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Hump Day Humor!

Cajun’s Young Wife. Boudreaux married the beautiful, young Lola who was half his age. Though they were very much in love Lola confided to her Grandmother several months later that she was unhappy with their sex life. She had never been able to reach a climax. She was advised to see a doctor. Since there was no doctor near their farm, Lola took Boudreaux to see their trusted large-animal vet. He didn’t have a clue but did recall how his Momma and Daddy would fan a cow with a big towel when she was having difficulty breeding during hot weather. This would cool her down and make her relax. He suggested that they hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. He thought this might help the young wife to cool down, relax, and then climax. So they found a strong young man from the big city of Houma to wave a big towel over them as the vet had suggested. When this still did not produce the desired results, the vet thought a change of partners might work. The next night Boudreaux waved the big towel while the young man tried his luck. Lola went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half-hours. When it was over, Boudreaux looked down at the exhausted young man with a cocky smirk and said, “And dat, my fren, is how you wave a towel!”

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Hump Day Humor!

Maid’s Pay Raise. A Mexican maid asked for an increase in her pay. The lady of the house felt she was already receiving a fair salary, but wanting to be fair about it, she asked why she felt she deserved a raise. “Well, Senora, there are tree reason why I should have more. First eese, I can iron bedder den you.” “Why do you think you can iron better than me?” “You husban tell me theese.” “Really?” “Numba two reason eese, I am better cook den you.” “Nonsense! Who told you that you were better than me?” “You husban tell be theese, Senora.” The lady of the house was beginning to get upset. “Oh he did, did he?” “And numba tree reason eese, I am better lover den you.” The wife was now boiling mad! Gritting her teeth, she muttered, “And did my husband tell you that as well?” “No Senora. The gardener did.” A brief silence followed. Then, “So how much raise do you need?”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

The Wee Irish Toast. John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, twixt the legs of me lovely wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife Mary, “I won first prize for the best toast of the night.” “Aye, and what was your toast?” “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh that is indeed a nice toast, John!” The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled knowingly and said, “John won the prize the other night with a toast about you, Mary.” “Aye, and I was a wee bit surprised meself! You know, he’s only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

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Hump Day Humor!

Wife Locator. A man approached a very beautiful, well-endowed woman in a large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Would you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman looked puzzled. “Why do you want to talk to me?” “Because every time I talk to a woman with nice boobs like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

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Hump Day Humor!

Mixed Feelings. A husband and his wife were sitting watching a TV program with a Psychologist explaining the phenomenon of “Mixed Emotions.” The husband snorted and turned to his wife. “That’s an absolute bunch of malarkey! I’ll bet you can’t tell me a single thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time!” The wife pondered a minute, and then thoughtfully said, “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

The Merry Widows. Two widows were enjoying their morning coffee together. One of them said, “That nice Patrick O’Malley asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, so before I give him my answer I wanted to ask you about him.” “Well…I’ll tell you! He showed up at my apartment right on time at 7:00 PM. And dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brought me such beautiful flowers! Then he took me downstairs, and there was this beautiful car…a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he took me to this fancy restaurant. “We had a marvelous lobster dinner and then went to see a show. Let me tell you, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! “And then when we came back to my apartment, he turned into an ANIMAL! Completely crazy! He tore off my expensive new dress and had his way with me—two times!” “Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I better not go out with him?” “Heavens no! I’m just saying, wear an old dress!”

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Hump Day Humor!

Recruit’s Orientation. An Army captain welcomed a new recruit to his remote outpost in Afghanistan. “Don’t worry about the wretched appearance of our camp. We manage to have a wonderful time. Today’s Wednesday, our gambling night. We’ll have enough poker, roulette, blackjack and slot machines for even the most hardcore gambler. You’ll love it!” “I’m sorry, Sir, but five years ago I lost everything I owned during a massive gambling binge. I went through an intensive counseling program and have taken a pledge to stay away from any game of chance.” “That’s all right. Thursday night is our ladies night. We bring in three or four hookers for every man, and then we all have a gigantic orgy.” “I’m afraid I won’t be able to participate in that either, Sir. I’ve got too much respect for my mother and sister to ever treat women in that manner.” “I see,” the captain mused. “I don’t mean to be blunt, but you don’t happen to be a homosexual, do you?” “Absolutely not!” the indignant recruit answered. “Pity! I guess you won’t enjoy Friday nights either.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

