𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕 • chapter 18 (Calum Hood AU)
IT TOOK AWHILE for the shock to subside before I could even think of moving. I stayed rooted to the spot, gazing out at where Calum had disappeared and left me behind. The sun was finally gone from the sky, bathing me in a cool darkness that made me shudder. I kept hoping to see the headlights of a familiar red mustang approach, willing him to come back to me. But as the seconds dragged on, I knew this hope was futile.
Scrambling for my phone, I called an uber and hugged my knees to my chest as I waited on a bench. My mind was oddly empty, despite what had just happened. I suppose I was numb to Calum’s betrayals at this point; his leaving me in the dust was hardly a surprise.
With my head in my hands, I didn’t even hear the uber pull up until the driver rolled down the window and hollered, “Hey! I’m here!”
Throwing myself into the backseat, I mumbled a faint greeting and closed my eyes. The driver clearly thought I was a mess, and he thankfully stayed quiet for the entire ride. My head tilted against the cool glass window, and I felt nausea rise in my stomach. Everything from my heart to my head to my stomach was hurting; Calum inflicted full-body pain. I couldn’t imagine walking through the front door, what fury waited for me at home. Surely he’d yell some more, insult me until he was blue in the face. And I would take it, because I knew I was putty in his hands. One kiss would make me forget all about the pain I felt now.
I was surprised to see the driveway empty of his mustang when I finally arrived home. It shouldn’t have been a shock that he didn’t come home, but for some reason I was crushed by disappointment. Yet again I had unrealistic expectations about Calum. I half-expected him to be waiting on the front porch for me, ready to bare his soul in an apology.
No one was waiting for me, and I entered the dark house alone.
Everyone was asleep, so no one would realize the destruction that occurred tonight. I refused to let my thoughts wander as I showered and got ready for bed, bile rising in my throat when I glanced into Calum’s empty room. My head hit the pillow, but I knew I would not be sleeping tonight. Anxiety gnawed at me, making me think up a million scenarios of where Calum was right now. Asleep in his car on the side of the road? Hunched over a bar, drowning his sorrows in whiskey? Or was he in another girl’s bed, kissing her lips and feeling her skin and giving her his heart?
Needless to say, it was a fitful night’s sleep. The next morning I must have looked particularly awful, because Luke asked what had happened to me. I truncated the truth, explaining that Calum and I got in an argument and he ditched me after we got dinner. Luke was angry at Calum for abandoning me, but I just waved his sympathy off.
“It’s fine, really. He’s so hot and cold, I shouldn’t have been so surprised.” I absent-mindedly stirred my coffee, still feeling queasy.
Michael had joined the conversation a few minutes before, and shook his head firmly now. “No, it’s not. He can’t just leave you on the side of the street. What did you guys argue about anyway?”
I bit my lip, unprepared with an excuse. “Er...something stupid.” A thought crossed my mind, and I added, “I asked if he wanted dinner and he freaked out and thought it was a date. I guess even after dinner he was still being weird about us being together, which we definitely are not.” I felt satisfied with this, since it wasn’t exactly a lie. Half-truths seemed to be my strong suit lately.
Luke frowned. “Do you think he secretly wants to be together and was just trying to cover it up?”
I almost laughed; after the blowout, I knew Calum definitely did not want to be with me, but this was a nice sentiment. “Maybe,” I answered with a shrug. “I never know what he’s thinking.”
Michael snorted. “None of us do, Scar. We just roll with the punches.”
I feigned a smile, connecting my gaze with Hannah who was overhearing our conversation in the living room. Her frown told me she knew there was more to the story than I’d said, but she knew better than to confront me in front of the guys.
The rest of the day was business as usual. I had a shift at work, then a phone call with the community college about my admission. Hannah and I dialed up a movie and ordered pizza when the guys went over to Ashton’s for the night, and so the two of us had a girl’s evening. Hannah didn’t pry about Calum, but I did admit to her the fight was much more serious. She told me not to worry, he always did this, but it didn’t ease my anxieties.
