11:11
It's 11:11 PM again, I'm here at my car waiting for you. Taking my chances.
2 hours before 11:11, The daily routine is, after long hours of work I have 5 hours to either breakdown, sleep or distract myself from anything that would drown me and while you are still dreaming, I am already preparing myself not to lose it when I see you and when you wake up I'm already driving for about half an hour to get here, in your place, to breathe the same air as you.
It's 5 minutes pass 11:11 and I am still waiting, hoping you hop in a little early so I can spend more time with you, talk to you, hear your stories, look you in the eyes and everything that would save me from my sanity.
It's 10 minutes pass 11:11 and you're already here, at the passenger seat, I miss your smell but our souls are sad, I smiled, trying to hide my heavy heart. I start the car and I know that my time is running out.
It's 20 minutes pass 11:11 and I am holding your hand tight while yours is lose, You said you are just tired, so I just took a deep sigh but the deepest part of my soul is shattering. I asked random questions to break the ice, little did I know it's my heart that is breaking up.
30 minutes pass 11:11 and we're here in front of the building where you work, I always ask if I can have my "5 minutes" and I'm glad you always say Yes. Holding it together, trying not to breakdown, a lot of things to say but don't wanna ruin the night, giving you the longest and tightest hugs, closing my eyes, holding my tears with little prayers not to let go yet.
33 minutes pass 11:11, I am sorry my tears fell off my swollen eyes, I just can't still take that we are so close yet so far, hoping to get back to where we used to be
35 minutes pass 11:11 and you have to go, I'm not okay again, but I need to be so I can still go on tomorrow and have my precious "5 minutes" with you when everything is okay. When I can still feel your warmth and love. You opened the car door, gave me another smile, left and close the door, I shed another tear, and another and another.
40 minutes pass 11:11, I am driving home, tears are still falling, everything is blurred, hoping not to hit anything, hoping to still get home, cause I know my dogs are waiting. Clinging to the last moment with you, convincing myself "we are okay today, so I need be okay today, so I can be okay tomorrow."
An hour pass 11:11, I'm almost home, trying to pull it together, "I'm okay, I'm gonna be okay".
2 hours pass 11:11 I still can't sleep, trynna figure things out, thousand of questions running in my mind, "Where did I go wrong?", "How can I make it right?", "Is it really hard loving me back?" my system is shutting down, my eyes are tired, slowly closing but sadness doesn't stop there, bad dreams are cluttering, wake me up, wake me up but reality is sadder than my nightmare.
5 hours pass 11:11 and I’m awake, pushing myself to get up, to go to work, to function, to survive, to get through the day without dismantling, to look forward to the next 11:11, so I can make a wish, so I can take another chance with you.
-R⭐️