executive dysfunction will throw up its hands and do none of the above.

#adhd #actuallyadhd #executive dysfunction #examples were courtesy of my partner. it made me laugh so hard because i've never heard anything more accurate #i'll read stuff like ''adhd makes it difficult to prioritize things!'' and i never paid that much attention because i was like #''i can easily sort things into categories. it's just the doing them that's the issue.''#but then i realized. that the REASON doing things is an issue is because it's not happening at the conscious logical level #it's happening at a nearly-subconscious rapid fire in-the-moment response time #i've been working a lot on my adhd these past few months & have also been meditating a lot lately and it's been making my awareness more an #more broad and precise #and at this point i'm wondering if this is straight up the cause of my adhd. the brain putting absolutely everything at the same ''URGENT #URGENT URGENT'' level. since i can't do everything in the world at the same time at infinite speed and perfection #i'm thrown into ''freeze mode''. and that's also why we've learned to weaponize fear against ourself as a motivator. because it forces the #task we're trying to do into front view. makes it take priority over everything else we're scared of not doing.#we've been working on a lot of useful coping skills. haven't entirely figured out how to manage this yet but the awareness itself has #been very useful.

I think a lot of discourse boils down to the idea that there's One Right Answer for everything. But the world, and individual people, are far too complex for that.

For example, a very common pattern of conflict I see is this-

"[blank] was very harmful to me, and set me back a lot." "But [blank] was what finally helped me understand and work through everything."

And instead of approaching the subject with curiosity and compassion, it becomes a fight over which is "correct".

A much more helpful conversation is, "How can we provide fuller information to help people figure out what's best for them?"

#discourse #healthy discourse #interpersonal skills #syscourse #actuallydissociative #applies to a million different things but that's what got me thinking about it today & is the easiest to tag #which is to say that anyone can rb regardless of if they're involved with that one specific thing #i really hope we all start moving towards open discussions and sharing. been thinking a lot about how harmful online discourse #tends to be and how to improve community awareness and move towards more constructive methods of communication #i understand where it comes from and i was in the thick of it as a teenager but i've since grown and have gotten a lot of perspective

in other news, inside out 2 made me cry-

#got a lil collection of three media moments that IMMEDIATELY brought me to tears #i won't say the moment since most people probably haven't seen it yet but damn.

catchymemes

brainstatic

A little advice from someone studying extremist groups: if you’re in a social media environment where the daily ubiquitous message is that you have no hope of any kind of future and you can’t possibly achieve anything without a violent overthrow of society, you’re being radicalized, and not in the good way.

embervoices

If the solution to your problems sounds like “we need a blank slate” it’s a lie. There are no blank slates, and the closest approximation people can generally imagine is “burn it all down and let God/fate/history sort it out”.

That’s not problem solving. It’s barely catharsis, in practice. It doesn’t just create more problems than it solves, it destroys more solutions than it creates.

Put the apocalypse down, and back away slowly.

Real solutions to complex, systemic problems are not so easily reduced to “us good, them evil; kill them.”

punkrorschach

flower-crow

[image transcript:

Voting as Fire Extinguisher

When the haunted house catches fire: a moment of indecision.

The house was, after all, built on bones, and blood, and bad intentions.

Everyone who enters the house feels that overwhelming dread, the evil that perhaps only fire can purge.

It’s tempting to just let it burn.

And then I remember:

there are children inside.

—Kyle Tran Myhre. end id]

Thank you for your npd informing post! It's extremdly useful and helps understand each others better.

For sure!! ♡ And thank you as well, it's been a huge comfort seeing the outpouring of support in my notes, and knowing that I could help reduce stigma and promote mental health awareness. I just. Feel very grateful for everyone who's left kind messages, reflected on things, signal boosted, spread awareness, or even just considered what I had to say.

I hope you have a lovely day anon c:

#asks

borderlinereminders

People don’t owe you their downtime! And I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but in a “quit breaking your own heart” way.

It’s so easy to see a friend “active” and reblogging on tumblr, or maybe making a status update on Facebook and feel hurt they haven’t replied to our messages.

