once upon a dream

augustus rose Auradon's current king, Ophelia's husband, Queen Aurora and King Phillip's son, and figuring out the rest as I go. About myself, I mean. When it comes to the kingdom, I've definitely got it figured out mostly. If you need to find me, I'm basically surgically attached to my phone unless I'm jousting, or you can just look for the most pink or blue person in any given room.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: YOU’RE THE MOST SUS!!! And you’re having fun at the expense of my poor yet ENORMOUS brain! We don’t already have a dungeon? How come we don’t have a dungeon! What kind of loser ass castle do you have me in, babe?? Building a bear sounds very frankenstein, I’m so down. HOW SURE ARE YOU? Not only am I from the isle and therefore learned nothing until six years ago, but I’m also a Noted Truant. For all you know I’m on the look out for the stork every day! Anyway, I meant you were using baby for bears and then when it got to MAKIN babies, I’m assuming you mean baby babies, right?

August: I'm sure there's a compliment in there somewhere lmao. Your brain is so big, babe, it's so huge and hot. It's a castle in Auradon! Of course it doesn't have a real dungeon! It has like a basement which is very much not the same thing. And yeah? AWESOME, we should go to BAB sometime during the holiday season. I'M.... MOSTLY SURE? BY WHICH I MEAN I WAS 100% SURE UNTIL YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE I MAYBE MARRIED SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW KIDS ARE MADE AND NOW I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. But yeah, I mean, I wanted baby bears BUT baby babies... sound good too?

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: 👼🏽

Ophelia: I wasn’t expecting you to help me nor did I want you to because you’re SUSPICIOUS! I don’t need your hints, that just sounds like a three way ticket to the dungeon or something! I literally know nothing about build a bear so the build a baby/ make a baby conversation is starting to confuse me?

August: I'm not suspicious! YOU'RE suspicious! I'm just having fun to keep from totally dying during this meeting. OOOOh, babe, we should have a dungeon! Like, we'll never use it for bad things, but it's so aesthetic, we should have it. I mean, Build a Bear is basically what it sounds like? You pick a bear model, and then you build it by adding cotton and a heart and clothes and stuff. Making a baby, I mean, you know how THAT happens, I'm sure.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: 😶

Ophelia: Now that I’ve been gaslit by you I simply do not believe that you haven’t been there in years. As far as I know, you were there last week and you have a secret storage collection of built bears hidden somewhere in the castle. Home-make weapons or babies????

August: Babbeeeeyyyyy

August: I mean, there is PLENTY of room in the castle for it, but if you want to figure out if there's a secret room full of Build a Bears, you're gonna have to go searching for it yourself! Good luck! I'll give you three hints but that's it! Uuummm.... I meant weapons for the babies we'll build but like... we could make them too.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: 🤨

Ophelia: It sooo is the fun of us but still! How do you not know if they do? Considering it’s apparently the first fun thing you can think of, I was assuming that you knew all about what they have in stock!

August: Use your words, Ophelicious Definition Make Them Boys Go Loco.

August: I don't know, they change up their stock all the time! Or at least, I would think that they do. I haven't been there in literal YEARS but I have a huge hankering for making a baby together now so we gotta check and if they don't have weapons, maybe we can home-make some!

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: 😐

Ophelia: TRULY not the direction I saw this conversation going. Does build a bear even make weapons?

August: Yes, my gorgeousness?

August: Me neither! But that's the fun of us, I think. And I don't know if they do but they make lots of tiny little clothes and stuff so maybe?

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: I will not let you distract me with horniess, I’m stronger than that!

Ophelia: Or you could get me a build a bear gift card since you love it and my ASS so much!

August: I know you are, babe. It's one of the things about you that really, REALLY revs my engine. Lights my fire, as it were.

August: I SHOULD! WE CAN MAKE A BUILD A BEAR BABY TOGETHER! AND GET IT BUILD A BEAR WEAPONS!

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: 😡 DON’T GET DISTRACTED!

August: It's too late, I'm already distracted! Now I'm just thinking about gifting you some sort of blade to use for fun sexy stuff later!

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: I can too! You can’t gaslight me or I’ll idk behead the build a bear you’ve apparently never seen before in your life!!

August: 😲 That's so violent, honey bunches! It's so hot.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: You can’t gaslight a girlboss, darling! My phone didn’t INVENT you saying you want to go to Build A Bear! I can read! And I checked!

August: And you can't gatekeep gaslighting, girlboss! I don't even know what Build a Bear is?????

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🎣 SUNGUST

Sunny: Fair enough but fishing? It’s so gross and won’t it be COLD? There’s gotta be something better for us to do.

August: The point is that its gross and cold! No one else will be doing it! Look, the royal rumor mill must be petering out because the last time we had a best friend hang, some creepo candid cam guy got a picture of me with my hand on your shoulder and tried to blackmail me with it, saying he'd expose our affair or whatever.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🎣 SUNGUST

Sunny: Is this your way of announcing a midlife crisis? Or a suicide attempt?

August: It's my way of inviting my best friend out to some place we can't be spied on or caught by any papparazi but if you have a better idea, I'm all ears.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

Ophelia: Aw that sucks :( BUT WHAT DO MY FACE AND ASS HAVE TO DO WITH BUILD A BEAR THO!!!????

August: What do you mean, most precious love of mine? I didn't bring up Build a Bear???? Maybe it's your phone.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🎣 SUNGUST

August: We should go fishing this Sunday. For no reason.

[kingaugustusrose]

TEXT 🧸 ROSES

August: I hate this place. I want to go to Build a Bear 😂

August: Okay, I don't HATE this place, but it is getting pretty boring. I feel like these meetings go on forever and I miss your pretty ass face. And also your pretty ass.

[kingaugustusrose]

What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you during sex?

Personally, I think any sex that’s open and vulnerable enough to be good is probably going to be a little bit weird. That’s why weird is hot! So instead, I’ll share my cringiest sex moment; it includes a little Build-a-Bear that my mom made for me as a child and forgetting to take it off the bed before we started. Just the presence of the bear itself wasn’t a bad thing, I hardly noticed it was there. In the heat of the moment though, I completely forgot that my mom had recorded a voice message inside of the bear and I wasn’t reminded until things got particularly thrusty and all of a sudden, her voice started singing at us from under the pillows. I don’t think anything’s killed the mood faster.

[kingaugustusrose]

How did you lose your virginity?

I decided to have sex because where I was at in my life with my partner, it just made sense to try that sort of thing. I’d heard a lot of first-time horror stories before so I feel pretty lucky about how it did turn out especially since @sunshinefitzherbert and I are still friends to this day and we didn’t end up accidentally making a baby.

[kingaugustusrose]

Do you have a "type" and if so, how would you describe it?

My annoyingly gorgeous wife @queenopheliarose is kind of my type to a tee, it turns out -- beautiful eyes, a great head of hair, the literal best sense of humor, and someone I can talk about anything with. I worship her, I cherish her, and I think she’s hotter than dragon fire.