When I woke up the next morning, Calum was still missing. No one had heard from him, and all their calls went straight to voicemail. The guys didn’t seem nearly as worried as I was, but I forced these feelings down. It’s fine, Scarlett. Besides, he doesn’t deserve your attention. For the rest of the day I forced him out of my mind, distracting myself with work and shopping with Hannah. Luke and I ran errands after dinner, and I was grateful for his quiet, steady friendship. Listening to him tell stories about work made me wonder what it would be like to be with a guy like him as opposed to Calum. Luke was kind and open and incredibly understanding. Calum was mean and closed off and impatient. I still saw Luke as just a friend, but for a minute I let myself imagine a different guy who would actually treat me right.
The end of the second day came, and still no sign of Calum. I knew when I woke up on the third day he’d still be AWOL, and my suspicions were proved correct at breakfast.
“All of his shit is here, he has to come back,” Ashton insisted, joining us for pancakes and waffles that Hannah made. It was a lazy weekend day, none of us having work and deciding to get together for an extravagant breakfast. As I tore at my pancakes with my fork rather than eat them, I tried to believe Ashton. Calum would come back. He’d have to. And when he did, I could confront him and get some answers. Until then, worrying was pointless.
But the pit of nerves inside me only deepened as the hours passed. I faked plenty of smiles and forced a lot of laughs, but still I couldn’t banish the panic I felt. More than that, I missed Calum. Spending every night with someone had felt so good, and suddenly my bed was cold and empty and I yearned for his warmth.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna come?” Hannah asked again. She and the guys decided to catch a late movie, and I declined their offer to come. I felt physically sick with worry, and played it off like the pancakes that morning had me nauseous.
“No, I’m alright,” I told her. “I don’t feel well, so I would hate to ruin the movie.” I doubted Hannah believed me, but I knew she wouldn’t nag me any further. I just needed a night to stew and hopefully get over myself.
“Okay,” she said gravely, clearly unconvinced. “Call me if you need anything, alright?”
I rolled my eyes, attempting humor. “Yes, mom.” She laughed and waved goodbye, and when the front door shut I was finally alone.
It turns out, isolation doesn’t do much to help with stress. I could barely pay attention to the TV, and I was so queasy I didn’t even want to make dinner. I just laid on the couch, watching shapes move on the screen but hearing nothing but a gentle droning in my mind. It would be a long night.
At least that’s what I thought. Maybe an hour after the others had left, I heard the door open with a bang. Shooting up off the couch, I heard the stomping of a very disoriented person as they tried to close the door.
“Shit,” the person murmured, and my heart lurched; it was Calum. Slowly making my way over, I folded my arms and prepared myself.
It was Calum. He wore the same clothes as he had on the last time I saw him, but they were considerably more wrinkled and dirty looking. His hair was a mess, and his eyes glinted wildly in the dark. His staggered movements and overwhelming stench told me he was drunk. Finally he got the door shut and leaned against it, exhausted from the effort. His inebriated eyes found mine, swimming with alcohol. I swallowed roughly, the nausea coming on again.
“Scarlett,” he slurred, raising his hands. I saw a beer bottle in one of them, sloshing with dark liquid. Calum’s gaze was shifty, and he struggled to stay standing. He stumbled forward as if to embrace me, and I stepped back. He saw this and pouted, swinging his arms out. “What’re you doing, baby? Didn’t you miss me?”
At that moment, the nausea and anxiety transformed into stone cold fury. I set my jaw, glaring at him. “Where the hell were you?” I demanded. “It’s been three days, Calum.”
“Pssh, relax,” he chuckled, hiccuping. “I just...wanted to have some fun. You’re so wound-up and annoying, so I needed a break.” I ignored his cruel words and closed my eyes, willing my breathing to relax. Calum knew exactly how to work me up in the worst way.
“You reek,” I criticized. “Go take a shower.” Not wanting to be under his scrutinizing gaze any longer, I stormed up the stairs. But he was hot on my heels, and I felt his warm breath hit my neck as I fled.
