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˚‧⁺ ･ ˖ · “I don’t think I even really want you to come back, peter. at least, not fully.”
content: blurb, angst, very much first love angst type… this is ex bf peter!!! no mention of readers pronouns. written in first person! not revised; js straight raw like how I’d take it from ex bf peter. this has some elements of mcu peter, (😭😭😭 my baby I won’t forgive Daniel Destin for what he put you through.) but I had my beautiful tasm peter in mind.
this is my first work of writing released on this blog and I hope I can write more based off of your requests <3 (Maybe ill even go more into depth about readers relationship with our peter b parker 👀)
this time last year, I’d spam you with messages; we’d call up into late in the night, talking about things only god could name, random things that were special to us.
now when we pass each other, your expression is all disheveled and seemingly pathetic to me. it makes me pity you, despite the hurt I still feel when I see you. I don’t know what you’ve done with my things, I only hope they’re buried deep into your closet; but selfishly, I hope they’re hung in their own separate corner. a reminder to yourself of something you can’t let go of.
I still wear your sweaters from time to time, they don’t phase me now. they’ve been with me for so long, they feel almost as if they’re mine. you said they were mine. it’s not right to say that, I can still smell you on them; the sweet smelling leave in that brings out the texture in your hair, it’s scent lingers between the sleeves. it was winter time, before we before it all came down and we finally stopped talking, I wore your blue hoodie in front of you. you know which one, the muted wash on. I wore it despite the probability you’d notice. you commented on having one just like it with a lazy grin.
I wanted you to see me like that, all cuddled up in your jacket, oversized sleeves tucked over my hands. I hoped to have gotten a reaction out of you. I wanted to remind you of when you still said I was yours. is that wrong of me? maybe, but you fell for it. that part of you not standing up for yourself makes me resent you. I don’t know if you caught on and were being ironic, you always downplay how you feel; I never know what’s going on behind your head. you knew it was yours though, didn’t you?
I don’t know what to do with them. it isn’t mine to wear now. at least I don’t dream of you when I fall to the night, isn’t that something? yet, I do daydream of you sometimes. a lot of the time. pathetically, I wonder what would happen if, instead of turning my head away when passing you, I smiled. would you smile back? would you see me again? that’s silly, you wouldn’t. the others would never let you come back to me. everyone knows it’s not right.
I know you wouldn’t come back, even if you wanted to, you don’t have the courage. you can’t even look me in the eye anymore, the round brown eyes I used to lose myself in.
I don’t think I even really want you to come back, peter. at least, not fully.
I want the version of you and I to come back. I wish they still existed. the part of you and I that were unapologetically in love with each other. that’s also just a daydream, especially because you’re not mine anymore.
i wish for a lot of things. i wish i could hate you. I wish all the things that made me pull away from you could make me resent you, so I could say your name without a lump in my throat. im sorry for still loving you, my peter. but we still both know love wasn’t enough for you and i.
I think I should stop thinking about you.
authors notes: I wrote this at a really rough time in January when me and my ex were deep into no contact.. so yk ya girl was really going through it. it was a way to get my raw feelings out and revisiting it now, i was impressed with the vulnerability of it all, and i decided to polish it. luckily with time, I’ve grown and healed from this wound and now I choose to turn my old pains into current joys!!! (ex boyfriend peter who youre lowkey in a toxic situationship with) also peep the title plsss!!! I think it’s clever of me to flip the grammatically correct phrase to show the dysfunction of the relationship. (Cuz like “I and you” don’t make sense like “you and I” does!!)
if you got this far please leave a comment, all interactions are greatly appreciated ❤️🩹
developing the hots for ryan gosling because of project hail mary is so fucking embarrassing I swear to god. that is a conventionally attractive man. a noted hollywood heartthrob. he's even blond, are you kidding me? did he win people magazine's sexiest man alive? I don't know. I'm not going to check but it wouldn't surprise me at this point. it's such a mainstream taste. such a clichéd celebrity crush. like oh I fancy ryan gosling and my favourite drink is coca-cola and my favourite snack is ready salted crisps. jesus christ. 'b-b-but i only like him when he's in a science pun tshirt and playing a dorky-awkward loner type!' doesn't matter. he's still ryan 'ken from barbie' gosling. it's so trite. I feel like the weird nerd girl in a teen coming-of-age romcom falling for the super popular jock. don't I know that I have a reputation to uphold here? cringe.