Different things take different energy. And someone being “online” but not actively talking to you does not mean they no longer love or care about you.

only-man-in-the-sky

"a narcissist's eyes will turn pure black" you mean like an adorable kitty cat?? an adorable kitty cat who saw a fun toy??

#i remember seeing this somewhere sjdkslj it's so ridic #my eyes turn black when i curl up on a soft blanket and am cozy and happy like a kitty

solitaryschizoid

neurotypicals will be like "you can't self diagnose" and then diagnose everyone they dislike as a narcissist

vaporwavevox

narcissists talking to each other is just. throwing treats back and forth. i love it. i love my treats. i love giving someone else treats because oohohoo im being so good and nice and making ppl feel good. narcs are the best

#<3

entity56

Tips for Cluster B Anger

~ coming from someone who has BPD and a psychology special interest Have you been feeling like your anger is completely uncontrollable and all encompassing? Do you feel like your anger controls you more than you control it? Me too! But here are some things I've found to be helpful: - Taking notes. Write down triggers for what causes your anger episodes (as well as other episodes e.g sadness or paranoia) once you come down from it and start looking for a pattern. Not only will this help you to slow down and self reflect, you can begin to either avoid those triggers or find ways to regulate the effects. - SLOW DOWN. If something is making you want to hurt someone else or yourself, slow the FUCK down. Push against the grain, step back and let yourself have a good cry or scream into a pillow. Do whatever you can to (healthily) process the emotions, no matter how long it takes, before making major decisions. - Avoid self harm, substances or unhealthy habits like disordered eating or emotional self harm. It's so tempting, believe me, but it will only serve to make things worse. You might feel like you want it to get worse now, but in the future, you WILL regret it. If you start feeling these urges, refer to the urge surfing diagram below this. - Get outside advice. Think you're splitting but you can't tell? Run the situation by a close friend or loved one and see how they feel about it. Try to relay it with as little bias as possible and see if they agree with the decision you're about to make or if you perhaps need to reevaluate some things. - Take care of your heart. I know this is cliche, but a good sleep schedule, hearty food consumption habits, hydration, exercise routine and mental health care go a long way in helping you succeed in the above tips. You are struggling with an illness, and ill people need as much care as possible. Become your own parent. This works for anger in all Cluster B personality disorders, as well as with autism spectrum disorders! Urge surfing:

syko-raccoon

Here are some other strategies that i personally use!

- art therapy is a really good source of letting out anger. It doesn’t matter if your a good artist or not, all you have to do is to have the courage to put your rage on a drawing. And heck, maybe its not rage you’re drawing. Maybe its some random oc you have that you are hyper fixated on! But please don’t burn your yourself out because you can’t get something right. Take a break if that happens, and then go back to finish your masterpiece!

- look at positive affirmations. This is mainly dedicated to those with npd and hpd, but pretty much anyone can use this strategy. If you want to put your supply up or simply make yourself feel better, look at some affirmations.

-listen to music and imagine scenarios with your fav fictional characters, an otp, a fandom, a oc, etc. this can help take your mind off of things. I recommend making a “ultimate playlist”, a playlist with no theme where all your favorite songs are on.

-look at stimboards. They are pretty much virtual boards dedicated to a bunch of stims, mainly of a certain theme. You can find them mainly on tumblr, TikTok, and youtube. I recommend tumblr and youtube, since TikTok doesn’t credit and there are people who make “unsafe” stimboards with gore and jumpscares (typical TikTok behavior) tumblr mainly has stimboards in a moodboard layout, while youtube has compilations of safe stimboards from TikTok

- a really cool youtuber called “alexthegender” who had a playlist called “tiktoks to cheer you up” that helps me feel calm in stressful situations

Remember that you are beautiful and deserve more <3

narcissism-positivity

Image Description: a cartoon drawing of a wave on a white background. Near the start of the wave is the text “trigger: a craving or urge is triggered”. The wave gets bigger and is labeled “rise: the craving increases or becomes stronger.” The top of the wave is labeled “peak: it reaches its most powerful point.” Below the wave’s crest is text that reads “fall: The craving or urge lessens and fades away.”

In the water, beneath the wave, large text reads “Urge Surfing” and in smaller print, “Rather than giving in to a craving, you can ride it out, like a surfer riding a wave.”

End ID.

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