Attempting to lock myself in my room, I turned to see Calum blocking my door. “Why’re you so mad,” he slurred, eyes rolling. “’S not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” I cried. “You were missing for three days! No one could get a hold of you! None of us knew if you were alive or dead, Calum!” I was furious at myself for reacting this way, but I was more furious at him for brushing it off. He deserved to suffer after making me worry so much.
Calum didn’t reply to my yelling, only slumped against the door and took a swig of beer. He finished the bottle and tossed it out into the hallway, exhaling loudly.
Scowling, I tried to push him towards the bathroom. “Come on, you need a shower.” It took a lot of effort to lead him away from my room, and I finally sat him down on the toilet seat. Flicking on the light and closing the door, I started the shower. Calum watched my movements as I tested the temperature and adjusted the spout. Crossing my arms, I gestured for him to get up.
“You seriously stink worse than a brewery. I’m not talking to you until you shower.” I didn’t even know if he wanted to talk, but he didn’t react when I brought it up which I guess was a good sign.
Sighing, Calum closed his eyes against the harsh ceiling light and leaned back, kicking off his shoes but not moving to take off his shirt or jeans.
His head hitting the wall, Calum’s expression was suddenly very raw and vulnerable. He looked broken, like a little boy rather than a grown man. “It’s my dad,” he murmured, so quietly I almost missed it. “He’s back, and they want me to see him.” The bitterness in his voice hurt my heart; I couldn’t imagine the pain of learning someone he’d despised for so long was back in his family’s life.
He got angry all of a sudden, brows furrowing in fury. “That’s not even all of it. He’s been back for years. My mother has known where he’s been for years, and only now do those bastards tell me. I mean...what the fuck?” He gripped at his curly hair, pulling it out of frustration. His muscles were tense, and I hesitated before approaching. He was like a wounded lion; pitiful and sad, but still capable of ripping me to shreds.
I knelt before him, resting my hand on his thigh. Calum kept his face covered with his fists, breathing hard. I breathed out a sigh, unsure of what to say. “Showering will make you feel better,” I settled on, voice soft. “Come on, get these dirty clothes off.” I felt like a mother helping a little child, and a pang of hurt struck me when I wondered if Calum ever had anyone care for him like this before.
Gently, I helped him lift his arms so I could remove his shirt. Being so close to him made me dizzy, and it was especially painful considering how drunk and angry he was at the world. Calum might have made a lot of mistakes, but his life certainly didn’t make things easy. I felt waves of pain rolling off of him, and as they absorbed into me I had to fight tears out of my eyes.
I tossed his soiled shirt to the floor, throat drying at the sight of his bare torso. His eyes were glazed and looking at the floor, so I slowly grabbed his arm to make him stand. Calum was like a zombie when I undid his belt, holding my breath as I slid his jeans down. Undressing was such an intimate act, and I’d done it a dozen times with him before. But this time, removing his clothes gave me no gratification. Every inch of skin revealed was just more pain, and I stood up at last when he was only in his boxers.
“I think you can handle the rest,” I whispered, preparing to leave him in the bathroom. As I turned I felt him grab my arm, his hand warm and firm. Gasping, he pulled me to face him.
“Don’t go,” Calum begged under his breath, pulling me to his bare chest. He reeked of alcohol and swayed with intoxication. He’s drunk, that’s why he wants you, I reminded myself, tears pricking at my eyes.
“Calum--”
“No,” he interjected, holding me tight. His forehead dropped to my own, our eyes closing as our breathing synced. “Stay. Stay with me.”
Lips parting, I gazed up at his desperate and pleading eyes, knowing full well I could not resist him. So instead of fighting, I pulled my own shirt over my head, never breaking our gaze. He watched me undress, expression full of emotion as I stripped down to my underwear. He went to take off his boxers, and I unclasped my bra.
The shower was hot and steaming. A waterfall of droplets fell onto Calum’s head, wetting his skin and only dampening me slightly. I watched as water beads slid down his chest, making his skin glisten. He held me in his arms and pulled me into his wet body, flipping us so the water streamed over me now. Leaning my head back, I let the rainfall cascade over my face and neck, wetting my hair and leaving crystals of moisture all over me.
