shark vs the universe
almost home
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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tannertan36
Misplaced Lens Cap
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Cosimo Galluzzi
blake kathryn
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
hello vonnie
ellievsbear
One Nice Bug Per Day
ojovivo
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Janaina Medeiros
dirt enthusiast
Product Placement
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@kingkilling-and-stormlight
my liege you cannot trust this buffoon. he doesn’t even begin every other sentence with “my liege.” he‘ll never whisper in your ear the way i do it, my liege. sire. your fuckableness
I always thought the name wormtongue was derogatory but I clearly misunderstood their dynamic
i know i made the original post but come on man
Frankly I don't think Microsoft has ever understood any market at any point in history.
In the 70s and 80s they lucked into making two decade-definingly good deals with catastrophically mismanaged hardware companies (Apple and IBM) and they've just been coasting on that monopoly power ever since. They have almost no good ideas or products beyond that "nobody ever got fired for buying ACME" quality, which they've also been slowly leaking.
collection
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?
It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!
It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.
Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this
Hell yeah moon holiday
Ooh coming up we should celebrate
PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)
MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY
moon day is 20th July!!!
Scheduling this a day earlier to remind you all and myself about the Moon Day tomorow!
Happy moon day to all who celebrate
This is your reminder to prep for Moon Day on July 20th.
MOON DAY MONDAY THIS MONTH NOT A DRILL!!!!!
Everyone needs to stop saying death of the author when what they mean is separating the art from the artist. Like FR stop it.
I know it's mainly just ignorance of what the term means but I do wonder if this happens in part bcos 'death of the author' sounds so dramatic like oh this author is dead to me, I don't care about them anymore. Whereas 'separating the art from the artist' is a lot more neutral and well. In CERTAIN CASES it is kind of immediately apparent that you cannot.
TO REITERATE:
Death of the Author is a term coined by Roland Barthes for his essay of the same name in 1967.
In brief: death of the author is the concept that analysis of a work of art should not be focused on the artist's intent; the artist's intended reading of their own work is just A reading and no more valid than anyone else's.
A good straightforward example of this in practice is the response to Andy Weir and Project Hail Mary. Weir is adamant that his work contains no politics but I would say that PHM is pretty clearly a story about climate change.
You can apply death of the author to any work of fiction and it has nothing to do with whether the author is a good or bad person.
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This is probably deeply lesbian of me but it’s such a pet peeve of mine when people use the word “fuck” as an action a top does to a bottom rather than a shared activity
it’s fine if the conversation is explicitly about penetration because there’s not really a good sexy replacement. But it’s annoying to me when the conversation is clearly about the general idea of two people having sex and there’s this insistence on a linguistic directionality. Like I don’t care if she’s fingering me or I’m strapping her or whatever we fucked each other. It was a mutual fucking
I will not be able to find it again but I took a class called "Scatolinguistics" years back where we read a (satirical) paper about the directionality of the word "fuck" which was very fun and interesting but also! very stuck on how only men can fuck and how "she fucks him" isn't a grammatical sentence etc etc and part of it was definitely that the paper was a couple of decades old, but it did take me and the other visibly queer person the room to point out that women do, in fact, fuck each other
And women fuck men! I mean, obviously pegging, but at least in my age group it wouldn’t be so unusual to hear a woman say that she fucked a guy without any assumption about who was doing what. Perhaps less typical than “I slept with him”, but saying “he fucked me” or “I let him fuck me” both have a very different connotation
The use of "fuck" to mean "have sex with, in general" was something the group pointed out by themselves but specifically the dimension of "if fucking does mean penetrating then what about women having penetrative sex with other women, lesbians had in fact been invented yet" was another layer the paper just didn't consider. There was also a section on the properties of "fuck you/fuck off/go fuck yourself" which I will not be able to recount because I don't actually have proper linguistic training and I still don't know why they accepted me into this master's degree with a significant linguistics component despite seeing my creative writing degree transcript xD
PIRACY IS YOUR MORAL DUTY
"my life isn't a crime, I'm not one of those people -"
"you sure? new parameters for Those People just dropped. check again."
And if you truly cannot imagine this, if you're convinced that it will never happen to you, consider this one thing.
Would you want scammers to know the state of your loved one's dementia?
Oh. Shit.
💕 true romance 💕
using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me
my favorite part is that absolutely nobody says this except here. so if you use it in public, it's a dead giveaway that you spent the last ten years on tumblr. but then again, they recognized it, which means they were at the devil's sacrament
I tested this theory in the wild the other day at work. I was on a call with my department lead and a few other folks and I replied to an email the DL had sent me, thinking that, because he was on this call, he wouldn't notice when I sent it and would not catch me multitasking.
However, he replied to said email within five minutes, asking a question that required an answer. So I answered and was like "Also, I was going to apologize for answering emails during this call, but I see we're both here at the Devil's Sacrament, so I don't think an apology is necessary."
I watched him read that on screen and try not to laugh. And then at the end of the call as everyone started saying goodbye, he goes, "Hey, MJ, I meant to tell you. I like your shoelaces."
And I looked straight into my camera, stone cold serious, and said, "Thanks. I stole them from the president."
And the rest of the team was like, "What...the fuck...?" before he abruptly ended the call for everyone.
So now my DL and I know this about each other. He could be any one of us.
At a certain point, the appropriate response to "What were you doing at the devil's sacrament" becomes "stealing shoelaces from the president."
Reblog if you were stealing shoelaces from the President
Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats
me???? tired???? sleepy??? yes constantly
I like to imagine King Arthur refused to believe he was adopted as a child because if your mean older brother said “You’re not even related to us, a wizard dropped you off at our house when you were a baby.” you would be sooooo skeptical.
But maybe less so if there was an actual wizard fucking around all the time?
Arthur refused to believe Merlin was his dad, which was what he thought Kay was implying.