Suspicious Husband. A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. Enroute to his home he offered the cabby a chance to earn a little extra money on the side. He suspected his wife was having an affair and figured this was his chance to catch her in the act. He needed a witness and offered $100 if he would enter the house with him. The cabby agreed. He coasted quietly into his driveway with his lights out and the two of them tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights and yanked back the blanket. There was his wife in bed with another man, both of them naked. The husband put a gun to the frightened man’s head trying to control his outrage. His wife shouted, “Don’t you do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He’s the one who paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He also paid for our new cabin cruiser. He’s paid for our house at the lake, and he even paid for our country club membership and pays the monthly dues!” Shaking his head from side-to-side and trying to clear his thoughts, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and asked, “What would you do?” “I’d cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

The Pumpkin Caper. A man driving home late one night began feeling really horny. As he passed a pumpkin patch, he had a kinky fantasy. He imagined a plump, ripened pumpkin, still warm from the late afternoon sun. With an appropriate sized hole in its side, and its slippery, fragrant juices, it might give an exotic, new, sensuous experience. Checking to assure there were no cars or houses in sight, he decided he had to try it. He did a quick U-turn, pulled over to the side of the road, and in the light from his headlights quickly chose a large, juicy-looking pumpkin. Trembling with anticipation, he cut a hole in it and launched his fantasy. In his sexually aroused state, and buried deeply in his erotic fantasy, he didn’t notice a police car pulling up. The cop walked over and said, “Excuse me Sir, but what are you doing to that pumpkin?” The man stopped abruptly, looked around at the cop in complete horror, and with a split second inspiration said, “A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?”

By: Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

Masquerader’s Surprise. The wife of young couple invited to a swanky Halloween party came down with a terrible headache the night of the party. She told her husband to go by himself and have a good time, she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. Though he protested, she told him there was no need for both of them to miss the fun. So he grabbed his costume and off he went. The wife slept soundly for an hour and awakened without pain. Since it was still early, she decided to go to the party after all. Her husband didn’t know what her costume was, so she thought she could see how he acted when she wasn’t around. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice looking woman he could find, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. She was a very beautiful and sensuous woman in a very sexy costume, so decided to see if she could seduce him away from the other ladies. He immediately abandoned his other partners and devoted full time to the new “action”. She let him become as intimate as he wished since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they sneaked to his car and had a little bang. Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home, put the costume away and got into bed. She couldn’t wait to hear what kind of story he would tell about his adventurous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and asked how the party had gone. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.” “Did you dance much?” “Not really. I never even danced at all. When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill, and some other guys who didn’t like to dance, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you...the guy I loaned my costume to sure had one hell of a time!”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

Bartender’s Seductress. A very attractive young woman who had been drinking in a quiet rural pub walked up to the bartender. She gestured alluringly to him and he went to her immediately. She beckoned seductively for him to come closer. She reached up to bring his face close to hers and began to gently caress his full and bushy beard. “Are you the manager?” she purred softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, no.” “Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him?” She began running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. “I’m afraid I can’t, because he’s not here right now.” Breathing heavily, clearly aroused, he asked, “Is there anything I can do?” “Yes Darling, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continued huskily. She popped a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowed him to suck them gently. “Tell him,” she said finally, “there’s no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

Judge’s Paradox. Diamond Dee’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, a local Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with prayer sessions every morning, afternoon, and evening. Work on Diamond Dee’s new construction progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the building and burned it to the ground! After the cathouse fire, the church folks were happy and smug with the outcome, bragging about “the power of prayer.” Two weeks later ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher, and the entire congregation. She based her suit on grounds that the church “…was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business--either through direct or indirect divine actions or means.” In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s destruction. The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this damn case, but it appears from the paperwork that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bullcrap!”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

Widow’s Assurance. An old man and woman were married for many years. Any time they had a quarrel, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I’ll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!” Neighbors feared him, and the old man liked that. To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid he might really dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?” “Let him dig,” she told them. “I had him buried upside down, and I know he won’t ask for directions.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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We’re excited to announce we’re carrying Tracy’s Dog toys in our store.  Many have heard of Tracy’s Dog due to their viral craziness when vulva owners started spreading the word about how the OG Vibrator had them voiceless from the screaming orgasms they were experiencing.  If you haven’t heard of Tracy’s Dog, let’s talk a bit about some of their best toys.  