Calum’s warm hands slid up and down my body, grazing over my breasts and my hips until he settled on my waist, tilting his head down to capture my lips with his own. This kiss was incredibly different from the others we’d shared; his lips were earnest and gentle, the usual fiery passion now a lulled heat. Soft fingers rested on my cheeks, and I pushed my own through his wet curls. I felt him harden against my thigh, and he leaned back to press his lips to my jaw. I closed my eyes, relishing the wet heat as he dragged down my neck, biting lightly and causing a moan to rise from my mouth.
His strong body pushed me against the shower wall, and naturally my leg lifted to wrap around his waist. This caused my center to spread, and I felt his cock slide against my heat deliciously.
I was breathing hard as Calum sucked on my neck, hands splayed out across his wide back as I pulled him closer to me. One of his hands rested by my head on the wall, the other sliding over my abdomen until he reached where I was aching for him. I felt his palm slide across my core, collecting the moisture there and letting it mingle with the shower water. Moaning, I gripped his hair tighter and sloppily kissed his ear, breathing statically with each move of his hand.
His fingers dipped and circled in my folds, finding my clit and pressing on the sensitive bundle of nerves. My hips bucked into his, and I moved my own hands lower so I could reach him. As he worked my clit, I found his cock and slid a wet hand along his shaft, causing his breath to hitch.
“Oh, Scarlett,” he groaned, the words like music to my ears. I worked his length slowly, running my fingers over his swollen tip and feeling him twitch in my palm. As we pleasured each other, our moans twined together and our lips fumbled in a kiss. I was close to my edge, and judging from how stiff he was I knew Calum was as well.
The fact that we didn’t have a condom flitted across my mind, and I leaned back to connect my eyes with his. But what I saw there took my breath away; Calum was looking at me like he never had before. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the steam from the shower, but I swore he was looking at me like I created the whole world.
Exhaling softly, I reconnected our lips, forgetting my inhibitions and wanting only to feel him inside of me. He understood my unspoken desire perfectly, lining up with my entrance. I felt his tip press into me, and almost cried out from the teasing feeling.
Hooking an arm around his neck, I tilted my hips forward so he pressed in even more, causing my eyes to roll back. Calum got the hint, and with one flick of his hips he was inside of me.
I would never get used to the feeling of him. The stretch was unlike any I’d ever experienced, his body fitting with mine like a puzzle piece. The angle was entirely new since we were standing in the shower, and as he slid out of me I braced for the feeling of reentry. Sure enough, when he rocked back inside I felt fireworks of pleasure explode inside my body. Somehow he was hitting even deeper than when we were in bed, and I had to hold on for him for support as he thrusted.
“God, shit,” I cried out, sucking on his ear while he snapped his hips up inside of me. I was barely staying vertical, the feeling too overwhelming as my knees buckled. Calum’s strong hands wrapped under my bum, lifting me up so he could thrust harder and my body weight was pushed against the wall. I wrapped my legs around him, inviting him deeper inside of me.
Without the layer of a condom between us, I could really feel him. Somehow I felt closer to him this way, truly connected. No barriers were in the way, and feeling him slide against my walls was a euphoria I would surely become addicted to.
Wet skin rubbed against wet skin, and my nails grazed down the wide expanse of his back. Calum’s breath washed over my face, his lips parted and eyes closed in bliss. I let the pure sensations take over, my mind clear of anything except the pleasure he was giving me.
I was nearing my end as his thrusts increased, and my breasts pushed into his chest as I panted. Calum gripped my ass harder, pushing faster and deeper to deliver us both to our orgasms. One last thrust hit just the right spot, and a tight ball of pleasure evaporated into sizzling bliss that soaked through every inch of my body. Just when Calum neared his end he pulled out of me, letting the spurt of white liquid land on my abdomen. His moans of ecstasy filled my ears, and I clasped his wet body to mine.
We both took a minute to come down from our highs, and finally I opened my eyes to meet his. Calum gently let my feet hit the floor, and I used my hands to steady myself against him. Gazing down at me, Calum pushed a lock of wet hair behind my ear.
