After my last fiasco that I can go by any other name but a relationship, I told my self I wouldn’t be taking anyone serious for a while
I told myself if ANYONE would have tried to claim me rejection would come swiftly until I met HER
It started so quickly ... The indecisive nature reared it ugly head in the very beginning ... With anyone else this would have been a red flag .... but it was HER
The words she said just to prove a point dropped from the tongue like a ton of bricks “YOU KNOW THIS MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT” anyone else would have been met with a STIFF DECLINE ... but I rolled with it because it was HER
NOW ... it’s a relationship... it’s real ... and I’m wonderinf “how tf did I get her” ... BUT ... I accepted it ... I have a girlfriend now ... but ONLY because it was HER
The anxiety showed ... disappearances caused by stress ... running and pretending life’s problems don’t exist ... not understand that avoiding situations in order to FEEL better about it ONLY makes things worse ... BUT ... I tryed to understand because it was HER
I lost everything and she wasn’t there for me ... she didn’t know how to be ... she’s never had to be there for anyone ... i felt alone and she didn’t care to show me otherwise... so we went our separate ways ..
A MONTH LATER she called ... told me she needed me ... and i CAME to her aid ... because it was HER
NOW ... things were different
She ignored all advice Id given and went opposite in a direction that always led to pain and struggle ...
People stabbed her in the back ... people i tried to protect her from
She was needy, struggling and hurt but pushed ME away
AND I still tryed to help ... I lost SO MUCH in an effort to help fix things but it was ok ... because ... IT WAS HER
She told me she had tried other people but they weren’t me so she didn’t want them
She cut these people off with our explanation ... she treated them like life’s problems ... but THEY didn’t give up easily ... and this created ALLOT of problems now that WE were a thing ... PROBLEMS
... but the stress and confrontations were worth it because ... it was HER
she told me she loved me and we would be forever
She had been holding something in ... she was unhappy about something ... she didn’t tell me until it was too late ... she had GROWN COLD again ... afraid to tell me how she felt, she rejected me ... but I fought because it was HER
This time ... we were good ... communication was up ... not perfect ... but up ... she quit the job that we worked at because of stress ... she came to be with me ... and things were great
I came home one day and she was gone
I get a text that says “I’m not happy” ...
But there’s no real answer
“You remind me of all the mistakes I’ve made ... and we can never be together again ... because those memories aren’t happy ... it’s not your fault”
I tried to show her otherwise
BUT THIS TIME ... there was no winning HER ... no convincing HER
She told me she loved me for the last time and walked out ... SHE WALKED OUT ON ME