First let’s list off a few things that are consistent with all the products we’ll be discussing:

Multi-Functioning toys

Made of medical grade silicone

All under $50

USB Rechargeable 

Waterproof

Easy to clean

As mentioned above the Tracy’s Dog OG is their most popular item.  It’s a dual action sucking vibrator.  The OG has a multi function insertable end with the other end being a multi function sucker.  It allows for both internal and external stimulation.  The double stimulation features allows for AMAZING overwhelming total-body orgasms.  For photos and more information: https://kinkcrate.com/product/og-sucker-vibrator/ 

Some of their other fun suckers include:

Mr. Duckie: It’s a small duck shaped sucker.  The ergonomics of this one is fun.  It has 7 different sucking modes making it perfect for nipple, clitoral and labia stimulation.   For photos and more information: https://kinkcrate.com/product/mr-duckie-sucking-vibrator/

Blowy: this one is super small, great for travel and naughty nights out.  It is a 2-in-1 sucking/licking vibrator.  This little package is packed full of fun.  It has 7 sucking modes and 7 licking modes.  Just flip it around to access the different stimulations and keep those orgasms coming. For photos and more information:  https://kinkcrate.com/product/blowy-sucking-vibrator-tracys-dog/ 

Dolphamine: this one is shaped a bit like a dolphin.  This one has 10 different Vibration Modes and 7 different sucking modes.  The biggest benefit for this one is when working with penis owners the licking version of this vibrator is much easier to use. For photos and more information:  https://kinkcrate.com/product/dolphamine-sucking-vibrator/  

Rosie: Rosie also went viral last year and for good reason.  It uses a bit of different technology than the others.  The others use a standard air sucking technology.  Rosie uses a vacuum technology that works with more of a piston action.  It’s a great alternate and provides orgasms just as hard, if not harder, than the other Tracy’s Dog toys. For photos and more information:  https://kinkcrate.com/product/rosie-sucking-vibrator-tracys-dog/ 

Check back as we’ll be adding new Tracy’s Dog items.  We also will have reviews both in blog and video form.  Don’t hesitate to contact us if you have any questions. 

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Hump Day Humor!

Hong Kong Dong. A rich playboy came down with an STD and went to his physician. After an examination, the doctor told him he had a rare oriental venereal disease, and the only known cure was amputation. “Amputate? No way! I’m going to a specialist!” The specialist examined him and told him the same thing. Next he went to the Mayo Clinic where the finest doctors in the country examined him and gave him the same diagnosis and cure. Since he was very rich and had never encountered a problem that enough money couldn’t solve, he told them, “I’m going to China where they know how to deal with this stuff!” In China he kept making inquiries until he found himself before the elegant home of a renowned Chinese herb doctor known throughout the land. When the doctor examined him he made a quick diagnosis. “Ah so! Is Hong Kong Dong.” “I knew you would know what it is,” crowed the playboy. “Those quacks in the U.S. wanted to amputate! That’s not going to be necessary, is it?” “Ohhhh no! No! No need for amputate. Leave tree day, maybe four...fall off.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

Wasted Youth. A woman awoke during the night to find her husband wasn’t in their bed. She put on her dressing gown and went downstairs to look for him. She found him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He seemed in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watched as he wiped a tear from his eye and took a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispered as she stepped into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?” He looked up from his coffee, “I’m just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?” His wife was moved to tears just thinking about how he was so caring and sensitive. “Sure I do.” He was quiet for a few moments. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?” “Yes, I remember!” she responded lowering herself into a chair beside him. “Remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?’” “Yes, I remember that too,” she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek. “I would have been released today.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs

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Hump Day Humor!

The Lost Rake. A young couple doing yard work had almost finished when the wife went inside to take a shower and begin dinner. The guy needed the rake and but couldn’t find it and yelled to ask her where it was. Ready to step in the shower, she looked out the window to see what he wanted. “Where’s the rake?” She couldn’t hear him, so he used signs. He pointed to his eye (I), then to his knee (need), and then made raking motions. She held up both palms indicating she didn’t understand. So he went through the same routine again. This time she nodded to indicate she understood and then pointed to her eye, squeezed her left breast, slapped her ass and then rubbed her crotch. He didn’t comprehend but was totally aroused. Abandoning his task, he hurried into the house, up the stairs, and into the bathroom. “What did you say?” he wanted to know. “I said: eye, left tit, behind, the bush.”

By Jess Fuerlaffs