Wordlessly, I grabbed the soap and began sliding it across his torso. Calum watched silently as I cleaned him, washing away his pain and letting it spin down the drain. Next was the shampoo, and I ran my fingers through his curls with a frown. Calum kissed my down-turned lips, just a light ghosting of contact, and it eased some of the tension in my shoulders.
We washed each other in the scalding water until we stood clean and rejuvenated. I couldn’t tell if Calum was still drunk, but his expression was definitely clearer than it had been before. I didn’t know how I felt about what just happened; on the one hand, Calum and I were never closer or more open with one another than when we were having sex. On the other, if his drunken haze was the only reason he wanted to do it, then it was meaningless.
Refusing to dwell, I stepped out of the shower after switching off the water. Wrapping myself in a towel, I padded out of the bathroom, thinking that this was it. But Calum only went to his room for fresh clothes before joining me in mine. I was unsure how to feel about this; secretly I was overjoyed, but outwardly I remained stoic. I pulled on a pair of panties and was about to find a shirt when Calum gave me one of his. Avoiding his eyes, I pulled it over my head.
He wore only a pair of sweatpants, and my legs were bare save for the underwear. Tentatively, I slid into bed and pulled the covers tightly over myself. Sensing my trepidation, Calum hesitated before joining me. Naturally, of course, our bodies moved towards each other until I was laying in his arms, curled against his chest and relishing the gentle stroking of his hand on my back.
We must have laid there forever before either of us spoke. I didn’t know if I actually wanted to confront him, or if it was time to distance myself and let him go. But then the sound of his broken voice and the sight of his pain-filled eyes flashed through my brain, and I sighed. I couldn’t let go of Calum if I tried.
Twisting my neck to look at his face, I said softly, “So what are you going to do?” About your dad, I wanted to add, but I knew he understood my meaning. Saying those particular words out loud would’ve hurt even more.
Calum took a deep breath, chest rising underneath my cheek. I curled my fingers around his bicep, worried he was going to flee. But he merely shrugged, eyes staring at some point in the wall.
“Nothing,” came his simple answer. “I don’t want anything to do with them.”
This is what I expected. I didn’t blame Calum for resenting his parents, especially after years of lying to him, but a small part of me still wished he’d see them. It was the part that longed for my own parents, the part that missed them every single day. I would give anything for one last chance to be with them.
“I understand that,” I began slowly, praying Calum wouldn’t react angrily to my suggestion. “You have every right to be mad. But...my parents are dead, and I wish I had one last chance to talk to them. I know it’s hard, but what’s harder is living without them. And it would be nearly impossible to live with yourself if something happened to them and you had turned down an opportunity to make amends.”
While the words hung in the air, I held my breath. This was the only attempt I planned to make in order to sway Calum; if he refused even after hearing this, then I’d give up. Changing his mind was an impossible task.
Calum’s arm tightened around me. A gentle kiss was placed on the top of my head, and I knew this was his way of comforting me. He’d never outwardly give me pity over my dead parents, but gestures like these showed me he was there for me. I nestled deeper into his embrace, drinking in the smell of his skin.
I thought the conversation was over, because a long stretch of time went by. I was on the verge of sleep when Calum’s voice rumbled softly, “Fine.”
Glancing up at him, I knitted my brows in confusion. “Fine?”
His brown eyes were conceding, for once in his life. “I’ll go. But only if you come with me.”
A small gasp left my lips. This was yet another instance of Calum claiming he needed me. I felt a flutter of hope in my chest, the first one in so long. Biting my lip, I ran a nervous hand through my damp hair.
“I don’t know, Calum. They’re your family, and I don’t want to pry or overstep--”
“No,” he stopped me, caressing my face with his hand. I melted into his touch, unraveling under his fingers. “I can’t face them if you’re not there. I need you.”
My heart skipped a beat at the familiar words, but I kept my face neutral. Nodding, I responded, “Okay, I’ll go with you.” Once the words left my lips he pulled me in for a kiss. I happily obliged, savoring the taste I had started to forget over the last three days. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding on to me as if for dear life, but he didn’t need to worry. I wasn’t going anywhere.