I’m sorry but people on TikTok are so weird when it comes to Ryland and his characterization… like at the end of the day he is a grown adult man and not some small little cinnamon role baby boy who shakes whenever someone looks his way.
Like canonically (!) in both book and film he is quite assertive as long as he feels comfortable enough. He is shy or can get embarrassed/awkward but he’s not like super insecure. That man went toe to toe with Stratt (and the other characters) whenever he felt like it. He could be downright rude and arrogant when someone questioned his intelligence/ideas. (Hint hint UNESCO conference. Doing that takes a level of arrogance only found in the depths of academia)
And the whole swearing thing? Don’t even get me started. He doesn’t not swear because he is too pure for the world but because he spends his days with kids. He says 'fuck' when he sees Rocky’s ship.
You don’t have to headcanon him as a dom or whatever but the way people pretend like he would start shaking and crying at the mere suggestion of sex is mostly just infantilizing.
(Just to be clear, it’s fine to think about him like that and write about it in fact write more it just becomes weird when they get all holier than thou about it and pretend like it’s canon instead of what they think he’d be like)
At the end of the day, it’s fiction and everyone can make up their mind especially over stuff like his sexual preferences (which we technically know nothing about), just don’t be weird and pretend like your headcanon is religion and everyone else’s is ridiculous 🫶
I HAATTEE when they try awkwardly wedge underdeveloped romance into shit that doesn’t need romance like I either discard it or reinterpret it as something comPLETELY different not because I wanna be edgy or niche or lonely 🤓🤓 but because realistically I’m sick of seeing everything revolve around romantic love to the extent where it consumes everything and everyone because whilst love I believe is at the core of passion it doesn’t always need to be romantic. We should strive for ourselves and our passions first, what do you want out of life? Instead of being taught to just lie around and do whatever random shit interests you and wait and wait and wait to find a partner. Do I sound insane do yall get my (badly worded) drift????
ryland who eats you out and edges you until you're shaking. and then when you finally think he's going to fuck you, he pushes in only to the tip of his cock and jerks off into you. what's wrong, baby? you said you wanted him to use you, those were your exact words. then it shouldn't matter how, right? just lie still. don't be a brat. you're his favorite place to cum, you know.
happy pride to bisexuals!! happy pride to bisexuals who are: transgender, nonbinary, women, men, agender, people of color, indigenous, living at home, going through school, bisexuals who are jobless, working a job/multiple jobs, homeless, couch surfing, renting. happy pride to those who are disabled, mentally ill, chronically ill, physically ill.
happy pride to bisexuals who are parents, childfree, wish to become parents, wish to adopt. bisexuals who are single, partnered, married, going through a breakup, going through a divorce, to those who are divorced. happy pride to sexually active bisexuals, those who don’t have sex, virgins, and everyone in between.
happy pride to bisexuals who are unable to celebrate openly, who are in the closet, who are discovering their bisexuality, who have been openly bisexual.
happy pride month to bisexuals who have a preference, who don’t have a preference, who are discovering their preferences. happy pride to bisexuals who have been silenced, erased, who have been told that their sexuality is non-inclusive or requires a preference. happy pride to bisexuals who are constantly questioned and attacked over their sexuality, who are told they are “confused” or “questioning.”
bisexuality is such a beautiful, expansive sexuality that has been a crux of the LGBTQ+ community. “We are angered by those who refuse to accept our existence; our issues; our contributions; our alliances; our voice. It is time for the bisexual voice to be heard.”
leave some fluffy req in asks or drop some fluffy Ryland and reader or colt and reader or tasm! Peter in the replies puhlease I am going through a #tough time 🫡
